Appendix 1 – My Spiritual Battle
Appendix 2 – My Open Letter
Appendix 3 – The Danvers Statement
Appendix 4 – Biblical Wedding Vows
Appendix 5 – Training Starts at Birth
Appendix 6 – Feedback
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. (Ephesians 6:12)
How many sermons have you heard on this topic? Probably not many! As we move towards the Second Coming, world events, increasingly, don’t make sense. The warfare is becoming, more and more, spiritual, but we don’t see what’s going on. When something happens; there’s a reason, even if we mortals don’t see the hidden cause. I confess, I’ve never really taken this passage seriously until now. For me, the two years have been anything, but a coincidence. I start with a quote from a Tee Shirt.
There are no short cuts to anyplace worth going—Author Unknown
MY ROMANS 8:28 ADVENTURE—2013
It started mid-June. It’s possible that more is happening in the spirit world, than what we see in our world. One after another, have come bizarre events that have caused me to wonder what’s going on. These events looked bad, but turned out to be good. What seemed like trials, later, became blessings. Let’s consider two passages:
The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way. (Psalms 37:23)
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)
The above passages only apply to those who love the Lord. (If you don’t love the Lord, you can’t claim them.) Romans 8:28 then reiterates by saying, if you love God, you are the called according to his purpose.
I had to believe God had something special for me—perhaps a new ministry. If so, it’s worth any price. The adventure continues. I will jump from one event to the next—sometimes without warning. The writing and publication of this book may turn out to be the highlight of the adventure. I want so much to influence others for godliness. A WARNING: You’ll soon see mechanical trials that may not interest you. Just sail on past; you won’t hurt my feelings.
In mid-June, Dr. Childs determined, I had a melanoma skin cancer, and scheduled surgery for me in Houston (100 miles away).
July 8 & 15, Theresa had cataract surgery—first one eye, and then the other. It would take three weeks for her to recover. We brought in Helen to look out for Theresa, until she was again able to keep house—it would be three weeks!
Apparently the anesthesia triggered something. My wife was already in mental decline, but then began to rapidly lose mental acuity. Her sister, Mary, had dementia since the Fall of 2008, and had been under Theresa’s care. Helen remained for the next 6+ months. Our caregiver washed, cleaned, cooked, and took care of the girls. She was great. Now, for my work problems!
Work Related Problems
I had hired an AC helper named Sam. He was young and inexperienced. On July 10, we were on a job when he announced he wanted 50% more—that was a shock. We finished, and tried to leave the job, but the large van wouldn’t start. We got a ride home, and picked up the Ranger. Before the day was over, it overheated, and was left at the supply house.
The next day, Thursday July 11, we got both vehicles running, and parked the large van at a customer’s house on Inwood to be used the next day on a job. I parked the Ranger at my house. At 3am, July 12, a drunk crashed his pickup into my drive, where he bounced off the Ranger. If the large van had been parked in it’s usual spot, it would have been destroyed, and that would have been a disaster.
The pickup hit a tree at an estimated 40 mph. There were three men in the pickup, and one of the passengers got a broken neck. (I heard he was recovering.) After the accident, still July 12th, I headed for surgery in Houston. My men called from Inwood to tell me the customer had forgotten our appointment, and wasn’t home. Using my cell phone, in route to Houston, I tried to call other customers who needed our services. For over an hour, AT&T lost it’s cell phone coverage, and I was helpless. Finally AT&T came back on line, and I made necessary arrangements. The surgery was successful.
After the crash, the Ranger could still be driven. The insurance paid to make repairs, but it didn’t happen. Ten days later, on July 22nd, I blew a head gasket—the Ranger was 20 years old. July 25th, I bought a Ranger that was only seven years old—same beautiful grey color!
The 2006 Ranger was great, but took a couple of weeks to outfit. In the meantime, I used the large van. One morning, the engine of the van began to quit, so I limped home, and spent three hours, as I finished outfitting the 2006 Ranger. Then, I continued to run service until 7pm. Each day, I wondered what would be the next surprise, and they continued to come. Besides my AC business, I have some rental property.
Misty and Sam
I knew Misty Deal had shaky credit, but she asked me to take a chance by accepting her as a tenant. I did and lost. At the end of July, she was three months behind in rent, so I evicted her. I got a judgment for about $2300, which I don’t expect to collect. I increased Sam’s rate 13%, but that wasn’t enough. August 23rd, he gave his two-week’s notice. But summer was almost over, so it was okay. Now back to the home scene.
Death in the Family
For nine years, my sister-in-law, Mary lived with us. For the last five years, she had dementia. In late October, Mary began to fail rapidly. Her body had been strong, but her brain began to shut her body down. We found her asleep on the floor. Then she would sleep all day, and prowl during the night; then she would sleep all the time; then she couldn’t walk; then she couldn’t eat.
We saw her death coming, and began to make funeral arrangements. I bought three cemetery lots, 12/16/13, three days before her death. At the cemetery, was buried a man who used to own a junkyard; there was a picture of his junkyard at his gravesite. I asked, “What could be done for Dr. Kool?” A young man, who was with us asked, “How about an air conditioner instead of a tombstone?” I thought it was hilarious. One of my customers wondered if Aaron thought I was destined for hell, and needed the cooling; but she knew better.
December 18, Helen said to me, “Mary will die today or tomorrow.” I asked, “How do you know?” She said, “I’ve been doing this a long time.” We brought in hospice. Mary died in her sleep, 16 hours after Helen’s announcement. Her final decline took 50 days. I had already made arrangements with the funeral home. They picked up her body at our home. In death, Mary looked like a princess. Thankfully, Mary had been saved as a youth, so we’re at peace with her passing. Helen stayed, and continued to care for my wife.
My New Church
Mary’s memorial service was held 12/23/13 at a small Baptist church. Shortly thereafter, I began attending that church and have been blessed beyond measure. Their young pastor is by far the best preacher I’ve heard in my 75 years. This is an old church with a young heart. The music and praise is uplifting, being led almost entirely by young people. The personal discipline in their lives is astounding.
At the end of October, exactly when Mary went into sharp decline, Helen began to conduct herself in a fraudulent manner. Unknown to me, she took my debit card from a drawer, and began to misuse it, along with the credit card I had loaned her for groceries. I’ll discuss that later.
MY ROMANS 8:28 ADVENTURE—2014
Medical, Theresa, and Helen
Early January, I slipped and came down with my back lodged against a tree. I drove 25 miles to my chiropractor. Before I left his office, I went into terrible spasms. He drove my car home, and his wife followed with their car. As I arrived home, the spasms ceased.
January 15, I went shopping for a Sleep Number bed. I had failed to receive my normal bank statements, so I asked them to print new ones. After my trip to Sleep Number, I stopped at the bank, and was astonished at what I found. (While misusing my credit/debit cards, Helen had been intercepting my bank statements.)
I asked Helen if she knew about the card discrepancies, but she didn’t. She said she would be in for work at 7pm, but didn’t show up. For awhile she disappeared “off my radar screen.”
For the next three days, Deborah and I watched Theresa constantly. Through my chiropractor, we found a home for my wife. I asked Candy for the name and phone number of the caregiver. When she told me Rosemary, I asked if she was married to George, my AC customer. I already had her address and phone number. Rosemary lived 1.3 miles from my home, and Theresa moved into her home January 18th.
Things Were Happening
My wife was going downhill fast, and had moved in with Rosemary. Our neighbors, Lorence and Zora, invited Deborah and me over for dinner. Lorence said, “The women are going to be after you.” Deborah said, “I already have one picked out for him.” Lorence said, “Do you want me to pass your name around?” I replied, “You’ll have to talk to my agent.”
For the next six months, Theresa lived with Rosemary in College Station. I would visit my wife each evening, and Rosemary would feed me, but things had drastically changed. It had been years since I’d lived alone. From the beginning, it has not been good for the man to be alone. I must admit, I began to look around and make a mental list of possible ladies—just for future reference. I continue to do that, but from a distance. All my life, I’ve been protected from temptation, but the best protection is a Genesis 2:24 marriage.
Why did the David and Bathsheba affair happen? David had seven wives; did he need another woman? So why did he go astray? Let’s go back to Genesis, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24, emphasis added).
- It says a man shall cleave unto his wife—not his wives!
- It says the two shall be one—not the eight!
The man had seven wives, so it was impossible for him to find a Genesis 2:24 relationship with just one wife—that would have been his protection! He didn’t become one with anyone, so he was still alone. Seven wives, but still alone!!! After marrying Bathsheba, David had eight wives, and Bathsheba was said to be his favorite. It was to her son, Solomon, that David passed the kingdom. Now back to Helen.
A Fabulous Care Giver
Helen was a fabulous caregiver, and often brought her Bible to our home. I trusted her explicitly, and loaned her a car that she drove five months. Shortly after discovering her fraudulent activity, I recovered my car using my key. For some reason, there was no oil in the crankcase, and we ruined the engine—there was no evidence oil had leaked out. We sold the car as scrap, and suffered a loss of over $3K.
March 24th, Helen was arrested and jailed. She couldn’t make bail, and spent six months there while waiting for trial. September 23rd, she agreed to a plea bargain, and was sentenced to six years in prison. I was given the chance to speak. I said, “If Helen wanted my money, she should have had the government take it from me, and give it to her. She bypassed the middleman, the government didn’t get its cut, and now she’s in trouble.”
A Lesson To Be Learned
Again and again, I’ve seen it. I’ve practiced my Faith in practical ways, reaching out with kindness and compassion. Like others, Helen mistook my kindness for weakness, and took liberties she might, otherwise, not have taken.
I’ve sought to replicate Jesus’ ministry. His healings, the loaves and the fishes, etc. were intended to bring men to the truth of their own sinfulness, and need for Salvation. People continue to mistake Jesus’ kindness for weakness. They want the goodies, without the discipline that comes from following Christ.
As the end of the Age approaches, these people and the merchants of “Christian Prosperity” will find that Jesus, “The Lamb slain from the Foundation of the earth,” is also, “The Lion of the Tribe of Judah.”
An Accident and Illness
On February 28th, I was working on an electrical box I thought was “dead.” I was wrong, and had my hand in the box when two wires touched. The electrical arc burned my hand so badly the blister looked like a fig. St Joseph provided fabulous care, and a month later my hand was good as new.
After that, I got a really bad case of bronchitis, which Dr. Jones thinks might have been caused when the burn weakened my immune system. As you may know, bronchitis is really bad stuff; the vestiges continued seven months. Let me back up, before I go forward. November 20, 2013, I had hired Rheese, a man I discuss in Chapter 21, Part 1.
Romans 8:28 Big Time
The burn and bronchitis sounds bad, but it worked out for good. I was forced to send Rheese out alone, rather than going with him. By himself, he demonstrated his incompetence, sooner than he would have otherwise. Again and again, I would come behind him to pick up the pieces. Because of these early warning signs, Rheese left me sooner, rather than later. That prepared the way for me to find and hire Patrick who, as I said earlier, is everything I could ask for in an employee, but is also the heir apparent to my AC business.
As an AC repairman, Rheese was a fraud, but he was a born salesman, who could sell refrigerators to Eskimos. My son-in-law had moved from Charles Ct., so I allowed Rheese and his family to move in, rent-free. They lived there until June 14, when he left to work for an out-of-town contractor. We cleaned up the house, and it was time to lease it out to a new tenant.
On July 15th, Tyrone and Kelly moved their family in. They were Christians, and I fell in love with them, but Tyrone proved to be a pathological liar. I had them evicted, and on 10/27/14 they left owing me $5381. My neighbor said he was sorry for my bad luck. I replied that it wasn’t bad luck, but bad planning on my part. For my rental property, I continue to handle maintenance, but now have Finders Keepers screen new tenants.
Thank You, Jesus!
November 1st, new tenants moved into my house on Charles Ct. They signed a lease agreement, through Finders Keepers, and are excited about moving into my well-kept facility. They are responsible Christian girls from good homes, but I still had them checked through Finder’s Keepers. As of Fall 2015, our landlord/tenant relationship continues to be fabulous.
The Punch Line is At the End
May 15, I did an AC job for a man named Kim, but he didn’t want to pay my diagnostic fee. (An orderly society requires that people pay their bills.) After the constable delivered his summons, Kim sent me a lengthy fabricated text message that bore no resemblance to the truth. As the hearing approached, he wrote me a check to head off the court appearance; but I had already filed, and wanted to see it through. He didn’t like that. The judge ruled in my favor, which meant he owed me both the diagnostic fee and court costs.
The judge later told me, “You couldn’t see him, but Kim was so mad, I was afraid he’d take a swing at you.” Again, Kim’s testimony was totally untrue. I told the judge, I didn’t recognize anything Kim had said. When he left, I swear there were skid marks in the parking lot—well figuratively, anyway!
Because Kim was so mad, I decided to just cash his check for the diagnostic fee, and forego the court costs. The check bounced. I hadn’t noticed, but here’s what it says at the top of the check, “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts.” (Colossians 3:15) Let me put that in context.
And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him. (Colossians 3:15-17, emphasis added)
Looking more closely at the check, the word “peace” appears in the background watermark 42 times. Someone really likes the idea of peace, but Kim was not a happy camper. He didn’t want to pay my reasonable charge; he was exceedingly angry; he’s a pathological liar; he defied the judgment ordered by the court, and he stopped the check. The peace of Christ was not ruling his heart. What sort of testimony was that?
I think I know the answer. At the top of the check, along with Kim’s name, is that of his wife, Lisa. I’m betting Lisa’s a Christian. I don’t know who needs prayer most Kim or Lisa. When Kim wrote that check, he wasn’t thinking of peace.
It has been weeks since I wrote the above, and I’ve just heard from Lisa. She paid the full amount of the judgment including the court costs. She also contends that Kim is a Christian man, but a sinner—just like YOU and me. He may be saved, according to Ephesians 2:8-9, but he’s not yet saved unto good works (Ephesians 2:10). It’s entirely possible that, through this incident, Lisa will influence Kim toward righteousness, and that would make it worth all the trouble.
Rosemary and George Again
July 19th Rosemary and George moved from College Station, TX, to Round Rock, Texas. The chain of events was truly bizarre. They closed on a house in Round Rock, on a Thursday. The next day, Rosemary was taken to the hospital, and became somewhat limited. But they were committed to move, and had to sell their College Station house.
Rosemary had been taking care of three women, and dismissed the two who were in wheelchairs. My wife was more easily managed, so she went with them to Round Rock. The College Station house desperately needed work to make it saleable. As I said earlier, my men and I did what was necessary for the sale.
On July 25th, Rosemary had signed a contract with a realtor named Jennifer. Like Rheese, Jennifer is incompetent, but has the ability to sell. She claims to be in the top 2% nationwide in sales, and I believe her. I challenged her severely, and she said, “We’re going to sell that house.” I believe that’s what caused Jennifer to make the sale of Rosemary’s house a priority, even though it wasn’t a high dollar house.
I found Jennifer terribly deficient when it came to the details, and extremely hard to work with, but she did sell the house—after we had made the repairs! The new people moved in October 15th. Once Rheese left, I thought I would never, again, have to deal with someone like him, but I was wrong.
Rheese and Jennifer
My experiences with Rheese and Jennifer were terrible. Their incompetence was only exceeded by their arrogance. They are both in the Kingdom of Man. Their first priority is gain; they see people as for their use, not to be served. Their behavior required a righteous reply, and I believe they inspired me to begin this book. “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28) I started writing 9-27-14, just as we finished the repairs on Rosemary’s house.
Over a year ago, I saw a sign that read, “My daddy does tree work at a good price.” I called, and Spencer answered. Besides the tree work, he introduced me to Rheese. Rosemary hired Jennifer. I want to thank both Spencer and Rosemary, for making my wonderful Romans 8:28 experience possible.
I’m hoping what I’m saying will help you resist sales people, who have dollar signs in their eyes. On Friday the 13th, March 2015, Jennifer closed on the sale of the house, owned by Rosemary and George. I said that Jennifer was extremely strong on sales and extremely weak on service. I will give an example.
I paid $2284 to install new counter tops. Jennifer was to handle the back splash installation. She gave faulty instructions to her installer, and part of the work had to be re-done. It was agreed that I would be refunded $2000, when the house closed. Jennifer asked me for an invoice, that she would present at closing. I would receive a $2K check from the title company.
She failed to forward my invoice, and my bill was not part of the closing; but I didn’t lose anything. Rosemary wrote me a check. As an AC contractor, for over 30 years, I’ve repeatedly done work, and been paid at closing. This is the first time a real estate agent has “dropped the ball.” And would you believe? I know you will! She’s admired by her fellow agents, because she can sell.
This is extremely true in the AC business—sales first—service maybe! As I said earlier, get a recommendation from someone you trust. Find the best man available, but don’t shop around for price. (Don’t have dollar signs in your eyes. This is not the place to look for a deal.) When it comes to AC, a long-term relationship is best. People, with dollar signs in their eyes, should hear the words of Paul: “For neither at any time used we flattering words, as you know, nor a cloak of covetousness; God is witness:” (1 Thessalonians 2:5) And PPS, Rheese claims to be a Christian, and seems to have his theology right. He’s a gifted salesman, but used his gift for fraudulent purposes. If he should leave the AC business, he has a real estate license. Maybe he can work with Rosemary’s real estate agent, Jennifer.
In 1999, “Planned Parenthood” opened an abortuary [sic] in Bryan/College Station, TX a community of about 200,000. They closed their doors 08/01/13. Today, 10/30/14, “Hope Pregnancy Center” completed the purchase of the “Planned Parenthood” facility. I’ll be updating the AC equipment, and feel privileged to have a part in their ministry.
“Hope Pregnancy Center” is a Christian based, non-profit organization, which ministers to physical and spiritual needs, of both women and men. Their ministry will be greatly expanded. They’ll keep their facility at 205 Brentwood Dr. E, CS, TX along with what I call “New Hope,” the newly purchased property at 4112 East 29th St. Bryan, TX. “Coalition for Life” will be sharing the new facility. Wow! The official opening was 9/12/15. I consider this to be part of my personal ongoing spiritual adventure.
(“Planned Parenthood” is often called an abortion clinic, but I see that as a misnomer. A clinic is where people are healed, not killed. I invented the word abortuary to rhyme with mortuary.)
The AC Repairs
New Hope has four AC systems. We made repairs to three systems, but replaced #4. The work developed in a sequential and providential way, but I had to shorten my original report. Suffice it to say, the Lord ordered our steps and provided other tradesmen, as needed. At the time, each of about seven circumstances seemed bad, but everything worked out for the best. It was a Romans 8:28 experience, multiplied seven times.
A Kool Yule (2014-2015)
Dr. Kool had a Kool Yule. My holiday season was blessed exceedingly. I heard different messages, given by different preachers. Three of them were from Genesis. None of the three speakers knew, beforehand, what the other was going to preach on. It was the Holy Spirit that connected the three messages.
Sunday morning 1/4/15 the pastor spoke from Acts, Chapter 2, that quotes the prophet Joel.
And it shall come to pass in the last days, saith God, I will pour out of my Spirit upon all flesh: and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams: (Acts 2:17, emphasis added)
When I was young, I had two visions. Because of Joel’s prophecy, I did a word search, and found that “vision” appears 59 times in the Old Testament, but only 14 times in the new testament. Visions (Acts 10) brought the Gentile, Cornelius, and the Jew, Peter, together, so the Church would be Gentile as well. I consider it to be a magnificent blessing that I have had two visions in my lifetime. And each time I was in the presence of the Lord. Wow!
The word “dream” appears 74 times in Scripture; usually it’s God’s way of speaking to his people, but occasionally a dream is used to lead people astray. Significant dreams were given to Jacob, Joseph, Pharaoh, Nebuchadnezzar, Daniel, the Wise Men, and Joseph the husband of Mary. I’ll give a couple of examples:
And being warned of God in a dream that they [the wise men] should not return to Herod, they departed into their own country another way. (Matthew 2:12, emphasis added)
… behold, the angel of the Lord appeareth to Joseph in a dream, saying, Arise, and take the young child and his mother, and flee into Egypt, and be thou there until I bring thee word: for Herod will seek the young child to destroy him. (Matthew 2:13, emphasis added)
“The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way.” (Psalms 37:23) On that first Sunday in 2015, some things came together. The Lord used unusual means to direct my steps. Starting November 5th, for the next six-weeks, I could send, but not receive, email messages. (None of my techs have been able to explain why.) During that time I had a dream. The Lord used those two circumstances to direct my steps in a most blessed way. Thank you, Jesus! And PS, I had 17,000 pieces of spam, so I changed my email address. Thank you, gmail.
An AC Fiasco (1/7/15)
Exactly ten years ago I installed a furnace for a man named Lonnie. He lives out of town, and would give my name to his tenant. Routine repairs were left to my discretion. When I replaced the furnace, I had his verbal approval.
Last summer his tenant called. I couldn’t reach Lonnie, so I replaced the system, but Lonnie wasn’t happy. I offered to give him the AC installation for just over half price, but we were unable to reach an agreement. For the first time in my AC career, I removed a system.
Deception, The $99.99 Game
I want to give an example where we’re all being deceived every day. Of all ten numbers which one gets the most use? Give up? It’s the number 9. I gave my customer an invoice for $100.00. She asked, “Exactly one hundred dollars?” I said, “It was really $99.99; I just rounded it off.”
At the gas pump, there’s always a 9/10 of a cent on the end—always! My publisher wanted to price my first book at $14.95. I insisted the price be $15.00. I frequent Blue Baker, a sandwich shop that shows bottom line prices, including sales tax, e.g., $6.00, $4.75, $4.25 etc. In my AC business, I do the same as the sandwich shop—this is almost unheard of. Blue Baker does it for the sake of simplicity; I, for the sake of integrity.
Have you noticed that a traditional 12 oz. beverage can is now about 11.2 oz. or that a half-gallon O.J. container is now 59 oz.? It all started with the 2×4 which is down to 1.5″ x 3.5.”
Not a Surprise
(1/15/15) Each day I wonder what will happen next. David and Patrick were working a big job, and I went for 2×4’s. On the way home, the Ranger quit while I was driving. I had just left the bypass, and was able to coast into a parking lot, where I spent the next three hours. During that time I tried to diagnose the problem from an icon that appeared on my instrument panel. Then I made calls, transferred the 2×4’s to David’s pickup, had lunch at the nearby Subway, took a nap, and then had Adam Baker tow me to the Ford Dealer.
The dealer told me, I had a bad fuel pump, and it would cost $1000 to replace it. I called Adam Baker again, and had the Ranger towed to an independent repair shop, where they replaced the fuel pump for $540. I left the repair shop, and headed home. Suddenly a gas leak developed, which was unrelated to the work that had just been done. It was a gusher, so I stopped, and again called Adam Baker.
What started Friday, ended Tuesday, but everything worked out for the best (Romans 8:28). I didn’t break down on the bypass. The engine quit while I was still moving, and I was able to coast into a suitable stopping place. I knew the right towing and repair people. And I learned something you may not know: If your fuel pump is in your gas tank, never let the gage go below 1/4. The pump must be submerged in gasoline to properly cool the gas.
Have a Kool Day!
1/27/15 and I just came from FastSigns where everything clicked in place. Keith’s last words to me were, “Have a Kool Day!” I told this story, so you would take a look at my service vehicles, which appear in Figures A1-1, A1-2, and A1-3. Have a Kool day!
Figure A1-1, Dr. Kool’s Ranger
Figure A1-2, “Kool” In Ford Cursive
Figure A1-3, Dr. Kool’s Shop On Wheels
I’m a Problem Solver
1/27/15 I just watched Hal Lindsey’s talk on Daniel in the Lion’s Den. The King had signed a decree, which he could not revoke: Daniel had to be cast into the Lion’s den. King Darius agonized over the situation, trying to find a way to spare Daniel. He spent a sleepless night, while Daniel was in the den.
If I had been there, I could have supplied the answer Darius needed. Nothing said Darius couldn’t have fed the lions really well, before and during Daniel’s sojourn in the den. Surely, there was nothing in the Law of the Medes and Persians that would have prohibited him from doing that. But be assured, the Lord kept my wisdom from Darius.
I’m a problem solver. It took me 32 years to solve my marital problem, but I did solve it. After 14 years, some people are still mad at how I handled things. Yet some of them did what I didn’t do; rather than solve their marital problem, they divorced—sometimes more than once!
A Broken Crankshaft
1/30/15: This past week was a really busy one, and the Ranger served us well. Thursday I made nine stops, including delivery of equipment and disposal of worn-out equipment. Today is Friday, and Patrick performed service at four different places. He left the last job, and almost made it home at 6 pm. The engine began to run rough, so he turned into a side street. He stalled in the middle of the road, but on the third try, he got the engine running, long enough to pull into a safe parking place. He was eight blocks from home, and I towed him the rest of the way.
The next day I had a mechanic, Justin, out and he found a broken crankshaft—the engine had only 83K miles. In his 20 years as a mechanic, Justin had never, before, seen a broken crankshaft—obviously a factory defect, that had not surfaced for nine years. I replaced the engine at a cost of $5450. In the providence of the Lord, the Ranger was not needed, while the engine was being replaced. Romans 8:28 again!
One of God’s Stiff-Necked People
2/7/15 I worked all day at the computer. The next day I had a stiff neck—I was really hurting. Monday, my Chiropractor, Dr. Halterman did an adjustment, and gave me some advice. By 2/15/15 I was doing much better, but asked for prayer. Jim White told our SS class that Dr. Kool had a stiff neck. Bill Moore replied, “One of God’s stiffnecked people!” (Acts 7:51). There was much laughter, and immediately I felt better.
One Who Helps Another Succeed
2/20/15: On ~p.69, Michael Pearl wrote that a “help meet” is a suitable helper, whose calling is to help her husband succeed. But it doesn’t come natural to a woman. Yesterday, I spent 2.5 hours in the dental chair, and I stumbled onto something. Rhonda, the dental assistant, was there before the dentist arrived, and there after he left. She helped the dentist succeed, and she did a magnificent job.
Later I thought, “This lady, who made it possible for the dentist to succeed, has to be an excellent help meet.” Her husband must be a happy man. I was so blessed by this woman, and for the first time in my life, it was a disappointment to leave the dental chair. In Chapter 14, I spoke of Timothy, who’s looking for a submissive wife. I suggest he marry a dental assistant, or someone who works to help someone else succeed.
To Houston and Back
Now (2/23/15) for my next Romans 8:28 experience: Two weeks ago I got my Ranger back with the re-built engine. Immediately it went to work. Last Wednesday I loaded equipment for the next job. Thursday, 10am, I delivered the equipment to the jobsite, where my men were working.
Then, I continued south to my brother’s house in Houston. I gave him the Ranger, and I took his Jeep. I headed to my dentist, and my brother took the Ranger to have the windshield replaced. After the dentist, I headed back to his house, where we traded vehicles. Then I headed back to the College Station jobsite; there, I picked up the worn-out equipment, and took it to salvage. I was done for the day. That was Thursday.
Home Sweet Home
The following Monday, Patrick and I drove the Ranger to lunch. On the way home, one block from my house, it began to spew gasoline—another gusher! Eight days later, the replacement parts arrived. (Snowfall, in the North, had held up delivery.) The Bible says, “The steps of a righteous man are ordered of the Lord,” but I continue to be amazed at the timing of these untoward events. The Ranger could have broken down in Houston or any number of very bad places, but it failed just short of my driveway. Thank you, Jesus! And PS, The Ranger was up and running, just in time for an important job.
2/27/15 Today, I discovered an example of sowing and reaping. About seven years ago, I did some AC work for Eleanor Copelyn and her son Robert. In Christian love, I let them pay it out, and they started, but then quit. We went to court, and I got a judgment, but they still didn’t pay.
Today, I got the bright idea to follow up; I discovered the house had changed hands, seven weeks ago. According to the law, my judgment should have been paid at closing. At the courthouse, I discovered why I hadn’t been paid: It was a foreclosure. I can’t say the loss of their home was caused by their failure to pay me, but I do know they had mocked God.
Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. (Galatians 6:7, emphasis added)
For about seven years, I didn’t follow up on Eleanor and Robert Copelyn. Then out of the blue, I went to the Appraisal District, and then to the Court House—just after the house had changed hands! What a coincidence! I didn’t get paid, but I did get some excellent book material, that had to do with sowing and reaping. If Robert would pay me, it might help cut his losses. I wrote Robert, and suggested he might want to pay the debt. I don’t need the money nearly as much as he needs to pay me.
The Blessing of Rain
Monday, 3/9/15, it was raining, and I needed to procure a furnace for Tuesday’s job. Normally, I would do that using the Ranger, but to protect the furnace, I drove our large van. Once the furnace was loaded, the engine wouldn’t start. After trying to start the engine, and getting wet, I called for a tow, but my van was too large. In desperation, I asked for a jump-start, and it actually worked. We were close to my mechanic, and that was good news. Greg replaced the starter and solenoid. I was rejoicing the repair had been made before, and not during, the AC job. We finished the job on Tuesday.
Not Yet Fixed
First thing Wednesday, I turned the key, and then released it. Once the starter came in, it kept going. I had to remove the battery cable. I happened to have a used starter solenoid, and it worked perfectly—it was hilarious! At the repair shop, I had shown my used solenoid to Greg, and he had said, “We’re going to install a new one.” Then the new one turned out to be defective. If you’ve been following my mechanical trials, you know why I was laughing. It was another Romans 8:28 experience, and I continue to be thankful in everything—just like Scripture says I should. (I Thessalonians 5:18)
Dr. Kool Was Wrong
3/14/15, I reflected on how Jennifer had failed to submit my $2K invoice at closing. For the past 4 months, a customer, James, has owed me for work done, so I got a bright idea: I did a Goggle search, and found my customer’s house had been listed two days before. I wrote a letter to him, and sent a copy to the listing agent thinking the invoice would be paid at closing. I had acted in haste, and forgotten an agreement I had with James. He called: I quickly apologized, and rescinded the letter I had sent to the listing agent. This was one of the rare occasions, when I was wrong, and I always want to be corrected. Romans 8:28,—again!
An Unusual Job
4/20/15: We finished a very trying AC job. This was a typical all day installation, but we ran into a “slight problem.” When we removed the furnace from the closet it left 3 gouge marks on the door sill. We repaired the gouge marks to my customer’s satisfaction, but it took 14 hours. Needless to say, my customer was fussy. We submitted to her requirements, but for future work, I’ll decline. She doesn’t know it, but she just lost the best AC repairman in town.
4/26/15: In church, a pastor announced the engagement of a young couple. Then he asked them to stand up. Many of us knew the baby she was holding belonged to someone else, but it sure was funny. She quickly explained, while everyone laughed.
For the past 13 years I’ve driven a 2000 Lincoln LS. It’s an old man’s sports car, on a Jaguar chassis. I loved that car, but problems developed, and it would cost more to fix than it was worth. But guess what? The Lord provided a replacement—exactly the same car, but five years newer—and in like-new condition with only 73K miles and brand new, top-of-the-line tires! On Saturday 9/5/15, we drove 175 miles to San Antonio, where I picked it up. Patrick calls it my Lamborghini. See Figure A1-4. And PS, look at my lawn. I have the greenest grass in town. So what is my secret? Good topsoil, no weeds, an irrigation system, sufficient shade, and grass cut long enough to be self-protective! I use no artificial fertilizer. I have a “sanctified” lawn.
Figure A1-4, Dr. Kool’s Lamborghini And His Green Green Grass
Thank You Jesus
Sunday, 10/25/15, my Ranger quit—suddenly! I turned the key and nothing happened. Oh no! I was away from home, and it was 2pm. My nap time was rapidly approaching. Then the instrument panel suddenly lit up, and I was able to start the truck and drive home. That evening, the Ranger wouldn’t start, but I was home, and able to drive my car to church.
Monday morning the mobile mechanic came out early, and found a bad battery. Patrick replaced it, and I thought everything was okay. Tuesday around 6pm, I was home, and the Ranger quit again. This was serious because I had to move AC equipment early the next day. Wednesday, my mechanic was there at 7:20am, and replaced bad battery cable connectors. Thank you, Jesus!
It’s Not Good
For the past 20 months I’ve lived alone, and that’s not good. Only a man would allow his house to go that long without a cleaning. I had developed a bad cough condition that “required” medication, but nothing seemed to help. While visiting my house, Rosemary quickly diagnosed my problem. “Clean your house,” she said. Maria finished 11/16/15 and I immediately began to breath better and cough less. The suddenness of my recovery was remarkable.
A Potential Disaster
If you have gas heat, you need to listen carefully. Monday, 11/23/15 my gas furnace malfunctioned in the worst possible way. As an AC/heating repairman for 33 years, I’ve only seen this problem once before. About 15 years ago, my customer called saying it was 130F in his house and the furnace wouldn’t shut off. The worst thing he could do would be to turn the furnace off electrically. On the phone, I told him to turn off the gas. I faced the same problem last Monday at my house. I shut off the gas at the meter.
No, it wasn’t a thermostat problem. The electro/mechanical gas valve had stuck in the open position. If I had shut off the furnace electrically, with the gas valve stuck open, the furnace would have melted down, and the house would have caught fire. This is a problem that few AC technicians have ever seen.
I’m really enjoying the adventure, and I’m keeping my seat belt fastened, not knowing what to expect next. Significant future events will be reported in Chapter 28. My online book allows me to add, subtract of modify the text.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me. (Psalms 23:4a)
Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivereth him out of them all. (Psalms 34:19)
The joy is not in the affliction, but in the deliverance. For the past 2.5 years, my life has been one surprise after another. I like surprises and one day soon, I expect to hear the sound of a trumpet. Maranatha!
An open letter to Friends, Family, Church Family & Ministers
C. Russell Yates
I have known Russell Yates for several years as honest in business and morally upright—a man who loves truth. Since reading his book, and listening to his radio program for about a year, I am convinced that our Lord has called Russell to a prophetic ministry that is at once crucial, practical, scripturally accurate, and tragically unpopular(!). I have found him to be diligent in putting these teachings into action, and eager to discuss, explain, and accept correction regarding his scriptural interpretation.
My wife, Nancy and I are being mercifully dealt with, by our Lord in His conforming us to the marital roles He commands. In gratitude for this blessing, we pray you will take, with utmost seriousness, what the Lord has for you regarding the principles of biblical marriage that Russell presents.
With love, and for the glory of our Father,
Mark and Nancy Coppock
Jimmy Carter has left the Southern Baptist Convention (SBC). His words follow: “Some of the group’s positions including the recent decisions barring women pastors and declaring that wives should `submit graciously’ to their husbands, violate the basic premises of my Christian faith . . . I personally feel the Bible says all people are equal in the eyes of God. I feel that women should play an absolutely equal role in the service of Christ in the church.” Carter’s words sound true to most people. So what’s the problem?
Today there is wholesale confusion on the meaning of “equality.” Yes, we are all equal, but we are not the same. Some people are tall. Others are short. Some are thin. Others are not so thin. Some are male. Others are female. Some have what it takes to be president, others don’t. (And I hasten to add some men make better presidents than do others.) The same God who made everyone equal also made everyone different. Hey! The Lord makes gillions [sic] of snowflakes and not one of them is the same. Yet they are all equal.
The differences between men and women radically impact our homes and society. And few of us even start to understand manhood and womanhood. I want to discuss these distinctions in the context of my own marriage and family. In many ways my stand is like that taken by Martin Luther—the issue is self-assertion as opposed to the sovereignty of God. The Bible gives the most intimate details in people’s lives, so it can’t be terribly wrong if I follow the biblical example. The marital picture I’m going to present is not a pretty one. “Like one from whom men hide their face” (Isaiah 53:3). But that’s reality. Like John the Baptist and Paul, I will boldly speak the truth in love.
As an act of obedience to the Lord, I recently separated from my wife. I’m persuaded that separation is now mandatory, and that to remain with her would be to dishonor the Lord. I want to explain from Scripture why I have done that. According to God’s design, everything depends on a relationship. Furthermore the relationship requires a hierarchy. Someone has to be in charge. The buck has to stop somewhere. You see the hierarchy everywhere—in heaven, in government, in the military, at work, and in homes. The pattern never changes.
The basic superior/subordinate model follows:
But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God (1 Corinthians 11:3).
In the church family and in the earthly family, the hierarchy is set up as follows: It is God, then Jesus, next comes the man, then the woman, and after that the children. God has authority over Jesus, and over every created being. The man has authority over his wife and children.
In light of 1 Corinthians 11:3 (above) I make the following statement: “When a woman has been deceived and is living in direct opposition to the revealed will of God, it is her husband’s duty to correct her.” I will now show how that plays out in Scripture. In Genesis 2:15, the Lord put Adam in charge. In Genesis 2:17, the Lord told him he was not to eat from a certain tree. In Genesis 3:6, Eve took the initiative to eat from the tree, and Adam followed her leadership. In Genesis 3:11, God called Adam on the carpet.
What did the Lord expect Adam to do? That’s right! Adam was expected to correct his wife. Today, Christian wives have bought into the notion they can share the headship role with their husband. They are living in direct opposition to the will of God, and it is our duty as men to correct them. This is where we’ve missed it—from Adam to now. Those who look to the Southern Baptists are still missing the mark. Elijah has the answer, and we’d be wise to look in the direction of Mount Carmel. I’ll explain at the end of this letter.
Now consider the flip side of the coin. A man is deceived and is living contrary to the will of God. What should his wife do? The answer is given in a single passage.
In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives; (1 Peter 3:1, NAS).
Since a wife is not in authority, she is not required to correct her husband. All she has to do is submit. But. . .in today’s culture it is forbidden that a woman should obey her husband. Yet that is exactly what God requires. Every woman must decide whether she will accept God’s marital plan.
To refuse God-ordained authority is called rebellion. That’s what King Saul did, and it cost him the kingdom. He also lost his life.
For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because thou hast rejected the word of the LORD, he hath also rejected thee from being king (1 Samuel 15:23).
Throughout Scripture rebellion is always dealt with severely. Lucifer rebelled and was cast down. Adam rebelled leading to the Fall. In Numbers 16, Korah rebelled. The earth opened and swallowed Korah along with his family and friends. The nation of Israel rebelled, and was scattered to the ends of the earth. When a person or nation rebels and refuses correction, the remedy is separation. It is the masculine prerogative . . .”Now we command you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye withdraw yourselves from every brother that walketh disorderly (2 Thessalonians 3:6a). That applies to wives as well as to brothers. Now let me give a little background information.
The following is from Dobson (tape CS741/8829): For every 100 marriages, 50 end in divorce, 15 separate, and 35 remain intact. Ten marriages are good ones, while 25 just stay together. These stats were said to apply to Christians and pagans alike. If you’ll add the numbers you’ll find 90 bad marriages for every 10 good ones. Also, for every ten good Christian marriages there are ten good secular ones. It looks like there’s room for improvement.
Now let’s make the application. The big deal with us Christians is the Great Commission. We are to go into all the world and make disciples of all people. We are to teach unbelievers to have a personal relationship with Jesus. Now let me ask, “If a Christian man and a Christian woman can’t build a relationship, how can they teach others to relate to Christ? HOW?”
Every Saturday morning I’m on KAGC. My program is called Family Foundation Ministry. One man said to the owner of the station, “What makes him [Yates] an authority on marriage?” I want to answer the man. He’s probably looking for some credentials—graduate of a seminary? Ordained minister? Licensed counselor? Something like that! The idea did not come from the Lord. Jesus, John the Baptist, and the apostles brought no earthly commendation—nor do I. Like them I have the Scriptures, the Holy Spirit, and the calling. My call came on September 24, 1990. If both husband and wife will actually live according to these precepts, their marriage will prosper. Furthermore their union will model the relationship between Christ and the Church. If either of them rejects the biblical pattern, their marriage will renounce the Gospel they claim to believe.
There are two distinct models for marriage—the union and the partnership. Genesis Chapter 2 tells of God’s human creation: First He made a man, and then from the man made a woman. Then the Lord God instituted marriage:
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh (Genesis 2:24).
I have just referred to the marital union God intended. The Lord started with Adam and then made Eve. Then he united the two so they would become one flesh. (And by the way, the oneness is supposed to take place in bed.) Let me summarize: From the one He made two, and then from the two He makes one. The marital union is the biblical model that we know as traditional marriage. It is the only one approved by the Lord. In traditional marriage the man and the woman complement one another. Certain duties and responsibilities are given to the man while others are granted to the woman. Husband and wife unite to become one.
Now let me talk about the other model for marriage—the partnership. This one is endorsed by liberals, feminists, atheists, Jezebel, and men, like Jimmy Carter. The partnership idea is conventional wisdom in our day. So how did it find its way into the church? We followed the example of Israel—”that we also may be like all the nations” (1 Samuel 8:20). For that reason, the “partnership” marriage is accepted by most Christians . . . If my mother said it once she said it a hundred times—”marriage is 50/50.” Sorry! I don’t care about the culture, the partnership idea is not acceptable to the Lord.
In a marital partnership, the two remain two—they never become one. The husband has no more authority than does the wife. The wife has no less responsibility than does the husband. Except for biological and cosmetic dissimilarities there is no difference between the man and the woman. Instead of complementing one another, they compete. But the woman often ends up dominating the man—she takes over. When that happens, the man is subjected to an emotional castration that makes it impossible for him to fulfill his God-given call. . . When a man is being castrated on a daily basis he can also be pretty hard to live with.
In The Abolition of Man, p.35, C.S. Lewis writes as follows:
We continue to clamor for the very qualities we are rendering impossible. . . we remove the organ and demand the function. We make men without chests and expect of them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and bid the geldings be fruitful.
The two partners have sex, but it does not accomplish God’s intended purpose—that the two should become one. What happens in bed could best be described as “Dignified Adultery.” The marriage is recognized by the law, but it is not complete in the eyes of God. Because the two never become one, the partnership can easily be dissolved. And statistics show that two of every three Christian couples either separate or divorce . . . And by the way: In the late sixties, the church capitulated and changed the wedding ceremony. Since then, the bride no longer promises to obey her husband. By doing this, the church became party to millions of non-relationships, including my own. “The two remain two,” and apparently the church thinks it’s okay. (Are you listening, preacher?)
So what does it take to have a good marriage? I say it on the radio every week: A man should love his wife as Christ loved the Church. And a woman should obey her husband as the church obeys its Lord. Does that not sound like a tall order? Yes, the Lord sets some pretty high standards: “Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect” (Matthew 5:48). You need to know something: Perfection is God’s standard. He wants us to be perfect, but He is patient. No man will ever love his wife exactly, and no woman will submit flawlessly—but that’s okay. God demands the commitment, and He requires that we put forth the effort.
I set for myself, for my employees, and the others around me the highest of standards, yet I am forgiving. I am not a hard taskmaster. I learned these things from my Father. My wife can mess up big time, but when she looks me straight in the eye, and says, “Listen buster, you have no more authority here than do I,” that’s rebellion. As the head of my house (Joshua 24:15) I am the Lord’s agent. I have the responsibility to deal with rebellion in my household—God won’t do it for me. And how do I deal with my wife’s rebellion? Just like my Father does, by separating. But even that did not come until I had spent over ten years trying to correct her.
In the marital body, the man is the head. God’s calling is always to the man . . . but he needs help. The woman was created to help the man. Husband and wife complement one another. Their one-flesh union models the relationship between Christ and the church. When the SBC issued their statement on wifely submission it caused one commentator to say the following: It’s not fair that the man should be the general and his wife should be the private. I agree, its not fair . . . Consider your own body. It’s not fair that your head gets to make all the decisions and your hands have to do all the work. Did God ever promise things would be fair?
People think “head of the house” means tyrant of the house, but I assure you the idea did not come from the Lord. Some people object that Jesus never spoke on male headship—and they’re right. Jesus left that to Peter and Paul. But the following passage addresses the issue by way of example.
Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am. If I, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example that ye should do as I have done to you (John 13:13-15).
Please note two things from the above passage: Twice Jesus refers to himself as Master and Lord—that means boss. Jesus is the boss . . . but the boss washes feet. And what is the application for the example Jesus gave? It has to do with authority and service. First point: The husband is lord and master. Second point: The husband is to serve—just like Jesus. The man has final authority over his wife—just like Jesus has the final say in church. . . But the matter is never forced—it is always by permission. Jesus doesn’t force us to obey. He merely tells the consequences if we don’t. The following passage illustrates this:
Then cometh he to Simon Peter: and Peter saith unto him, Lord, dost thou wash my feet? Thou shalt never wash my feet. Jesus answered him, If I wash thee not, thou hast no part with me, emphasis added. (John 13:6,8).
Jesus didn’t tell Peter he had to obey. He just told him the consequences if he didn’t. Peter didn’t like the idea of separation so he obeyed.
When a couple splits, the problem is usually on the feminine side. (If I haven’t offended you by now, I probably just did, but hang in there for a moment—let me explain.) The Bible says a man is to love his wife (Ephesians 5:25) as Christ loved the church. A woman is to obey her husband (Ephesians 5:22-24) as the church obeys its Lord. That’s how thoroughly husbands and wives are to love and obey.
Now let me tell why the problem is usually on the feminine side. At this time in history it is entirely acceptable that a man should love his wife. But for a woman to obey her husband is an abomination. Just the other day a woman gave testimony to the success of their fifty-year marriage: She said, “I make him think he’s the boss.” That’s just a fancy way of not offending other women. Their marriage succeeded because they accepted God’s plan and rejected the world’s ideas.
But what about the man who is unstable, unfaithful, and refuses to honor his commitments? Again, the problem is on the feminine side. It was women who took the initiative, and demanded what they called equality. Many men took that as an opportunity to abandon their responsibilities. If a woman wants to be in charge, there’s no reason for the guy to hang around. Male/female relationships, for many, have become a hit-and-run proposition. You see it everywhere. One of my employees has lived with five different women.
I said the problem is on the feminine side—and it is—but the responsibility still lies with the man. It has to do with authority. Eve led Adam into sin, but he was held responsible. And why? The man was in charge. Eve invited Adam to step outside the will of God, and Adam accepted the invitation. Since Adam was in charge, God held him accountable. I don’t care what modern culture says, the man is still in charge because God said so. We don’t make the rules . . . Now let’s get back to my situation.
I have been married for thirty years. My wife has always espoused the partnership idea for marriage. And what is my wife doing wrong? Nothing! The problem is not in the doing, it’s in the believing. As I have said so many times, “The source of every human problem is the willingness to believe something that is not true.” Eve believed something that was not true, and then acted. My wife believes things that are not true, and continues to act on those false beliefs. Millions of Christian women believe untrue things about marriage, and live accordingly. And millions of Christian men are following the example of Adam—going along with their wives. Many of them, like Jimmy Carter, are simply confused.
Our pastor addressed the issue in private when he said, “50/50 doesn’t work.” I say that 50/50 marriage not only causes two out of three marriages to fail; it is also the driving force behind feminism and homosexuality. In his book Toward A Growing Marriage, (p.139-140) Gary Chapman writes the following:
Researchers who have studied the home life of homosexuals and lesbians have discovered that almost always the pattern is a dominant mother and a passive father.
It’s a perilous matter for Christian women to adopt the marital norms of the heathen. It is even more dangerous for Christian men to go along with their wives. If I were to go along with my wife I would be as guilty as Adam.
Eve invited Adam to step outside the will of God, and he accepted the invitation. My wife has made it clear: “If you’re going to have a relationship with me, you’re going to have to go outside the will of God.” I have declined her invitation, and instead separated. I see that as an act of obedience. Put another way, I believe the Lord will commend me for having left my wife. Is that not what Jesus meant in the following?
If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple (Luke 14:26).
I am legally separating from my wife, but I am doing so in a most public way. Many people will interpret this as an unloving thing. I am only following the example set by my heavenly Father. Surely the Lord loved Lucifer, but he rebelled. God cast Satan down—prepared for him a place called hell—and then exposed him before the whole world as the eternal villain. Was that a loving thing to do? Truth and righteousness come before human sensibilities. If Satan had remained in heaven, he would have created chaos just as he has on earth. If a rebellious wife is allowed to continue, she will disrupt the home and contaminate the children. I’m telling you from experience—this is far more serious than people think.
I have been married for thirty miserable years. Finally, I’m leaving. So what took me so long? The answer is simple, I love my wife—love is a choice that I have made. Mostly I’m committed to honoring my Maker—that too is a choice. I have worked hard to persuade my wife and anyone who would listen. I wrote Restoring the Father to The Family. Then I went on the radio. But I never told my wife she had to submit—only the consequences if she didn’t. After all my effort she still boldly declares that 50/50 marriage is biblical. There’s nothing more I can do.
You’ve heard it said, “You can’t live with them, and you can’t live without them,” but the first part is not necessarily true. After carefully reading Michelle Hammond’s book, The Power of Femininity, I have reached a surprising conclusion: A woman can be entirely objective as long as she fits into the order God designed. That means she puts herself under the authority of her father, her husband, or other appropriate male. Michelle has done that, and the results are glorious.
I endorse both the lady and her writing. Michelle is talented, elegant, energetic—yes brilliant. Most importantly, she is sold out to the Lord. She is a modern Proverbs 31 woman. At forty, the treasure is still unclaimed because no worthy man has stepped forward.
The Power of Femininity is powerful. Every woman should read it. Because she has the basics right, Miss Hammond is also correct when it comes to the details. Michelle agrees with Paul when it comes to Creation Order:
For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man (1 Corinthians 8-9).
The problem today is basic and foundational. Seldom does a woman see herself as having been made for her husband—even the man does not understand. That being the case, you can forget the endless counseling, Family Life Conferences, Men’s Leadership Conferences, etc.—they are worthless. We should face the problem—the concept of helpmate has been lost and must be re-discovered. Get that straight, and then go to the counselor or the conference. Otherwise there is no hope . . . “If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?” (Psalms 11:3).
If my wife were to repent of her wickedness, I’d forgive her in a heartbeat, but I don’t expect that to happen. I haven’t been gentle, but I have followed the example set by my Father. In Numbers 12, Miriam challenged the authority of Moses and was smitten with leprosy. Then God, himself, directed that she be separated—put out of the camp for seven days. Miriam repented, and was restored, but I really don’t expect that from my “better half.” There are too many rebellious women, and the men are silent. We are replicating the sin of a deceived woman and her complacent husband—Eve and Adam.
As I said earlier, the answer is to be found with Elijah. In 1 Kings 18:19, he took on Jezebel. The prophet didn’t know it, but he was invincible. Since Elijah never died (2 Kings 2:11), the Jews were looking for him to return. John the Baptist came in the spirit of Elijah (Matthew 17:12-13) and challenged Herodias (Matthew 14:3-4)—just like Elijah had confronted Jezebel. Still, Elijah has some unfinished business. The feminist daughters of Jezebel have poisoned the minds of 20th century women. Malachi 4:5-6 says “I’ll send Elijah the prophet to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children . . .” Elijah will be our example, our inspiration, and our teacher. In the home and in the church, wives will learn to submit, and men will learn to correct. But if you think it’s going to happen without conflict, you’d better think again—Herodias had John beheaded.
To face the wrath of rebellious women is infinitely worse than the displeasure of Jimmy Carter. It is to literally present your body as a living sacrifice. To do so is holy, acceptable unto God . . . and reasonable (Romans 12:1). Sooner or later Christian men will make the sacrifice.
My book is available from Scripture Haven—I have some copies myself. My program is on KAGC Sat. mornings at 11:05. Don’t hesitate to contact me—you won’t have to wait in line.
C. Russell Yates
PS: As Christians it is our privilege to exemplify the relationship between Christ and the Church. Those who do, experience a taste of heaven on earth. But most of us refuse. We reject the wisdom of God and embrace that of the humanist, the atheist, the feminist, and the homosexual. Our homes have become a place of non-relationship—our own private hell . . .but its not over yet. Surely there’s joy in heaven over one “Christian” that repents.
COUNCIL ON BIBLICAL MANHOOD AND WOMANHOOD
The Danvers Statement
(Reprinted with permission)
We have been moved in our purpose by the following contemporary developments, which we observe with deep concern:
- The widespread uncertainty and confusion in our culture regarding the complementary differences between masculinity and femininity;
- The tragic effects of this confusion in unraveling the fabric of marriage woven by God out of the beautiful and diverse strands of manhood and womanhood;
- The increasing promotion given to feminist egalitarianism with accompanying distortions or neglect of the glad harmony portrayed in Scripture between the loving, humble leadership of redeemed husbands and the intelligent, willing support of that leadership by redeemed wives;
- The widespread ambivalence regarding the values of motherhood, vocational homemaking, and the many ministries historically performed by women;
- The growing claims of legitimacy for sexual relationships which have Biblically and historically been considered illicit or perverse, and the increase in pornographic portrayal of human sexuality;
- The upsurge of physical and emotional abuse in the family;
- The emergence of roles for men and women in church leadership that do not conform to Biblical teaching but backfire in the crippling of Biblically faithful witness;
- The increasing prevalence and acceptance of hermeneutical oddities devised to reinterpret apparently plain meanings of Biblical texts;
- The consequent threat to Biblical authority as the clarity of Scripture is jeopardized and the accessibility of its meaning to ordinary people is withdrawn into the restricted realm of technical ingenuity;
- And behind all this the apparent accommodation of some within the church to the spirit of the age at the expense of winsome, radical Biblical authenticity which in the power of the Holy Spirit may reform rather than reflect our ailing culture.
Recognizing our own abiding sinfulness and fallibility, and acknowledging the genuine evangelical standing of many who do not agree with all of our convictions, nevertheless, moved by the preceding observations and by the hope that the noble Biblical vision of sexual complementarity may yet win the mind and heart of Christ’s church, we engage to pursue the following purposes:
- To study and set forth the Biblical view of the relationship between men and women, especially in the home and in the church.
- To promote the publication of scholarly and popular materials representing this view.
- To encourage the confidence of lay people to study and understand for themselves the teaching of Scripture, especially on the issue of relationships between men and women.
- To encourage the considered and sensitive application of this Biblical view in the appropriate spheres of life.
- And thereby
–To bring healing to persons and relationships injured by an inadequate grasp of God’s will concerning manhood and womanhood,
–To help both men and women realize their full ministry potential through a true understanding and practice of their God-given roles,
–And to promote the spread of the gospel among all peoples by fostering a Biblical wholeness in relationships that will attract a fractured world.
Based on our understanding of Biblical teachings, we affirm the following:
- Both Adam and Eve were created in God’s image, equal before God as persons and distinct in their manhood and womanhood.
- Distinctions in masculine and feminine roles are ordained by God as part of the created order, and should find an echo in every human heart.
- Adam’s headship in marriage was established by God before the Fall, and was not a result of sin.
- The Fall introduced distortions into the relationships between men and women.
–In the home, the husband’s loving headship tends to be replaced by domination or passivity; the wife’s intelligent, willing submission tends to be replaced by usurpation or servility.
–In the church, sin inclines men toward a worldly love of power or an abdication of spiritual responsibility, and inclines women to resist limitations on their roles or to neglect the use of their gifts in appropriate ministries.
- The Old Testament, as well as the New Testament, manifests the equally high value and dignity which God attached to the roles of both men and women. Both Old and New Testaments also affirm the principle of male headship in the family and in the covenant community.
- Redemption in Christ aims at removing the distortions introduced by the curse.
–In the family, husbands should forsake harsh or selfish leadership and grow in love and care for their wives; wives should forsake resistance to their husbands’ authority and grow in willing, joyful submission to their husbands’ leadership.
–In the church, redemption in Christ gives men and women an equal share in the blessings of Salvation; nevertheless, some governing and teaching roles within the church are restricted to men.
- In all of life Christ is the supreme authority and guide for men and women, so that no earthly submission–domestic, religious or civil–ever implies a mandate to follow a human authority into sin.
- In both men and women a heartfelt sense of call to ministry should never be used to set aside Biblical criteria for particular ministries. Rather, Biblical teaching should remain the authority for testing our subjective discernment of God’s will.
- With half the world’s population outside the reach of indigenous evangelism; with countless other lost people in those societies that have heard the gospel; with the stresses and miseries of sickness, malnutrition, homelessness, illiteracy, ignorance, aging, addiction, crime, incarceration, neuroses, and loneliness, no man or woman who feels a passion from God to make His grace known in word and deed need ever live without a fulfilling ministry for the glory of Christ and the good of this fallen world.
- We are convinced that a denial or neglect of these principles will lead to increasingly destructive consequences in our families, our churches, and the culture at large.
COUNCIL ON BIBLICAL MANHOOD AND WOMANHOOD
2825 Lexington Road, Box 848; Louisville, KY 40280
I will type, verbatim, the wedding vows last used at the church I now attend. I’m rejoicing, and I invite you to join me.
Alex and Sarah – I want to call to your attention, two aspects of the relationship between Christ and His Church that is to be emulated in your marriage.
- The Love of the Bridegroom
ALEX, your primary responsibility, with Sarah, will be to love her in the same way that Christ loves His bride the Church.
No man has ever loved his wife, like Christ loves the church!
However, this is still the model of love that God holds up as the standard for husbands to follow.
As Christ’s love for His Church was not conditional on her performance, so your commitment to Sarah is not to be based on her performance. Your love is to be unconditional, and is to be expressed by cherishing her, protecting her, providing for her, and sacrificially leading her.
Are you willing to do this? (Yes, I am.)
- The Response of the Bride
SARAH, your primary responsibility, with Alex, will be to unconditionally and sacrificially love him. The primary way you are to show this love is to “be subject” to Alex. The word “subject’ literally means to “arrange under.”
Just as every member of Christ’s Church is to arrange their lives under the headship of Christ, so you are to arrange the affairs of your life under the headship of your husband.
Are you willing to do this? (Yes, I am)
For both of you, there will be plenty of questions and specifics to work through, as to how your marriage will best honor God and show love to one another. In general, if you keep in mind, and strive to imitate the picture of Christ and His bride, you will have a God-honoring and successful marriage.
Will you now face each other, and join hands please?
ALEX, do you take Sarah to be your wedded wife, to live together in pure love, according to God’s Word? Will you continually seek to love her, comfort her, honor and cherish her, even as you care for your own body? Will you be committed to lead her spiritually, and to set as your goal in life, to please both the Lord and her, in all things? Will you dwell with her with understanding, giving honor to her as your wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as you are heirs together of the grace of life? And forsaking all others, will you keep yourself only for her, as long as you both shall live? (Yes, I will)
Please repeat after me:
I Alex, take you, Sarah, as my wedded wife.
I will perform these vows from this day forward…
for better or for worse,…
for richer or for poorer,…
in sickness and in health,…
till death us depart.
Sarah, do you take Alex to be your wedded husband, to live together in pure love, according to God’s Word? Will you continually seek to love him, comfort him, honor and obey him, and be subject to him in everything, just as the Church is subject to Christ? Will you be committed to encourage him, be patient with him, and to set as your goal in life, to please both the Lord and him, in all things? Will you be considerate of his needs and care for him, adorning yourself with a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God? And forsaking all others, will you keep yourself only for him, as long as you both shall live? (Yes, I will.)
Please repeat after me:
I Sarah, take you, Alex, to be my wedded husband
I will perform these vows from this day forward,…
for better or for worse,…
for richer or for poorer,…
in sickness and in health,…
till death us depart.
The Lord always has a remnant; the above wedding vows are the rare exception.
Shalom (Pearl) Brand
(Taken from “No Greater Joy,” magazine Sept-Oct & Nov-Dec 2014)
Every parent trains their children. They train them to scream and pitch fits, or they train them to be sweet and obedient, but the child is trained either way. When the little ones arrive in our arms and we pull them to our breast for the first time, we are training them that we are their life source. The next time they become hungry and we are holding them close, they will begin nuzzling around looking for that sweet comfort they know will come soon. It is the most amazing thing ever that a little two-day-old will remember the smell, the taste, the comfort, and will not be satisfied with anything else. When a baby is born and a bottle is placed in her mouth she is trained that the bottle is her source of food, and that is what she needs. When my little baby was five months old, his intestines flipped, and he was in the hospital for several days, requiring an operation. He was unable to nurse. Eventually, the doctor said I could give him a bottle, but my little baby refused to drink from it. I finally convinced the doctor that he would only nurse, and sure enough, he nursed with no difficulty. He was trained to nurse.
How to Start:
1. Realize from day one that you are training your baby in everything you do! When you put a diaper on your baby and allow him to mess in it, you are training him to go in his diaper. Yes, it is the norm to place a diaper on your baby, but it is still training. Many others, myself included, have trained our babies to go in the toilet from day one, it is possible to train even if it is outside the norm. It is just a matter of deciding what you want for your little one and then following through with that training.
2. Remember, you are conditioning your infants unto obedience. Training an infant is all about conditioning them early to be obedient so when they are old enough to respond to commands, they will obey. They go where you take them, they lie where you place them, and they eat when you feed them. They are in your hands to guide and protect.
3. Make a plan as to what you want them to learn. I wanted my waking child to come when I called, to sit when I said sit, to stop whining when I told them no, and to sleep when I said “sleep.” I wanted them to stop touching when I said, “don’t touch!” to stop when I said “stop,” and to go to potty on the toilet when I said, “peepee.” I don’t like to spank. I am soft hearted, and spanking is not my favorite thing. Because I wanted obedient children, I made a decision early to condition them to obey so that I would rarely have to spank them as they got older. For all you young mothers out there like me who want your children trained to obey when they are still young, make a plan now and stick with it. That way you do not have to retrain them later, making it harder on both of you.
Steps to Obedience
I had seven main things I wanted my very young children to know. In this and the next couple of magazines I will discuss each of them.
1. Come to Mama.
2. Sit down.
4. Go to Sleep.
5. Don’t touch.
7. Go to Potty.
1 – Come to Mama.
This is one of my favorite things to train my baby to do; it brings such satisfaction to have your crawling babies come when called and to have your walking baby come running with a smile when you say “come.” By training/conditioning them to come from birth, you will eliminate all those frustrating moments when you tell your little ones to come and they run the other way, forcing you to chase them across a store like an inner city cop. It also eliminates the need, as they get older, to use a switch repeatedly on their little bottoms when they defy your command to come. It is much sweeter to hear them say, “Yes Mama,” with a smile.
Where to Start
Right after birth, when I bring my little one up to my breast for the first time, the first words I speak are, “Oh sweet little thing, come to Mama!” I continue training my new baby by teaching her how to nurse. I praise her for doing such a good job. Daddy wants to hold her, so I say, “Go to Daddy,” again conditioning her. Then when I take her back again I say, “Come to Mama.” It is simple and sweet. No one is even aware that you are training. Every time you pick her up or give her to someone, say, “Come” or “Go.” You will find that she will soon arch her back when you say, “Come to Mama,” for she will know that Mama is about to pick her up. Continue to be consistent in your words so that she is never confused. Come means “Come to Mama.” Once she is crawling you can play a game on the floor with her to help reinforce the training. Have Daddy sit on the floor on one side of the room while she plays with a toy. You sit a few feet away and, calling her by name, tell her to come to you. Daddy is there to say, “Mama said, `come to Mama'” After she has come to you then have Daddy call her. Do this often until you are sure she understands what you want. Then when she begins walking you can again play the game, reinforcing the training that started at birth.
There will most likely come a time that your little one looks at you and says, “No.” They are testing you. Repeat the command again to make sure they understand. If they show defiance or stubbornness then it is time for a small switch. A little swat on the leg should get their attention and create a positive response. They will take your word to be serious and obey.
2 – Sit Down.
There will be times that having your child sit still will be very important; like in church, in a car, or at a restaurant. Training them at home to sit still is training them to refrain from being wild in public places. This was by far the hardest thing for me to teach my first baby. If we were eating and she was ready to get out of her high chair, I thought, “Why not, we are at home,” and I would let her down to play so I could finish in peace. But, the fact of the matter is, if you do not make them learn to sit at home, they will not sit in public, making eating-out miserable for everyone. I remember thinking. “This is not even worth it–I am just going to stay home!”
The public dilemma arises from the nature of our training. We have taught them that there are no exceptions to coming when called, but by letting them get up after eating at home we have trained them that getting up at will is the norm. So our attempt to get them to stay seated in public is in defiance of our routine training at home. They are not yet old enough to understand the relative nature of a command.
Start off from birth, just like teaching them to come; every time you lay them down say, “Lie down.” If they arch their back and let out a scream to be picked up again, and you pick them up, you are training them to make their own decisions in the face of your command. I understand you want to hold your baby, to keep her close to you, but training them to thoroughly obey is critical to their welfare and to the peace of the home. If you never give in, they will never take over. This training takes courage and wisdom on Mama’s part.
Several years ago I was visiting a new mother who regularly responded to her baby’s plea to be picked up. The child’s sleep was restless; he never took an uninterrupted nap, because he expected to be held constantly. His mother loved it and thought it was so endearing to be so needed all the time. When her little one was close to a year old, Mom was still toting him around while trying to teach the other children and take care of her home. The hip hugger would let out a scream every time Mom put him down, even for a moment. This mother seemed to feed off it and think it was sweet, but I am sure Daddy was getting pretty fed up with it! I know my husband would be. The one-year-old soon became a very needy, whiny, three-year-old that no one liked. Her son is now approaching five years of age and still clings to his mother. If she had started training early she would now be finishing her chores early.
Even after they have a history of being well trained, there may come a time when you will be holding them and they will forcefully demand to get down onto the floor. It may not make any difference in your home, but next time you may be in a doctor’s office where getting down could be dangerous to their health. So train at home and relax in the doctor’s office. When you are at home and they initiate the move to get down, tell them to sit and wait. If they comply, then after a few minutes let them down with a word of praise for their sitting so well.
However, if the little fellow stubbornly demands to be released from his confines, then know that there is a royal battle, winner-take-all contest in the air for a lifetime of supremacy. It is best to avoid a contest of wills if your child is tired, so pray the battle comes when everyone is rested! When the child defies your order to stay seated, making forceful gestures to free himself, offering vocal protests, it is time to demonstrate that you are in charge and will not tolerate rebellion. Switch his leg once or twice with a light instrument while speaking calm but forceful words of command. “No, Mama said sit.” Previous training has caused him to well understand the meaning of “No,” that is if you have been consistent. We will be discussing the word “no” in a later magazine. Continue restraining him to remain in your lap while speaking words of determination. If he continues to try to free himself and slide to the floor, then switch his leg again and repeat your reprimand. This defiance won’t happen often, maybe just once or twice in a child’s life–that is if you are consistent in training.
A word of caution: If you have spanked and rebuked several times, and the child’s defiance turns to out-of-control emotional turmoil, you may feel like giving up. If you do allow the child to win, he will suffer the greatest loss of his life. From that day forward he will be a rebel and a tyrant. You must win, but there are other tools in your arsenal. Diffuse the situation with a diversion. Pick up a book or a toy and attempt to captivate his attention. Do something ridiculous, start laughing or singing, or carry on a normal conversation with another child or adult, discussing something so interesting that he stop screaming in order to listen. My dad has said, “If you can’t win, the next best thing is to be perceived to win.” Remember the contest of wills is about remaining in your lap. If you win that contest, you remain the boss and the child remains under authority. If he stops crying in order to hear the ridiculous song you make up about a rabbit and a little boy, and in doing so remains in your lap, you win, he wins, society wins, God wins, and the devil loses. Once he stops crying and becomes focused on singing, or conversation, or a toy, turn your attention back to him and talk with him about anything. When it is clear that you have won the contest of wills, put him down on the floor and speak words of praise. As my dad says, “You have made his negative behavior counterproductive and rewarded his good behavior with fellowship.”
As a side note, you do not need to spank them for crying. Do not tell them to stop crying, for you may not win that battle. All you need them to do is sit without resistance. Once they obey, the crying will stop, so do not be upset by it.
3 – No.
This command is much needed, but can never be so overused that the child never listens to it. It is used very often with another command like, “NO! Do not touch that!” “No! Sit down!” or “No, Come to Mama.” Parents become frustrated that the child is not listening, and begin repeating it more loudly and aggressively. Have you ever been in a store or church and heard the parent say “No,” and then a second later repeat it at a slightly higher pitch? This continues until the parent reaches that particular stress level that the child has come to associate with seriousness. The child is accustomed to ignoring the first few “No” commands, knowing they are only preliminary. The child is a musician and has learned to play his parents.
The key to the word “No” is to be judicious and consistent in its use. Do not use it unless it is absolutely necessary and you are committed to following through. If your child is pouring water on the floor and you want him to stop, be prepared to make him stop by applying a switch if he does not respond to the first quiet command. Otherwise, let him pour the water on the floor. It is better to have your child pour water out with you smiling at him than for you to become angry trying to get him to listen to your repeated stressful “No’s.” Learn to be consistent and your life will become one of relaxed joy.
I will not tell you that my children are perfect! They make big messes, pour water on the floor, and do not always sit still! But when I give a command, in most cases they immediately obey, even the two-year old. I do not make rules I am not prepared to enforce! I only say no when I can follow through! My friends accuse me of being too laid back and too relaxed. I see stress as a disease, and do not plan on contracting it. So, a relaxed mom I will be!
“No” is usually the first word a baby learns to say; he hears it so often that he just begins to repeat it. A few months ago when my baby was about 18 months old and learning to talk, I realized that when I said, “No” he repeated it back to me. I told my husband, “I think I have messed up and Roland does not understand the meaning of `no’ anymore. I was not consistent! So I decided to use the Russian word for “No” and be consistent with the new command and not use the “No” word anymore. So “Kneat” became my new word to make him obey. It worked like a charm; he respected the new word and knew that Mom meant business when she said “Kneat,” and I got the results I wanted. So now I have two negative words. “No” is a general word for the opposite of “Yes,” and “Kneat” is a more threatening word that censors any negative behavior and demands immediate compliance.
4 – Go to Sleep.
How can you get your children to just go to sleep? The same way you get them to do everything else: Be consistent! Every night, put them to bed the same way at the same time and never let them take over the process.
At eight o’clock every night we read the Bible, pray, give them drinks (and if they are hungry, an apple or banana while we read), then kisses, and finally lights out, and that is it. They are in bed and the day has come to an end. At times we have to remind one child or another that this rule is final, but most of the time the conditioning is never challenged. We have them play hard all day so they want to sleep.
A Funny Story
My six-year-old trained my two-year-old to go to sleep anywhere, anytime by giving him treats. She loves training dogs, and decided that training her brother was fun as well. So she got little pieces or cheese or chocolate and would give him a command like, “Sit down,” “Get up,” “Lie down,” “Say Mama,” and so on. She then told him, “Close your eyes; now go to sleep.” To her great joy, He did!
One day at church I told my mom, who was holding Roland, “Just tell him to close his eyes and go to sleep and he will obey!” She laughed, but after a few minutes of him wiggling in her lap she tried it, and instantly he fell back in her arms with his eyes closed and was soon sound asleep! She was shocked, and I have to admit I was too! The best part about it is that he still goes to sleep that way. It is like putting a baby doll down.
5 – Don’t Touch.
This training starts early. It is one of those commands that could save your child’s hand from being burnt or cut or any number of harmful things. When you are holding your baby and she reaches out to pull your plate off the table creating a huge mess, it is time to train her not to touch. Instead of push the plate beyond her reach, creating an “if you can reach it is yours” game, keep it within reach and start training. As she reaches for it, take her hand away and say, “Don’t touch.” If she reaches again, have a pencil or small switch equivalent in size and tap the back of her hand. This is not to hurt but to reinforce your words. She will pull her hand back, and depending on the child, will stop and let go, or try again. Make sure you win the authority contest and then create another opportunity later in the day to reinforce the training.
Holding a book is a good training tool; they love to reach for a book. Do this for several days until they understand and respond to the command quickly. As they get older, put things on the coffee table that you do not want them to touch and again train them to not touch by being close at hand to reinforce your command of “Don’t touch.”
6 – Stop.
This command, like “Don’t touch,” can save his life. If your child is about to step into the street, you want him to stop in his tracks when you shout “Stop!” It also goes along with “Come to Mama,” so practice the two together. You can also create a game to play with your children (when Mom says “stop!” you stop). It is okay to have fun while you train them. The more conditioning you do the less trouble you will run into later.
In all your training, remember it is not about disciplining them but about training and conditioning them to obedience so they do not require as much discipline. You will have to discipline at times when they are rebellious or disobey, but the more you train the less you will have to discipline, and as a parent that should be your goal. So start training!
ONGOING DISCUSSION & READER INPUT
Please check back periodically to see updates to my book based on emails and discussions I have with my readers!
April 17, 2016, I was with friends at a SOS (Save Our Streets) luncheon. I said to Mary, “Let’s sit with strangers and see what happens.” I met a man, Philip Hurley, who had gone through a marital odyssey similar to mine. We had a most interesting discussion. He’s now reading Two Loves, and continues to give feedback. His May 6, report follows, along with my comments:
Part 1: Modeling
[Philip] Sex is not a need for a woman. In general, I agree with this, but I believe the “egalitarian” concept uses this generalization to deceive women into thinking that sex is something they control. In reality the biology of a woman causes her to have a strong drive for sex during a narrow window each month. It would offend many women to consider the idea that they, like their female counterparts in the animal world, “come into heat.” While the biology isn’t exactly the same, I believe women often are caught unawares of their body’s betrayal of control and they often find themselves, especially during their nubile years, in bed with a man they hadn’t planned on sleeping with and pregnant with a child they hadn’t intended to have.
While the animal kingdom has rare examples of sex for pleasure, by contrast I believe that woman is not immune from the strong desire to procreate once every 28 days and for many—”egalitarian” or not—it is easy to lose control. Even more reason why a woman needs the protection of a man—father or husband!
[Russell] Male protection is of value only when a woman voluntarily submits to her male authority figure. Elisabeth Elliot is the author of Let Me Be a Woman. In Chapter 40, “The Restraint of Power,” she writes the following:
As a man’s power over woman is restrained by love, woman’s power over man is restrained by the command to submit. Any woman knows that she has ways of getting her own way. It is not physical strength that is most powerful. It is not the ability to deal with high-level abstractions. She may be as intelligent as, or more intelligent than her husband, she may be more gifted than he is. Whether this is the case or not, she also has “wiles,” emotional power and she has sexual power. These must be restrained. The kind of restraint God asks of her is submission.
[Philip] I was expecting something a little different here. I really think that talking about the effect of hormones on women is missing from the discussion. My experience has been that my woman had a period each month in which her sexual appetite increased. When she was in her early twenties or late teens, this appetite was so strong at times that she could scarcely help from satisfying it. Certainly, what we know about a woman’s “need” for sex is still true and I don’t mean to detract from the comparative drives but I believe young women, especially, get in trouble because no one has taught them that they will answer to the call of their hormones unless they do something about it.
[Russell] The information Philip gives above is new to me. My Chapter 7 comments were based on what *Debi Pearl writes in her, “Hormones 101,” p180. So what should a woman do to insure that she doesn’t answer to the call of her hormones? As both Debi Pearl and Elisabeth Elliot have both said, she must fully accept her calling, under God, which is to submit to her father, husband, or other male authority.
[Philip] What is birth control? Hormone regulation. When a woman is on birth control, this periodic drive is stifled by chemicals that even out the hormonal swings God created women to have. In fact, I would venture to say that this reinforces what was said earlier. If God had not designed a woman’s body to desire sex periodically, the human race might never procreate! This drive diminishes with time, certainly, but raises its ugly head later in life in the form of menopause.
[Philip] None of my guy friends or mentors prepared me for menopause and I really hold it against them. Menopause is something that we men should really be preparing younger guys for. I was astonished when my doctor told me that menopause could start earlier than you’d expect and could last into a woman’s seventh decade! God help a man who has to deal with menopause for 20-30 years! When my wife began behaving erratically due to changes in her hormone balance, I approached an older lady that I knew and asked her directly, “Can you tell me anything about menopause?” She said, “Oh, God, yes and it’s awful. I’ll hear myself saying horrible things to my husband for no reason!” The culture we live in doesn’t help with these matters, either because of the role reversal we have accepted.
[Russell] Philip has been married to a self-centered, controlling wife. Debi Pearl is a godly, submitted woman. She has been through menopause and gives quite a different story. I quote from *p180 to give the big picture and then from *p.181 for the details.
When a woman’s first commitment is to her own needs and feelings, she is necessarily going to view sex as strictly a carnal experience, for then she does indeed have an entirely hedonistic outlook—her self-gratification. But if a woman views sex as a ministry to her husband, then it is a selfless act of benevolence.
Don’t talk to me about menopause; I know all about menopause, and it is a lame excuse. Don’t talk to me about how uncomfortable or painful it is for you. Do you think your body is special and has special needs? Do you know who created you, and do you know He is the same God who expects you to freely give sex to your husband? Stop the excuses! Determine to find a way past your “excuses,” and provide the pleasure your husband wants only from you. Your creator knows your heart. When you truly love and reverence your husband, the very thought of him loving the likes of you should thrill your soul and make you long to give him pleasure. If your heart is right with God, you will focus on his needs and lay aside your own selfish, prudish attitude.
[Philip] It is my strong opinion that a woman (and I believe this describes a very large number of women in our society today—both inside and outside the church) who succeeds in exercising headship and leadership in the family will, as Debbie Pearl says, not find satisfaction and will come to despise her husband as weak and useless. She may not realize that she feels this way, but her own success will be the reason she concludes that she “married the wrong man,” or “fell out of love,” or decides that “we just grew apart.” In reality she has found exactly what she was searching for: a man she can control and now is dissatisfied with his lack of leadership. This may not cause her to leave him, divorce him or even cheat on him, but her marriage is empty and flat. I believe this is also why some are cynical about marriage, especially when it languishes under her headship.
Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands. (Proverbs 14:1)
[Philip] In today’s modern world, there is a role-reversal that is subtle and accepted. It’s the same as everything else you describe and yet appears to be the “acceptable way”. In reality, it’s the same old problem that started in the Garden. Homeschooling has become very popular among Christian families. This appears to be a perfectly legitimate and acceptable role for the wife and mother. She becomes the children’s teacher. When the movement first began the laws weren’t always very clear and varied from state to state. In some states it was necessary for there to be a formal approach to teaching children in the home including structure that mimics public schools: a classroom, teacher (Mom), principal (Dad), recognized and approved curriculum, etc. But as homeschooling challenged the status quo and the very foundation of academics, families began to have more liberty. This is good.
What’s not so good is that homeschooling appears to have become an excuse for the woman’s kingdom to become preeminent and, once again, Dad’s role takes a back seat. The perverse reality is that many men don’t see that they play a part in home schooling. When I was president of the local home school association, I sometimes would call people on the phone about issues or upcoming events. It was discouraging and irritating when the man would answer and as soon as I told him who I was, he’d say, “Let me get my wife.” I often would say, “Wait! I called to talk to you!” How disturbing it was for this man to turn his authority over to his wife so quickly and so readily, [then] turn his wife over to some other man on the phone. Wow!
As time has passed, homeschooling seems to have evolved easily into home church—and guess who naturally tends to have a lion’s share of the leadership role?
[Russell] Homeschooling is NOT the culprit, and I know Philip agrees with me. It is just another avenue for wrongful female dominance. Kay Arthur’s ministry is another example where the woman’s kingdom becomes preeminent. Debbie and Michael Pearl are into home schooling “big time,” but Michael is clearly in charge. Not because of his superior dominance, but because of Debi’s superior submission!
The following is taken from my Chapter 22:
I know a woman who was a wonderful Christian wife as long as she was under the authority of her husband. Three years ago she became a widow. Now she is both independent and bossy—very much so! Her ministry is to women, but she is functioning like a man. (Even the most godly person can conform to the culture.)
As I see it, every woman should always be under male authority—first her father, then her husband, and then the male authority of her choosing. If she’s a widow, her son might be the right choice. It’s important that she deliberately place herself under a specific male authority to whom she will be accountable. This is a spiritual matter with eternal consequences.
May 31, 2016 report from Philip Hurley
[Russell] Philip comments on my statement, “I see no compulsion for a man to continue, indefinitely, a non-relationship.” From Scripture, he quotes numerous passages as to the permanence of marriage.
In context, I stick with what I said. I think you, like almost all Christians are reading Scripture as Rules, Regulations, and procedures. As I show throughout this book, the RR&P are just a starting point. The Holy Spirit guides the application.
For years, I thought I was glorifying the Lord by sticking with a bad marriage—I was wrong! By allowing it to continue 32 years, I allowed our family to be seriously and permanently damaged. There comes a time when a man should be a man and do what he has to do. We moved to TX in 1976. Theresa didn’t want to leave Detroit. I told her I was going, and she could follow if she wanted to—she did! When I finally filed for divorce, I was saying I’m moving on. If you want to be my biblical wife, you can follow—she did! If I had continued to “honor the Lord” by tolerating her rebellion, nothing would have changed.
Your passage from Deut. 22:28-29 is the man’s responsibility. My book is also about the man’s responsibility. HE MUST NOT allow his wife to usurp his leadership role—at all costs! I LOVED my wife when I finally put my foot down. She is probably the most peaceful Alzheimer’s patient around. She is right with God. If she had refused, she would have had to answer to God. Obviously I disagree with most of what you have said up to now, but I’m glad you said it.
I love your report on Abraham and Sarah—it is magnificent! Sarah walked in faith, and so must every wife. She must trust her husband, and he must trust the Lord. That’s what Abraham and Sarah did, and they did a wonderful job. I will copy verbatim what you wrote:
[Philip] Consider the example of Sara, Abraham’s wife. “Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.” That seems like a strange testimony until you consider things from her point of view. Looking at Gen. 12:1, imagine the scenario:
Abram comes home and announces, “Pack up everything we own and everyone in the family; all our flocks and servants. We’re moving!” If you were this man’s wife, you’d probably ask, “Where are we going?” and Abram’s answer would have been, “I don’t know yet but I’ll know it when I get there.” It is very difficult to imagine any woman, even an obedient, Christian wife to be content with that answer and fall in line, but that’s what she did, time after time.
Here is the list of things Abraham’s wife had to deal with:
1 Moving—lock, stock and barrel–to an unknown country.
2 Believing with her husband that her children would be too many to number—though she was 75 years old!
3 Cooperating with her husband in taking refuge in Egypt because of a famine—by lying about being married, which could have led to her becoming Pharaoh’s concubine.
4 Giving the choicest land to your husband’s nephew—only to watch your husband go into battle to save him after he was captured.
5 Cooperating with her husband in lying about their marriage—again!
6 Quietly enduring while her husband takes their only son into the wilderness to offer him as a sacrifice.
Sara did all this because her husband talked to a God she had never heard of before and wives today will “do well” to follow the example of this submissive wife.
What would Sara’s “girlfriends” have advised her to do?
Philip Hurley 6/13/16
[Philip] Here is an analogy that occurred to me in the past few days.
God said, “Because thou has hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field; in the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.” (Genesis 3:17-19)
Wouldn’t it be silly for anyone to try to convince us that when you become a Christian, you stop sweating and the ground stops growing thistles for you? This would be bad theology. Perhaps the name it, claim it heresy is trying to do this. But it’s basically foolish to think that the curse can be undone.
Someday, the earth will be renewed and the curse will be gone, but today, we have to live—and work—within the context that God has placed us. When we work, it’ll be sorrowful, difficult and sweaty.
Why, then, should anyone think that husbands and wives can undo the curse that God placed on their relationships? Egalitarianism wants to pretend that the curse doesn’t exist, or at least that it is undone by both partners being equal.
I have to be very careful that I’m not also trying to undo the curse by believing that if I behave like Adam *should* have behaved then I can at least undo the curse that’s on me. Also, I can’t fool myself into believing that by behaving properly, even scripturally, I can undo the curse. It’s still there impacting and affecting my relationship with my wife.
The glory of the curse on the ground comes from focusing, not on the work, but on God’s glory and a future hope, “And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.” (Colossians 3:23-24)
Similarly, the glory of the curse on marriage comes from focusing on the responsibilities of men and women. For husbands: Ephesians 5:25-29 and for wives: Ephesians 5:22-24.
[Russell] Can any portion of the curse be lifted this side of glory? The answer is “No.” But the born-again Christian can walk above the curse—even though it’s still there.
If both partners to a marriage are obedient to the Ephesians Chapter 5 commands that you gave above, they can walk above the curse. But there must be ongoing obedience to the Word, or the relationship will relapse.
What if only one partner to the marriage is obedient to the Ephesians Chapter 5 commands?
I have my testimony and Jim has his. For 32 years I behaved like Adam should have behaved. In April 2002, Theresa “overcame.” For 14 years, now, Theresa and I have had a heavenly marriage. I saw her again today and she looked really bad. The curse is on her body, but our godly marital relationship continues.
The whole purpose of God’s commands to husbands and wives in Ephesians Chapter 5 is that they might walk above the curse when it comes to their marriages. (Remember, marriage models the relationship of Christ to the Church.) Our Baptist church is filled with such couples and with godly children, who are their offspring. Most of the couples have been biblically married from the beginning. Our wedding vows, in contrast to those of other Baptist churches, are biblical. Start with the right confession, and you’ll get better results.
In, Created To Be His Help Meet, Debi Pearl tells how a godly woman can win her husband, even if he is a jerk.
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation [conduct] of the wives. (1 Peter 3:1)
In my Abstract and in my Chapter 23, I explain how a godly husband can win his wife, even if she is rebellious. As the spiritual leader, he must be aggressive in his role. As far as the thorns and thistles, the Lord is with you every step of the way. He said, “I will never leave thee nor forsake thee.” (Hebrews 13:5b)
Acting alone, a man can get saved—not many takers! “Narrow is the way that leads to life, and few be that find it.” It takes two willing partners, who are obedient to the Word, to have a good marriage. As they say, “That makes the cheese more binding.” A successful marriage is rare. My church is filled with these “rare” marriages. That makes my church exceedingly rare.