Abstract

America was once a Christian nation. Your marriage could be both cultural and Christian. Things have drastically changed. Now, to have a Christian marriage, you have to be counter-cultural. When Jesus said, “I have overcome the world,” that’s what he meant. He was counter-cultural. This book will show you how to have a Christian marriage in a non-Christian culture. Like Jesus, or even Enoch, you will be the “overcomer.”

The Curse

And unto Adam he said, because thou hast harkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree … cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee. (Genesis 3:17-18b)

Every man is born under the shadow of the curse, but the Lord provided a way out.

The Answer

But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. (Hebrews 11:6)

Most people, including Christians, act like God isn’t watching. When challenged, they will defend the reality of God, but they live as if God doesn’t exist.

God made us for himself. He made us to live for him.

Know ye that the Lord he is God; it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are his people and the sheep of his pasture. (Psalms 100:3)

If you call yourself a Christian, and live for yourself, you’re living like an atheist—independent of God!

A Tale Of Two Enochs

(The title of a recent sermon by my pastor)

An ungodly culture began when Cain slew his brother Abel. “And Cain went out from the presence of the Lord, and dwelt in the land of Nod, on the east of Eden.” (Genesis 4:16)

The first Enoch was the ungodly son of Cain. Genesis Chapter 4 records the wickedness of the descendants of Cain. With the birth of Seth, came a challenge to the culture of the day.

I want to show that, early on, men could walk with God; they could walk above the culture.

And Adam knew his wife again; and she bare a son, and called his name Seth … then began men to call upon the name of the Lord. (Genesis 4:25-26, emphasis added)

The Righteous Enoch

In Genesis Chapter 5, we read that men lived in excess of 900 years … “and then they died.” One notable exception was the second Enoch. He only lived 365 years. Why was his earthly life cut short?

God had pronounced a curse, but Enoch was an overcomer—long before the Incarnation, Death, Resurrection, and Glorification of Jesus! We’re NOT slaves to the cursed culture in which we live. No doubt Enoch had to deal with the thorns and thistles, spoken of in Genesis 3:18, but he walked with God.

And Enoch lived sixty and five years, and begat Methuselah; And Enoch walked with God after he begat Methuselah three hundred years … And all the days of Enoch were three hundred and sixty and five years: And Enoch walked with God: and he was not; for God took him. (Genesis 5:21-24, emphasis added)

So what does it mean to walk with God? Enoch was a man of faith, reconciliation, obedience, communion, and God-likeness. Enoch enjoyed companionship with God on earth. He was Raptured—caught away to heaven—where he now enjoys eternal fellowship with the Lord. The book of Hebrews summarizes Enoch’s relationship as follows:

By faith Enoch was translated that he should not see death; and was not found, because God had translated him: for before his translation he had this testimony, that he pleased God. (Hebrews 11:5, emphasis added)

What can we learn from Enoch’s life and translation? You can live a life that is pleasing to the Lord. You can live above the culture. And P.S. That’s what it takes to have a good marriage.

Furthermore, if you love the Lord with all your heart, and all your soul, and all your mind, and all your strength, you will please the Lord. Like Enoch, you will someday be caught away to be with the Lord. Does that mean you will never die? Read carefully the following passage:

Jesus saith unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believeth thou this? (John 11:25-26)

So what does it mean to believe on Jesus? If you believe on Him, you will live to please the Lord—in fellowship with Him! I believe Enoch’s departure from the earth is prophetic of what lies ahead. Everyone who is born-again, and lives to please the Lord will, at the sound of the trumpet, be Raptured. (See 1 Corinthians 15:52)

  • The Rapture is a reality.
  • If you are alive at the Rapture, you will be instantly caught away.
  • If you have died, you will be resurrected to join the living saints, and together you will be caught away.

This, my friends, is the blessed hope for those who live to please the Lord. If you live to please yourself, “Good Luck!” For many, I believe The Great Tribulation will be the cleansing fire. Let’s get on with the serious business of loving God and loving our neighbor.

The Setting

Everyone gets to be God, but God—Frank E. Peretti

God always has been God and always will be God, but from the beginning until the end of the Age, Satan will continue his challenge. He uses men as pawns in his attempt to checkmate God.

Trying To Checkmate God

Speaking through the serpent in Genesis 3:5, Satan said to the woman, “Ye shall be as gods.” Since then everyone comes into the world thinking he is God. Except for the Prophets and the Apostles, few of us ever get over that notion. The Jewish leaders crucified Jesus because He claimed to be God. To crucify God, they had to first assume the role of God.

As we approach the end of the Age, Satan is again speaking to “the woman.” He is now questioning the authority structure God has set in place. In Let Me Be A Woman, Elisabeth Elliot writes in Chapter 44, the following:

The distinctiveness of maleness and femaleness has throughout history been a constant. It is only in our society that there is an attempt to erase that distinctiveness.

Did a committee meet and develop an “egalitarian” plan of action? I don’t think so. I believe “egalitarianism” is a Satanic assault on the Government God ordained. I believe our modern “equality” movement is spiritually directed.

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. (Ephesians 6:12)

He Shall Rule Over You

Paradise had just been lost. The next passage explains how life would be in their fallen state. The latter half of the passage has to do with family government and how sin would impact their relationship.

Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over you. (Genesis 3:16, emphasis added)

By God’s design, the woman would depend on her husband—nothing wrong with that! But now she would seek to manipulate, maneuver, and control him.

Creation Order had the husband in charge—that’s good! But now he would be selfish and overbearing. He would use his wife, rather than love her.

The remedy for Genesis 3:16 is John 3:16.

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)

Male headship is God’s idea—not man’s! The born-again husband is equipped to rule over his wife in love. The born-again wife has what it takes to lovingly submit to the God-given authority of her husband.

Godly Government

According to Scripture:

  • The Trinity is a hierarchy—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit in that order.
  • God created marriage and family to be a hierarchy—Husband, wife, and children in that order.
  • The Kingdom of God is NOT a democracy.
  • The Kingdom of Heaven is NOT a democracy.
  • The Millennial Kingdom is NOT a democracy.

Satan is at war with God and with His hierarchical structure for marriage. Multitudes of women have joined forces with the enemy, and don’t even know it—they see themselves as godly Christians! Without mentioning names, I can think of three women, whom I have been associated with over the years. Two are divorced and one is married. These “godly” women are in for a big surprise.

The book of Esther is best known for Haman’s threat to the Jews, and Esther’s appeal that saved them from annihilation. Esther, Chapter 1 describes events that happened in Persia 2500 years ago. Their ancient wisdom is in stark contrast to the lack of wisdom in our modern “egalitarian” world. (In my Chapter 11, I again refer to Esther, but to make a different point.)

Fallen Marriage

Since creation, men have ruled over women—even in their fallen state! The first biblical challenge to male rulership is recorded in the book of Esther. Queen Vashti was deposed in 483 BC. Esther became queen in 478 BC. The question is this: “What happens when women `call the shots’ instead of men?”

The “Wise Men” of Persia accurately foresaw the danger of female rule in the home, and made sure it didn’t happen. Verse by verse, I’ll take you through their reasoning that led to the right conclusion.

Starting with Esther 1:3, King Ahasuerus threw two parties. The first was for the princes, and lasted 180 days. The second was for the people, and lasted seven days. Queen Vashti was a “knockout.” At the end of the seven days, the king wanted to show her off.

But the queen Vashti refused to come at the king’s commandment … therefore was the king very wroth, and his anger burned within him. (Esther 1:12)

(Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands. Proverbs 14:1)

Then the king said to the wise men … what shall we do unto queen Vashti … because she hath not performed the commandment of the King Ahasuerus? (Esther 1:15a)

The king’s advisor, Memucan, immediately saw the danger, and quickly gave his opinion. The king took his advice, and “nipped the rebellion in the bud.” Men, the next passage from Esther 1:16-22 is a lengthy one, but you need to read it carefully.

16: And Memucan answered before the king and the princes, Vashti the queen hath not done wrong to the king only, but also to all the princes, and to all the people that are in all the provinces of the king Ahasuerus.

17: For this deed shall come abroad unto all women, so that they shall despise their husbands in their eyes, when it shall be reported, The king Ahasuerus commanded Vashti the queen to be brought before him, but she came not.

18: Likewise shall the ladies of Persia and Media say this day unto all the king’s princes, which have heard of the deed of the queen. Thus shall arise too much contempt and wrath.

19: If it please the king, let there go a royal commandment from him, and let it be written among the laws of the Persians and the Medes, that it be not altered, That Vashti come no more before king Ahasuerus; and let the king give her royal estate unto another that is better than she.

20: And when the king’s decree, which he shall make, shall be published throughout all his empire, (for it is great,) all the wives shall give to their husbands honour, both to great and small.

21: And the saying pleased the king and the princes; and the king did according to the word of Memucan.

22: For he sent letters to all the king’s provinces, into every province according to the writing thereof, and to every people after their language, that every man should bear rule in his own house, and that it should be published according to the language of every people. (Esther 1:16-22)

Let me summarize the above, verse by verse:

  • (16) Vashti had wronged the king, the princes, and all the people
  • (17) Vashti would cause all women in the kingdom to despise their husbands.
  • (18) There would arise too much contempt and wrath.
  • (19) Memucan advised the king to replace Vashti.
  • (20) The wives would then respect their husbands.
  • (21) The king followed the advice of Memucan.
  • (22) He sent letters that every man should bear rule in his house.

 Vashti’s Position

The king was somewhat drunk! “When the heart of the king was merry with wine” (Esther 1:10), he commanded that queen Vashti appear, so he could show off her beauty. She was uncomfortable with the arrangement, so she refused. In that culture, her decision was a terrible mistake. One has to wonder what happened to Vashti after she was deposed. The Bible doesn’t tell us.

Reality

God created men and women with different assignments:

  • The man is to rule.
  • His wife is to influence.

Vashti should have appealed to her husband. That would have been a proper course of action. To refuse the king’s command was to usurp his authority. No wonder the boys got upset. When a wife honors and respects her husband, he is much more apt to be persuaded when she makes a request.

Vashti was a headstrong wife, but Esther proved to be submissive. Esther’s influence saved the entire Jewish people. The story is exceedingly kool. Let’s take a look at the biblical record. I’ll skip how they selected the new queen, and go directly to the interaction between Uncle Mordecai, the Persian Prince Haman, Queen Esther, and King Ahasuerus. The following references are from the book of Esther.

  • (2:21) There was a plot to assassinate the king.
  • (2:22) Mordecai witnessed and reported the plot to Queen Esther.
  • (2:23) An inquisition was made, and the two conspirators were hung.
  • (3:1) King Ahasuerus promoted Prince Haman.
  • (3:5) Mordecai offended Haman when he refused to bow.
  • (3:8-9) To get Mordecai, Haman sought to destroy all the Jews.
  • (3:10-15) The King wrote letters to implement Haman’s order.
  • In Chapter 4, Mordecai asked Esther to intervene.
  • In Chapter 5, Esther appeared before the king and was accepted.
  • (5:4) She invited the king and Haman to a banquet.
  • (5:14) Haman built a gallows on which to hang Mordecai.
  • (6:1) The king was reminded that Mordecai had saved his life.
  • (6:6-11) The king commanded that Haman publicly honor Mordecai.
  • In Chapter 7, Esther sues for her life and the lives of the Jews.
  • (7:7-10) The king caused Haman to be hung on his own gallows.

When a husband and wife operate within their God-ordained roles, the Lord will bless their combined efforts. If you’ll read the entire account, you’ll see how the Lord connected events that led to a proper conclusion. Queen Esther’s faithfulness resulted in salvation for the Jews.

The king liked Haman, but he loved Esther. When the man he liked threatened the woman he loved; he, without hesitation, hung the man he liked. And why did he love Esther? Because she honored and respected her husband! Because she sought to influence, rather than rule!

This is a marvelous story that clearly shows God’s intention for male/female roles in marriage. I believe the problem with Vashti is prophetic of what would come to America and Western civilization hundreds of years later. The solution for us is the one the king chose—it worked! (See my Chapter 23.)

Like Vashti, Susan B. Anthony, et al have wronged all the people. Today, women despise their husbands; there is too much contempt and wrath; wives don’t respect their husbands; and men don’t bear rule in their houses. Vashti and Susan B. are “cut from the same cloth,” but Vashti had to deal with REAL men.

The “Wise Men” of the Middle East quickly assessed the danger. Furthermore, they had the backbone to take appropriate action. For over one hundred years, the “Wise Men” of the West have been, and continue to be, impotent. Wimps!

The Beginning And The End

As with Eve, it comes natural for a woman to lead. As with Adam, it comes natural for a man to let her—Philip Hurley

Now for the application: In the Garden of Eden, Eve led Adam into sin. Adam followed. In our society, women are leading men into the sin of “egalitarianism.” The men are following.

For 32 years, my wife, Theresa tried to lead me into that sin. I didn’t follow. I took my rightful place of leadership, offended my friends, got kicked out of my church, but eventually led my wife into a marriage that is both hierarchical and biblical. Theresa and I are now secure in the Lord. I did my part, and she has done hers.

If you and your wife have an “egalitarian” marriage: If she has led you into sin; if you have followed her into sin; you need to take that seriously. Will the repercussions for you and your wife, be less serious than they were for Adam and Eve?

Quick Review

Eve led Adam into sin, and the human race fell. Modern wives are leading their husbands into a similar sin. As I explain later, I think “egalitarian” Christians will be left behind at the Rapture. If I’m right, heaven won’t be that crowded. If you see yourself as God—and you probably do—you can quickly dismiss any argument I might present.

Human Ideas—Satanically Inspired

The following is from Wikipedia:

The Trojan Horse is a tale from the Trojan War about the subterfuge that the Greeks used to enter the city of Troy and win the war. In the canonical version, after a fruitless 10-year siege, the Greeks constructed a huge wooden horse, and hid a select force of men inside. The Greeks pretended to sail away, and the Trojans pulled the horse into their city as a victory trophy. That night the Greek force crept out of the horse and opened the gates for the rest of the Greek army, which had sailed back under cover of night. The Greeks entered and destroyed the city of Troy, decisively ending the war.

The “equality” movement is a “Trojan Horse” that has empowered women and men to follow their natural inclinations. By design, men and women were created with natural inclinations that separate the godly from the ungodly. Righteous men and women overcome their natural inclinations. Husbands are the leaders, and wives are their helpers.

Be of good cheer, I have overcome the world—Jesus

Who are the godly, in contrast to the ungodly? Those who have been obedient to Jesus’ command that says, “You must be born-again.” Those who believe on Jesus, take on the righteousness of Christ, and are empowered to “overcome.” Unfortunately, there are far too few “overcomers.”

“Winning” The War

The “equality” movement (“egalitarianism”) began over 100 years ago. For the sexes to be “equal,” women had to become like men. The initiative took off like a rocket.

With time, a woman becomes but a grotesque caricature of what she was created to be. And she doesn’t even know it, but she knows two things:

  • Marriage doesn’t work.
  • It’s her husband’s fault.

On *p21 of Created To Be His Help Meet, Debi Pearl writes,

A woman trying to function like a man is as ridiculous as a man trying to be like a woman. A unisex society is a senseless society—a society dangerously out of order.

I married a lady, who was trying to function like a man. I helped my wife discover her womanhood—it only took me 32 years! But it happened quickly in April of 2002—when Theresa was 66! My repentant wife liked being a real woman and I liked being married to a real woman. This book is our love story, but it’s much more.

We’ve been married 46 years—happily married for 14! I want to share, with other men, my success. But first let me identify the enormity of the task before us.

The Offense

The goal is to restore biblical marriage to the Christian community. People, who agree with me, have sought to do so, using objective arguments. Books have been written as follows:

  • The Christian Family, by Larry Christenson.
  • Let Me Be A Woman, by Elisabeth Elliot.
  • Restoring The Father To The Family, by C. Russell Yates.
  • Recovering Biblical Manhood & Womanhood, edited by Piper/Grudem.

Besides that, there have been numerous articles and discussions. Women are capable of objective reasoning, but so many of them just don’t want to understand. That’s when their subjective logic begins to rationalize the facts. Objective arguments don’t work for these ladies, or for their male enablers. Surprise! Surprise! After all the books, articles, and discussion, we continue down the “egalitarian” path that is strewn with fractured marriages and broken children. Things are getting worse—not better!

Recovering Biblical Manhood & Womanhood

It’s been over 20 years, but I’ve read the above book. It’s a compilation of articles by about 24 different authors—members of The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (CBMW)! Theirs’ is primarily an intellectual argument. They point to the destructive consequences of Evangelical Feminism, but don’t get nearly as specific as I do. The final affirmation point of their Danvers Statement follows:

10. We are convinced that a denial or neglect of these principles will lead to increasingly destructive consequences in our families, our churches, and the culture at large.

Much more than the above authors, I declare in detail, the enormity of the offense and the destructive consequences that Evangelicals can expect—now and for eternity! I even speculate as to the judgment that lies ahead for a Church that has been infected with “egalitarianism.” Mine is a true prophetic warning and a call to repentance.

I have communicated with Christians, who want to be “nice,” e.g. Elizabeth Elliot, Larry Christensen, and The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (CBMW). I was told I would offend even my friends, and I accept the accusation as true. But hold it: Where in the Bible does it say, “Thou shalt not offend?”

In winning my wife, I offended my Christian friends. For that, I don’t apologize. It took more than three decades, but I won Theresa’s heart, and led her into a biblical marriage. It’s been 14 years now, and we have a fabulous marriage. Rather than celebrate my victory, some of my Christian friends are still upset over my methodology.

This book follows the examples set by the Prophets, Jesus, and the Apostles. Throughout this book, Two Loves, I will offend, by telling the truth. In Chapter 1, I tell how I recently offended a woman I first dated 57 years ago. Biblical Marriage is central to the preaching of the Gospel. I will offend, even my friends, but I won’t offend my Lord. Men! By God’s appointment, you’ve in charge. “The ball is in your court.” Let’s get on with it—whatever it takes!

Yesterday, my friend Bob gave me the following quotation:

Some people like to stay on top of things. I like to get to the bottom of things—Donald Knuth.

Idolatry

God’s people always find themselves worshiping false gods. The ancient Israelites repeatedly turned to Baal, Molech, and other false deities! What idol do Christians worship today? “Egalitarianism!” It’s opposed to Creation Order; yet it is lauded and applauded. More than any other current idol, “egalitarianism” is worshiped. Let’s get to the bottom of things. What is the mechanism or procedure that brings about idol worship? I’m going to say it three times.

  1. Women follow their neighbors. Men follow women.
  2. Women follow their neighbors. Men follow women
  3. Women follow their neighbors. Men follow women.

Eve followed her neighbor, who happened to be a snake. Adam followed Eve into sin. But what should Adam have done? He should have refusedsee Genesis 3:17! In ancient Israel, the women followed their pagan neighbors, and their husbands followed them. King Solomon may be the most glaring example—see 1 Kings 11:1,4.

If your wife follows the neighbors, and you follow your wife; you are, in essence, following the neighbors. That’s how you become an idolater. There’s only one way for Christians to avoid idolatry—only one way! I’m going to say it three times.

  • The husband must be the spiritual leader. His wife, his sanctified helper.
  • The husband must be the spiritual leader. His wife, his sanctified helper.
  • The husband must be the spiritual leader. His wife, his sanctified helper.

“Egalitarianism” is cultural; it has no place in the life of a Christian. Your life on earth and your eternal life depend on what you believe.

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. (Romans 12:2, emphasis added)

Husband, you must accept your responsibility as head-of-the-house. Settle for nothing less! As the spiritual leader, you must insist that she follow you, rather than following the neighbors. For a woman to take over, and for her husband to allow it, is sin. Female authority, in society and in the home, has become so commonplace that it seems normal—see Figure H-1, “Evolution of Authority.” My story is embedded in this book. My wife was determined to be the head, but I refused. To her credit and to the glory of God, she learned to accept my leadership.

Evolution_of_Authority

Figure H-1

If what I’m saying is true, we Christians are in big trouble. We do many religious things, but we live an idolatrous, “egalitarian” lifestyle. The book of Hosea is about the idolatry of Israel.

And Ephraim said, Yet I am become rich, I have found me out substance: in all my labours they shall find none iniquity in me that were sin. (Hosea 12:8)

The same accusation appears in Revelation against today’s “egalitarian,” Evangelical Church:

Because thou sayest, I am rich, and increased with goods, and have need of nothing; and knowest not that thou are wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind and naked: (Revelation 3:17)

Soul Winning

It seems our entire evangelistic effort is aimed at winning soulsbringing men to repentance! We are just picking up the pieces. Just after Adam was createdwhile he was still a sinless manGod instituted marriage.

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)

I repeat: The above happened while Adam was yet sinless—before Salvation was necessary!

When we concentrate on soul-winning, but neglect our marriages, something is dreadfully wrong. The integrity of marriage and family is central to the preaching of the Gospel. Let me put it another way: It is sheer, unmitigated hypocrisy to call sinners to repentance while we applaud “equality” marriage as progressive, and pretend we’re innocent. This is not hidden sin. The results are obvious to the entire world. Christian marriages and families are in deep trouble.

God commanded us to be fruitful and multiply to repopulate the earth with righteous seed. When Christian husbands and wives are in continual conflict; when they are marrying and divorcing; when men and women live together without benefit of marriageeven those who call themselves Christians! Is that not hypocrisy?

How did all this happen? In this book, I’m going to preach the Gospel—not so much to the lost, but to Christians!

Ignorance Is Not Bliss

My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou has rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee … I will also forget thy children. (Hosea 4:6)

Likewise, ye husbands dwell with them according to knowledge. (1 Peter 3:7a)

That ye might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God. (Colossians 1:10, emphasis added)

The rejection of knowledge about marriage and family began about 100 years ago—Susan B. Anthony led the way! Our children are paying the price. Restoration is the husband’s responsibility; it’s way overdue.

This book provides all the knowledge a man needs to set  his house in order. Don’t point your wife to Two Loves, and expect her to do your job. If you’re married to an “equality” woman, and you probably are, know this: A wife who has adapted to the culture can switch sides, and adapt to biblical marriage. It’s up to you to lead her into a righteous relationship, but first you need “knowledge.” This book will provide that knowledge. (If I’ve missed something, let me know.)

“Kings And Kingdoms”

God created Adam and commissioned him to take the position of leadership. Since then, every son of Adam has received the same mandate. Man was created to rule. It is his nature. But the only place most men will ever rule is their own little kingdom called home.  At the least, every man’s destiny is to be the leader of his household. To deny him this birthright is contrary to his nature and God’s will. When a man is not in command of his little kingdom and is not shown the deference and reverence that goes with that position, his household will not be ruled correctly, and the subjects of that kingdom will not experience the benevolence of a king who truly loves and cherishes them. When you neglect to reverence your husband, you are taking something precious away from yourself, your children, and your husband.

*p.146, Created To Be His Help Meet, by Debi Pearl

For Christians, the Kingdom of God is a present reality and a future hope, but our culture is that of a democracy. A monarchy is seen as oppressive. Every July 4, we celebrate our independence from the British Crown. But does a king have to be a tyrant? Jesus is our example—a loving King, who is also a servant!

If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet. (John 13:14, emphasis added)

The Lord created mankind, and then instituted marriage. If you’ll lay aside preconceived notions, I can teach what you need for an absolutely great union. My first passage appears before the Fall. The second, after the Fall.

And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make a help meet for him. (Genesis 2:18)

Thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. (Genesis 3:16b, emphasis added)

MODERN MARRIAGE

Male and female were created to be different, and that difference will be with us until the end. The failure to understand and appreciate some basic differences has led to wholesale marital failure. Few people understand what I’m about to explain.

The Sexual Differences

  1. A man NEEDS a kingdom, and that is closely tied to his impromptu need for sex. He has to be in charge at home; and he needs a wife who will meet his sexual need—sometimes at a moment’s notice! The Lord tells his wife to submit.
  2. A woman needs sex, but she is driven by feelings and emotion rather than by some biological force. For her, sex can be scheduled or even delayed until she is in the mood.

Added to the sexual differences, a woman thinks subjectively while a man’s thinking is more objective. In a sinful world, these dissimilarities are the perfect combination for marital failure.

From the beginning, God’s people have always replicated the sins of their heathen neighbors—that is no less true today!

Modern “equality” marriage denies the man his kingdom birthright, and holds him hostage to his NEED for sex. If what I’m saying is true, here’s how it works.

  1. A woman expects a man to think like a woman, and she sees no reason why they can’t share the headship role.
  2. A man has a NEED for impromptu sex, while a woman’s sexual need can be delayed—sometimes indefinitely! That gives her the upper hand in the relationship—either do it my way or do without!

God doesn’t explain the finer points of marriage. He simply tells a wife to submit to her husband. I will now quote a passage, and then add a major point of clarification:

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands [even when you’re not in the mood], as unto the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22, clarification added)

An obedient Christian wife will do that. Then she makes a wonderful discovery: Once she crowns her husband king, she becomes queen!

Modern “equality” marriage systematically denies a man’s kingdom calling, and hands the reins of family government over to his wife. His wife “wears the pants” and he “wears the panties.”

He is emasculated, and cannot fulfill his role as husband and father. When the marriage doesn’t work, it’s his fault.

We castrate and then bid the geldings be fruitful—C.S. Lewis

I Repeat

A woman desires to be married, but for her, marriage is not so much a biological need. In the absence of children, she can do quite well, alone—assuming she has adequate funds to pay the bills and a good security system!

Still, a woman was created to be a suitable helper for a husband—that is her calling!

The typical woman is looking for a husband who will meet her needs. Instead, she should marry a suitable husband, and then seek to meet his needs. She is to be the “help meet,” not the other way around.

The woman was created to meet the deepest needs of her husband, and she does that in bed—when’s he’s in the mood, not the other way around—C. Russell Yates

Does that mean a wife is being used? No, that is her calling—to submit! And God tells a man to love his wife, but how much? As Christ loved the Church!

For 47 years I’ve loved my wife, Theresa, as Christ loved His bride, the Church. For the first 32 years, Theresa was anything but submissive. She made my life miserable, but I loved her anyway because God said so.

I think that gives me the moral high ground. I can tell a woman to submit, even when her husband doesn’t love. Do it because God said so.

Not In The Mood

The following passage, 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, is seldom read in church. After you read these three verses, I’ll give a possible scenario.

Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.

The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

The Lord made the male with a sex drive that can often appear as urgent. Let’s say, her husband wants some—really bad!—but she isn’t in the mood. Rather than contend with his not-in-the-mood wife, he relieves himself by masturbation. Two wrongs don’t make a right, but the result is two-ness instead of oneness.

If the pattern continues, she will emerge as the one in charge, and he will be emasculated. With time, he will find sex with his wife to be repulsive. (Only a serious man of God, like myself, will continue to love such a woman.) When the marriage doesn’t work out, it will be his fault.

We castrate and then bid the geldings be fruitful—C.S. Lewis

Really Not In The Mood

In today’s “egalitarian” world, a woman often has unrealistic expectations that are impossible for a man to meet.

Behind every angry woman stands a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong—anonymous

When those unrealistic expectations are NOT met, she will not be in the mood for sex. She could be “not in the mood” for years.

A Christian woman who is obedient to the Lord will not have unrealistic expectations. According to Ephesians 5:22-24, she will be subject to her husband in everything—even when she’s not in the mood!

Manipulation

A woman wrote the following:

A woman can manipulate a man by withholding sex; that will hurt his ego greatly. The man will hold grudges and resent her.

So I ask, why would a good man resent his wife and hold grudges? With the blessings of our feminized society, she has deprived him of his manhood. With the blessings of our “egalitarian” society, she has castrated him.

Men don’t like being castrated.

A good man doesn’t like being blamed for something over which he has no control. A good man doesn’t like it when a judge takes his children, and gives them to the woman who castrated him. A good man doesn’t like paying child support to the woman who made it impossible for him to function as a husband and father.

Unfortunately, there are few good men.

The Castrated Generation

A whole generation of men has been rendered impotent by our Western “egalitarian” society. Most will never find their way to true manhood. I’m now going to talk about The Surrendered Wife. But for any woman who wants to do the right thing the pickings are slim.

Surrender

It’s only through surrender that a wife will find fulfillment. That was the Creator’s plan in making her to be a “help meet.” A wife who is NOT surrendered is fighting nature and nature’s God.

I recommend Laura Doyle’s book, The Surrendered Wife. She’s not a Believer, but she discovered the truth to marital success—surrender! And P.S. Laura was dreadfully insecure; she couldn’t trust John to accomplish the most-simple task without her direction. She treated him like a child.

At the root of these marital problems is insecurity. Most Christians are insecure because they live to please themselves. If you live to please the Lord and to serve others, you will be secure. You should make others feel important. Philippians 2:3-4 explains, and nowhere is that more important than for husbands and their wives.

Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.

Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. (Philippians 2:3-4)

(Every man means everyone—that’s biblical terminology! I don’t use modern feminist “his,” “her” or “their” language.)

Let’s dissect the above:

“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory.” There won’t be marital conflict. She will submit and he will love.

“Let each esteem other better than themselves.” That means you are to respect your partner and honor his unique personality.

“Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.” That means you go out of your way to serve one another.

Do marriage God’s way, and it will be wonderful—heavenly! That has been my experience. If you’re still single, choose a spouse carefully—very carefully!

Finally, I suggest you read my 12-page article, As Christ Loved the Church—how I loved my wife into submission!

MARRIAGE THE WORKS

Not A Democracy

From beginning to end, God’s plan for government was that of a loving monarchy. Heaven is NOT  a democracy. In the family, the husband is to be king. He models King Jesus. Marital democracy is man’s idea, not God’s. By design, a husband was to “rule over” his wife. Her “desire” was to be his wife. A biblical wife accepts the fact that sometimes they will disagree, and that his decision will prevail. She will then obey.  But what does it mean to obey? Any biblical passage is understood in the context of the entire Bible, so let me explain.

The obedience of a wife appears twice in the King James Bible.

Obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. (Titus 2:5b)

Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. (1 Peter 3:6a)

Ephesians 6:1 tells children to obey their parents. Is a wife a child? Must she leave her brain at the altar? If the husband is the “head,” is the wife the “foot?” In The Blood of Lambs, Kamal Saleem reports the following: “In the Koran, Muhammed referred to women as the `ground that we walk on.'” God’s plan is far higher than anything man could imagine.

So what’s a wife’s standing in marriage? Husbands and wives are equals, as a team—”Heirs together of the grace of life” (1 Peter 3:7). They should talk things over and reach an agreement. If they can’t agree, if the discussion becomes an argument, she is being disobedient to both her husband and the Lord. He gets the final word. The result is an orderly family that lives in harmony.

God tells this king to love his wife as King Jesus loves his bride. If he’s a godly “king,” she will  be “queen.”  If I’ve accurately described the marital relationship, we’d expect to see the same relationship between God and the Christian. The next passage affirms that.

For this cause shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. (Ephesians 5:31-32, emphasis added)

Is there communication between God and man?  Does the Lord have the final word? The details of the interaction changed somewhat after the giving of the Holy Spirit, but the relationship between God and His people remains the same.

The Communication

God’s people speak to Him by:

  • Worship
  • Singing
  • Prayer
  • Obedience
  • Repentance

God speaks to His people through:

  • The written Word
  • The Prophets and the Holy Spirit
  • Circumstances
  • Dreams and Visions
  • Miracles and Signs

If that weren’t enough, the Lord has revealed himself through His Son—Emmanuel! God with us! (Hebrews 1:1-2)

The Result

A godly man communicates with his wife, but he has the last word. Husband and wife are in agreement, and both find fulfillment. That same man communicates with his God, but the Lord has the final word. The loving relationship in marriage models that between God and man. To neglect that relationship is to dishonor the Lord, and invite trouble.

From John 13:14, Genesis 3:16, and Ephesians 5:31-32, we see the following:

  • Jesus is the “boss.”
  • Jesus is also a servant.
  • The husband is the “boss.”
  • The husband is also a servant.

To have a “boss” who isn’t bossy—one who will provide for, protect, and love his wife—doesn’t sound like a bad deal to me. Quiet ladies like Theresa Yates, and outgoing ladies like Debi Pearl have found fulfillment in marriage. They are loved and cherished.

As a Christian, I can request of the Lord, but I do not demand. A wife can ask of her husband, but she is not to argue. If she still thinks her husband is wrong, she can appeal to the Supreme Court—the Lord!

In His Image

Man was created in the image of God. but he isn’t an exact reproduction. (Man is NOT omniscient, omnipotent, or omnipresent.) The  Creator is the ruler, and the created man is the subject. Woman was taken from man—in the image of the man! But she isn’t an exact reproduction. The man is the ruler and his wife is the subject.

What Does It Mean?

An article by Shelley Poston is entitled, “What does it mean for a wife to submit to her husband?” The marital relationship she describes is identical to what I have just given. I encourage you to click on the link that follows: https://carm.org/apologetics/womens-issues/what-does-it-mean-wife-submit-her-husband

Shelley tells how it should be, but offers no remedy for our present marital disaster. I know of no writer, other than myself, who offers a solution.

  • Marital success is the responsibility of the husband.
  • He is to lead his wife, so she will discover her womanhood.
  • If she absolutely refuses, she is ipso facto not “wife” material.

So why have I gone into such detail for something that should be obvious? Christian women, like Eve, have been deceived. Christian men, like Adam, have gone along with the deception—big time!

To Wrap It Up

Man was created to rule the earth. God made a woman to be his “help meet”his suitable helper!to help him rule the earth! We were created male and female to be married, according to Genesis 2:24.

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)

Anything other than biblical marriage is something less than God’s best. Women, who fail to make marriage work, look for alternative ways to find fulfillment. Our “egalitarian” society” receives them with open arms. They set aside their marital calling; they fail to procreate; and they deny another human being the fulfillment of his family calling. What should a single woman do? She should reject cultural ideas about marriage, and embrace biblical ones. She is then prepared for marriage; she is ready to be sought after by a man. This is about the Lordnot about you or me!

Those who refuse marriage are subject to temptation that could lead to feminism or homosexuality. Both are spiritual matters, which are outright rebellion against God’s order of creation.

DYSFUNCTIONAL MARRIAGE

Because of sin, marriage isn’t working. Husbands aren’t benevolent kings, and wives don’t seek to please their husbands. (But that doesn’t nullify the basic model established at Creation.) This is no small problem. Here’s a quotation from The Blood of Lambs: At six years of age, Kamal Saleem was being told about the 72 virgins that await the Islamic “martyr.” He asked:

Father, you only have one woman in the house, and you fight all the time. How are you going to be able to manage so many women? (Emphasis added)

That’s wisdom. And from a six-year-old! A return to biblical marriage is way overdue. We men need to act like men; we should bring our wives into a marital relationship that will please the Lord and bless our children. By the grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit, I’ll be the leader—the alpha male!

Way Overdue

How can something that is dreadfully wrong continue, without correction, for an extended period of time? God doesn’t micromanage our lives. The Lord has given everything we need to make the correction, but we’re usually slow to act. Examples of wrongdoing include polygamy, slavery, and “egalitarian” (equality) marriage. The West has pretty much overcome polygamy, slavery, and bias toward blacks. But we have yet to understand and tackle the marriage problem.  So what is that problem?

Give not thy strength unto women, nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings. (Proverbs 31:3)

Susan B. Anthony led the way in changing Western culture: The husband is no longer king, and the authority (strength) that rightfully belongs to men has been handed over to their wives. “Equality” marriage was not “hatched” in our generation, but the problem is ours. The very fabric of society is unraveling before us.

Two Fronts

America was introduced to Middle Eastern terrorism, September 11, 2001 when jetliners were hijacked and used as missiles. The Islamic world rejoiced when the towers collapsed—even the so-called moderates! Since then, I’ve read three books written by Christians who were once deeply involved with terrorism.

  • Son of Hamas, by Mosab Hassan Yousef
  • God’s War On Terror, by Walid Shoebat
  • The Blood of Lambs, by Kamal Saleem

The plan of the Islamic world is clear and much more obtainable than one might think: They want to restore the Islamic, Ottoman Empire and expand it to include the entire world. Their first targets are Israel, America, and Christians—the West! They see that as their religious duty.

In the West, “equality” marriage is the rule—not the exception! If you’re married, you’re probably one of those “equality” husbands. Terrorism is coming to America. It’s not “if,” but “when?” If your country, your state, your neighborhood is attacked; would you like your wife to be “calling the shots?” The guys who are coming, do not take their orders from women, and you shouldn’t be taking orders from your wife. Whether you like it or not, you’re in charge. Whether your wife likes it or not, you’re in charge. So get with it!

Do It

If even one partner to a marriage is a born-again, disciplined person, if that one partner is properly trained, a bad marriage can be turned into a good one. In her book, Created To Be His Help Meet, Debi Pearl explains how a good woman can win her husband—even if the guy is a jerk! My book, Two Loves, explains how a good man can love his wayward wife into a biblical marriage. I invite every godly Christian man to join me. At present, I know of only one effective marital/family ministry: “No Greater Joy” hosted by Michael and Debi Pearl.

Recovering Biblical Marriage

Beyond high school, I had nine years of college and university training—a total of 22 years of formal training. But when I married, the only training I had had was the terrible example I saw at home. A good marriage requires good training. There was a time when children could learn marriage by watching their parents—that’s history! Today, couples go to marriage counselors, but they usually give bad advice. They go to marriage seminars, but they just “spin their wheels.”

I’ve been married 46 years—happily married for 14! I went through the school of affliction for 32 years. Now my wife has Alzheimer’s—I’m back in the school of affliction!

Before I was afflicted I went astray: but now have I kept thy word. (Psalms 119:67)

As a student in the school of affliction, I’ve learned some things I can teach you. Or you can learn the hard way.

Alone

Single people expect that when they marry they will no longer be alone. Surprise! Surprise! Most couples are just two single people legally bound to one another. Modern man has sought to improve on God’s plan for marriage, and the result has been multitudes of lonely people, who wonder what went wrong. Modern marriage hasn’t worked, isn’t working, won’t work, and can’t work because it violates the design of the Creator. This book will explain what went wrong and what is required to make it right. Everything depends on submission.

Submission

We’re all called to submission. Jesus is our example.

And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. (Philippians 2:8)

Jesus submitted to the cross. To be saved, one must submit to Jesus. A good marriage requires submission—from both husband and wife. Submission takes different forms, but it’s a requirement—for this life and for eternity!

Humility

It takes humility to admit you’re wrong, and then make the necessary correction. It takes humility to submit to the necessary marital training. When Christians preach the Gospel, they’re asking sinners to be humble and repent. So often these same Christians continue to live a rebellious “egalitarian” lifestyle. Other Christian “egalitarians” are just ignorant. They truly believe male/female roles are interchangeable.

Gratitude

Thanks be to God for his unspeakable gift. (2 Corinthians 9:15)

The Lord has saved me, not just to eternal life, but from eternal torment. How could I possibly thank him? By loving my wife as He has loved me.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church. That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word. (Ephesians 5:25a,26)

And how did Christ love the Church? Sacrificially and redemptively! In the context of godly living, a husband can wash his wife with the Word. I do that when I read the Bible to my mentally afflicted wife. Theresa was in the hospital, and I read her the 23rd Psalm. I had just finished, when my son-in-law pointed to the TV where they, too, were reading the 23rd Psalm. What a wonderful affirmation! As an ongoing act of submission, I continue to love my wife—the way Christ loved the Church! In the remainder of this book, and especially in Chapter 20, I’ll explain.

What The Doctor Ordered

Here’s one of my not-so-famous quotations:

Familiarity breeds contempt, but without familiarity you can’t breed hardly anything—C. Russell Yates

If life were no more than “feeding and breeding,” I wouldn’t be writing to you. Reading my book, Two Loves, is like going to medical school. Most people just go to the doctor, and then do what he says. I’m the doctor, and some of you won’t need to read my book—just do what I say!

This Is For Men

The passage that follows holds the key to both a good marriage and eternal life. Read it carefully and see if you pick up what the Lord has just shown me.

And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. (Mark 12:30-31b)

Now for my questions and the answers

  1. Who is my closest neighbor? My wife.
  2. How much should I love my neighbor? As much as I love myself.
  3. How much should I love my God? MORE than I love myself.

I’m writing objectively because I’m writing to godly men. It’s possible for a good man to be married to a bad woman—Job was! If you have a bad marriage or want to avoid a bad marriage, I’m writing to you. Two Loves MIGHT be for you.

  • If you’re not yet born-again, you need to read my book.
  • If you’re a disciplined Christian, you may choose to do what I say, but by-pass the book.

A Different Game Plan

First, I’ll address the unhappily married Christian man. Women don’t think, the way you do. You’ll never “reason” your way into a good marriage. Nothing I have said in my book, or could say, would ever persuade a modern, “equality” woman. For over 30 years, I tried to persuade my Christian wife, but it was like banging my head against a brick wall. I had to change my game plan; the new plan worked. Overnight, a marital disaster became a success, with 100% satisfaction for both Russell and Theresa.

Objective Versus Subjective

My life has been a lengthy research project that began January 19, 1939 at 5pm—that’s when I was born! Two Loves is my research report, but my conclusions are all that many men will need to find a good marriage … and without changing wives!

I’m writing to men, but I’ll quote repeatedly from a book written by a woman, to women; the book is Created To Be His Help Meet, by Debi Pearl. When it comes to biblical roles, her writing is bold and completely faithful to Scripture. Other people side step or soft-pedal the truth about biblical marriage. (I have read a book written to women, so I expect that some women will read this book I’ve written to men.)

According to the Bible, the husband is head-of-the-house. Why is that? Truth is obtained objectively from Scripture, not subjectively from the culture. By God’s design, men are more objective, while their wives are more subjective. It’s a husband’s job to protect his wife, so she’s not led astray by the culture. Today’s “Adam” hasn’t protected today’s “Eve.” Husband, if you’re part of a bad marriage, it’s your responsibility to turn it around. Shortly, I’ll explain.

Rescuing A Bad Marriage

This is for a Christian man who is willing to work in partnership with the Lord. That means you’ll go to Scripture and apply the principles, under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. If you’ve been harsh or mean to your wife, stop and ask her forgiveness. If you’ve been cheating on her, stop and pray she’ll forgive you.

You’re to love her as Christ loved you. Even if she’s not submissive, you love her. For 32 years, my wife fought me over every decision. I continued to love her, but that wasn’t enough to turn our marriage around. Then the Holy Spirit guided me into a biblical marriage. It happened quickly in April 2002.

Some Suggestions

  • Shower her with genuine affection.
  • Make her feel important—she is!
  • Take every opportunity to commend and bless her.
  • Be the spiritual leader of the family.
  • Talk to her. Women love to talk.
  • Don’t forget the important dates—anniversaries, etc…
  • Include her when making plans.
  • Try to see her viewpoint.
  • Explain biblical roles and be specific.
  • Encourage her to read Created To Be His Help Meet, by Debi Pearl.

Start with the above suggestions, and modify them as the Holy Spirit leads. Even if your marriage isn’t right, try to have fun. For me, every day is a “fun” day because I work in partnership with the Lord. Everywhere, I spread joy. Go and do thou likewise! Joy in the home will help straighten the path and smooth the way.

Making It Happen

The present role reversal started about 100 years ago. Today, it afflicts most marriages. Correction won’t happen overnight. If you and your wife are Christians, you should agree to bring your marriage into line with Scripture, and then work on the problem for as long as necessary.

  • You must agree to lead.
  • Your wife must agree to follow.

Everything you need to solve your marriage problem should be in this book, but none of us are perfect.  I invite you to “Contact The Author.” You can express a viewpoint that could sharpen my presentation. (This is NOT a blog; it’s not a forum to  argue the modern-marriage issue.)  Read the entire online book. If you have a brief question, I’ll try to answer it. If you want to see Two Loves printed in a regular book, let me know. Selected feedback and my commentary will appear in Appendix Seven; it has been reserved for that purpose.

Headship

Scripture declares the man to be the head-of-the-house. Even nature denies “egalitarianism.” A body has parts that come in pairs: eyes, ears, arms, legs, etc., but there’s only ONE head. And nowhere is that more important than in marriage.

As head-of-the-house, you’re the president. As your “help meet” (suitable helper) she’s your adviser—see Judges 13:22-23 for a good example! In my home and in my business I’m the boss, but I want maximum freedom for those under me. Usually they get what they want. Men, if you’ll do that, when you have to refuse a request, things won’t be so difficult. Theresa got most of what she wanted. When she asked for wood floors, I refused. I explained that water would cause the wood to buckle. Four years later we had a plumbing failure. Our floor was ceramic tile, so it didn’t buckle.

If your decision overrides her idea, try to explain. Still, as head-of-the-house, you are NOT required to get her opinion. In my business, I often seek guidance from my adviser, but sometimes I just make a decision. If she has a good idea, and you accept it, you own the idea, but you should still commend her. If she has a bad idea, and you accept it, it’s your baby. You take the “heat” when things go wrong. Once she gets used to you being on the “hot seat,” she’ll probably stop competing with you. But I can’t promise she’ll immediately submit.

Divorce Therapy

Divorce Therapy is for stubborn wives,  who are married to  men who respect their wives as different, but equally valuable, and equally created in the image of God. You are God’s appointed head-of-the-house, and you must insist that your marriage be in keeping with Creation Order. Jesus never forces anyone to submit, but He does tell the consequences for those who refuse.

Your wife must accept your managerial position and the authority that goes with it. It is never to be forced, but there should be consequences for those wives who refuse. If your wife continues to refuse your headship, and there’s no indication of change, you should do what I did—lovingly and gently file for divorce! I was on my knees begging Theresa to do the right thing.

Timing is critical, and that requires the guidance of the Holy Spirit. (I’ll explain in Chapters 9,11,20,21,22,23,25.) Female dominance is deadly for future generations. You cannot allow it to continue in your family. I’m telling you from experience: It will only get worse with time. The turn-around will come more easily if you’ve been a “fun” husband. Men, you’re in charge and you’re responsible.

Neither Theresa nor Jim’s wife, mentioned in Chapter 7, ever admitted they had done anything wrong. But when our wives accepted their role, there was a drastic change in the relationship. Both Jim and I were filled with awe at how quickly and completely our marriages were reversed. Do things God’s way, and enjoy the results. Today, my wife has Alzheimer’s, but she is madly in love with me. Say negative things about me, and you’ll hear from Theresa.

No Bluffing

In Ezra 10, they divorced their foreign wives because of idolatry. Today’s marital situation is probably more destructive than was theirs.’ If filing for divorce will correct the problem, so be it. In some cases, actual divorce will be the godly solution. If you file for divorce, you better not be bluffing. If you’re truly led of the Lord—if she doesn’t repent—you must follow through, as they did in Ezra 10. No matter what the cost! Thankfully, I got delightful results. And PS, to say she had caused me trouble would be an understatement. I could have been resentful and bitter, but my goal was to honor the Lord.

Shape Up Or Ship Out

Can two walk together, except they be agreed? (Amos 3:3)

Marriage models the relationship between Christ and the Church. Agreement must be on God’s terms, not on man’s terms. Unless husband and wife follow God’s, love-your-wife, submit-to-your-husband protocol, there will be conflict. No agreement! No relationship! No marriage! That’s why marriage no longer works. Divorce is the logical and reasonable outcome. When divorce actually occurs, a couple models “The Great Divorce,” that occurs on Judgment Day. “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” Unregenerate man can never be in agreement with the Lord.

Our Example

No man is more loving than Jesus. During His earthly ministry, at Calvary, and now in Heaven, Jesus is ultimate love. But at the end, it’s a heavenly relationship or the “Great Divorce.” My solution to marital conflict has the husband playing the role of Jesus. He pursues a woman with the goal of relationship.

My Testimony

My wife and I both wanted to be in charge, and neither of us was willing to give in. In accordance with Amos 3:3, after 32 years, I filed for divorce. Theresa gave in. It’s not that I won. WE won! Suddenly we had a good, biblical, traditional, marriage—to the glory of God! Notice one important point: As head-of-the-house, I took the initiative. As Debi Pearl writes in Created To Be His Help Meet, a woman can save their marriage. Still, the husband is ultimately responsible.

Review And Conclusion

Follow my recommendations—to the point of divorce, if necessary! In so doing, you’ll be acting like you’re in charge. Since God appointed you to be the head-of-the-house, your actions will agree with reality.

When a righteous man divorces a wayward wife, it will be “Judgment Day,”—even if no one understands!  She’ll tell others, “My husband left me.” He will be ipso facto wrong—by the very fact that he’s a man! She will  be the “righteous” victim—ipso facto right—by the very fact that she’s a woman—even when she’s wrong! The men will take her side—even Christian men! To withstand disapproval from within the Church will be a new step of faith—I invite you to join me!

Men, You Need To Understand

In the West, “equality” marriage is seen as the norm. A wife sets the agenda and expects her husband to conform. That goes against your nature and hers, but it’s expected to work.  “If he had ____________(fill in the blank) it would have worked.” As I said earlier, modern marriage hasn’t worked, isn’t working, won’t work, and can’t work because it violates the design of the Creator.

If push comes to shove, and you have to contend with terrorists, you don’t need a contentious wife—better to be alone and “wearing the pants,” than to be in such a marriage, “wearing the panties!” You need to get your house in order—now and for the future! Be as gentle as you can, but as firm as necessary. By God’s appointment, you’re in charge, and you can’t allow idolatry.

If you want to know how I arrived at my conclusions, go to the upper tool bar, and click on HOME. Two Loves (http://TwoLoves.Net) will give my complete Scriptural rationale for sometimes advocating divorce. I explain further in Chapters 9,11,20,21,22,23,25.