(This book required 430 pages of typing not including the appendices. I have since written, How To Have a Good Marriage Without Changing Wives. http://MarriageThatWorks.Net. In contrast to my book, I call this my paper—230 pages! You might choose to read the paper first.)

For Men
Men, I want to help you have a good marriage—there’s no charge! YOU are the head of your house, and you’re responsible before God. If there’s a marital problem, you must deal with it.

As you read my material, you decide what, if anything, you want to show your wife. I’ll be happy to help, but this is NOT a debate. Just click on “Contact The Author.” Any question that comes from a woman must be through her husband, boyfriend, father, son or other significant male.

The Hierarchical Order
Paul praises the Corinthians for keeping the ordinances. He begins by giving God’s hierarchical order for relationships.

But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. (1 Corinthians 11:3, emphasis added)

Multitudes of Christians think they can violate that order with impunity—as if God won’t notice! The Lord keeps good books—a day of reckoning is coming!

In Chapter 48 of her book, Let Me Be A Woman, Elisabeth Elliot gives advice to her soon-to-be-married daughter, Valerie. I’ll paraphrase her words.

In the ideal marriage there must be acceptance of the hierarchical order, there must be sex, there must be loyalty and pride, and there must be, in and through all, love.

The Order

I add: The hierarchical order must never be forced, but it has to be accepted. When a husband and wife give of themselves in marriage, the man will contribute his strength and the woman will contribute her strength. There will be sex, and it’ll be fun for both of them. They will be proud of one another. When there is failure, they will be loyal to one another.

In the absence of the hierarchical order:

  • There won’t be love.
  • There won’t be loyalty and pride.
  • Sex will be a chore.

The Disorder

There has been a systematic attempt to eliminate the male/female distinctiveness. The result has been so-called equality marriage or “egalitarian” marriage. Like a cloud, an evil “egalitarian” spirit covers our land.

  • Our women have become like Jezebel.
  • Our men are as Ahab.
  • Our children don’t know whether they are a “he,” a “she,” or an “it.”
  • The Supreme Court is still trying to figure it out.
  • The politicians don’t have a clue.
  • Our national debt and unfunded entitlements stand at 250 Trillion.
  • Our medical system is in shambles.
  • Our pastors have been “cowed” by the women.
  • We have a multitude of cultural “bible” translations.
  • The Social Gospel and Prosperity teachings abound.

To say God’s people are confused would be an understatement, but there’s hope. The Bible says: The gates of hell will not prevail against the Church. I write as a prophet, in the spirit of Elijah.

The Offense

This book:

  • Will offend my friends.
  • Will offend my adversaries.
  • WON’T offend my wife and daughter.

First, I want you to know why those closest to me won’t be offended. My wife and daughter have endured, for 32 years, the “equality” lifestyle. For the next 14 years they’ve enjoyed our heavenly family. Under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I led Theresa into a biblical marriage. For 14 years, now, Theresa has told me, “You’re wonderful.” Our daughter, Deborah, is reading my book. She says, “You’re amazing.”

Listen, I’m just another soul, created in the image of God, and surrendered to the Lordship of Christ. If you’ve seen me, you’ve seen at least a reflection of Jesus; so pay attention.

Time To Play Hard Ball

I’m reading Let Me Be A Woman, by Elisabeth Elliot. This is a nice book, written by a nice lady, to nice people. It’s a great book; it speaks to me. But it’s not going to persuade the “equality” crowd. She’s not the only one. Almost all those who write books and articles—those who give marriage seminars—are nice people who think they can “win” by being nice. Later I’ll refer to The Council On Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (CBMW). Under “Purposes,” their Danvers Statement reads as follows:

Recognizing our own abiding sinfulness and fallibility, and acknowledging the genuine evangelical standing of many who do not agree with all of our convictions, nevertheless, moved by the preceding observations and by the hope that the noble Biblical vision of sexual complementarity may yet win the mind and heart of Christ’s church.

They continue to “persuade.” Elizabeth Elliot and CBWM are my friends; we agree on the basic premise of a hierarchical marriage. They’re offended because I’m not “nice.” I have the highest respect for my friends, but they haven’t lived through what I endured for 32 years.

The Calling

My experience has led me to a calling not unlike that of the Old Testament watchman.

But if the watchman see the sword come, and blow not the trumpet, and the people be not warned; if the sword come, and take any person from among them, he is taken away in his iniquity; but his blood will I require at the watchman’s hand. (Ezekiel 33:6)

There’s something you need to know: “I didn’t win my wife by being nice.” In Chapter 4, I tell how Elijah dealt with Jezebel and Ahab. Elijah was anything but nice.


And they were offended in him, But Jesus said unto them, A prophet is not without honour, save in his own country, and in his own house. (Matthew 13:57)

I’m not writing to gain the approval of men. I’m a righteous man, who is filled with indignation. I’ve become a mouthpiece for the Lord.

The Prophetic Role

For God’s people, there will always be idolatry. (Idolatry is anything that is more important to you than God.) The prophetic calling didn’t end with Malachi. “And he gave some apostles; and some prophets.” (Ephesians 4:11a)

To be a prophet, one must love God and love people. He must be willing to surrender his life and his reputation.

Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself. (Luke 10:27)


A real prophet must be truthful. Old Testament prophets also predicted future events. I find no place in Scripture where an OT prophet accepted a gift; his ministry was not supported by donations.

Thou shalt not wrest judgment … neither take a gift: for a gift doth blind the eyes of the wise, and pervert the words of the righteous. (Deuteronomy 16:19)

People who write books depend on favorable book reviews. For Two Loves to be printed in hard copy would require genuine repentance—that probably won’t happen! If Jeremiah had been offered on the market, how many Israelites would have bought a copy of his book?

Freedom From Guile

And the Lord God said unto the woman, what is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat. (Genesis 3:13)

Jesus saw Nathanael coming to him, and saith of him, Behold an Israelite indeed, in whom is no guile! (John 1:47)

What can be said of a man “in whom is no guile?”

  • He doesn’t lie.
  • He doesn’t tell half-truths.
  • He doesn’t exaggerate.
  • He doesn’t embellish.
  • He doesn’t mislead.
  • He tells a complete story.
  • He doesn’t manipulate.
  • He doesn’t deceive.

Jesus sums it up as follows:

But let your communication be, yea, yea; nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil. (Matthew 5:37)

I claim to be a truthful man, “in whom is no guile.” If my claim is true, I’m the right man to be writing this book.

New Testament Revelation

Today, we have a complete Bible, the testimony of Jesus’ Death, Burial, Resurrection, and Ascension, along with the guidance of the Holy Spirit. It’s no longer necessary for the prophet to declare Absolute Truth. But the spirit of truth is more important today, than ever. Today’s prophet sees things people don’t see and declares things people need to hear. Is repentance less needful for today’s Christians than for the Israelites of Moses’ day? I think not.

I assume the posture of a modern-day prophet—blameless, but not flawless! This book is free on the web—I accept no gift or donation, but I am open to correction! My experience is from the crucible of a life in search of godliness. For those who will listen, I’ll be their teacher. Some will totally reject what I have to say. My answer is simple: “Nothing says you have to read my book.” I’ll not be intimidated by anyone’s disapproval or criticism.


  • Ideology is a set of shared beliefs within a group, such as a nation or social class. Those beliefs influence the way individuals think, act, and view the world.

Political Ideologies

Political ideologies include Capitalism, which can be divided into Republican, Democratic, Libertarian and other variations. Other political ideologies include Socialism, Fascism, Communism, etc. They also appear in various forms.

 Cultural and Social Ideologies

These ideologies influence how people interact with one another. People often lobby government support in their quest for some advantage. This is particularly true for issues involving race, sex, age, employment, disabilities, religion, and ecology.

  • “Egalitarianism” is a cultural and social ideology.

Over 40 years ago, I bought Webster’s New World Dictionary, copyright 1972. Webster defined “egalitarian” as follows: “Advocating that all men should have equal political, social, and economic rights.” Their use of “all men” is now thought to be antiquated, and simply means everyone.


There is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death. (Proverbs 16:25)

After a hard-fought battle, the 19th Amendment was passed 8/18/1920. American women were given the right to vote. Why did it take so long? And how could anyone find fault?

Women’s Suffrage was the beginning of “egalitarianism”: The idea that men and women are equal and interchangeable in the home and in society. Unfortunately, “egalitarianism” is at odds with God’s word.

The Design

I’m an engineer, created in the image of God. When I design something, I expect it to work—the first time! The ideologue is someone who comes up with an idea, which may or may not work. When it doesn’t work, he doesn’t give up.

They’ve been trying “egalitarianism” for a hundred years, and it still doesn’t work. To the liberal: It’s always the fault of the man. If he would just do his part it would work—that’s how they see it! At this time in history, “egalitarianism” is not seen as theory—it is taken as fact! Christians either don’t read the Bible or don’t take it seriously.

A good example is an article by Kat Williams that appeared on p.33 of “Peace,” Brazos Christian Life Magazine, Summer 2016.

Leanna and Eddy went through a divorce, and Eddy was painted as the “bad guy.” The details of the article perfectly fit “equality” marriage. Eddy was an abusive man and I believe it, but modern “equality” marriage can’t work, doesn’t work, and won’t work because it violates the design of the Creator.

God created men and women in His image, but they’re different. In marriage, they are like mating gears—designed to work together! They are to complement rather than duplicate one another. A denial of this reality is a repudiation of God and His Word.


In the Old Testament, they worshipped the works of their hands—graven images like Molech and Baal! Today, men worship their ideas. Actually anything that is more important to you than God is an idol. People see “egalitarianism” as progressive and praise worthy. Most Christian women worship “egalitarianism.”


Hosea’s marriage to Gomer illustrated the idolatry of God’s Old Testament people. Russell’s marriage to Theresa illustrates the idolatry of God’s New Testament people.

The Marriage Of Hosea

I talk about Rules, Regulations, and Procedures. What follows violates all the rules:

And the Lord said to Hosea, Go, take unto thee a wife of whoredoms and children of whoredoms: for the land hath committed great whoredom, departing from the Lord. So he went and took Gomer the daughter of Diblaim, which conceived and bare him a son. (Hosea 1:2b-3)

The Lord has always used marriage as a model for His relationship with His people. Idolatry has always been portrayed as marital unfaithfulness. Hosea was told to marry a whore to illustrate the idolatry of Israel. All three children born to Hosea and Gomer were given names that illustrated God’s judgment and separation from His people. It appears that Hosea hired Gomer to be his wife.

So I bought her to me for fifteen pieces of silver, and for an homer of barley, and a half homer of barley: And I said unto her, Thou shalt abide for me many days; thou shalt not play the harlot, and thou shalt not be for another man: so will I also be for thee. (Hosea 3:2-3)

Scripture doesn’t tell how many Israelites read the book of Hosea, or how many repented. But God is just; the message had to be given. Today, few men read the Bible, and even fewer heed the message. Yet ALL are held responsible.

We are not told whether Gomer ever became a godly wife, but they were married, and I’d like to think she repented.

The Marriage Of C. Russell Yates

The Lord has given me an assignment similar to that of Hosea. This book, Two Loves, illustrates the idolatry of modern Christians. I write, and every time I think I’m done, the Lord shows me something new. Does this sound like something from the Old Testament? You decide!

“Egalitarianism” opposes the Word of God; in Old Testament terms, it is marital unfaithfulness. My marriage to Theresa portrays the idolatry of our generation. What makes our marriage so unique is what it looked like first, and what it later became.

  • For 32 years we endured an “equality” marriage—32 years of conflict! Our “egalitarian” marriage was a living denial of Creation Order.
  • In April 2002, our marriage was re-born to be what God intended. Our heavenly marriage has become a repudiation of “egalitarianism.”

I cannot start to tell you how much I love my wife. Today I saw her at the nursing home, and even with Alzheimer’s it was obvious how much she loves me. I wanted so badly to crawl in bed with her and make love, but that was just wishful thinking.

I have no idea, how many will read my book or how many will turn from their idolatry, but the message goes forth. Two Loves will hold men accountable, as did Hosea’s book—repent or pay the price!

At the start of this Foreword, I enumerated the tragedies that have befallen America and the West. I lay all this at the feet of “The Most Destructive Idea In Civilized History”–“Egalitarianism!”

Freedom From Offense

In our feminized society, women and many feminized men are easily offended. Neither the Bible nor the U.S. Constitution offers “Freedom From Offense.” Did Hosea have to tell the whole world he had married a whore? Did he have to identify Gomer’s family? The answer is “Yes.” That was part of his calling.

For 32 years my wife was living in sin. But her sin was not like that of Gomer. She was a virgin when we married and faithful, even during the 32 years. Theresa’s sin was that of “egalitarianism.” Do I have to tell the whole world of my wife’s failure? The answer is “Yes.” But I also get to tell everyone about Theresa’s repentance—how she became a wonderful godly wife! (I could not be more proud of my soul mate.)

Smoke Screen A

Susan B. Anthony said there were no differences between the minds of men and women. Her campaigns were based on that assertion. “Egalitarianism” is largely an ideological construct, an idea or theory not based on empirical evidence. “Egalitarianism” is the brainchild of a subjective woman, Susan B. Anthony—a latter-day Eve, but certainly not a latter-day saint!

She started with the false assumption that the minds of men and women are the same. The case was built for equality, but the result continues to be female dominance. Like so many political words, “egalitarianism” is a misnomer, a wrong or inappropriate name. I will continue to use the words “Egalitarian,” and “Egalitarianism,” throughout this book. But the quotation marks are there to remind my reader of the duplicity of the word.

Smoke Screen B

Women’s suffrage gave women the vote. The goal was to eliminate the hierarchy in the home. Over the years, the movement grew into full-fledged “egalitarianism,” that says there is no hierarchy—we’re all equal! As I said above, what started out to be equality morphed into another hierarchy. This time the woman is in charge, but the irony doesn’t end there.

Now a woman’s vote is equal to a man’s vote, but they continue to elect members of a hierarchical system of government—President, Vice-president, etc. Why not eliminate the distinctions, and just elect people? … With no one in charge! No policemen! No restrictions whatsoever! If you want to see what would happen to government, take a look at what has happened in the family. I hire “egalitarian” kids who never took orders at home, and have no respect for my authority as the boss.

A Feminized Society

The idea of equality sounds noble, but that’s not how it works. It’s not that women plan to dominate; it just happens. Why? Men and women think differently. Unless a husband is clearly in charge, his objective logic is no match for her subjective reasoning. She will always win, because he will eventually give up.

Arguing with a woman is like reading the software license agreement. In the end you have to ignore everything and click, “I agree”—anonymous

I didn’t give up, but discovered what it took to win—it only took me 32 years! This is not a matter of winning an argument, but rather of bringing one’s marriage into line with Scripture. As head-of-the-house, the responsibility falls on the husband.

A Warning To Every Husband

Your wife’s subjective, emotional arguments may wear you down. But when you give in, and join her in sin, you’re behaving like Adam. You’ll be held accountable for the sin she led you into. Hmmm!

He And She

Theresa and I married July 4, 1970. Under the pretext of equality, she wanted to be boss. She wanted my job. Neither of us was happy. In April 2002, Theresa decided to let me be the boss; then, we had a traditional marriage. Since April 2002, we’ve both been happy. My friend, Jim had a similar experience, and won after 22 years of conflict. My friend, Jon arrived at his solution quickly and with virtually no conflict. Men, I’ll reveal these secrets in Chapter 6.

Traditional Marriage

There was a time when women came under male authority. A single woman came under her father’s jurisdiction, while a married woman was under her husband’s. Today’s wedding ceremony is a carry-over from those days. When a father gave his daughter away, he was transferring his authority to that of his new son-in-law. The giving-away of the bride continues in different forms, but most people don’t understand the meaning behind it. If they did, that part of the ceremony would have been discontinued long ago.

At the end of the ceremony, the preacher used to say, “I pronounce you man and wife.” That was an acknowledgement of male headship.  But the pronouncement has been “upgraded,” in accordance with out modern 50/50 union. The preacher now says, “I pronounce you husband and wife.”


Today, everyone has equal political, social, and economic rights. Marriage, in no way, changes that equality. In marriage, a wife has the same authority as her husband; she also has the same responsibility. “Egalitarianism” has profoundly affected the quality of marriage, the family, and society at large.

Ideology Versus Reality

Some ideologies work better, e.g. Capitalism works better than Communism. That’s reality! Traditional Marriage works better than “Egalitarian” Marriage. That, too, is reality. And by the way, both Capitalism and Traditional Marriage are biblical. Communism and “egalitarianism” are just men’s ideas. The purpose of this book, Two Loves, is to examine and contrast the two types of marriages while promoting a Christian lifestyle. Winning an argument is worthless unless it’s based on truth. I accept the Bible as Gospel Truth; that is my authority. Multitudes will disagree with me, but that’s okay.

The Lord calls us to be His witnesses, not His lawyers—Lee Coudsey

I want to reach that minority who will obey Scripture, and bring their marriages into line with the Bible. The others will answer to God.


Introduction, Part 1

Modeling—Christ and The Church

In the next passage, the Lord gives specific commands to wives and husbands.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church … Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. (Ephesians 5:22-25)

The next passage says that marriage models the relationship between Christ and the Church.

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. (Ephesians 5:31-32, emphasis added)


What does it mean for a wife to submit to her husband?

  • First, she surrenders her will to the will of her husband.
  • Next, she surrenders her body—whether she feels like it or not!

Love Your Wife

What does it mean for a husband to love his wife as Christ loved the Church?

  • He must love her even when she’s his enemy.
  • He must be willing to die for his wife—on a daily basis!

The Application

God’s calling for every man is to surrender his will and his body to the Lord. A godly wife models that requirement. A godly husband models the love of Christ, who was willing to die for His enemies.

Two Marriages

  • A biblical marriage is the closest thing to heaven, this side of heaven.
  • An “equality” marriage is the closest thing to hell, this side of hell.

I want to show how the relationship between Christ and the Church is modeled in marriage, but more specifically in the bedroom. I’ll start with what I see as non-biblical teaching.

His Needs, Her Needs

Almost 30 years ago, I bought and read, His Needs, Her Needs, “Building An Affair-proof Marriage,” by Willard F. Harley Jr., a clinical psychologist. When I first read the book, I took Dr. Harley seriously. Now I see his book as mostly wrong. He sees every marriage as a candidate for an affair, and cautions both husband and wife to watch their P’s & Q’s.

The advice he gives is based on the differences between the sexes, which are considerable. Still he never acknowledges an authority structure in marriage or a woman’s need for protection. When it comes to male and female sexuality, Dr. Harley accurately describes important differences. He clearly understands that a man needs sex, while his wife needs affection.

A False Premise

He sees pleasure as the measure of sexual fulfillment, but that is not biblical! A godly marriage and family are the result of a wholesome bedroom experience, but the pleasure is often limited. His book is the product of his thinking and experience, rather than being based on the authority of Scripture. Man’s relational ideas, apart from the Word and the guidance of the Holy Spirit, are described in the next passage.

This I say … that ye henceforth walk not as other Gentiles walk, in the vanity of their mind, Having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart. (Ephesians 4:17-18, emphasis added)

Biblical marriage is something quite different from what Harley has to offer.

Their Needs

As Debi Pearl has written on p.136 of Created To Be His Help Meet, “From the beginning, man was destined to rule.” Harley either doesn’t understand, or has conveniently overlooked, a man’s need to govern. Until recently, 99.9% percent of the rulers were men—that was no accident! The next masculine need is for sex—Harley and Pearl, are in agreement! A woman’s need is for protection and affection. These are the basic needs that are foundational to meeting other male/female needs. I summarize as follows:

  • A man needs a kingdom.
  • A man needs sex.
  • A woman needs protection.
  • A woman needs affection.

When husband and wife meet each others needs, they will model the relationship between Christ and the Church. They will both find fulfillment, and provide a godly “nest” for children.

Male Protection

In the Garden, Eve needed Adam’s protection; but Adam stood idly by. Today, women are no less needy when it comes to spiritual protection, but few of them know it. Men have always been the physical protectors; they’ve fought the wars—until now! “Egalitarianism” has left women vulnerable. When a husband protects his wife, he demonstrates the love of Christ for His Bride, the Church.

My wife has Alzheimer’s, but I continue to work in partnership with the Lord to protect her. She needs 24 hour care so I found a home for her with a Christian caregiver. Recently, I found a backup caregiver should her condition deteriorate. Her understanding is severely limited, so what could I do? Dr. Jones suggested I read the Bible to her. I do that every night on the phone, and we’ll soon have to start over again. Then I pray with her.

She lives out of town, but we visit every three weeks. As I explain later, I arranged to re-do our wedding vows July 4, 2015. Theresa has never been more needy of my love, and I’m being obedient to Ephesians 5:25-29. Now I want to address a husband’s two needs. Why is a husband’s Kingdom necessary for modeling?

The King Of Kings

Pilate therefore said unto him, Art thou a king then? Jesus answered, Thou sayest that I am a king. To this end was I born, and for this cause came I into the world. (John 19:37a)

Pilate didn’t recognize Jesus as king. I’m trying to picture Pilate at the judgment seat of Christ, where he will recognize Jesus as king.

By God’s design, marriage is a monarchy, not a democracy. Throughout history, the king has always been the ultimate authority. The King of Kings has authority over all earthly kings.

Keep this commandment  … until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ … who is the blessed and only Potentate, the King of kings, and Lord of lords; (1 Timothy 6:14-15, emphasis added)

If Jesus is King of kings, then who are the kings he is king over? Christian husbands! Not wives! Jesus is NOT King of queens. Society may not recognize men as kings, but God does, and it’s time we understood that—before it’s too late!

Who are the subjects of the Christian husbands? Christian wives and children! When a wife willingly submits to the authority of her husband, they together model the hierarchy structure established by God. As shown in the following, a wife is not only to be under the authority of her husband, but she is commanded to do so respectfully—not, “If I gotta!, I gotta!”

Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. And the wife see that she reverence her husband. (Ephesians 5:24,33b)

A godly husband understands and respects God’s calling, that he should be king! He won’t settle for anything else. That’s why I struggled for 32 years until Theresa and I finally found a Genesis 2:24 marriage; and that’s why I’m writing this book.

A husband’s need for sex will not be satisfied, in marriage, until he first is accepted as king. (Art Katz once described the “egalitarian” bedroom experience as mutual masturbation.) In today’s world, wives are not that sexually cooperative. Men often settle for career achievement, rather than marital success.

A Godly Marriage

The Lord compels no one. He only tells the consequences if we do the wrong thing. The same applies to marriage. For the sake of freedom, God created men and women to be different sexually. That difference requires training. When men and women understand one another, they can have a good marriage by making the right choices.

A husband seeks a wife for two reasons:

  • He needs a kingdomwife and family!
  • He needs sex.

A godly wife submits to a husband, even when she doesn’t feel like it, even when she disagrees with him. She does that for two reasons:

  • God told her to.
  • She loves her husband and wants to meet his needs.

A Christian man loves his wife for two reasons:

  • God told him to.
  • He wants to make her happy.

Need Versus Choice

Let me illustrate the difference between need and choice. People need food so they eat. If a man needs sex, but is single, what is he to do? The Bible forbids fornication and adultery, so what is a Christian man to do? Harley writes, “It is apparent that all men masturbate, and many start at a very young age (eight to ten).” Why do they do that? For a man, sex is a very compelling need. Typically, men need a release 1-2 times a week. Now let me paraphrase more of Harley’s words.

When a man marries, he believes his new wife will be available to meet his sexual needs, and he agrees to limit his sexual experience to just one woman. For a woman, sex is more of a choice than a biological need. What if she chooses not to meet her husband’s need? He finds himself “up the creek without a paddle.” What choices does he have?


  • Adultery?
  • Prostitution?
  • Masturbation?
  • Pornography?

A wife should ask whether she wants her husband to be faced with such choices.

One of the most powerful preachers I have known was often away from home, and found sexual release by masturbation. (That was not his wife’s fault.) Two things were revealed in his sermons: What he had done, and the guilt he felt. What does the Bible have to say about self-induced release? Nothing directly! Scripture addresses the issue as follows:

But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn [with desire]. (1 Corinthians 7:9)

Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. (1 Corinthians 7:3-4)

Willing Submission

If a wife is obedient to the following simple command, she will meet both masculine needs of her husband.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22, emphasis added)

She is commanded to surrender her will to his will. To do so is to also surrender her body to meet his sexual need. A biblical wife will do that. If she asks, “Why won’t it wait?” that reveals her ignorance. If she doesn’t understand the difference between male and female sexuality, she needs to read what I’ve just written, and what Martha Peace writes. I quote her in Chapter 12.

Pleasure Is Okay

Lovemaking pleasure is a worthy goal, but it’s not the primary consideration. Until a willing wife meets his sexual need, he will have trouble meeting his wife’s need, which is for affection. A man’s deep-seated sexual drive is a heavy burden that he should not continue to carry after marriage. God made her for him.

Today I asked Jon where he got his wife. “She came down from heaven,” he replied—”just wandered down!” I don’t have to know what happens in their bedroom to know they have a godly marital relationship. I’m sure Jon does his part or the two of them wouldn’t be so joyful.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church. (Ephesians 5:25a, emphasis added)


I continue to learn more and more about male sexuality. A man’s sexual need goes beyond that of erotic pleasure. In the providence of the Lord, I have encountered two doctors who gave me insight that few people have.

On April 6, 2016, my wife’s 80th birthday, my naturopathic physician, Dr. K. told me that enlarged prostate or prostate cancer may be the result of insufficient sexual activity. Doctors have called in wives with this information only to have them storm out of the office. A summary report appears in the online publication that follows: The full report is available only to doctors.

The next day, I was surprised when a Christian MD, whom I consider to be a friend, gave a personal testimony as follows: He was having a problem that he described in medical terms. His urologist prescribed the solution. He was to have an ejaculation every day for a while. Then he should ejaculate three times a week. From the conversation, I presume he followed orders, and solved his problem.

The orgasm could take place during coitus or it could be self-induced. The health benefit would be the same, but for masturbation, the spiritual benefit (modeling Christ and the Church) would be lost. The next quotation is from *p179 of Debi’s book. She writes:

God created a man with a regular need for a woman, and God commanded a man’s wife to see to it that his need is met by her!

The woman was made for the man. Scripture makes that clear.

For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man. (1 Corinthians 11:8-9)

Our present, feminized society has it backwards, and we cultural Christians have gone along with the world. We may not realize it, but we’re in big trouble. Could Christians be no better prepared for the Second Coming than the Jews were for the First Coming? It’s possible! “And if the righteous scarcely be saved, where shall the ungodly and the sinner appear?” (1 Peter 4:18)


Isaac And Rebekah

And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her.” (Genesis 24:67a)

Isaac and Rebekah didn’t have access to Dr. Harley’s book. They were on their own. I have to believe she willingly submitted her body to meet Isaac’s masculine need for sex. And what did Isaac do? He loved her. When his needs for a kingdom and for sex were met, her need for affection followed—”Husbands, love your wives.” (Ephesians 5:25a). What type of Love did Isaac have for Rebekah? Endearment love! Affection! And PS, Isaac was one of the few Old Testament Patriarchs who had only one wife.

Hosea And Gomer

And the Lord said to Hosea, Go, take unto thee a wife of whoredoms and children of whoredoms: for the land hath committed great whoredom, departing from the Lord. (Hosea 1:2b)

God’s relationship to His people has always been portrayed in marital terms. Throughout the book of Hosea, the Lord continued to rebuke His people for their unfaithfulness. The family of Hosea included three children, born to Gomer. The children were given names that served as a rebuke to Israel for their idolatry. At the end of the book of Hosea, Israel was restored.

Russell And Theresa

For 32 years, my wife, Theresa failed to fulfill her calling to be my “help meet.” She was in open rebellion and represented God’s wayward idolatrous people. In April 2002, she repented and became the wife God had created her to be. From then on our relationship perfectly illustrated that between Christ and His Church.

It took my wife 32 years to submit; until then, lovemaking was a chore—nothing more than necessary sex! Still, I was obedient to Ephesians 5:25, but what kind of love did I have for Theresa? Commitment Love! When Theresa became my biblical wife, endearment love set in.

She now has Alzheimer’s, but I continue to love her with affection. She continues to respect my God-given authority. She even laughs at my jokes whether she understands or not. If I laugh, she laughs. I’m the leader; she’s the follower. For 32 years, Theresa was willing to submit her body to me, but I found it undesirable. It was only when she submitted her will to mine, that we could begin to model the relationship between Christ and the Church.

Submission and affection lead to relationship. That’s what it means to model the relationship between Christ and the church. “Egalitarianism” and rebellion are synonymous. The “egalitarian” marriage models the relationship between Satan and the other rebels.

Two Choices For A Wife

The first choice is to obey God’s Word and submit to one’s husband. The woman who does that can enjoy sex because she is in harmony with God’s design for marriage. In Let Me Be A Woman, Elisabeth Elliot writes to her soon-to-be-married daughter, Valerie:

The essence of sexual enjoyment for a woman is self-giving. Give yourself wholly, joyfully, hilariously. (Have we ever talked about the hilarity of sex? No one had prepared me for how rollicking it can be at times!) Neither husband nor wife should withhold this pleasure from the other except by mutual consent for a limited time. His body now belongs to you, yours to him. Each has “power” over the other’s, each holding the other’s, in holiness and honor under God. You will find that it is impossible to draw the line between giving pleasure and receiving pleasure. If you put the giving first, the receiving is inevitable.

The second choice, for a wife, is to disobey God’s Word. That is called equality or “egalitarian” marriage. A woman has the upper hand in marital sex. To submit would be to surrender her biological advantage. She doesn’t do that.

The “equality” wife will be governed by her feelings. If she is tired or busy, she won’t feel like having sex. If she approves of her husbands manner, appearance, choices, etc., she will feel like having sex. When SHE feels like having sex, they will have sex. That is contrary to Creation Order. The results to each individual, the family, and to society are devastating.

Such a marriage is not really a marriage because it doesn’t model the relationship between Christ and the Church. I’m trying to communicate to men the terrible loss they can expect beyond this life. That’s why I persevered for 32 years until I persuaded my wife to give up her “equality” ideas. In my next example, Marie “saw the light.”

A Fabulous Illustration

The following letter is from *p.38. The following words of Marie sound like “The Love Bank,” of His Needs, Her Needs. “You do this and if you do it right, then I’ll do that, and if you don’t, you can just suck it up, because I will not do your part.”

Dear Debi,

One day my husband came in while I was reading your literature about joy, and he asked me to do something for him. I cheerfully did what he asked with a smile on my face, and, boy was he surprised. That was the beginning of our new life.

The sweeter I am to him, the more he likes me, and the more I like myself. I know that most of my depression was because I hated myself over how I treated my man and how he reacted to me. How dumb we can be. We make life so complicated with our demands to be treated fairly. You know, the attitude of, “you do this and if you do it right, then I’ll do that, and if you don’t, you can just suck it up, because I will not do your part.” Boy am I glad to be finished with that stupidity. Now I seek to always delight my husband, no matter what. I do not know why I expected him to “like” me when I was so “unlikable and mean.” I want my face to reflect joy and thanksgiving to him.

Anyway, he’s been treating me like a princess. His face lights up when he sees me. He holds my hand, puts his arm around me, smiles at me all the time, tries to help any chance he gets, and wants to just sit and talk. I am the Queen of his heart and the fire in his bed, at last!


In summary, when Marie began to willingly submit, her husband was overwhelmed with gratitude, and his wife was blessed with affection. By submitting her will to that of her husband she became the fire in his bed. Up to then she had been his-own-personal “iceberg.”

The fire in his bed doesn’t mean they were overcome with ecstasy. Their erotic pleasure may often be minimal. It may be no more than a sexual release for Marie’s husband, but they became one. The rewards to this couple, to their children, to the Lord, and to the world are heavenly. They’re modeling the relationship between Christ and the Church. I will now compare the New Birth to an “egalitarian” conversion.

You Must Be Born Again

He was a good, religious man, but something was missing.

There was a man of the Pharisees, named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews: The same came to Jesus by night, and said unto him, Rabbi, we know that thou art a teacher come from God: for no man can do these miracles that thou doest, except God be with him. Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God. (John 3:1-3)

What was missing? Nicodemus didn’t have a relationship with God. For all his goodness and religiosity, he was still “Lost.” Their conversation continued for several verses, and then Jesus said words that are quoted more than any other passage in Scripture.

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)

Jesus and Nicodemus did not yet have a relationship. In the absence of that relationship, Nicodemus would eventually perish. There are three types of people in that category.

  • Men, like Nicodemus, who are friendly to Jesus.
  • Men who would like to be neutral.
  • Men who are hostile to the Lord.

If either of these men is to avoid hell, he “Must be born again.” All born-again Believers become part of the corporate Bride, called the Church.

The mark of a “Lost” man is his independence from Jesus. When Nicodemus surrendered his will to that of his Maker, he became a born-again Believer. We know he did that from John 7:50 and John 19:39.

Re-Birth of Marriage

If marriage is to model the relationship between Christ and the Church, there must first be a marital relationship. “Egalitarian” marriages are devoid of relationship. If there is to be a relationship, the wife must surrender her will to that of her husband. There are three types of “egalitarian” marriages.

  • The “war-zone” marriage that usually ends in divorce.
  • The hostile marriage in which husbands and wives tolerate each other, but stay together.
  • The unbiblical marriage that is accepted by both husband and wife—without conflict!

Neither marriage is a relationship. They ipso facto cannot model the bond between Christ and the Church.

If either of the above marriages is to be a biblical union, the “egalitarian” marriage must be born again. This happens when the wife surrenders her will to that of her husband. The “Lost” marriage is in the same category as the “Lost” sinner. In the absence of surrender, both are destined for eternal separation.

Obedience And Salvation

Since the Fall of man, the spiritual separation between God and man continues. Jesus said, “You must be born again,” but it’s still a choice. To surrender to a husband, models the choice a man makes when he surrenders to God. To surrender to God is the difference between life and death—heaven and hell! That makes the modeling exceedingly important.

By the grace of God, I’ve surrendered my will to God’s will. It was despite the poor modeling in our home. My domineering mother caused us six kids to have identity problems. First I overcame my handicap; now by the power of the Holy Spirit, I continue to honor the Lord in my choices.

  • Theresa and I married July 4, 1970; for over 45 years I’ve obeyed Ephesians 5:25—”Husbands love your wives.”
  • Our daughter, Deborah, was born January 28, 1974, and married July 26, 2010. I continue to honor the Lord by loving her.
  • For 12 years I was a professor at the university. I served to the glory of God. For 33 years I’ve been an AC contractor. I honor the Lord as I serve my customers.

This book, Two Loves, is a wake up call to a very confused generation. It could lead to a revival, a revolution, or both. People may just ignore me, but there will be a measure of accountability. I’m not trying to make friends or impress people; I just want to be a mouthpiece for the Lord.

Every lost soul needs to see the relationship with Christ modeled in biblical marriage. “Egalitarian” marriage repels people from Christ. I call that negative evangelism.

Additional Modeling

Laura Doyle’s book is The Surrendered Wife. It was written from a secular prospective, but the title declares what the Lord expects of every married woman. I have surrendered both my will and my body to the Lord. Like the surrendered wife, I can expect affection from my heavenly bridegroom. Even in this life I’m a supremely happy and joyful man. Try to imagine what eternity will hold for me.

Jesus answered … If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him. (John 14:23)

Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God. (Matthew 5:8)

Theresa and I, along with every surrendered wife and her husband, are modeling the relationship between Christ and His Church. It starts with the one who submits—the wife! This is a woman’s opportunity to preach the Gospel, without saying a thing. Here’s a word that many people need to hear: “Why keep feeling guilty when you can repent and be forgiven?”

Introduction, Part 2

Who’s In Charge?—Husband? Wife? Children?

The following is presented as a joke, but it illustrates the subjectivity of women. My opinion is NOT a joke.

A woman is always right, even when she’s wrong—C. Russell Yates, et al

The sooner you learn that, the better—Len Gallagher

Opinion: If there’s going to be sanity in society, traditional men must rule—in the home, in church, and in government! Our present Western culture is led by women and feminized males. (A notable exception is found in the Orthodox Church, worldwide.)


Doctor: Is there mental illness in your family?

Patient: Yes, my brother is a liberal Democrat.

Getting Serious

As I’ll show throughout this book, God put men in charge. Our present “egalitarian” culture consists of multitudes who think they know better than God.

  • Women don’t want to come under the authority of men.
  • Men continue to allow female domination.
  • Society continues to unravel.

For people who refuse legitimate male authority, I want to predict the outcome. We already see it happening in Europe, where Sharia Law rules certain communities. How about America?

From 1972-1976, I lived in Dearborn, Michigan. It is now the largest Middle Eastern settlement outside the Middle East. Not long ago, the Dearborn city counsel voted to implement Sharia Law. (Under Sharia Law, a woman can be executed if she fails to wear her veil. Take a look at the following video: Europe and Dearborn should give us a clue as to what lies ahead?

The economy of the West “has one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel.” When our economy fails, Islam will take over. Those who refused legitimate male authority will find themselves under illegitimate male authority. (Ladies and gentlemen, try to picture yourself under Sharia Law.) There’s a price to be paid for disobedience to God! So how did I arrive at the Islamic conclusion?

The Israelites were God’s Old Testament people. When they went astray, God used the heathen from Assyria and Babylon to chasten them. I see the coming Islamic antichrist system as a similar correction for God’s wayward New Testament people—along with the unbelievers!

And I heard another voice from heaven, saying, Come out of her, my people, that ye be not partakers of her sins, and that ye receive not of her plagues. (Revelation 18:4)

The Folly of “Egalitarianism”

The idea that two partners to a union should be equally head-of-the-house is seen as progressive and is applauded—even by Christians who should know better! If you have a good marriage, it’s probably a biblical one. (You don’t have to be a Christian to have a biblical marriage.)

A Godly Family

If your marriage could use improvement, if you want better for your children, I offer my experience and my wisdom—all in the context of biblical authority and Holy Spirit guidance! “The best things in life are free,” and my online book will cost you nothing. I now give some not-so-famous quotations.

Some of it is good luck, but mostly its good planning—C. Russell Yates

Good luck is where good planning and opportunity meet—Unknown

Hell is going to be full of people who didn’t plan ahead—C. Russell Yates


Planning! That’s the purpose of this book. I want you to have a godly family, and I want you to go to heaven. Our church has about 150 members; they have good marriages and wonderful children. Most people, in our little church, are going to heaven. But we live in a world where most marriages are bad, and most children are undisciplined and rebellious. Most people are headed for hell. I briefly explained to my customer, Mary, what is required for a good marriage. She thought I was oversimplifying things. I was educated nine years beyond high school, but the best thing I learned was to keep things simple.

But I fear, lest by any means, as the serpent beguiled Eve through his subtlety, so your minds should be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ. (2 Corinthians 11:3, emphasis added)

The above applies to our lives on earth, and the life to come. If you want a good marriage; if you want to go to heaven; the Bible has the answers, and they aren’t complicated. God has done all the planning. If you have a bad marriage, and want a good one, keep reading. I give a multitude of arguments; eventually one will make sense.

The Fall Of Man

Now the serpent … said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden? And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden: But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it … lest ye die. (Genesis 3:1-3)

And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die: For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil … The woman took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat. Genesis 3:4-6, emphasis added)

Best I can tell, Adam stood there while Eve talked with the serpent. He should have said, “Wait a minute, I’m in charge here.” She usurped, while he abdicated. Eve made a decision that should have been made by Adam. Theirs’ was the first role reversal, but certainly not the last. I don’t see any change today: Women are like Eve and men are like Adam; being a Christian doesn’t seem to make much difference.

The Spiritual Leader

Most couples (including Christians) are repeating the Original Sin—Big Time! It’s Adam and Eve all over again. For me, the understanding was a real eye-opener. I explain further toward the end of Chapter 7.

Family success is the husband’s responsibility—God appointed him to be the spiritual and administrative leader! From Eve to Susan B. Anthony, men were pretty much in charge. Since Susan B. Anthony, multitudes of men have followed their wives into the sin of disobeying God’s marital order. Wives are making decisions that should be made by their husbands.

Eve was at fault, but Adam was responsible. Ms. Anthony was at fault, but the men who continue to accept her usurpation are responsible. “What’s the difference?” you ask. Let me illustrate: One of my men stepped through a ceiling—he was at fault! I paid for the repair—I was responsible! The one in charge is responsible, and the man is the one in charge. How do we know that? God said so! I’ll examine the issue, detail by detail, as we go through Two Loves. The answer is always the same: God put the man in charge, and he’s responsible.

A Prophetic Warning

In Daniel 4:27, King Nebuchadnezzar was warned to repent. He failed to heed the warning, and lost his mind. He was driven from men for seven years. Then he came to himself, and his kingdom was restored. The following are his final biblical words:

Now I Nebuchadnezzar praise and extol and honour the King of heaven, all whose works are truth, and his ways judgment: and those that walk in pride he is able to abase. (Daniel 4:37).

Now fast forward. His son, Belshazzar, was giving a drunken, idolatrous party, when a hand appeared and began to write on the wall: “MENE, MENE, TEKEL, UPHARSIN.” (Daniel 5:25b).

Then the king’s countenance was changed, and his thoughts troubled him, so that the joints of his loins were loosed, and his knees smote one against another. (Daniel 5:6, emphasis added)

Daniel reminded King Belshazzar of God’s dealing with his father, Nebuchadnezzar. “And thou his son, O Belshazzar, has not humbled thine heart, though thou knewest all this; But hast lifted up thyself against the Lord of heaven.” (Daniel 5:22-23a, emphasis added)

Babylon was a walled city, but there was a river that ran under the walls. That night, the Medes and the Persians diverted the river, and marched into Babylon. Belshazzar was slain and Babylon taken.

The Lesson To Be Learned

When the Lord speaks—whether it be through Scripture, through a person, or through events—you’d be wise to listen. God had not dealt directly with King Belshazzar, but He had called his father, Nebuchadnezzar, to repentance. Belshazzar was held responsible. The “egalitarianism” I speak of has been going on for a long time, but the Lord has a good memory, and He continues to hold men accountable.

The Husband Isn’t Helpless

Marital conflict is often because a wife has been wrongly influenced by the culture. But if her husband is responsible, there must be something he can do. Husband, if you’ll continue reading Two Loves, I’ll tell you how to deal with that problem. After many years of conflict, I found the answer. Ditto for my friend, Jim. We both found great marriages and have happy wives. And PS, we didn’t change wives.

The Husband Is Responsible

I repeat: The husband is responsible before God. Let me illustrate, once again: In 1 Samuel 3:12-13, Eli’s sons sinned, and God judged Eli. Absolutely nothing was said about his wife. Now consider the next passage.

The LORD is … by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation. (Numbers 14:18b, emphasis added)

Are the sins of the mothers visited unto the third and fourth generations? No way, Jose! The mother may be at fault, but the father is responsible. Our daughter still suffers because of my sins. And what might they be? I allowed my wife to continue in her folly for 32 years.

A Joint Prophetic Venture

This is a joint prophetic venture in which I gather truth from Scripture and from the wisdom of others. Truth continues to trickle in.

My online publication allows me to easily make corrections. If you’re a Christian, I INVITE YOU TO HELP ME IMPROVE AND SHARPEN Two Loves WITH YOUR INSIGHTS. Even one’s disagreement can do that. (If I’m found to be in error, I’ll accept it, and make the necessary correction.) Last Sunday, in our ABF class, Nolan disagreed with me based on the following:

Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. (Genesis 3:16, emphasis added)

Some people believe Adam was NOT initially in charge. After the Fall of man, “He shall rule over you,” is seen as punishment. Eve had led Adam into sin, and now, as punishment, Adam would rule over her. For centuries, men abused and misused women; they see that as part of the punishment. These people see Susan B. Anthony as a savior, who delivered women from male oppression. They see modern marriage as progressive and praiseworthy.

So how do I answer that point of view?

Who’s In Charge (From Genesis Chapters 1-3)

  • In 1:26-27, God created Adam.
  • In 1:28-30, He gave Adam authority over Creation.
  • In 2:15, The Lord put Adam into the Garden.
  • In 2:16-17, He could eat from every tree, but one.
  • In 2:18, Adam was alone, and that wasn’t good.
  • In 2:19-20, Adam named the animals, fowls, etc.
  • In 2:20, Adam was still alone.
  • In 2:21-22, Eve was taken from Adam.
  • In 2:23, Adam called her Woman.
  • In 3:20 Adam named her Eve.

From the very beginning, Adam was God’s designated representative, and he was clearly in charge. God named Adam. That means God was his superior. Adam named Eve. That means Adam was her superior. Neither Adam nor Eve had any choice in their names. Each had a superior.

Most of the above events happened while Eve was still resident in Adam; but it wasn’t until after the Fall, that God, in Genesis 3:16, actually said, “He shall rule over you.” After what Eve had done, and what Adam had let her do, they both needed to hear a clear order from the Lord as to who was in charge. Adam was to rule over Eve, and the sons of Adam were to rule over the daughters of Eve.

A Blessing

They WERE punished, but Adam’s authority was not that punishment; it was a blessing. If Adam has done his job, Eve would never have fallen for the serpent’s lie. If modern Christian men were doing their jobs, modern Christian women wouldn’t have been led astray by our “egalitarian” culture.

God made Adam first; then He fashioned a “help meet” for him. God made the man stronger so he could protect his “help meet.” God made men more objective and less vulnerable to deception, for the protection of wives, and for the protection of the entire family. As Eve so clearly illustrated, for a woman to step out on her own is dangerous. Even the most spiritual woman is at risk.

The Punishment Confirmation

They were both punished, but in different ways. Since Eve led the way into sin, she was punished first.

Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; (Genesis 3:16a, emphasis added)

(In Genesis 35:16-19 we read that Rachel died in childbirth.)

Adam followed the leadership of Eve; he was punished next.

And unto Adam he said … cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee … In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground. (Genesis 3:17-19a)

I call this “role-based” punishment. As the “help meet” to Adam, Eve was punished in childbirth. As the head-of-the-house and the breadwinner, Adam was cursed in the field. The curses were appropriate for the differing roles.

Another Confirmation

The following passages confirm clearly the subordinate role of women from Creation until now. They are God’s words, not mine.

Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety. (1 Timothy 2:11-15)

The above is given in the context of authority. When a woman teaches or even speaks in an “egalitarian” way she is out of order. Even if a woman thinks she knows better than her male authority, she should never argue the point. Not at home and not in church!

Part of a woman’s calling is to bear children for her husband, but to do so requires a lot of discipline and hard work. Submission to that calling is part of her obedience to her husband and to the Lord.

Western culture persuades women to avoid childbearing. Abortion is encouraged. Economically and culturally, women are moved from the home into the work place. That, too, reduces the birthrate. We Christians try to pick up the pieces, but we have yet to address the foundational issue, which is the societal assault on male authority.


I will print Two Loves in book form if there is sufficient interest. Let me know if you want a copy. Reading this book could be like taking a drink from a fire hose. Please, read no more than a chapter a day; let it sink in. According to Ephesians 5:21, we should submit to one another. I hope you’ll do what I say: If you want a good marriage and family, and you’re serious about it, don’t try to read a lot at one time. This is strong medicine. I end this portion with another of my not-so-famous quotations.

It’s hard to win an argument when you’re wrong—C. Russell Yates

The “egalitarians” and the equality preachers are wrong; they’re deceived! This book should make that abundantly clear.

I write as a servant of the Lord. I put a lot of work into Two Loves, but I’m not looking to make money. God’s approval is all I really need. If I can rescue lives and marriages, that will be “icing on the cake.”

Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven. (Matthew 6:19-20a, emphasis added)

Introduction, Part 3

“Egalitarian” Versus Biblical Marriage—Evil Versus Good

Two Loves starts with Creation and ends with the Second Coming, but it’s not written in chronological order. I’d like to make your life easier and your eternity more glorious. Marriage is the building block for life and future generations. Even the single person has two parents, so marriage is where I start.


“Egalitarianism” is a Western invention; it advocates sameness between men and women, but are men and women really the same? I’m a contractor who works daily with pipes and wires. Let me contrast the female with the male, starting with the obvious, and then the less obvious.

The plumbing is different, but they don’t look the same—even with clothes! When they talk, they sound differently.

The wiring is different. They think differently, and they act differently. Men are more objective than women. (Susan B. Anthony said there were no differences between the minds of men and women. That false belief is the foundation for “egalitarianism.”)

Their upper body strength is less. The Bible refers to them as “the weaker vessel” (1 Peter 3:7). Because of their subjectivity, they have intuitive insight that should benefit the family.

Despite these obvious differences, and the differences given in the Bible, The “Wise Men from the West” now declare them to be the same. “Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools.” (Romans 1:22). The deception of the “Wise Men” has been passed to the multitudes.

This book will show that Christians live an “egalitarian” lifestyle. For them it is idolatry, heresy, blasphemy, covetousness, and a replication of the Original Sin. Those who promote “egalitarianism,” in the church, are false prophets. Pastors and others, who accommodate “egalitarianism,” are accomplices.

Different Needs

Men and women have different needs. For that reason, husband and wife need training; but sometimes people are trained wrongly. A friend said to his mother-in-law, “A man is the head of his house.” His mother-in-law replied, “That was before women got educated.”

His mother-in-law was wrongfully educated;  it’s called “egalitarian” marriage! They claim “Marriage is 50/50.” On paper, it’s 50/50, but, in reality, it’s 100. Someone will emerge as dominate, and today’s someone is usually a woman. Traditional roles have been reversed, and that’s serious! “Egalitarianism” is an interesting anomaly. It starts with the false assumption that the minds of men and women are the same. The case is built for equality, but the result is female dominance.

Different Assignments

God created male and female to be different, and then gave them different assignments. Is that so odd? Every company or football team is made up of people who have different assignments. Those assignments are determined by God-given aptitude, interest, age, and training. Start with the obvious: A woman gives birth while a man doesn’t. Should other sex-based role assignments surprise us? Let’s see what happens in our so-called “egalitarian” culture.

The Transgression of The Century

Our “egalitarian” society has blurred the differences between the sexes. Woman was not created to rule, but now society expects her to share authority with her husband. A woman doesn’t have an urgent need for sex, but since males and females are expected to be the same, she sees no reason to accommodate her “lustful” husband. In short, his needs are not being met. When his needs are not being met, it’s difficult for him to share affection with his wife, and it’s nearly impossible to cherish her. Her needs go unmet. The fact that Christians have bought into “egalitarianism” is a travesty of epic proportions.

In his book, Men and Marriage, George Gilder says that women civilize men. A man who truly loves and cherishes his wife will conduct himself in a civilized manner. But these things don’t just happen. An “egalitarian” society seems so very progressive, but it is truly uncivilized. Uncivilized men do lots of bad things, and their uncivilized children are even worse. Their “educated” wives simply wring their hands, and blame their husbands; they always have a good story, and society will affirm that story. The pretense continues, and multitudes of Christians affirm that pretense.


For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God:(1 Peter 4:17a).

God’s judgment on Christians is already in progress. Our broken marriages and children are a testimony against us.


  • God created them male and female.
  • Their bodies are different.
  • Their minds are wired differently.
  • He gave them different assignments.

A woman doesn’t look like a man, think like a man, or act like a man. On *p21 of her book, Debi Pearl writes, “A woman trying to function like a man is as ridiculous as a man trying to be like a woman. A unisex society is a senseless society—a society dangerously out of order.”

Introduction, Part 4

Sexual Identity—Who Am I?

God created every creature for His purposes. In the air, on the land, and in the sea, every creature is faithfully fulfilling the purpose for which it was made—except for man! Man was created for God, and woman was created for man. One cannot choose to be a man or a woman. Sexuality cannot be defined by the culture. God made the choice, at conception!

  • If you’re a man, you need to act like a man.
  • If you’re a woman, you should fulfill your role.

Homosexuality is a sinful choice many have made, but they’re not the majority. The “egalitarian” sin has enslaved pretty much the entire Western World.

  • Women are the major offenders.
  • Men have become their enablers.

As an act of obedience to God, I routinely fulfill my calling as a man. At my insistence, at the age of 66, my wife finally submitted to her feminine calling.

The Deception

Western culture is seen as successful for four reasons: Democracy, power, affluence, and technology. Success has “gone to our head.”  We’re like the Laodicean church.

Because thou sayest, I am rich, and increased with goods, and have need of nothing; and knowest not that thou art wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked. (Revelation 3:17)

Is There A Difference?

Never before, in human history, has there been a systematized effort to “make” males and females interchangeable—in society, in government, and in the home! This is uncharted territory that stands in opposition to Creation Order.

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. (Genesis 2:18, emphasis added)

The Lord created the woman to be a suitable helper for her husband. Did the Lord change His mind? Is a woman no longer to be her husband’s suitable helper?

Occasionally I go to to hire temporary help. I write an ad, it’s checked for political correctness, and then students respond. If I say I want to hire a male, my ad will be refused.

How many women are on the Texas Aggie football team? If you want to win, you go with your best players. Women as football players, soldiers, policemen, or AC repairmen are not the strongest players. Something is dreadfully wrong. Those who try to make “egalitarianism” work are fighting God. We have yet to see the final picture, but it won’t be pretty.

As I show in Part 5 of this Introduction, democracy is seriously flawed. Marital democracy is called “egalitarianism.” Because it’s unbiblical, it cannot succeed! Western society has tried to abolish sex-based differences—everywhere! Truth is found in the Bible. What do you see in the following passage? And what does it tell you?

The mighty men of Babylon have forborne to fight, they have remained in their holds: their might hath failed; they became as women: they have burned her dwelling places; her bars are broken. (Jeremiah 51:30)

“The mighty men of Babylon have become as women”; that tells you that men and women are different.

“Their might has failed them”; that tells you that feminized males are defenseless. (The West could easily take out ISIS, but there’s one problem: Her men have become as women.)

“They have burned her dwelling places; her bars are broken”; that tells you the enemy has defeated the mighty men of Babylon. It also tells you the mighty men of Babylon are no longer mighty.

A Feminized Society

I’m about to quote a woman, but this is more than a subjective feminine viewpoint. It is representative of a “liberal” mindset that includes both men and women.

We must be able to arrest people before they commit crimes. By registering guns and knowing who has them we can do that. … If they have guns they are pretty likely to commit a crime—Vermont State Senator Mary Ann Carlson

 Suicide Of The West


Figure P4-1

For about 100 years, American and Western civilization have been gradually committing suicide—we’re almost there! (See Figure P4-1, the Australian cartoon, “Suicide Of The West.”) Debt caused by liberalism will cause the West to collapse economically. It will be a perfect setting for Islam to rule the world, under the reign of the Antichrist.

I hate to build a case on a single passage, so let me throw in two more for good measure. According to the Bible, “By the mouth of two or three witnesses, shall a matter be established.” (Deuteronomy 19:15) The next passages are from the prophets Nahum and Isaiah.

Behold, thy people in the midst of thee are women: the gates of thy land shall be set wide open unto thine enemies: the fire shall devour thy bars. (Nahum 3:13)

As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths. (Isaiah 3:12, emphasis added)

When women become as men, it’s dangerous; but when men become like women, it’s even more dangerous. When women lose their identity as women, and men lose their identity as men, the ultimate result is homosexuality. Perversion becomes the final straw before a Sodom-and-Gomorrah type judgment. That’s how seriously God takes sexual identity. The recent June 26, 2015 Supreme Court ruling allows same-sex marriage on a nationwide basis; it’s utter madness disguised as progress.

The Goal

Most people in the Western World are not homosexuals, but they do have an identity problem. I was one of those people, but with great difficulty I got over it. Now I want to help others. My sincere hope and prayer is that this book will bring sinners to repentance and to Salvation—that it will lead to healing in our marriages, for our children, and in our churches! Jesus is coming soon, but we need to do more than just fasten our seat belts.


Our generation doesn’t understand the difference between males and females, or the importance of that difference. Men don’t understand women, and women don’t understand men. We learn lots of things in school, but sex-based differences aren’t taught. Continue reading this book, and you’ll get an education.

Introduction, Part 5

Democracy Versus A Monarchy—Which is Best?

A Pretense Or Faked Act

It all started in the Garden of Eden. Satan wanted to be God, and enlisted Adam and Eve (Genesis 3:1-5) to join in his conspiracy. Mankind has been on this earth perhaps 6,000 years, and the conflict continues. Satan has used numerous devices to accomplish his purposes, but ultimately he will lose (Revelation 20:1-3). Satan’s worldly masterpiece is democracy. The Western world sees democracy as fair and progressive, but it’s a deceptive charade. Much of what I’m about to write in Two Loves reveals the deceit and the destructiveness of democracy.

Democracy in America has evolved. This is most clearly seen when it comes to voting. My information comes from This is a quotation—not my words!

U.S. Voting Rights

When the constitution was written, only white, male property owners (about 10-16% of the nation’s population) had the vote. Over the past two centuries, though, the term “government by the people” has become a reality … reforms made the process fairer and easier.

Elections are obviously more democratic now than they were in 1790. But are we getting better results than when we elected men like George Washington and Thomas Jefferson? Conservatives and liberals, alike, feel helpless. There’s a reason why the founding fathers restricted voting to only the most responsible and objective members of society.

Democracy Gone to Seed

The sharing of ideas and opinions is fundamental to democracy, and that’s good. Some forms of democracy were found before Christ, but democracy that includes women is a recent idea. Historically, monarchs governed. The American experiment began because of oppression by the British Crown. At this time in history, America is well on its way to becoming a true democracy, and that is NOT good.

True democracy declares everyone to be entirely equal regardless of sex, race, intelligence, education, aptitude, religion, sexual preference, physical handicap, etc. Liberal government has numerous programs to “level the playing field.”

Key phrases include Equal Employment Opportunity, Affirmative Action, Wealth Re-distribution, Americans With Disabilities, Same-sex Marriage, Public Education, Obama Care, Energy Rebates & Tax Credits, Unemployment Compensation, Welfare, Earned Income Credits, HUD, Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, etc. The idea that everyone can be the same is just a pipe dream, but the charade continues.

Why The Approval?

Is true democracy really that great? The vote of the lazy bum counts as much as the vote of someone as productive as Bill Gates. I once inquired about a job, thinking the job was available. It was only being offered to satisfy certain government requirements. Someone had already been chosen. We are absolutely buried with rules, regulations, procedures, and license requirements that do nothing more than make bureaucrats feel important.

I ask, again, “Is true Democracy that wonderful?” And if not, what is the alternative? Our founding fathers might have trouble believing this, but the answer is a monarchy—a special monarchy! Atheists, agnostics, and liberals will have even more trouble believing in that special monarchy.

The Eternal King

The King gave his life for his subjects. Actually, He gave his life for people who were not yet his subjects.

For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die. But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:7-8)

A Benevolent King

If you call yourself a Christian, you look forward to heaven, where King Jesus will reign. If the King actually died for us, can we expect anything but royal treatment from Him? Can He expect anything but respect, honor, and obedience from us?

And he hath on his vesture and on his thigh a name written, KING OF KINGS, AND LORD OF LORDS. (Revelation 19:16)

Worthy is the Lamb [Jesus] that was slain to receive power, and riches, and wisdom, and strength, and honour, and glory, and blessing. (Revelation 5:12b)

And there shall be no more curse: but the throne of God and of the Lamb [Jesus] shall be in it; and his servants shall serve him: (Revelation 22:3, emphasis added)

From The Beginning

In my Abstract, I quoted Debi Pearl. “Man was created to rule.” The Kingdom of God is modeled in the home, where the husband is king. If heaven is your ultimate goal, if you want to dwell forever in the Kingdom of King Jesus, doesn’t it make sense to get started at home? Two Loves, will tell you how.

The idea of sameness was never in Jesus’ conversation. He acknowledged that some were richer than others, some more gifted, and some more righteous. He predicted that some would be greater in heaven than others. Most of all, He predicted that some would be saved, and go to heaven, while others would be lost, and go to hell. And by the way, I believe hell will be a democracy—it’s only fitting!


I have shown: True democracy seems fair, but creates more problems than it solves. It’s a charade, a pretense or faked act. Society claims everyone is the same, but Jesus says everyone is different. A benevolent monarchy is far superior to a democracy. You don’t have to wait for heaven to see the righteous Kingdom of Jesus. Any husband can model Jesus’ Kingdom—at home!

Introduction, Part 6

History Repeats—Days Of Noah And Lot

From Creation To The Flood

Opportunity, failure, and then judgment! That has been the history of man. We find a microcosm of today’s world in the first six chapters of Genesis. God gave Adam very simple instructions, but they disobeyed.

And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat: But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die. (Genesis 2:16-17)

Adam ate from the tree and mankind fell. By Genesis Chapter 6, the wickedness of man was so rampant that God chose to destroy almost everyone.

And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And the LORD said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth … for it repenteth me that I have made them. (Genesis 6:5,7)

A Blameless Man

One man, Noah, was righteous; the Lord called him blameless. “These are the generations of Noah. Noah was a just man, and perfect [blameless] in his generations, and Noah walked with God.” (Genesis 6:9). To walk with God is to have a deep, abiding relationship with the Lord; it’s found in every blameless man.

By faith Noah, being warned of God of things not seen as yet, moved with fear, prepared an ark to the saving of his house; by the which he condemned the world, and became heir of the righteousness which is by faith. (Hebrews 11:7)

Only Noah, his three sons, and their wives; survived the flood. Everyone else was destroyed. The Lord started over with this blameless man and his family.

Since The Flood

By Genesis, Chapter 11, Noah’s descendants had gone astray. At the tower of Babel, the Lord scattered them, and then turned His attention to another blameless man, Abraham. “And when Abram was ninety years old and nine, the Lord appeared to Abram, and said unto him, I am the Almighty  God; walk before me, and be thou perfect [blameless].” (Genesis 17:1).

Father Abraham

In Genesis 3:15 we find a veiled prophecy that a Savior would redeem mankind from the curse of sin. “And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel.”

Through Abraham’s lineage would come that Savior—Jesus! God continued to reach out to man. Like the descendants of Adam, the descendants of Abraham and others have gone astray, and we are rapidly approaching another cataclysmic judgment, as described in Daniel and Revelation. Luke 17:26-30 says when the Lord comes [in judgment] the world will be, as it was in the days of Noah and the days of Lot—violent and perverse! History repeats!

A Spiritual Relationship

Starting with Abraham, the Lord sought relationship. First, with the Jewish people, and then with the Gentiles! He spoke through the Prophets, through His Son, and through the Holy Scriptures. Then came the Church that was “Built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ himself being the chief corner stone.” (Ephesians 2:20).  Here’s what Paul and Peter say about Scripture.

All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: (2 Timothy 3:16)

For the prophecy came not in old time by the will of man: but holy men of God spake as they were moved by the Holy Ghost. (2 Peter 1:21)

Not Flawless, But Blameless

The Holy Spirit was given before the writing of the Bible was even complete. Besides Noah and Abraham, every prophet and apostle was a blameless man. NOT FLAWLESS, BUT BLAMELESS! Their words, in Scripture, are the words of God. The end of the Church Age is at hand, and it is our calling to rightly interpret Scripture; and then make the righteous application. In the Middle East blameless martyrs are dying every day. In the West, blameless men are preaching and writing.

The Blameless Teacher

The Old Testament prophets and the apostles wrote the Bible. THE MODERN PROPHET INTERPRETS WHAT THEY WROTE. A Believer, who is NOT blameless, has little to offer but an opinion. Invariably, his words will be indirect and incomplete. I claim to be a blameless man, and with that conviction, I will, from Scripture, and with your help, reveal some things people need to know. I’ll discuss two heresies that are sending Evangelicals, Catholics, and others to hell. The first heresy has been with us forever. The second began about 100 years ago.

In Two Loves, I describe how we’ve gone astray in our marriages and our families. If your marriage and family are one of the casualties of our modern age, wouldn’t you like to know, while there’s still time for correction? I show not only our failure, but also the means for correction. Both are illustrated by my personal experience.

My marital odyssey, with the same wife, took place over 45 years, and is reported in detail throughout Two Loves. It’s an unbelievable story. If I could start with a bad marriage and turn it around, why can’t you? If you want to do the right thing, the Lord will be with you as He was with me; but you must be patient and persistent.

A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee. (Psalms 91:7)

God’s Choice

In Genesis, we see blameless men—Noah and Abraham! Throughout Old Testament history, we see blameless men like Joseph, Moses, Jeremiah, and Daniel. The Age will end as the Lord uses blameless men to interpret Scripture. And PS, the blameless requirement explains why the answer seldom comes through established religion. The leaders usually get there by being man-pleasers, rather than God-pleasers—they are NOT blameless! Jesus was never part of the Jewish religious establishment.


I have shown the ultimate destination of man: From Adam to Noah, and then from Noah until the end of the age. It always ends in judgment. Most will be lost, while few will be saved. Only those in the Ark, with Noah, were saved. In like manner, a cataclysmic judgment is just ahead, and only those “in Christ” will be saved. Blameless men wrote the Bible; today, blameless men accurately interpret Scripture. In Two Loves, I show how heresies are sending Evangelicals, Catholics, and others to hell.

Guided by the Holy Spirit, I turned my bad marriage into a good one. I hope multitudes of men will follow my example.

Introduction, Part 7

Part 7, Kingdom Building

Created in the image of God, every man and woman is a kingdom builder. Furthermore, God has given us the freedom to choose a righteous kingdom or an unrighteous one.


Righteous Kingdoms

A righteous kingdom will be founded on the Great Commandment.

And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. (Mark 12:30-31b)

If I love God more than myself, if I love my neighbor as I love myself; any kingdom I build will be a righteous one. A righteous kingdom is never forced. Jesus doesn’t break the door down. If you want to sin, he’ll let you. If you want to go to hell, he’ll let you.

Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me. (Revelation 3:20,emphasis added)

Jesus’ kingdom consists of people who love Jesus and love one another. Again and again we see that in Scripture. I give two passages.

If ye love me, keep my commandments. (John 14:15)

For this is the message that ye heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. (1 John 3:11)

Those who love Jesus, and love one another, will serve the Lord and serve other people.

But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. (Joshua 24:15b)

I am among you as he that serveth. (Luke 22:27b)

But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant. (Matthew 23:11)

Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. (Philippians 2:4)

In summary, righteous people voluntarily choose to love and serve. The righteousness of Christ has become their righteousness. They have what it takes, but they still must make the right choices.


  1. Jesus Kingdom is the ultimate example where King Jesus and His subjects love and serve one another.
  2. In a godly marriage, the husband is king. He voluntarily loves and serves his wife and children. His wife voluntarily submits and serves her husband and children.
  3. With the children, a godly wife has a kingdom. She is over the kids. Her role is crucial for future generations.

Unrighteous Kingdoms

Recently, I took it upon myself to coach a young woman on how to stop smoking. When she told me she enjoyed the habit, I knew I was out of line. I later apologized. We absolutely must respect other people, and allow then the right to be wrong. Jesus never tried to coerce or manipulate anyone. This is a common sin for Christians. I cannot be someone else’s conscience. As I quote elsewhere:

The Lord calls us to be His witnesses, not His lawyers—Lee Coudsey

Most kingdoms are founded on self-interest. The kings are:

  • Takers rather than givers.
  • Proud rather than humble.
  • Secretive rather than transparent.
  • Independent rather than interdependent.
  • Bossy rather than co-operative.
  • Judgmental rather than respectful.
  • Self-righteous rather than godly.
  • Dishonest rather than forthright.


  1. Satan and his demons.
  2. The tyrannical husband.
  3. The controlling wife.
  4. The rebellious child.
  5. The judgmental Christian.
  6. The irresponsible husband.
  7. The lawless young person.
  8. The false prophet.
  9. The greedy “minister.”


As I have already explained, man was created to be a king. Adam, a sinless man, was to have dominion over the earth. Man’s desire for kingdom building remained even after the Fall, but it took on a malevolent form. Since Cain and Abel (Genesis 4:8), the world has been at war, as men and nations try to build kingdoms that will rule over others. Kingdom building is often disguised as religion. This is clearly seen in Islam, but no less true for Catholicism and most Evangelical hierarchies.

America fought off the Indians, and took some land from the Mexicans, but in recent history we have never sought to subjugate another country. Still, we continue on the path of kingdom building. Our kingdom building is political in nature. Call it democracy, but it is kingdom building, nonetheless. We have national, state, and local kingdoms. Even the Homeowners Association seeks to rule the affairs of neighbors. Everyone wants to be king; everyone wants to tell others what to do.

Legitimate Kingdoms

Legitimate kingdoms are what I call divisions of the Kingdom of God—it’s a matter of accountability! If a husband is truly submitted to the authority of God, his marital/family kingdom will be ruled to the glory of God! It will stand the test of time. The end result for every unrighteous kingdom of man will be abject failure, as I report later from Daniel 2:34-35. I will build from the ground up, starting with the kingdom of a single man.

The Kingdom of Dr. Kool

I’m an AC contractor who, because of my superior training and experience, makes choices for other people (by way of recommendation). If I’m still in the kingdom of man, I’ll make choices that are most profitable for me, but not necessarily in the best interests of my customer—it happens all the time!

Work that is done by the lowest bidder is often “just-get-by.” The customer pays no more than he has to, and the contractor does no more than he has to. That’s par for the kingdom of man. When a man is obedient to the Great Commandment, he will automatically do the right thing.

If my kingdom is a division of the Kingdom of God, my first priority will be to meet my customer’s needs in a timely and cost-effective way. A most significant characteristic of the Kingdom of God is to simplify the complicated. When I install equipment, I want it to be as trouble-free as possible, for as long as possible. Let me give two examples:


Most AC manufacturers use Chinese run capacitors (CRC), which are highly problematic. Most AC contractors have no problem with that, because the replacement of run capacitors is “easy money.” They don’t complain to their suppliers.

Every piece of equipment I install comes with a CRC, which I remove and trash. I sent a huge box of them to my manufacturer, and explained why, but he didn’t answer. Solar Supply is stocking good Mars capacitors, which a handful of contractors buy for replacements. Most contractors will replace a lousy CRC with another lousy CRC.

Next example: Last June, Pingwei Li had a bad compressor. The first company wanted to replace the entire system: condenser, coil, and furnace, with something fancy, at a cost of $12K. The next contractor wanted to replace the system with cheaper stuff for $6.5K.

Normally, I would have replaced the condenser and the coil for $3K—the furnace was okay. But hold it! I made a call, and the compressor was still under warranty. I replaced the compressor, charging only for labor, Freon, etc.—only $850! She just called, and tomorrow we look at their malfunctioning furnace.

The Difference

So what does this tell you? The other guys are still divisions of the kingdom of man. And what does it say for me? I am no more righteous than they. I’m just a division of the Kingdom of God. It’s the righteousness of Christ that is working through me. I have the resources of the Trinity, His Holy Word, and the power of the Holy Spirit that gives me wisdom to make righteous choices—to the glory of God, and for the benefit of my customer.

So what is going to happen to the kingdoms of this world—those that are independent of the righteousness of God? That was foretold when Daniel interpreted the dream of the Babylonian king Nebuchadnezzar.

Thy Kingdom Come

The image, Nebuchadnezzar saw in his dream, portrayed the kingdoms of man. The image specifically represented Babylon, Persia, Greece, and Rome, but all kingdoms of man are included. The stone that smote the image was Jesus, and His Kingdom then filled the whole earth.

Thou sawest till that a stone was cut out without hands, which smote the image upon his feet that were of iron and clay, and brake them to pieces. Then was the iron, the clay, the brass, the silver, and the gold, broken to pieces together, and became like the chaff of the summer threshing floors; and the wind carried them [the kingdoms] away, that no place was found for them: and the stone that smote the image became a great mountain, and filled the whole earth. (Daniel 2:34-35, emphasis added)

Every kingdom of man, no matter how small or how large, will become like chaff that the winds carry away. If your personal kingdom is not a division of the Kingdom of God, it, too, will disappear. Everything you dreamed of, or worked for, will be for naught. As shown above, the demise of earthly kingdoms will occur suddenly, when the stone strikes the image. I believe that will happen at the end of the seven-year tribulation period, just ahead.


Chapter 1: A Testimony and More—The Author and His Book

Today, 7/4/15, we celebrated our 45th wedding anniversary. It was a long time coming, but Theresa and I found a blessed marriage. Like Abraham, I’ve learned that God often waits until the very last minute.

Two Loves, Same Wife is both a lesson and a testimony. During my lifetime, one event after another continues to be a Romans 8:28 experience.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)

The finest experience of my life has been my marriage to Theresa Marie Carucci. Together, we have been prepared for an eternal relationship with the Lord. The road has been rough, but I see the glory ahead. I’m now full of years and full of wisdom. How did that happen? The years come with time, but the wisdom comes from ongoing obedience to the Lord. I love the Lord more than I love myself. If it were the other way around, I would still be full of years, but lacking in wisdom.

Let me say it again: I love the Lord with all my heart. I love Him more than I love myself. I see the glory ahead, but I’m doing the job the Lord gave me to do, and I’m in no hurry to leave. I quote much Scripture, and add italics to portions I want to emphasize. There’s no greater inspiration than the Word of God.

A Joyful Time

The last three years of my life have been the most difficult, yet the most joyous. First came the trials, but once I saw the hand of the Lord, it became an adventure. As the writing of the book progresses, I become more and more convinced I have an adversary, Satan, who doesn’t like what I’m writing.

In Acts, the apostles saw many miracles and much persecution—it was truly a spiritual battle. In America today, we see little persecution, but the devil has his ways. The most significant miracle I can report is my hiring of Patrick, which is reported (along with my many trials) in Appendix One.

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. (Ephesians 6:12)

I’m a happy man, who’s making the most of every moment—despite the trials, including a wife who has Alzheimer’s. “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

A Unique Book

Most books have just one author. He develops his message from beginning to end. It is directed to a certain audience. The Bible has many authors, and was written over about 1500 Years, so it doesn’t unfold like a regular book. The Torah (first five books) sets the framework for God’s revelation to man. The rest of the biblical books enlarge on the initial message. The Bible was written to everyone. But is only understood as men are enlightened by the Holy Spirit.

Two Loves wasn’t planned; it just developed. It was written over a few months as the Lord gave new insights. Writing the book has been, for me, a fabulous education. I have learned much that I want to share with other men. Much of my writing was influenced by Michael Pearl’s “No Greater Joy Ministry.”

Two Loves is more like the Bible, rather than like a conventional book. The Bible repeats. Let me give an example: Ten times in the Law of Moses, they are told not to work on the Sabbath. The penalty is death.

Ye shall keep the sabbath … every one that defileth it shall surely be put to death: (Exodus 31:14, emphasis added)

The next verse repeats the penalty.

Six days may work be done; but in the seventh is the sabbath of rest … whosoever doeth any work in the sabbath day, he shall surely be put to death. (Exodus 31:15, emphasis added)

Once a man was found gathering sticks and actually stoned—see Numbers 15:32-36.

Repetition is the key to learning, so when I repeat, it’s usually intentional. If something is important, I try to cover it again and again, usually approaching from a different angle. My understanding has improved, as I have continued to write.

The Bible is a collection of writings, and so is this book. The Bible describes events, and so do I. The Bible is about life and godliness, and so is Two Loves. The Lord has blessed me with a fabulous memory. I can recall passages from the Bible and events that go back sixty years. Like those who wrote the Bible, I’m a detail man; I’m also patient and persistent. I often give exact dates. I’m a detail guy, who just remembers things. I write with the boldness of David, who approached the giant with confidence. “The righteous, are bold as a lion.” (Proverbs 28:1b)

Not A Seminarian

Some preachers don’t take my writing seriously. I’ve not been to seminary, and I’ve never studied Greek, but I’m pretty good with English, which reminds me of a cartoon that appeared in our high school English book. Two Greek scholars were poring intently over a document, when one said, “It’s all English to me.”

Most of the apostles and prophets had no formal training. Amos earned his living as a shepherd and by tending sycamore-fig trees—see Amos 1:1 & 7:14-15. The prophet sees things few people see. Then he speaks what people need to hear. He says things people don’t want to hear, so he can’t expect people to contribute to his livelihood. Still, he speaks the truth and that holds men accountable.

Not Been Trained

For centuries, the Roman Catholic Church restricted the Bible to the priests, but even they weren’t allowed to interpret it literally. Today, evangelical preachers encourage us to read the Bible for ourselves, but prefer that professionals write Christian books. Increasingly, these highly trained professionals are falling prey to the culture.

Most of them either accept or accommodate the heresy of “egalitarianism”—the idea that men and women are equal and interchangeable! Today’s New International Version (TNIV) is a so-called gender-neutral rendering that is said to be a Bible—put together by highly trained men, who have bowed to the culture of the day. The language they use is a denial of Creation Order, and for that reason, TNIV is heretical from cover to cover. We don’t need more training; we need a blameless man with the boldness of Elijah.

Appendix One is an ongoing record of real events in my life, which took place just before, and while I was writing Two Loves. I earn my living by repairing air conditioners, and I avoid cultural norms like the plague. This chapter is called “A Testimony & More.” What follows next will be in the “more” category. For two years I’ve lived alone, and I don’t like it. I continue to look around, and make a mental list of possible ladies—just for future reference, but from a distance! I saw my first date as a possibility—after nearly 60 years! I think this is a kool story.

My First Jezebel

Wilma S. was my first date, and I was her first date. It was in Detroit, 1958. I was 19, and Wilma was 16. (I broke it off early in 1959.)  Let me recount a casual friendship that has spanned 57 years. In 1958, I was terribly confused, and didn’t have a clue what to look for in a girl. Neither of us had a good parental example. What we should have learned at home, by watching our parents, we had to learn by trial and error.

We have stayed in touch, but Wilma always took the initiative in our interactions. Only when I started to take the lead, did she get upset. When things didn’t work for Wilma, she became a career woman. I went the marriage route, and this book tells of my 32-year ordeal. Wilma set up our last date, July 24, 1967.

In 2005, 38 years later, I was in Texas, and Wilma was in Tennessee. My phone rang. Wilma wanted to know if I were the Russell Yates who used to live in Detroit. She knew I was married. I didn’t have a problem with that; neither did she. Since then we continued to correspond by email—perhaps twice a year! My birthday is January 19 and hers’ is January 20. For ten years, we exchanged birthday greetings. My wife, Theresa, never knew of our casual interchanges. I was just talking with an old friend. Today is January 14, 2016, so our birthdays are just around the corner.

In November of 2015, Wilma sent out several invitations. She was going on a brief mission trip. There, she would serve as a tour guide and a servant, who did various chores. I signed on to receive online updates. She gave ongoing reports, along with pictures, where people were encouraged to leave comments. For the first time, I participated in a blog.

I still have the red tie Wilma gave me for my birthday (1959). For the fun of it, I wore the tie, had my picture taken (Figure 1-1, Russell Yates) and sent it to her with a birthday greeting. I wondered if she’d remember that tie as her gift to me. She said I had aged well, but apparently didn’t recognize the tie.


Figure 1-1, Russell Yates


When a woman tries to function like a man, her subjectivity distorts the truth. She will become increasingly deceived, and her arguments will be disingenuous. If she is religious, she will become a “Jezebel.” If she is married, and her husband allows her to continue functioning like a man, he will become an “Ahab.”

An Illustration

A few months after I broke up with Wilma, she sent me her graduation picture dated 11/30/59. She was an absolutely stunning young woman. At 20, I was a terribly confused young man, but she still had good things to say about me. Here’s what she wrote on the back of her picture:

Russ, To one of the greatest guys I’ve ever known. I hope you have enjoyed our friendship as much as I have. May God be with you always and bestow upon you all the happiness that life can bring. May you “climb the ladder of success, and stop at the door marked happiness.” With Love in Christ, Wilma

It pains me to use Wilma as an illustration of the “egalitarian” tragedy, but I’m the same writer who is using my mentally afflicted wife as an example. The only difference is that Theresa has repented, and Wilma probably won’t. (For Wilma, I want so desperately to be wrong.)

Portrait of A Jezebel

In the fall of 1958, we began dating. I was 19 and she was 16. She was already a young Jezebel. She really liked me, but what she wanted was a man she could control. At 16, she would take her Bible to school. Her testimony has always been that of a Christian, but that’s not been her lifestyle. There’s something more important to Wilma than God—she has to be in control, and that is idolatry! Wilma is Jezebel, in the name of Christ.

A Christian Jezebel can always rationalize disobedience to the Word of God. She tried to lead me into sin, when she told me of her dream that we were making love. I didn’t take the bait. Eight years later she commended me for “being the way I was” (rather than being the way she was). I have never had relations with anyone but my wife. Elisabeth Elliot calls it, “Being Masters of Ourselves.”

While we were dating, I was a student at General Motors Institute (60 miles from Detroit). “Birds of a feather flock together,” and we were both very confused “birds.” The fact that she liked me says there was something wrong with Wilma. After I broke it off, she found another GMI student, Denny C. After that, I again pursued Wilma—probably because she had a new boyfriend! Remember: I was a very confused young man.

The confused Wilma married Denny, but it didn’t last. She took the initiative for the divorce. Here’s what she later said to me:

Some you win; some you lose; some you can’t get rid of—Wilma

That statement, alone, is an open window to Wilma’s soul. In her mind, everything revolved around her. She had to be in control. Her Christian platform continues to be merely a righteous façade.

Apparently, Wilma couldn’t control Denny to her satisfaction. After her divorce, Wilma called me and arranged an afternoon visit for July 24, 1967—the day of the Detroit riots! During our visit, she “shared” that she had been sleeping with a married man. For some reason, she wanted to justify her conduct. Since then I have been her keepsake toy—a twice-yearly email reminder of her first boyfriend, first kiss, etc.

As I explain in Chapter 21, Part 1, in June of 1967, the confused Russell Yates found a counselor. I am now a levelheaded businessman and a devoted Christian. I have “climbed the ladder of success.”

Wilma still had problems so she went to school. The following was taken from her two-page letter to me:

Regarding my past family dynamics, thankfully while working on my masters’ degree in counseling with a diploma in the integration of Psychology and Theology, I’ve been healed and have grown into a whole woman.

I’m sorry, but a confused person doesn’t become level headed by getting a masters’ degree (or any degree) in anything.

As I See It

Wilma tried marriage, and it didn’t work. She tried adultery and, of course, that didn’t work. Then she went to school and found something that would work. Later she admitted to having made mistakes. Her marriage and divorce were not her worst mistakes—not even her adultery! Her absolutely worst mistake was trying to function like a man. God created her to be a woman. Period!

For decades, she worked side by side, and in competition, with men. She lived in different countries and in different states. Her last position was head of a prison ministry. She was successful and proud of her success—but at what price? Over the years and decades, she has gradually surrendered her womanhood. Another casualty of our “egalitarian” age!

Wilma found her “success” in a job that had traditionally been held by a man. She was especially insulted when I implied that she had never been loved by a man. After saying she had been healed and grown into a whole woman, she writes:

It is unfortunate that you seem to have the need to “fix” me while knowing very little of my life since I was 16 years old as demonstrated by your rather arrogant comment that in eternity I could say, “for one brief time, on earth, I was loved by a godly man!”

While representing Christ, Wilma has morphed into a caricature of the woman God created her to be. Regarding the “liberated” woman, In her book, Let Me Be A Woman, Elisabeth Elliot writes the following:

While telling themselves that they’ve come a long way, that they are actually coming of age, they have retreated to a partial humanity, one that refuses to acknowledge the vast significance of the sexual differentiation. (I do not say that they always ignore sexual differentiation itself, but that the significance of it escapes them entirely.) And the woman who ignores that fundamental truth ironically misses the very thing she has set out to find. By refusing to fulfill the full vocation of womanhood she settles for a caricature, a pseudo-personhood.

Wilma is a self-righteous controlling female—a “Jezebel” woman! Every controlling female is convinced her way is the right way, and will insist things be done her way. Even if she doesn’t “believe” in women preachers, she will preach. She will always lead her husband and others into idolatry—as did Jezebel of old!

The world is full of “Jezebel” women. In The Surrendered Wife, Laura Doyle encourages ladies to let go of “control.” For a married woman, it’s a trade-off to gain greater intimacy. Doyle is not a Christian, so her advice lacks the power of the Holy Spirit, but she has some good ideas. Still, the “surrendered” wife is trying to “engineer” a certain outcome. Her advice is highly manipulative, but her intentions are honorable. Better yet, a woman should simply obey the Lord, who tells her to submit to her husband.

Wilma has written off marriage, gotten educated, and been single almost 50 years. For her, there’s no trade-off, with nothing to be gained by letting go of control. Rather than correcting her “egalitarian” behavior, she defends her “calling,” as not only legitimate, but special. Nonsense! Her “egalitarian” career achievement was merely the default when she failed to make it as a woman. Elisabeth Elliot resisted our ungodly culture. The title of her book, Let Me Be a Woman, is a statement, in itself. The following are my words—not those of Elisabeth Elliot!

God made woman from man/for man—to be his wife, to bear his children, to keep his house! For a woman, there is no greater calling than to fulfill the purpose for which she was made.

Wilma has dishonored me, but infinitely worse, she continues to dishonor the God who made her. Regarding her academic achievements, here’s how I see it. (I have two engineering degrees and ABD on the doctorate. I was a professor at Texas A&M for 12 years.) Everyone knows what BS is. MS is more of the same. PhD is piled higher and deeper. Others have called higher education, “Four degrees below zero,” and from my academic associations, I believe it.

Victor Delgado is a godly husband and father. He is my computer specialist, who is married to Dr. Rebecca Delgado. She has found her fulfillment as a biblical wife and mother—not in her work! She’s now a stay-at-home mom. As Victor put it, “A job can’t love you back.”

Dear Wilma

During and after her mission trip, the two of us corresponded briefly. From Wilma’s online reporting, I suspected she had become a controlling woman. I liked her, so I decided to challenge her on that issue. I did so in my letter. I wanted to find out. If she passed the test, she might be “wife material.” Wow! Did I hit a nerve! She failed the test with flying colors.

I had planned a trip to see my family on the East Coast, and I wanted to see Wilma. My idea was to arrive separately, have lunch in a public restaurant, and then leave separately. Her excuses were nothing more than excuses.

Get the setting: Our last date was July 24, 1967. Thirty-Eight years later, out of the blue, 2005, she called me, even though I was married. For over 10 years, Wilma was comfortable having occasional email conversations with a willing married man. In our conversations, she admitted to having made mistakes.

I was going to be in her neighborhood, hundreds of miles from home, and I wanted to have a casual meeting. She said I would be leading her into sin. She even accused ME of having a character flaw.

The issue with Wilma has never been one of my sin, but of her control. Granted, I wanted to assess the possibility of a future marriage, but like every controlling woman she was determined to have the last word. It was only when I tried to take the leadership that she got upset. This woman is “right” even when she’s wrong.

Wilma said I’m obsessed with submission, and I am: Salvation requires submission, but more than that I’m obsessed with godliness. And that means turning loose of control.

The Red Herring

The following is taken from Wikipedia:

A Red Herring is something that misleads or distracts from a relevant or important issue. It may be either a logical fallacy or a literary device that leads readers or audiences towards a false conclusion.

The relevant and important issue I presented to Wilma was that of the controlling woman. I suggested she might be one, and I presented evidence of how a woman gets that way. She briefly assured me she was a whole woman, but then proceeded to be my conscience by telling me I was being unfaithful to my wife. Wilma re-wrote the rules and decided what would be sin for me. Then she moralized on my “sin” rather than on her control. Without even realizing it, she tossed out a Red Herring.

Her arguments are fallacious. As long as she was in control, her sexual sins were just mistakes. She denied that her “egalitarian” lifestyle was even a sin. And what were my sins? Wanting to visit briefly with her in a public place, and trying to qualify a future wife. As Theresa would say in Italian, “Mama Mia!”

From Wilma’s Perspective

  • If we had had sex in 1959, she would have made a mistake.
  • Her divorce was a mistake.
  • Her adultery was another mistake.
  • Her correspondence with me (a married man) was okay.
  • If we had visited in a public place, she would have sinned.
  • I’ve been LOOKING for my next wife, which is sin.

So why am I telling this story anyway? Sexual equality has given us multitudes of controlling women, and my PAST relationship with Wilma is a prime example. Here’s what Juli Slattery has to say:

Instead of demanding our way, we use emotions, veiled threats, and unfair arguments to get what we want.

Summary Statement

The Red Herring and her distorted arguments are to be expected when a woman tries to function as a man. The answer for Wilma is to reclaim her womanhood—as did my wife, Theresa!

Looking Around

I’ve been checking out different ladies. Wilma sees that as being unfaithful to my wife. Is there any validity to Wilma’s accusation?

The Great Commandment says I’m to love my neighbor as myself—not more than myself! Let’s be realistic: My wife, Theresa, is in the final stages of Alzheimer’s. Soon I’ll be alone, and God said, “It’s not good for a man to be alone.” To love myself as I love my wife is to at least be looking for my next wife. At church and elsewhere I run into attractive women, and nothing says I can’t be friendly.

My wife, Theresa, is Italian, and here’s what she might say to Wilma: “Mama Mia!” This book is for men, and I remind you that feminine sensibilities don’t always agree with Scripture. In the context of a second marriage, consider the following:

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing. (Proverbs 18:22a)

When does one start looking?

The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth, but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord. (1 Corinthians 7:39)

When the death of a spouse is inevitable, it only makes sense to plan ahead. To arrange one’s finances, or even to start looking for another partner, is a matter of conscience. I’ve loved my wife as Christ loved the Church, and my wife has submitted to me. If I find a woman who agrees with these things, I might hope she’ll be my next wife. But I don’t want to offend her sensibilities, so for the future I’ll keep it to myself.

Romans chapter 14 is about personal choices that have to do with conscience. My conscience is clear. I have chosen to be friendly with five different ladies at church, etc. While still married, I have sought to qualify a potential wife. Wilma and one other lady have already been removed from my watch list. I think I’ve used my time wisely. Please note: These are only the primaries. The election will take place after Theresa is with the Lord.

Much of our thinking is cultural rather than biblical. From Genesis 2:24 we see God’s monogamous intention. Yet no man, in the Old Testament, was ever rebuked by a prophet for having more than one wife. I’m looking for my next wife, and other Christians are critical. They confuse cultural standards with biblical ones.

Here’s a cute story I heard from my Christian eye doctor. He heard it while on a mission trip: A woman’s husband was terminally ill; he was going to die.

“Do you think you’ll remarry?” asked the husband.

“Maybe!” answered his wife.

“Will he wear my clothes?”

“Perhaps!” was her reply.

“Will he drive my car?”

“Probably!” was her answer.

“Will he use my golf clubs?”

“No, he’s left handed.”

I’m a multi-task guy, and I DON’T think like a woman. I’ve continued to love my wife “as Christ loved the Church,” while “shopping” for a possible future wife. The Bible gives instructions on how to deal with leprosy, but says nothing about Alzheimer’s. As I said, my idea of stewardship requires planning. I love my wife, but five years with Alzheimer’s is a long time for a man to go without planning for the future.

The Bible says, “Your old men shall dream dreams.” (Acts 2:17). Last night I had a really neat one: I casually said to a woman, “I want you to be with me.” Without hesitation, she replied, “I would like that.” Who was the woman? I don’t have a clue. Could the dream be prophetic? Time will tell!

I had already liberated one Jezebel-type wife (Theresa) and now I wanted to do the same thing for my first date (Wilma). For me to even consider Wilma, as a wife, was a long shot, but I still feel it was of the Lord for me to give her a chance. I was willing to overlook her past “mistakes” including the “egalitarian” one. But I wasn’t willing to take on another “Jezebel” wife. In response to my letter, she answered and reinforced my suspicion that she had become a controlling woman—more so than I had thought!

Jezebel Wilma

In my letter, I told Wilma that I wanted her to be my next wife, but only in the context of submission. On p.1 of my letter, I said to Wilma, “If at any time you’re convinced you’ll never want my love, just say so. No elaborate explanation is needed or even wanted.” At the end of my letter, I asked that she not respond in kind, but just email me and verify receipt of my letter and the book. This was too much for her “egalitarian” mind-set.

On p.1 of her response, she said. “I have received your letter and book and have been praying about how to respond.” After two pages of instructing me, she ended with, “I will not be that woman.” As the man, I expected to be the leader, and I had already told her twice I didn’t want an elaborate explanation.

In true Jezebel-form, she preached to me in her two-page letter. Our friendship still ended, but she became the centerpiece of my Jezebel expose. Early in my letter, I told her I was writing a book—that should have been a clue! I have to believe my relationship with Wilma was of the Lord, and for His purposes. She wants to be associated with godly women like Deborah, Naomi, Ruth, and Esther. Sorry, but for Wilma, Jezebel is the right association.

From Michael Pearl’s book, Created To Need A Help Meet, I infer that as a single woman continues to age, she will become more like a man and less like a woman. That’s what happened to Wilma. Even her looks have become less womanly and more like a man. (I wish I could show you before and after pictures.)

I write with the faith of Abraham, in the spirit of Elijah. Wilma “ministers” in the spirit of Jezebel as does every controlling woman. Recently, a controlling Christian woman told me her husband had empowered her to be what she is today. She is a Jezebel woman, but doesn’t know it. Her husband empowered her, as Ahab had empowered his wife. I’ll have more to say about Ahab’s family in Chapter 4. Let’s get back to my testimony.


In my business, I have an impeccable reputation for honest, capable, and compassionate dealings. I’m also the guy people call for recommendations. Want a good plumber, electrician, or whatever? Call Dr. Kool. I’ve been offered gratuities in exchange for recommendations, but I steadfastly refuse to compromise my integrity.

As you will read in this book: To the glory of God, I continue to love and serve my family. How could I do that?

Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly … But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. (Psalms 1:1)

The above describes me. Everything I write in this book is grounded in the Word of God and sanctified by the Holy Spirit. I’m not guilty of cultural compromise—I don’t walk in the counsel of the ungodly!

And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper. (Psalms 1:3)

The above continues to be my experience. My AC business statement follows: “I respond promptly, do great work, and give fabulous advice. My prices are reasonable, and I stand behind the job.” Whatever I do prospers, and my customers are blessed. When I’m wrong, I confess, and am eager to be corrected. (A portion of Chapter 21, Part 1 is my confession.) And PS, I invite anyone to run a background check on me. Why am I telling you these things? I want you to trust me.

Multitudes will oppose this book—I have no problem with that! But for those who are looking for help, I want to be there with trustworthy answers.

The Author and His Family

I married into a fun-loving, Italian family; her parents immigrated. I’m Anglo-Saxon; probably, we were on the Mayflower. Deborah, born in 1974, is our only child. Deborah married in 2010 but has no children. Having Alzheimer’s, Theresa cannot be left alone. If I were to read this book to her, she would enjoy hearing my voice.

As Theresa could have told you, and Deborah can tell you, there are two sides to my personality. I have some serious things to say, but I really love to have fun. Would you believe I’ve actually been given the Nobel Prize for mischief? I’m guessing you won’t believe that. Actually, they invented the prize just for me.

My name is C. Russell Yates. Please don’t confuse me with Russell E. Yates, who was married to Andrea Yates, who drowned their five children. When the story broke, one of my customers was quoted as having said, “Russell Yates! I didn’t know he had five children; he put in my air conditioner!” Also, I’m not the Russell Yates from Detroit, who shot his boss. I spent 30 years in Detroit, but I never shot anyone.

Over twenty years ago, I was at a writer’s conference in California and met Lee Ezell, the author of The Missing Piece. She asked what the “C” in C. Russell Yates stood for. I told her my parents had three sons: A. Russell, B. Russell, and C. Russell. For a moment she believed me, and then her expression changed. “You got me,” she said. I do have two brothers.

Having Too Much Fun

Have you ever heard something that causes you to laugh every time you think of it? This may have happened in College Station TX, home of the Texas Aggies.

Officer: Your dog was chasing a boy on a bicycle.

Aggie: That’s not possible, my dog doesn’t have a bicycle.

The following was told in church: A couple was getting married and he was in his eighties. “Will you keep yourself, only unto her, as long as you both shall live?” he was asked. “I’ll try,” he replied.

There are people who think I have entirely too much fun, so what does Scripture say? “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.” (Proverbs 17:22a). In 1 Kings Chapter 18, Elijah was having fun. At Elijah’s word it didn’t rain for 3.5 years; then came the monumental event at Mt. Carmel. Elijah mocked the false prophets of Baal (1 Kings 18:27), called down fire from heaven (1 Kings 18:36), and then ordered the execution of the 450 false prophets (1 Kings 18:40). When Jezebel got the word, Elijah’s fun was interrupted.


I’ve been a Believer since the fall of 1948—just after Israel was restored as a nation. I belong to a Southern Baptist church. For 12 years, I was an engineering professor at Texas A&M University—until I found a business that was more fun. Since 1983, I’ve been Dr. Kool, the AC & Heating repairman and contractor. I told Barbara, “I like keeping people kool.” She replied, “But what you really like is keeping kool people kool.” I love it!


My first book is Restoring The Father To The Family. Two Loves, Same Wife is my second. Access via. http://TwoLoves.Net. My other online publications include:,, and http://DrKool.Net.

The picture shown in “About The Author,” is Dr. and Mrs. Kool. I was given my first pair of yardstick suspenders (see Figure 1-2, Dr. Kool with Patrick) for Christmas, 1993. They have become my trademark and mark of endearment. People who have seen me on TV remember me, even ten years later. I often see a stranger on the street, and he says, “Hi Dr. Kool!”


Figure 1-2, Dr. Kool with Patrick


At church, I shook hands with our new pastor. He said, “Everyone knows you.” I have a community-wide reputation as being an honest AC repairman. They look at me in awe, as if they’ve never before seen an honest AC repairman. Thirty years ago, Dan asked, “What are you doing in such company?” Hey! Jesus was numbered with the transgressors (Mark 15:28) so why not me?

AC repairmen have about the same reputation as lawyers, politicians, and used car salesmen. It’s only 98% of us that give the rest of them a bad name. It’s gotten so bad in my business that a few vehicles have written on the side, “Honest AC Repairs.” I’m not kidding: Two days ago I saw one in Houston—the man may be honest! A contractor in College Station has that on his truck, and I know him to be honest. Personally, I let my customers do my advertising.


Part 1 — The Laws of God

The laws of nature and nature’s God apply to everyone regardless of his political or religious persuasion. The Law of Gravity is the most obvious example. God’s human creation appears in two unique forms: male and female. Because they’re similar, people think they’re the same. Sorry! The differences are real—subject to the same non-negotiable Law as the Lawgiver Himself.

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. (Genesis 1:27, emphasis added)

To violate masculine/feminine differences is as destructive in the long run, as is the immediate damage that results from a violation of the Law of Gravity. Politics or religion has nothing to do with the untoward consequences. A week ago, 8/4/15, Jami said to me, “We don’t believe in modern marriage. We don’t want our kids to have identity problems.”

Your sex was determined in your mother’s womb, and your thinking and doing should be uniquely masculine or feminine. I repeat: That has nothing to do with politics or religion. The behavior and interaction of a male father and a female mother shape the identity of the child. Children learn from the example set by their parents—whether for good or for bad!

A man should act like a man, and a woman should act like a woman. When parents conduct themselves according to the laws of nature, their children learn rightly. They should NOT have an identity problem. (There are always exceptions.)

A child needs to know someone is in charge; he needs that someone to be his father—see Malachi 4:5-6

Broken Children

Broken Children are born to broken parents. As a broken child, who’s been mended, I’ll share my experience. Jami’s words caused me to quickly understand the calamity that has befallen my family for the past four generations.

I don’t expect to prove anything, but I’ll tell what happened in my family: The identity problems I, and others, experienced, and how I was able to overcome my problems. Hopefully, my experience will help other hurting people.

Identity Problems

A homosexual has identity problems, but the only known homosexual in our family was my cousin’s son, who died of AIDS. For every homosexual with identity problems, there are multitudes of heterosexuals who are seriously confused. Few of these people even know they have a problem, and even fewer will actually admit they’re impaired. Identity problems feed on themselves. These people will spend their entire lives trying to prove they are perfectly whole.

This is a generational curse that’s NOT easily turned around; nothing will happen until a man admits he needs help. (We’re preparing for eternity so no price is too high.) At 28, I knew something was wrong, and decided to get help; I found a counselor I could trust. The healing process took over 10 years, but it was well worth the effort. For decades now I’ve been whole.

Who Are They?

Multitudes have identity problems, and they’re not hard to spot. Many of them have tattoos, body piercings, etc. Some are said to be bipolar, have autism, or some other exotic disorder. Other indicators have to do with relationships and performance at work. Divorce and just living together are major contributors to identity problems. Those sure to have problems include the following:

  • Fatherless children.
  • Motherless children.
  • Abused children.
  • Neglected children.
  • Victims of a parental role reversal.

You See Them Everywhere

  • They’re indecisive or impulsive.
  • They’re confused.
  • They have poor judgment.
  • They’re easily led into sin or crime.

The first three points were especially true for me, but they were corrected many years ago. I’m decisive, have great judgment, and give fabulous advice. The clarity of my thinking amazes especially me. Add to that my intimate relationship with the Lord, and I’m the most confident man on the block.

I recall something that happened almost 40 years ago. I stopped to help a young man, and it was dark. He thought I was especially brave to do that. I told him of my relationship with the Lord, and that no one could touch me without first answering to God. He fell back, as if smitten, and said, “You one tough dude!” I’m still amazed at the people who stand in awe when I’m present.

The Tough and The Not-So-Tough

Those with either positive or negative identity traits pass them from generation to generation. Michael and Debi Pearl have five children and about two-dozen grand children. None of them have identity problems. Most members of my family DO have identity problems. My family history is unremarkable! [sic]

Again and again, I quote from Created To Be His Help Meet, by Debi Pearl. She is part of a successful family. I’m not, but I’ve been mended. If your family needs help, Debi speaks from family success, while I speak as one who has been healed. A bad family situation can be turned around—it won’t come easy, but the results are forever, and eternity is a long time. You decide whether it’s worth the effort.

Identity Problems

We’re talking about identity problems that result from a parental role reversal or the failure to have clearly defined masculine/feminine roles. The severity of the identity problems depends to large extent on the competence of the mother.

My mother was a competent woman. She did a good job at running the family, but she—pardon the pun—was not the right “man” for the job. All six of us siblings became good citizens, but we still had the identity problems I address in this chapter.

What about the incompetent woman, who is head-of-the-house? That’s a double whammy: Her kids have trouble holding a job. You can find them on welfare, or in the jails and prisons. I have little experience with that kind of woman or her kids so I’ll leave that for another author. I’ll start with those outside my family. Then, I’ll discuss identity problems afflicting people related to me.

My Employee

Jordan, a university student, had worked for me two weeks when I gently fired him. His father owns an AC business, and he had worked with his dad’s technicians over a number of summers. I offered to take Jordan to lunch so I could explain the firing, but he was too busy, so I fired him by email. He sent me three emails that revealed his ignorance and disrespect. I now copy my email and his last email exactly as written.

Yates to Jordan:

I really appreciate your enthusiasm and your goal to someday own and operate your father’s business, but I feel strongly you don’t have the mechanical aptitude to actually do the work. From my experience, I believe one has to first be the technician before he can someday be the executive.

I have another man coming on next week, and I wish you the very best as you seek a career that’s right for you. At any time I’d be happy to sit down with you, and share my opinions. I mean that sincerely since I struggled for so many years before I found my niche.

In Christian love,

Russell Yates

Jordan to Yates: (his third email)

And no I would not like to meet with you to discuss anything. I mean I feel like to [sic] were threatened by my previous knowledge and don’t like having someone you can’t fool or micro manage. I have never seen a simple changeout take 3 days. I am not the one who is lacking in mechanical abilities. I honestly don’t think you’re telling the truth and I can’t respect someone like that whatsoever.


Yates to Jordan:

If you send me another message—either text or email—I’m going to forward the correspondence to the university and to your father.

Russell Yates

My Conclusion

I’ve never met his parents or discussed their home life, but Jordan seems like so many others who were raised in a home that is dominated by the mother—like I was! I was indecisive; he’s impulsive. I was confused, and so is he. I had terrible judgment, and so does he. I was looking for answers; he has all the answers. I have a really good mechanical aptitude; he doesn’t. Ostensibly, I fired him for his lack of mechanical aptitude. I knew he had identity problems, but the above email correspondence tells me they’re worse that I thought. Now I’ll discuss my family.

My Mother’s Broken Family

Role modeling was poor in her family. Her father was harsh and her mother was subservient. One of her brothers, when grown, committed suicide after an argument with his wife. Another brother tried to commit suicide, but failed. More recently, a male cousin committed suicide. My mother was a controlling wife and mother.

My Father’s Broken Family

My father’s parents never married—he was a fatherless child. My paternal grandmother spent time in a mental institution. Her home was a dreadfully depressive place. My father’s identity problem made him the perfect match for my controlling mother.

My Wife’s Broken Family

Theresa’s parents were godly people. My father-in-law was a pastor whom I admired. For some reason, all three of their children had identity problems. Mary was pleasant, but never married. John was an angry man who never married and died young. My wife, Theresa, was a controlling wife and mother. Why? Here’s a possible explanation: Both my in-laws immigrated. Lucy was six when she came to America; she became well educated. She ran the house and did a wonderful job, but the masculine presence in the family was compromised. Their marriage began after the 23rd Amendment, and the ladies were becoming increasingly assertive. Besides that Vito was raised in Italy, and was poorly educated. He learned his English “on the street.”

My Parent’s Broken Family

Because of the role reversal in my parent’s family, all six of us kids had identity problems. I was only three years into recovery when I married. Theresa’s identity problems and mine drew us together like a magnet. As I said earlier, I was indecisive, confused, and had poor judgment.

My Mended Family

I attribute my identity problem to the dominance of my mother. My most significant achievement in life was overcoming that problem. But still I carried “baggage” into the marriage. The Bible said the husband was the head-of-the-house, but I thought that meant I was to command my wife, and she was to simply obey. Theresa had watched her mother run the house and was “at home” with female leadership. Both of us were wrong, but I “shaped-up” much quicker than did Theresa. For decades I found myself dealing with a determined, headstrong wife—one who lacked the competence of her mother! Her ideas were really bad.

On *p115 of her book, Debi Pearl writes the following.

But know of a certainty that when a woman continually tries to assert her will against her husband’s … [she] can expect God’s sure “reward.”

A man cannot cherish a strong woman who expresses her displeasure of him. You say that he should model Christ’s love regardless of how she acts. Is that what you want? Is that what Christ wants? Do you want your husband to be forced to seek supernatural power just to find a way to love you? Do you want to be another of his trials—his greatest example of overcoming adversity?

My wife’s rebellion continued for 32 years, and it did take supernatural power for me to love her. My second most significant achievement in life was overcoming that trial. Everyone thought I was the “bad guy,” and that made it worse. I even got kicked out of my church. I finally succeeded, but by then, our daughter was grown. Theresa’s dominance has left its painful mark on her and on me. It will take a miracle to overcome that.

Our Broken Families

My father-in-law had three children, one grandchild, and no great-grand children. I have one child and no grand children. We were defective in our parenting, and our few children turned out to be confused and non-productive. I’m responsible for the loss in my family. This book, Two Loves, may be my most significant contribution to the next generation. Now back to the family of someone else.

Their Broken Family

I want to quote from *p.23 of Debi’s book, and then, by way of example, explain how Debi’s words are true.

If you successfully do the job of leading the family, you will not find satisfaction in it. It is far better that the job be done poorly by your husband than to be done well by you.

We have friends where the mother is aggressively in charge. Her husband capitulated years ago. (At least they have peace in the family.) I didn’t see the wife’s dominance at first, and wondered why their grown children displayed traits, similar to the ones I once had. With time, I recognized her dominance, and quickly understood why their children had identity problems. I’ve been there—one of those broken children!

The wife is quite the organizer and gets the job done, but there’s something more important than getting the job done—shaping the lives of the children! They have little to pass to the next generation. These are intelligent, well-educated, Christian people who should have well-adjusted, productive children. The wife is getting the job done, but the grown children are broken.

Those Without Identity Problems

Here’s what it takes to have wholesome children: The husband is a good leader, and his wife is his willing follower. Do this, and they will pass on an exemplary generational heritage. Let me give some examples.

My Pastor’s Family

My pastor and his wife have clearly defined masculine and feminine roles in their marriage. Their six children are confident and capable. They don’t have identity problems. I asked my pastor about his parents. His dad was not a serious Christian, but the roles in his marriage were clearly defined. His wife’s parents also had clearly defined marital roles.

David and Barbara’s Family

In 1976 we moved to Texas and began to attend church with David and Barbara. In 1986 we changed churches, and didn’t see either of them for 29 years. In 2009, David departed this life. Barbara was left with their four sons.

Recently, Barbara had an AC problem, and Suzy suggested she call me. This week, 8/15/15, my men and I put the finishing touches on the work. I had a chance to talk with Barbara. Their four sons are all professional men, all happily married family men, all good Christians. Barbara is rightfully proud of their legacy.

But David was not always considerate of Barbara when he made decisions. He could have done a better job at loving his wife. She could have rebelled against his leadership. She could have divorced him, but a divorce would have seriously affected the children.

Female headship is deadly to the children! If one must err between loving one’s wife and submitting to a husband, it is far better to follow the example of David and Barbara. I’ll say it again: For the sake of the children there must be a strong masculine presence in the home.

My Church

The young people in our church are absolutely amazing—they don’t have identity problems! That speaks volumes for the marriages of their parents. These people believe what the Bible says about male/female roles, and live accordingly.

My Neighbors

The husband is an agnostic, liberal, Democrat—a professor! These neighbors of mine have two grown sons who are enrolled in the Air Force Academy. The boys wouldn’t be in the Air Force Academy if they had identity problems. Employees that work for my professorial neighbor DO have identity problems.

The professor is a good leader and his wife is a good follower. That’s what it takes to rear children who aren’t confused. My neighbors’ marital interactions are biblical and the results are biblical. The young people who work for the professor have identity problems because their parents don’t have clearly defined masculine and feminine roles. I don’t know any of them personally, but I know, from experience, what causes young people to have identity problems.


The Law of Gravity affects everyone equally; it’s not dependent on one’s political or religious persuasion. The same is true for male/female roles and relationships—that is what I believe, but we live in an “egalitarian” society. The path to blessing is “The road less traveled.” I invite you to join me. Together, we’ll celebrate our wholesome families—children who grow up to be:

  • Decisive.
  • Clear thinkers.
  • Of sound judgment.
  • On the way to heaven, rather than to some dreadful place like jail or hell.

Chapter 2, Non-Negotiable Law—Part 2, Only One God!

God became man to save man from the illusion that he’s God—C. Russell Yates

The following is taken from my online publication, In His Image. Feel free to read the entire story. Even after Salvation, men still hear the siren sound of Satan, and see themselves as God. Even for Christians, this is the rule. This is my favorite part of the book because it strikes at the root of man’s rebellion against God. Also I believe my understanding to be unique, and I like being creative.

You Are Not God

Since the Fall, every man comes into the world thinking he’s God. Satan’s attempted usurpation becomes that of each man.

For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil. (Genesis 3:5, emphasis added)

Most people act like they’re God—”If I believe something, that makes it true!” Or worse yet, “What’s true for me is not necessarily true for you.” That way, everybody gets to be God. Let me repeat!

God became man to save man from the illusion that he’s God—C. Russell Yates

Those, who love themselves more than they love God, will act as if they are God—these are NOT blameless men! As I said, this is true of most people, including Christians.

You were created in the image of God, but you’re NOT God. You’re not omniscient, omnipotent, or omnipresent. The remedy for this problem is found in what Jesus refers to as the new birth—see John 3:3. But there is one more requirement: One must learn to love the Lord more than he loves himself.

And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death. (Revelation 12:11, emphasis added)

The martyr is someone who already loves the Lord more than he loves himself. He is truly submitted to the Lordship of Christ, and walks above the illusion that he’s God. He’s a blameless man.

If God is God, and I’m not God, the logical and proper conclusion is this: I must come under the authority of the One who is God. I have Jesus, the Bible, and the Holy Spirit. I have everything I need to say, “Yes,” to the Lord. If I love the Lord more than I love myself, I will always defer to God, and I will never set myself above God—I will be a blameless man! The Lord has given me considerable autonomy, which I consider to be a huge compliment. Yet my most fervent prayer is that I might be obedient.


The greatest challenge faced by every man is to surrender his will to that of his Maker. If one can successfully obey Ephesians 5:21 “Submitting yourselves one to another,” he is prepared to surrender his will to that of the Lord. That is true humility. And PS, wives are given the greatest opportunity of all—to model submission to their families, and to the world by submitting to their husbands! (Ephesians 5:22-24)

The Meekest of Men

Now the man Moses was very meek, above all the men, which were upon the face of the earth. (Numbers 12:3)

Moses, the meekest man on the face of the earth foretold the coming of one who would be like him.

The LORD thy God will raise up unto thee a Prophet from the midst of thee, of thy brethren, like unto me; unto him ye shall hearken.” (Deuteronomy 18:15)

Like no other man, Moses accepted his rightful place. He knew himself to be someone other than God! During His earthly ministry, Jesus was always in submission to His Father. In so doing, He illustrated the authority structure that God himself planned for marriage and family.

Pride Goes Before Destruction.

When men challenge the sovereignty of God, bad things happen.

For this cause many are weak and sickly among you, and many sleep. (1 Corinthians 11:30)

We’re all victims of Adam’s sin, and most of us will die of some sickness. But I want to talk about sickness and death that results from personal sin. My discourse will take some time to develop so please be patient.


Jesus was crucified as a blasphemer—One, who claimed to be God, but wasn’t! The high priest asked Jesus whether He was the Christ, and Jesus answered in the affirmative.

Then the high priest rent his clothes, saying, He hath spoken blasphemy; what further need have we of witnesses? (Matthew 26:65a)

What are some ways a man can blaspheme?

  • He can claim deity for himself.
  • He can act as if he is God.
  • He can usurp God’s authority.
  • He can disrespect God.
  • He can disrespect the Word of God.
  1. Not many men actually claim to be God.
  2. Almost everyone ACTS as if he is God.
  3. Most Christians usurp God’s authority—they judge others!
  4. Those who take God’s name in vain, disrespect God.
  5. Disobedient Christians disrespect the Word of God.

A Blasphemer

In 1 Timothy 1:12-13 Paul refers to himself as one who was both a persecutor, and a blasphemer. Paul was acting as if he were God. He was a strict Jew, and had taken it upon himself to judge those who weren’t. He was trying to control others.

And Saul … went unto the high priest, and desired of him letters to Damascus to the synagogues, that if he found any of this way … he might bring them bound unto Jerusalem. (Acts 9:1-2)

When we seek to control other people, it’s always on the premise that we know better. In the home, that’s true of some men and most women. About 98% of politicians—men and women—are “control freaks.” The following is from my Chapter 4.

Juli Slattery writes:

Every one of us has a free will. We’ve been granted the opportunity by our Creator to make choices about our own lives. God gives us the freedom to even make harmful or sinful choices. You will either let go of your desire to control, or you will spend your life in conflict with the people you love the most.

Note that Juli uses the term, “let go of your desire to control.” Everyone has that desire, but it requires an act of the will to “let go.” One who seeks to control others must first usurp the authority of the righteous judge. He puts himself in the place of God, makes a judgment, and then acts on that judgment. He becomes the conscience of someone else, and then seeks to make sure the other man does the “right” thing.

The Unrighteous Judge

God gives us the freedom to make sinful choices, but our self-righteous brother doesn’t give us that right—he is blaspheming! Here are a couple of passages that tell us not to judge.

Who are thou that judgest another man’s servant? To his own master he standeth or falleth. (Romans 14:4a, emphasis added)

But why dost thou judge thy brother? Or why dost thou set at nought thy brother? for we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ. (Romans 14:10, emphasis added)

Does “not judging,” mean we should ignore sin? Consider the woman taken in adultery (John 8). Jesus said unto her, “Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.” “Go and sin no more,” was an admonition—not control! Did Jesus follow the woman to make sure she didn’t sin again? Of course not! But Christians do that repeatedly.

In Romans Chapter 14, Paul covers this in great detail. I suggest that you read the entire chapter. He is addressing each man as an individual, and he tells us not to judge one another. We are NEVER to become policemen.

The God who gives us the right to make sinful choices, tells us to respect the other man’s right to make sinful choices. That’s what Romans Chapter 14 is about. When we become policemen—when we seek to control others—we place ourselves above God. God is freedom personified.

Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. (2 Corinthians 3:17)

My Experience

For 32 years I was married to a controlling wife. I went to extraordinary lengths to persuade her to be a submissive wife, but I never tried to force her. Other Christians judged me, and made my task more difficult. Even if I were actually sinning, that should have been between the Lord and me. They were blaspheming, but despite THEIR sin I eventually won her. For 14 years we have had a fabulous biblical marriage that honored the Lord and blessed others—despite them!

For five years, now, my wife has had Alzheimer’s. I continue to love Theresa, but keep an eye out for someone who might become my next wife. (I’m just planning ahead.) My conscience is clear, but even if I’m sinning, it is blasphemy for other Christians to judge me. History repeats, and I have an inkling that when Theresa departs this life, I will find a fabulous new wife—despite them!

A Price To Be Paid

Under “Kingdom Building,” I talk of how entire people groups come under domination. In Chapter 21, I tell how those who “control” will eventually lose control. Communism and Socialism are examples of bureaucratic control mechanisms. Russia has failed and is trying to come back. Europe has failed and is falling to the ultimate control system, which is Islam! America is failing, and will probably fall to Islam.

Here’s an old Italian Proverb I learned from my father-in-law:

Chi tutto vuole, tutta perde. (He who tries to get everything, loses everything.)

My Friend Terry

As I see it, Terry (a pseudonym) is a controlling man. As I continue to say, anyone who tries to control will eventually lose control. Terry was a missionary who had to come home for health reasons. Was there a connection?

  1. I was trying to persuade my rebellious wife, but Terry was critical.
  2. She later came down with Alzheimer’s and I put her in a home. Terry had a better idea.
  3. Now Theresa’s in a nursing home, and Terry thinks I should be more respectful.
  4. When Terry sees this book, he will NOT approve—guaranteed!

Terry Will Be Offended

I’m a gifted communicator who was married, first, to a controlling wife, and then to a biblical wife—same woman! In this book, I’m using my wife as an example, and Terry will be deeply offended.

Such a circumstance is similar to Paul’s Damascus Road experience. Paul used himself as an example: “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief.” (1 Timothy 1:15)

For the first 32 years of our marriage, my wife blasphemed Scripture by trying to control. In April 2002, she suddenly repented and became a biblical wife. Theresa’s sin, and then her repentance made her a perfect example to illustrate what happens to people who try to control.

Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. (Galatians 6:7)

I truly believe my wife’s Alzheimer’s is the harvest for the “control” seed she planted. I explain this thoroughly in Chapter 21. When she repented, she became right with the Lord, but the seed had already been planted. The price she is paying is an earthly one, and that is just for a while. Because Theresa is mentally afflicted, she will never, on this earth, know what I’m writing about her—that’s good! This is a Romans 8:28 example—I use my wife’s sin to benefit others!

While I was trying to persuade my rebellious wife, I wondered, “How does she get away with it?” As of 5/1/16 Theresa seems to be near death. As I look at her pitiful condition, I sadly conclude: She didn’t get away with it—there’s a price to be paid! Let me say it again:

Those who try to control will eventually lose control—C. Russell Yates

Terry is still my friend. Jesus hung around with sinners and so do I. Without naming my judges, I’ve identified their sin. If I were to break fellowship with them, I would be as guilty as they are. I choose not to be their policeman. I choose not to sin, but I must allow them the freedom to continue sinning by judging me.

Be assured I take the utmost precaution to serve the Lord with a pure heart. For about 37 years, my desire, above all else, has been to please the Lord. While others are “control freaks”—even some of my best friends—I want freedom for everyone.

My Confession

What if you slip up? What should you do? Recently, I took it upon myself to coach a young woman on how to stop smoking. When she told me she enjoyed the habit, I knew I was out of line. I later apologized. If you slip up, you apologize. But nothing says you have to apologize. You can keep on blaspheming. God allows you to do that. My last blasphemy passage follows:

The aged women likewise … teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. (Titus 2:3-5, emphasis added)

A woman who is disobedient to Titus 2:3-5, thinks she knows better than God. She is blaspheming the word of God. Today, women routinely disobey Titus 2:3-5. Their blasphemy is the rule in Christian America—not the exception!

A Different Angle

I’ve been talking about blasphemy and control. Let’s turn the page and consider the idea of mocking God. “Be not deceived; God is not mocked.” (Galatians 6:7a)

  1. To act as if you’re God is mocking God.
  2. To usurp God’s authority, and then judge others is to mock God.
  3. To ignore Scriptural teaching is to mock God.
  4. To disobey God’s Word is to mock God.
  5. To selectively obey is to mock God.
  6. To take God’s name in vain is to mock God.

For the first five points, Christians routinely mock God. To take the Lord’s Supper in an unworthy manner is a mockery.

For he that eateth and drinketh unworthily, eateth and drinketh damnation to himself, not discerning the Lord’s body. For this cause many are weak and sickly among you, and many sleep. For if we would judge ourselves, we should not be judged. But when we are judged, we are chastened of the Lord, that we should not be condemned with the world. (1 Corinthians 11:29-32, emphasis added)

We live in a fallen world and all of us will experience suffering during life and when we face death. But that is quite different from suffering that God himself inflicts because of our sins.

Losing Control

I keep talking about losing control, and one has to ask, “Doesn’t everyone lose control when he dies?”

I don’t think any of us are going to make it out alive—Freeman Yates

The loss of control I’m speaking of is quite different from that which occurs due to our human condition.

In the passage that follows, Peter puts the murderer, the thief, the evildoer, and the busybody in the same category.

But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or as a thief, or as an evildoer, or as a busybody in other men’s matters. Yet if any man suffer as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God on this behalf. (1 Peter 4:15-16)

Wow! This is new to me: The idea of a busybody being in the same cell with the murderer. Wow again! We live in a fallen world, and we are going to suffer. Is it not better to suffer due to the sins of others rather than because of our OWN sins? “Yet if any man suffer as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God on this behalf.” We think of that suffering as being inflicted by unbelievers, but most of my suffering has come from my Christian friends. I am reminded of the following prophetic passage:

And one shall say unto him, what are these wounds in thine hands? Then he shall answer, Those with which I was wounded in the house of my friends. (Zechariah 13:6)

Review And Summary

I’ve put the busybody in the same category as the murderer. And I’ve labeled a controlling person as a blasphemer. Am I being too harsh? Let’s continue with Peter’s discourse that I started above.

For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God: and if it first begin at us, what shall the end be of them that obey not the Gospel of God? And if the righteous scarcely be saved, where shall the ungodly and sinner appear? (1 Peter 4:17-18)

Peter is talking about God judging Christians—not Christians judging one another! Wow! He says the righteous will barely be saved. Oh my! I must ask: “Are we Christians better prepared for the Second Coming than the Jews were for the First Coming?” We may soon find out, and I’m guessing many of us will be really surprised.

And now, little children, abide in him; that, when he shall appear, we may have confidence, and not be ashamed before him at his coming. (1 John 2:28)

Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in the name? and in thy name cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity. (Matthew 7:22-23)

Some Christians think the church is getting stronger, and that may be true outside the West. But the Western Church continues to decline. For us, this is a post-Christian era.


Why must sex-based roles be distinctively different? It has to do with design. We want cars to drive, so we design them with wheels. We put wings on airplanes because we want them to fly. Men and women are designed to complement one another, not to duplicate. This is so very basic. That I should even have to write this book is beyond my understanding. Do we have to go back to First Grade?

I’m an engineer and a designer, and I’m absolutely astounded at how male and female bodies are designed to engage for that brief time of marital bliss. Men and women think differently. Why? So they can complement one another. The God who designed our bodies also assigned roles. Our bodies are different; our minds are different; and so are the roles.

Modern culture is basically competitive. We’re all little gods, children of God, created in the image of God. Unfortunately most of us are competing with Almighty God, rather than cooperating with Him. The same is true between the sexes. Married couples should be cooperating, not competing. What we need is a healthy dose of truth.


The source of every human problem is the willingness to believe something that is not true—C. Russell Yates

Truth is not determined by a majority vote—Pope Benedict XVI

Truth is truth, even if no one believes it—Bumper Sticker

I’d agree with you but then we would both be wrong—Tee Shirt

Truth is everything as God sees it—Art Katz

I am the way, the truth, and the life—Jesus of Nazareth

Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth—John 17:17

Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my words shall not pass away—Matthew 24:35

Ancient words, ever true, changing me, changing you—Lyrics from Ancient Words

Now for some very basic truths:

  1. When God created Adam (Genesis 1), He put the man in charge. A man needs to know his place. The married man is the head of his house.
  2. When God created Eve (Genesis 2), He made her to be a “help meet” (suitable helper) to Adam. A woman needs to know her place. A married woman is the suitable helper for her husband.

Husband and wife are not allowed to share or exchange roles. To do so is to violate the design. People who think “egalitarianism” is progressive are deceived. The deception has messed up our marriages and families. To continue, in deception, is like dousing a fire with gasoline. See Figure 3-1.


Figure 3-1, Source Of Deception

Male Authority

Many Christian women and some Christian men see equality marriage as virtuous and even biblical. I will now quote passages that soundly disprove those notions.

In Israel, vows were taken seriously.

And Moses spake unto the heads of the tribes concerning the children of Israel, saying, This is the thing which the LORD hath commanded. (Numbers 30:1, emphasis added)

If a man vow a vow unto the LORD, or swear an oath to bind his soul with a bond; he shall not break his word, he shall do according to all that proceedeth out of his mouth. (Numbers 30:2, emphasis added)

Now follow me closely: A single woman’s vow was subject to the approval of her father.

If a woman also vow a vow unto the LORD, and bind herself by a bond, being in her father’s house in her youth; And her father hear her vow, and her bond wherewith she hath bound her soul, and her father shall hold his peace at her: then all her vows shall stand, and every bond wherewith she hath bound her soul shall stand. (Numbers 30:3-4)

But if her father disallow her in the day that he heareth; not any of her vows, or of her bonds wherewith she hath bound her soul, shall stand: and the LORD shall forgive her, because her father disallowed her. (Numbers 30:5, emphasis added)

A married woman’s vow was subject to the approval of her husband.

And if she had at all an husband, when she vowed, or uttered ought out of her lips, wherewith she bound her soul; And her husband heard it, and held his peace at her in the day that he heard it: then her vows shall stand, and her bonds wherewith she bound her soul shall stand. (Numbers 30:6-7)

But if her husband disallowed her on the day that he heard it; then he shall make her vow which she vowed, and that which she uttered with her lips, wherewith she bound her soul, of none effect: and the LORD shall forgive her. (Numbers 30:8, emphasis added)

In Israel, husbands and fathers had authority over wives and daughters. NEVER did wives and daughters have authority over husbands and fathers. In my mind, these passages blow to smithereens any notion that men and women are equal when it comes to family authority. Does that make women less valuable?

A Complete Image

In Chapter 6, I show how a Genesis 2:24 marriage reflects a complete image of God. That means husband and wife are equally important in the relationship. It also destroys any thought that a wife is a rubber stamp for her husband’s ideas or notions. Lets consider again the following passage:

Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.  (1 Timothy 2:11-14)

To learn in silence, with all subjection, is to merely accept God’s order, which is male authority. I woman can and should, share her ideas. Her husband can and should, listen and consider carefully what his wife has to say. At the end of the discussion, he makes the decision. If the discussion becomes an argument, that’s clear evidence she is contesting the authority of her husband. She is also contesting the authority of Scripture. For 32 years that was my marital experience.

How It Works

If God designed the husband to be the head of the house, you would expect it to work. Now for another true story: A couple brought up 12 children. Twenty-five years separates the oldest from the youngest. The children grew up to be responsible, well adjusted, and hard working. None of them have identity problems—it was no accident!

Alfred was the “bread winner”; and with 12 children, Linda was a stay-at-home mom. He was a hard worker. When business was good, there was enough money; when it was slow, they had to be careful. Alfred held the purse strings. (If one of the children wanted a new pair of shoes, he had to go to his father.) Alfred was never abusive, but he was strict. Once the kids were grown, their marriage was in trouble.

When the youngest was approaching 14, his parents began arguing. His mother wanted a divorce, but his father didn’t. Three of the children took their mother’s side. It was their father’s strong leadership that caused them to be well adjusted, but I’m sure they didn’t understand that. The other nine children were against the divorce. One of the boys was rather outspoken in defense of his father. Linda finally won the argument. She now lives in her own house, but is losing mental acuity. So what are we to learn from this story?

A man doesn’t have to be a perfect husband. If he’s the head of his house and responsible, his children will turn out good. They won’t have identity problems. Scripture says a man should love his wife. He can do that without compromising his headship position, and he should.

Linda had a will of her own, and surely was led astray by modern women, who have been deceived. (There was never any impropriety on Alfred’s part.) For over 40 years, Alfred was a faithful husband and father. Then he was dumped, thanks to our “equality” culture. Today, Alfred should be looking after his wife, but now she’s alone. Linda divorced herself from what should have been their joint family heritage. She also divorced herself from the spiritual protection a husband provides. The children don’t seem to have been harmed by the divorce.


Let me repeat one of my not-so-famous quotations, but with an addition!

It’s hard to win an argument when you’re wrong—unless you’re a woman—C. Russell Yates

Starting with Susan B. Anthony, women have been as wrong as Eve. Still they continue to “win” the “egalitarian” argument. But at what “price?” Failed marriages! Broken children! A confused society!

The Wrong Leaders

Men are God’s head-of-the-house representatives. After Eve and until Susan B. Anthony, men were the recognized leaders. But for women, the itch to lead still lurked beneath the surface. Consider the time between Eve and Susan B. Anthony? The Ten Commandments were being given, and the Lord warned that women would lead men astray.

For thou shalt worship no other god … Lest thou make a covenant with the inhabitants of the land, and they go a whoring after their gods … And thou take of their daughters unto thy sons, and their daughters go a whoring after their gods, and make thy sons go a whoring after their gods. (Exodus 34:14-16, emphasis added)

As shown in 1 Kings 4, Solomon was given wisdom from the Lord, but it was women who led him astray.

But king Solomon loved many strange women, together with the daughter of Pharaoh, women of the Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Zidonians, and Hittites; For it came to pass, when Solomon was old, that his wives turned away his heart after other gods: and his heart was not perfect with the LORD his God, as was the heart of David his father. (1 Kings 11:1,4, emphasis added)

Why does this happen repeatedly? It has to do with the nature of women and that of men. A woman is attracted to spiritual things, and can be led astray. A man is sexually attracted to women. Surely this is why God tells a woman to submit to her husband. (Ephesians 5:22-24) The perfect man is one who will NOT compromise his relationship with God, not even for a woman.

You’d think we’d learn our lesson. Two Loves explains how we got to where we are. It also tells how you, as an individual or married couple, can walk above the carnage. If you’ll read Deuteronomy Chapter 9, you’ll see that Moses was a winner, but the Israelites were losers. “Furthermore the Lord spake unto me [Moses], saying, I have seen this people, and behold it is a stiff-necked people.” (Deuteronomy 9:13)

Nothing has changed: Today’s Christians are a stiff-necked people, and their marriages prove it. Any one of us can be a Joshua or Caleb, and walk above the rebellion. By the Grace of God, the Wisdom of the Word, and the Power of the Holy Spirit just do it! Men, if you’ll “take the bull by the horns,” and lead, you may be surprised when your wife follows.

A Jealous God

Now for a side trip: The idols were false gods. We tend to think of them as not real, but they might be demons. Whether they are real or imaginary, the Lord doesn’t like competition.

And he [Elijah] said unto him [Ahaziah], Thus saith the LORD, Forasmuch as thou hast sent messengers to inquire of Baal‑zebub the god of Ekron, is it not because there is no God in Israel to inquire of his word? therefore thou shalt not come down off that bed on which thou art gone up, but shalt surely die. (2 Kings 1:16)

Read 2 Kings 1:9-12 and see that Elijah called down fire from heaven to consume over a hundred men. Why? God requires undivided obedience and worship from His people. At the very least, Christians who live an “egalitarian” lifestyle are disobedient to the Word and dishonor the Lord. Are we less idolatrous than the ancient Israelites? When judgment comes, will we fare better than Ahaziah and his men?

Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD. (Malachi 4:5)

Symptomatic Ministry

David Wilkerson, author of, The Cross and the Switchblade, and founder of “Teen Challenge,” died in a tragic auto accident 4/27/11. But what he started in 1958, Teen Challenge, continues today with about 1000 programs, in 100 countries. Their official statement follows:

To provide youth, adults, and families with an effective and comprehensive Christian, faith-based, solution to life controlling problems, such as substance abuse, in order to become productive members of society… emphasis added.

Teen Challenge, like so many other ministries, is “picking up the pieces,” and doing a necessary and God-honoring job. In a sense, all Christian ministry is just “picking up the pieces,” because we’re all born sinners. It’s my goal to get much closer to the root-cause than these symptomatic ministries are doing—before homes are broken, and before children go astray! That is a much more difficult assignment than just “picking up the pieces.”

The Goal

  1. I want to see godly marriages, where husbands lead and wives follow. I want to see wives functioning as help meets (suitable helpers) to their godly husbands, so they might nurture children in the Faith.
  2. I want to see children properly trained at home, where they will be prepared for life and for eternal life.
  3. I want to see children saved, before they leave home, and before they leave the church.

Still we must meet people where they are. Again and again, I’ll stress relationship, over just doing good things. I’ve already laid out many of the basic parameters. I will now fill in the details.

Some Questions

  • Do you want to go to heaven?
  • Do you want your spouse to go to heaven?
  • Do you want your children to go to heaven?
  • Do you want your grand children to go to heaven?

If so, this book is for you. “A good man leaveth an inheritance to his children’s children.” (Proverbs 13:22a, emphasis added)

There’s no better inheritance than eternal life. Reading this book should benefit you and your loved ones. Besides that, I believe you’ll find it interesting, and at times entertaining. Two Loves is for men, but people are different. (If you’re not yet a Believer, or you’re a Catholic, Chapter 9 is especially for you.) I tell lots of stories; if my stories don’t interest or apply to you, quickly scan and move on. Not every chapter is for every reader so be selective. Don’t get bogged down.


People often know when they’re wrong, and need to repent. One unbeliever wrote me as follows: “I have been a very bad husband to my [Christian] wife, and I am repenting. Repenting means to stop doing what we shouldn’t do, and start doing what we should do.” Later in his letter he wrote: “I am not a Christian, but as long as there is life, there is hope.” Like many guilty sinners, John probably thinks he can repent, and become a Christian when he gets around to it. That’s not how it works. “No man can say that Jesus is the Lord, but by the Holy Ghost.” (1 Corinthians 12:3b)

It’s only when the Holy Spirit convicts, that a man can be saved, but he can refuse. “Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord”  (Acts 3:19). You cannot repeatedly say “No,” to the Holy Spirit, and then expect to repent on your deathbed. The thief, on the cross, repented as he was dying, but he only came as the Spirit of the Lord drew him. To his eternal benefit, he said, “Yes.”

Wherefore as the Holy Ghost saith, Today if ye will hear his voice. (Hebrews 3:7)

Behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation. (2 Corinthians 6:2b)

My advice to John is, “Don’t continue to put it off.” Repent, and follow through on your repentance—help is available! I say to you, as I did after my wife lamented all the years we had wasted: “With the Lord, it’s how it ends that counts.” Almighty God is a great forgiver, but eternity is a long time, so don’t put it off.


To Christians

There will always be Christians who want to be kind to the point of suppressing the truth, but Paul writes that we’re to speak the truth in love. (Ephesians 4:15a)

To illustrate a point, I usually refer to living sinners using their first names. I may use the full name of someone who is deceased. My goal, in this book, is to lead men to repentance—to prepare people for the Second Coming! I use examples, where people did the right thing, and examples, where they did the wrong thing. The Bible is full of examples that serve as warnings to us.

But with many of them God was not well pleased: for they were overthrown in the wilderness. Now these things were our examples, to the intent we should not lust after evil things, as they also lusted. (1 Corinthians 10:5-6, emphasis added)

Like Nathanael (John 1:47), I’m a transparent man. I’ll report our family shortcomings, and those of others. I do this for the benefit of you, my reader, and for the glory of God. I have a story to tell, and by the power of the Holy Spirit, I’m telling it. There’s something much more important than our sensibilities.

If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. (Luke 14:26)

He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. (Matthew 10:37)

If my comfortable friends want to be mad, that is their privilege, but I do want you to know that I dearly love my wife. With your help, I write as a prophet, but prophets aren’t popular. Listen to the lament of Jesus.

O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, which killest the prophets, and stonest them that are sent unto thee; how often would I have gathered thy children together, as a hen doth gather her brood under her wings, and ye would not! (Luke 13:34, emphasis added)

If I were writing in Jesus’ time I would probably be stoned. The end of Chapter 10 will come across as extremely severe—but in context, necessary! Christians desperately need correction if they’re to avoid judgment. As we see in the Old Testament and in Revelation, God can be severe. His servants, the prophets, are but watchmen to warn God’s people.

To The Rebellious

Up to now, I have addressed Christians who don’t want to offend. Now I speak of the out and out rebellious. While Jesus was ministering to people who loved truth, He offended those who didn’t. I expect to do the same.

Part of the prophetic calling is to speak the truth in the face of opposition. If someone is offended by a prophet, does that make him less accountable? The Bible doesn’t say, but Stephen, the first martyr, was a prophet. To say he spoke the truth, in the face of opposition, would be an understatement—see Acts 7!


The Spirit of Jezebel

The spirit of Jezebel is resident in every woman. That spirit can be managed or it can be nurtured. When given full rein, the spirit of Jezebel will be manifested, as it was in the wife of Ahab. It always leads to idolatry. I continue my “Jezebel” expose with an article from “Today’s Christian Woman.”

The Article is entitled, “Why Controlling Women Kill Relationships” (The long-term effect of trying to control others), by Juli Slattery. To read the entire article, click on the link I will give. Juli writes the following:

Because I have a non-threatening personality, few people would describe me as controlling. Add a couple of psychology degrees on top of my natural ability to manipulate, and my husband didn’t know what hit him.

In summary, Juli writes the following:

Every one of us has a free will. We’ve been granted the opportunity by our Creator to make choices about our own lives. God gives us the freedom to even make harmful or sinful choices. You will either let go of your desire to control, or you will spend your life in conflict with the people you love the most.


Old Testament

And Ahab the son of Omri did evil in the sight of the Lord above all that were before him … he took to wife Jezebel the daughter of ethbaal king of the Zidonians, and went and served Baal, and worshipped him. (1 Kings 16:30-31)

Jezebel is the quintessential example of a woman who had forsaken her God-given role as “help meet.” Her husband Ahab let her take the leadership role, both spiritually and administratively.

Before we proceed, I note from 2 Kings 10:1 that Ahab had 70 sons. He surely had about 70 daughters. We have no record in Scripture that Jezebel was ever a mother. Ahab was a busy man in the bedroom, rather than as a governing king. He abdicated, and Jezebel ruled in the name of her husband. Jezebel led the nation of Israel into idolatry.

I’m going to document both Ahab and Jezebel’s folly. She gave the orders, but he carried them out—God held him responsible! Keep that in mind.

And he reared up an altar for Baal in the house of Baal, which he had built in Samaria. And Ahab made a grove; and Ahab did more to provoke the Lord God of Israel to anger than all the kings of Israel that were before him. (1 Kings 16:32-33, emphasis added)

Elijah challenged Ahab’s idolatry. First he proclaimed a 3.5-year drought. “As the Lord God of Israel liveth, before whom I stand, there shall not be dew nor rain these years, but according to my word.” (1 Kings 17:1b). Then Elijah confronted their idolatry at Mt. Carmel.

And Elijah … said, How long halt ye between two opinions? If the Lord be God, follow him: but if Baal, then follow him. And the people answered him not a word. (1 Kings 18:21)

Then Elijah called down fire from heaven.

Then the fire of the Lord fell, and consumed the burnt sacrifice, and the wood, and the stones, and the dust, and licked up the water that was in the trench. (1 Kings 18:38)

The people were convicted and together they executed the 450 prophets of Baal—see 1 Kings 18:39-40. Fire had fallen from heaven, and the prophets of Baal had been executed. Ahab and Jezebel should have repented. Instead Jezebel threatened the life of Elijah—see 1 Kings 19:1-2.

The drought was ended, and Elijah had escaped the hand of Jezebel. Next, Jezebel had an innocent man, Naboth, stoned so Ahab could take his vineyard. In the next three passages, Elijah condemned first Ahab and then Jezebel.

Thus saith the Lord. In the place where dogs licked the blood of Naboth shall dogs lick thy blood, even thine. (1 Kings 21:19b, emphasis added)

Behold, I will bring evil upon thee, and will take away thy [male] posterity. (1 Kings 21:21a)

And of Jezebel also spake the Lord, saying, The dogs shall eat Jezebel by the wall of Jezreel. Him that died of Ahab in the city the dogs shall eat; and him that dieth in the field shall the fowls of the air eat. (1 Kings 21:23-24)

Judgment On The House of Ahab

The Lord raised up Jehu, the son of Nimshi, to execute judgment on the house of Ahab, and then to be king over Israel—see 1 Kings 19:16. First, Ahab was slain in battle—see 1 Kings 22:34-38. Then Jezebel was thrown down and eaten by dogs—see 2 Kings 9:30-37. Then his 70 sons were slain—see 2 Kings 10:1-7. Finally Jehu executed everyone associated with Ahab.

So Jehu slew all that remained of the house of Ahab in Jezreel, and all his great men, and his kinsfolks, and his priests, until he left him none remaining. (2 Kings 10:11)

Read further and see that Jehu killed anyone who was even friends with Ahab’s family and then killed the worshippers of Baal. Then he burned the images and broke down the house of Baal. The Lord commended Jehu.

And the Lord said unto Jehu, Because thou has done well in executing that which is right in mine eyes, and hast done unto the house of Ahab all that was in mine heart, thy children of the fourth generation shall sit on the throne of Israel. (2 Kings 10:30)


Jezebel led her husband Ahab into idolatry. Hundreds of people lost their lives as a result. But worst yet, they were lost for eternity. Rather than submit to the Lord, Jezebel sought to control, and her husband let her. They and others paid a terrible price for their rebellion.



It was the spirit of Jezebel that:

  • Led Eve to eat of the “Forbidden Fruit”
  • Inspired Vashti
  • Inspired Susan B. Anthony
  • Continues to foster the idolatry of “egalitarianism”
  • Leads to immorality.

In our modern “egalitarian” society, the spirit of Jezebel is predominant. After I quote the following passages, we’ll at least partially understand what God has in store for our modern “Jezebels” and the “Ahabs,” that empower them.

Not withstanding I have a few things against thee, because thou sufferest [you tolerate] that woman Jezebel, which calleth herself a prophetess, to teach and to seduce my servants to commit fornication, and to eat things sacrificed unto idols. And I gave her space to repent of her fornication, and she repented not. (Revelation 2:20-21)

Behold, I will cast her into a bed, and them that commit adultery with her into great tribulation, except they repent of their deeds. And I will kill her children with death; and all the churches shall know that I am he which searcheth the reins and hearts: and I will give unto every one of you according to your works. (Revelation 2:22-23)

Our modern “Ahabs” tolerate our modern “Jezebels.” The controlling woman is the primary manifestation, but it is “egalitarianism” that empowers the modern Jezebel. This book, Two Loves,” is a call to repentance. I have already documented what happened to Ahab, Jezebel, Ahab’s sons, and the worshippers of Baal. The judgment that lies ahead, for Evangelical Christians, will be on a much more massive scale. Revelation 2:20-23 WILL be fulfilled.

The Spirit of Elijah

Two Loves is a book on life and godliness, but marriage is the foundation. Since the Fall of man, marriage has been a disaster area. Children continue to be alienated from their fathers. So what is the means of correction? And what will happen if the situation continues without correction? The next passage answers those questions.

Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD: And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse. (Malachi 4:5-6, emphasis added)

We see the end approaching—that great and dreadful day of the LORD! But the Lord promises to send Elijah the prophet, “Lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.” It’ll take more than reason to correct this generation. That’s where Elijah comes in. It’ll take someone of the stature of Elijah to correct this “Christian” generation that is given to modern-day idolatry.

Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry: (Colossians 3:5, emphasis added)

“Egalitarianism,” hatched by Susan B. Anthony, and now promoted by our Western culture, is a reflection of Eve’s idolatry, when she ate the Forbidden Fruit. To covet a man’s role seems right to most women, but is, in reality, idolatry.

Wholesale Disobedience

Jeremiah’s report applies to Israel and Judah, but echoes through the centuries to fit, perfectly, the “egalitarian’ Christians of our day.

For from the least of them even unto the greatest of them every one is give to covetousness; and from the prophet even unto the priest every one dealeth falsely. (Jeremiah 6:13)

Women are coveting a man’s role, but they’re doing more. “Egalitarianism” is a deceitful subterfuge that is being used by women to seize control of marriage and family. Every promoter of “egalitarianism” is dealing falsely. Jeremiah has more to say, so let’s read on.

Thus saith the Lord, Stand ye in the ways, and see, and ask for the old paths, where is the good way, and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls. But they said, we will not walk therein. Also I set watchmen over you, saying, Hearken to the sound of the trumpet. But they said, we will not hearken. (Jeremiah 6:16-17)

What are the old paths? Hierarchical, traditional, biblical marriage! And who is the watchman? The prophet, who declares truth they desperately need to hear. So what lies ahead for this disobedient and deceitful people?

Hear O earth: behold, I will bring evil upon this people, even the fruit of their thoughts, because they have not hearkened unto my words, nor to my law, but rejected it. (Jeremiah 6:19)

Modern Christians have embraced the ideology of “egalitarianism” and have rejected the Word of God. Their idolatrous marriages are cultural, rather than biblical. And what is the evil God will bring upon “egalitarian” Christians? I believe they’ll be left behind at the Rapture, and then given a chance to “shape-up” during the Tribulation. What if I’m right?

But thank the Lord: Some will “shape-up,” before it’s too late.

Dealing With The Disaster

In her book, *Created To Be His Help Meet, Debi Pearl tells the results, when a woman does not observe God’s marital commands for a wife—it’s not a pretty picture! Debi is there “where the rubber meets the road.” Women write letters expressing their marital unhappiness, and Debi shows them the biblical answer. Having read Created To Be His Help Meet (twice), I’d say every woman, who Debi was able to help, had first despaired of her existing situation. Her comfort zone had become intolerable.

Here’s a sample from *p65-67. Susan didn’t like the way her husband was running the family. She was resentful, angry, and had no respect or love towards him. Debi writes as follows:

Just imagine what it would be like if your husband just disappeared one day—no more bad commercials, no questionable TV, no warm beds, just lots of long lonely nights and days of toil at a job away from the children.

Debi continues to run the entire possible scenario past Susan, and then finishes the story.

If you continue to dishonor your husband, the above scenario will likely become your own personal nightmare—soon! … I have seen it happen hundreds of times. People will ask why he left, and you will righteously tell them he got involved with another woman. The truth is, you ran him off because he watched commercials you declared unrighteous. You left his heart. And he has left you emotionally—all because of your “playing the Holy Spirit.” … When God gave Eve to Adam, he was giving him a helper, not a conscience. Adam already had a conscience before his wife was created.

Learning The Hard Way

Like Susan, most people have to learn the hard way. At-home-on-the-job training is the best way to be taught. Classroom instruction from the aged women (Titus 2:3-5) is the next best, but that seldom happens in today’s world. Women get wrongful, marital information that comes from the culture, rather than from the Bible. They get used to an erroneous comfort zone, but nothing says they have to remain there. Still, change is never easy.

No Greater Joy Ministry

Michael Pearl and his wife Debi have written books, and put together programs that are effectively teaching people how to enter into marriage as God intended. But that’s not all.

They are teaching parents how to train their children—books, comics, home schooling—the whole “enchilada!” Again and again, I’ll refer to the Pearls. Those who want a biblical marriage and godly children should learn from Michael and Debi. Their website is http://NoGreaterJoy.Org

UNLESS I SAY OTHERWISE: If I quote Debi Pearl, it will be from her book, *Created to Be His Help Meet. When I quote Michael Pearl, it will be from his book ~Created to Need a Help Meet.


The First Elijah

Elijah called God’s people to repentance.

And Elijah the Tishbite, who was of the inhabitants of Gilead, said unto Ahab, As the LORD God of Israel liveth, before whom I stand, there shall not be dew nor rain these years, but according to my word. (1 Kings 17:1, emphasis added)

There was neither dew nor rain for 3.5 years. Then, at Mt. Carmel, Elijah challenged the prophets of Baal; then he called down fire from heaven; and then he slew 450 prophets of Baal. Finally, it rained. In the next passage, Elijah is taken into heaven without having tasted of death.

There appeared a chariot of fire, and horses of fire, and parted them both asunder; and Elijah went up by a whirlwind into heaven. (2 Kings 2:11b, emphasis added)

I take the above to mean Elijah’s ministry wasn’t finished. Malachi 4:5-6 confirms that.

The Second Elijah

John the Baptist was the messenger who announced the First Coming.

… Among them that are born of women there hath not risen a greater than John the Baptist … And if ye will receive it, this is Elias, which was for to come. (Matthew 11:11,14) emphasis added)

Jesus’ destination was the cross. But, like Elijah, His ministry, on earth, was to call God’s people to repentance. That was their opportunity, but most of them missed it.

The Third Elijah

Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD: And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse. (Malachi 4:5-6, emphasis added)

The third Elijah will prepare for the Second Coming. In most Christian homes, the mother is the acting head-of-the-house. That has to change before the end of the Age. Prophecy will always be fulfilled. It’s possible I might be that “Elijah.” If so, I could be called Russell the Baptist. See Figures 4-1 and 4-2.


Figure 4-1, John the Baptist


Figure 4-2, Russell the Baptist

The ministry of Michael Pearl with his “help meet,” Debi, is at least one fulfillment of both Genesis 2:24—”The two shall become one!” And Malachi 4:5-6—”He shall turn the hearts of the fathers to the children and the hearts of the children to the fathers.”



Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost.  (Matthew 28:19)

Evangelism, in the minds of most Christians, is the making of converts. But Jesus intended much more—see John 8:31-32, 13:35, and 15:8.

Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed; And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. (John 8:31-32 emphasis added)

In the book of Acts, Believers were called disciples 28 times, before they were called Christians.

And the word of God increased; and the number of the disciples multiplied in Jerusalem greatly; and a great company of the priests were obedient to the faith. (Acts 6:7, emphasis added)

The Great Commission is that we should preach the Gospel, and make disciples. In John 8:31 above, Jesus declares those who continue in His Word to be disciples, indeed. With these things in mind, consider the challenge.

Our Challenge

Go to, and ask for their free No Greater Joy, magazine. Read the magazine, and quickly discover the breathtaking speed at which our culture is declining into that of Sodom and Gomorrah. The next three passages are for disciples—men who are obedient to the Word.

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6)

Are we Christians really disciples? The most quoted verse in the Bible is John 3:16. We have concentrated on winning souls, but have neglected our marriages and our children. Deliberately or in error, the spirit of Jezebel has invaded our homes. Is there hope? No Greater Joy Ministry has a multitude of resources that address all three of the passages above. They are winning souls, rescuing damaged marriages, and training children. We need to take Michael’s teaching seriously. Can you imagine how effective our soul winning efforts would be, if unbelievers could see a difference in our families? If we would have biblical marriages!

The Answer

Up to now, crisis marriages have set the stage for a biblical rescue, but most marriages continue in conflict, as did that of my parents. The children continue to be damaged, and the damage is passed to succeeding generations.

We need a systematic training program where women are taught the art of being a “help meet.” The Pearl’s literature should be in every Christian church and in every Christian home.

The aged women likewise … teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. (Titus 2:3-5, emphasis added)

When marriages are conformed to Genesis 2:24, children can then be properly trained. “No Greater Joy” has developed this material over decades, and  it    is    fabulous!  Having said all that, it’s not likely it will happen on a grand scale, but anything is possible. Most people cling to their familiar, but uncomfortable, comfort zone as long as they can.


Michael Pearl makes an important distinction between obey and submit, something I had not seen, but know to be true. I want to clarify the difference early in my book. On ~p.183 of Michael’s book, Created To Need A Help Meet, he writes:

View all 16 uses of submit in the entire Bible and you will confirm to yourself that when God tells wives to “submit themselves” to their own husbands, he is saying something quite different from “obey the old man.” Slaves, children, and dogs obey. Love submits for purposes higher than fear of disapproval. Obedience can be given to someone you fear or hate, but submission is the act of joyfully giving one’s self.

When dealing with another human being, it’s possible to obey without submitting, and it’s possible to submit without obeying. When dealing with the Lord, it’s different. I’d say the religious leaders in Jesus’ time were trying to obey without submitting. Their obedience was not from the heart. If you submit to the Lord, you will always obey because the Lord is altogether righteous in His commandments.

In the following passage, Sarah was in submission to Abraham before she obeyed him. That means the obedience was a joyful thing, not “If I gotta! I gotta!”

For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord: whose daughters ye are as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. (1 Peter 3:5-6 emphasis added)

Walking With The Lord

If you’ll do things God’s way, you’ll be joyful and blessed. You’ll avoid many of the trials and struggles that plague others. “The way of transgressors is hard.” (Proverbs 13:15b). If your commitment is first and foremost to Jesus, you’ll find His Divine Nature at work in your life.

According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue: Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust. (2 Peter 1:3-4, emphasis added)

Your every step will be ordered of the Lord. “The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way.” (Psalms 37:23) You can have an abundant life, fully prepared for eternal glory. I don’t want you to make it “By the skin of your teeth.” Here’s what you need to know:

  • The Bible is the Word of God.
  • God means what He says.
  • If you obey, you’ll be blessed.
  • If you don’t obey, you’ll someday wish you had.


So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. (Genesis 1:27, emphasis added)

Animals, birds, and fish weren’t created in the image of God; they have no soul to be lost or to be saved. Romans 8:19-21 refers to a time when wild animals will become tame, but they still have no soul. They live by instinct, rather than by divine guidance. Animals don’t have a personal relationship with their Creator; Christians do, “For in him we live, and move, and have our being.” (Acts 17:28a)

People Wear Clothes

Animals, birds, and fish don’t wear clothes, but people do. Only people “feel” naked without clothes. Why is that? When Adam sinned, God gave them a reminder, so they would never forget, and that reminder would continue throughout the generations for as long as man would live. I’m betting you’ve never considered that.

And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons. And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat? Unto Adam also and to his wife did the LORD God make coats of skins, and clothed them. (Genesis 3:7,11,21)

Another Reminder

It’s likely the original serpent had legs and walked like most other mammals.

And the LORD God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life: (Genesis 3:14, emphasis added)

Some snakes are poisonous; others can squeeze their prey to death. According to a 2001 Gallup poll, people are afraid of snakes: 62 percent, for women and 38 percent, for men. The Lord has given another reminder less we forget the Original Sin. But Christians have conveniently forgotten. Those who live an “egalitarian” lifestyle are ipso facto replicating the sin of Adam.

Women are fearful of snakes, and lots of other things. Gallup gives 13 things people are afraid of; women are almost always most fearful than men. Ladies are slightly less afraid of going to the doctor. Females are not as strong as men, so they have good reason to be wary, but as champions of the “egalitarian” lifestyle, they have even more reason to be afraid.

The Fearful and The Guilty

There’s usually a reason why people feel guilty: They ARE guilty; and therefore fearful. So what is the proper response? Repent! Someone who wrongly divorced a spouse should not only repent to the Lord, but also apologize to his ex. Sometimes remarriage is possible, unless there’s been a subsequent marriage or a mental problem. (After being divorced 13 years, Wes and Ann remarried.) Most people continue to defend their sin as being okay. They continue to feel guilty. The “egalitarians” are as guilty as Adam, but there’s good news for bad people. The Lord offers forgiveness for those who repent. For the others: “Be sure your sin will find you out.” (Numbers 32:23b)

And the Lord God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou? (Genesis 3:9)

The Lord continues to call. The invitation is for relationship.

In The Image of God

From Genesis, we read that Adam, Eve, and all their descendants are rational beings that were created in the image of God. What does that tell us?

  • We were made for relationship—with God and with one another!
  • We have the capacity to relate to God and to others, but we also have the ability to break a relationship.
  • From Genesis Chapter 3, we see that God commands, and then holds men accountable for their deeds.
  • Animals, fish, or birds aren’t accountable.

This book is about relationships: Between God and man, between husband and wife, in the family, and between everyday people. It’s about how belief systems affect relationships, and how relationships determine one’s eternal destiny. Heaven is that place of ultimate, unhindered relationship.

Commitment Leads to Endearment

Commitment love is something one freely lavishes on another, like a mother does on her child. Commitment love is free to the recipient. Endearment love has to be earned by disciplined people, who respect others. Endearment love accumulates, over time, as individuals or families lovingly relate to one another.

To use a simple example, I show commitment love when I do a good, honest job, for my customer. His gratitude is evidence of endearment. For the fun of it, I offer this story: My customer commended me for doing good work. I responded by saying, “It’s really very selfish of me. The Bible says the greatest in the Kingdom of heaven is the greatest servant. I just want to be great.”

The Bridge

Submission is the bridge between commitment love and endearment love; submission is for everyone. It’s the last thing any human being wants, but it’s the key to success in this life and the next. Early in Chapter 10, I explain, in detail, why submission is so difficult, but why it’s necessary.

The opposite of submission is rebellion. If you think you know better than God, that puts you above God, and you can easily disobey the commandments of God. In Isaiah 14:14, Satan said, “I will be like the most high.” Many Christians are following Satan’s example.


I choose to review the last part of this chapter: “Converts or Disciples?”

 Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed; And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. (John 8:31-32 emphasis added)

A disciple is obedient to the Word, and has his house in order. His wife is his suitable helper and his children are being properly trained. He knows and speaks the truth. His words and his life testify that he is an obedient and blameless servant of the Lord. And PS, he loves his wife, “As Christ loved the Church.”


If someone believes something, he’ll act on it—even if it’s not true!

If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed; And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. (John 8:31b-32)


What you are about to read may be the most sobering and convicting message in this book—it was for me!

Words And The Word

Words are powerful, and should be used wisely. I cringe when my Christian friends use words in a careless and irresponsible manner. They unwittingly affirm evil  and promote ungodly agendas.

To refer to a facility that performs abortions as an “abortion clinic,” is a prime example. A clinic is where medicine is taught or practiced for the purpose of healing—not for killing! If Planned Parenthood was an “abortion clinic,” then Hitler’s gas chambers were “final solution clinics.”

I’m reading a book by Michael Pearl, entitled, Eight Kingdoms. He does a protracted word study on the contrasting etymology between the different Gospels. He shows how precisely the Holy Spirit inspired each word. His main focus is the contrast between the Kingdom of Heaven spoken of in Matthew and the Kingdom of God, in Mark and Luke. They’re drastically different, but 99% of Christians think they’re the same. One brother asked a rhetorical question, “Does it make any difference?” It makes a world of difference how we use words. I now give selected passages that show just how seriously God takes words.

Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth. (John 17:17)

Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my words shall not pass away. (Matthew 24:35)

It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God. (Matthew 4:4b)

Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle [the smallest letters in Hebrew] shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled. (Matthew 5:18b)

Knowing this first, that no prophecy of the scripture is of any private interpretation. For the prophecy came not in old time by the will of man: but holy men of God spake as they were moved by the Holy Ghost. (2 Peter 1:20-21)

Flawed Relationships

Christians have been careless and irresponsible in their use of the Word. We think that God wasn’t serious or certain passages don’t apply to us. As a result, we have:

  • Numerous and perverted ‘bible’ translations.
  • Allegorical or symbolical interpretations of Scripture.
  • A fragmented, cultural Church.
  • Chaotic marriages and families.
  • Rebellious wives.
  • Irresponsible husbands.
  • Wayward children.

Allegorical And Symbolical

If not a single jot or tittle of the law will pass, if all will be fulfilled, we absolutely must read God’s Word literally. An allegorical or symbolical reading leaves the word open to man’s interpretation, rather than what God actually meant. Unfortunately, that is what the Church has done, and the results have been horrendous. But the Lord anticipated our failure as shown in the passage that follows:

And if the righteous scarcely be saved, where shall the ungodly and the sinner appear? (1 Peter 4:18)

There are Christians who actually believe the Church will lead the world into godliness. Then the Lord will come. They are NOT reading Scripture literally, and they are out of touch with reality.

KJV (1611)

For centuries, Christians in the English-speaking world knew only one Bible, the King James. England and the United States—not Greece or Rome—have been the fountainhead for modern missionary endeavor. In our day, the language of the King James is seen as antiquated and out of date. Most Christians look down on those who STILL revere and respect the KJV. They are the “wise men” referred to in the passage that follows:

Let no man deceive himself. If any man among you seemeth to be wise in this world, let him become a fool, that he may be wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God. For it is written, He taketh the wise in their own craftiness. (1 Corinthians 3:18-19)

The truly wise and godly declare the King James Bible to be “God’s gift to the Western world,” and if so, it is also God’s gift to the entire world. The commentary that follows will show how the “wise” have been taken in their own craftiness—really taken!

Many Perversions

A multitude of ‘bible’ translations have surfaced during my lifetime. I have found that troublesome. In church, we all had the same Bible, but some Christians complained about the outdated language of 1611. Now, everyone is reading from a different book. Is that progress or confusion?  I’ve always seen the attack on the Bible as external, but I began to wonder: Could so many versions be a Satanic attack from within the Church? For over a century, we have seen the following:

  • The rise in feminism.
  • The denigration of male authority.
  • The fragmentation of marriage and the family.
  • An increasingly self-centered, hedonistic society.

Jesus said, Ye shall know them by their fruits. (Matthew 7:16a)

Even before Susan B. Anthony, Western culture began to decline; for over 50 years, it has been in free fall. As this book clearly shows, the Church has reflected our ailing culture. How could a trustworthy Bible translation emerge from such an untrustworthy “body of believers?” When multiple translations appear quickly and out of thin-air, that adds further doubt to their authenticity. gives online access to 54 different English versions of the Bible. Almost all of these ‘bibles’ were published since 1950. The NIV was published in the 70’s with Zondervan holding the commercial rights. It that perversion wasn’t enough, Zondervan came out with Today’s New International Version in 2002. TNIV is a so-called gender-neutral perversion, which is more perverse than their earlier perversion. TNIV is heresy, plain and simple; it denies male authority from cover to cover. Creation Order is sacrificed on the altar of cultural correctness. To add icing to the perverse cake, The Message, was published in segments from 1993-2002. I call it the “Cotton Patch,” perversion. I want to stop and give an example.

Thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. (Genesis 3:16b, KJV)

You’ll want to please your husband, but he’ll lord it over you. (Genesis 3:16b, The Message)

The Message is an interpretation that fits our present feminized society perfectly—good wife, bad husband! As I explain in my Abstract, nothing says a husband’s rule has to be harsh. And, today, how many wives actually seek to please their husbands? How many?

I asked, “Am I the only one to question the modern ‘bibles?'” On a lark, I typed. “Assault on the Bible,” into a Google search. The first line contained the name of an article entitled, Assault on the Bible, by Richard Power. I’ll quote a portion from p.1 . (I encourage you to click, The following has been taken from Power’s article:

Assault On The Bible

… The last century has seen the publication of many ‘bible’ versions, which are in fact not versions, but perversions of the Word of God, in that they blatantly attack the person, deity, and atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ, and pervert the true Gospel of Christ, among many other heresies. These corrupted ‘bibles,’ which all adapt as their authority a corrupted Greek text which contains  over 6,000 deletions and substitutions from the original inspired text, include the NIV [New International Version], NAS [New American Standard Version], NKJ [New King James Version], and many others. It has become clear that God has preserved His infallible and inerrant Word only in the Authorized King James Bible. If you doubt the truth of this statement, consider the following quotation from Dr. Frank Logsdon, the theologian and language scholar who led the translation of the New American Standard Version [NAS]:

I must, under God, renounce every attachment to the New American Standard Version. I’m afraid I’m in trouble with the Lord … We laid the groundwork; I wrote the format; I helped interview some of the translators; I wrote the preface … I’m in trouble; I can’t refute these arguments; it’s wrong, frighteningly wrong, and what am I going to do about it?

When questions began to reach me at first, I was quite offended … I used to laugh with others … However, in attempting to answer, I began to sense that something was not right with the New American Standard Version. I can no longer ignore these criticisms I am hearing and I can’t refute them … the deletions are absolutely frightening … there are so many … Are we so naive that we do not suspect satanic deception in all of this?

Upon investigation, I wrote my very dear friend, Mr. Lockman, explaining that I was forced to renounce all attachment to the NASV. The product is grievous to my heart and helps to complicate matters in these already troublesome times… I don’t want anything to do with it. The finest leaders that we have today … haven’t gone into it [corrupted Greek text], just as I hadn’t gone into it … that’s how easily one can be deceived…

You can say the Authorized Version [KJV] is absolutely correct. How correct? 100% correct! … I believe the spirit of God led the translators of the Authorized Version. If you must stand against everyone else, stand …” ref. New Age Bible Versions by G.A. Riplinger, Ararat VA [800-435 4535]

The critical difference between the King James Bible and the modern perversions is in the Greek text they were translated from. The KJ was translated from the Received Text or Textus Receptus [TR], which was compiled and printed in Greek by Erasmus in 1516 from the majority of Greek texts available; hence the alternate term Majority Text. The reliability of this text is based on the premise that as New Testament manuscripts were copied by hand and spread throughout Asia Minor and Europe from the 1st century AD, the majority of the copies would be reliable and errors would only occur in a very few of the copies. [This is a good place to add that the translators of the King James Bible were so meticulous in their task, that a single misspelled word or an error of any kind resulted in a complete re-write of the affected page. The writer destroyed the corrupted page, bathed, changed his clothes and prayed for several hours before returning to work.] Where the KJ differs from modern perversions, the KJ’s readings are confirmed by thousands of scriptural quotes from the writings of early Church fathers; such as Tertullian, Hippolytus, Irenaeus and Justin Martyr, dating back to the 1st century and the early Church at Antioch.

God promised to preserve His word. He has done so through the TR text. …

My Assessment

The NIV has been referred to as the Not Inspired Version. If Dr. Logsdon is right, all modern translations are just the academic product of men’s minds—not inspired! His claim is that the original manuscripts were inspired and the King James translators were also inspired. If true, then English-speaking people MUST go to the King James for the inspired Word of God.

What about the rest of the world? Those who don’t speak English! Britain and America are the missionaries. If we’re to faithfully preach the Gospel, we should start with the King James Bible. While our translators have been turning out perverse ‘bibles’ en masse, lots of people groups are still waiting for their first Bible. As they say in Italian, “Mama Mia!”


Some call Logsdon’s assertions, a Christian myth. The Lockman Foundation has a significant financial interest in “authenticating,” the NASB. They deny the involvement of Logsdon, but don’t contest his assertions. You can read their denials at: Having read Logsdon’s entire sermon renouncing not only the NASB, but all modern perversions of the Bible, I am 100% convinced that the KJV is the only trustworthy Bible for English-speaking people. Franklin Dewey Lockman started the Lockman Foundation. Later, I’ll give you a link so you can read Logsdon’s six-page sermon for yourself. First let me quote a portion of Logsdon’s letter to Lockman, written just before Mr. Lockman’s death.

From Logsdon’s Letter

I wrote to my friend Dewey, and I said, “Dewey, I don’t want to add to your problems … but I no longer ignore these criticisms I am hearing … I haven’t a thing against you and I can witness at the judgment seat of Christ and before men wherever I go that you are 100% sincere … I must under God renounce every attachment to the NAS. I have a copy of the letter. I have his letter. I’ve shown it to some people … He stated that he was bowled over; he was shocked beyond words. He said that was putting it mildly, but he said, ” I will write you in three weeks, and I still love you. To me you’re going to be Frank, my friend, throughout the course.” … He [had lost his wife and] was going to be married. He sent an invitation to come to the reception. Standing in the courtroom, in the county court by the desk, the clerk said, “What is your full name sir?” And he said “Franklin Dewey…” And that is the last word he spoke on this earth. So he was buried two days before he was supposed to be married, and he’s with the Lord. And he loves the Lord. He knows different now.

I’ve printed and read a six-page copy of  Logsdon’s entire sermon in which he denounced the NASB. It is taken from After reading that six-page sermon, I’m convinced the Church is in big trouble over the perversion of the Word of God. The wide road Jesus speaks of in Matthew 7:13 is now within the Church. Read the article for yourself. Logsdon addresses not only the perversion of the text, but also the confusion that has been introduced into the Church, where everyone is reading from a different ‘bible.’ I repeat what Logsdon reported toward the end of the quotation by Richard Power.

The finest leaders that we have today … haven’t gone into it [the corrupted Greek Text], just as I hadn’t gone into it … that’s how easily one can be deceived…

People tend to believe what they want to believe, and most people will accept falsehood if it suits them. In Jesus’ day, the religious leaders denied the deity of Christ, so it should not be surprising, today, when many religious leaders deny the sincere testimony of a man of integrity like Frank Logsdon. Dr. Logsdon departed this life in 1987.

The living preacher I trust above all other preachers is Michael Pearl. He’s a strong defender of the King James Bible, and his defense is much the same as that given by Richard Power,  who quotes Logsdon. You can listen to Pearl’s defense using the following link:

Is There Hope?

Most of our churches today, including my own, use one of the modern perversions. Is there hope? My friend James tells me he read almost daily from the 1984 NIV, and that was his source of Christian nourishment. I told James the Lord could speak through the most unsanctified vessel, like a donkey. I then quoted Paul as follows:

Some indeed preach Christ even on envy and strife; and some also of good will: The one preach Christ of contention … whether in pretense, or in truth, Christ is preached; and I therein do rejoice, yea, and will rejoice. (Philippians 1:15-18)

James just answered my text as follows:

When I was saved, I was reading from the New Living Translation. Would I read from it now? Absolutely not! Amazing what you just said. I have not been able to put it into words, but you just did.

Bill writes as follows:

Since I don’t read or write Greek, I have to turn to people I know (not necessarily personally), respect, and trust. People like Billy Graham, Max Lucado, and our pastor (to name just a few) all quote from the other translations (that are condemned by Power) in their sermons and writings. I am always skeptical of someone who says he is right and everyone else is wrong. … I do not agree that these other translations are included in that [Satan’s] assault [on the Bible].

The prophetic calling is to be right when everyone else is wrong. Jesus’ challenge to the religious leaders of Israel is THE prime example. Is it possible for a man—even a Billy Graham—to be wrong on his use of Bible translations? Logsdon led the NAS translation team without, first, having fully investigated the corrupted Greek text. I doubt seriously whether Graham or Lucado have done so.

This assault on the Bible, from within the Church, has to be the most earth-shaking discovery I’ve made while writing this book. When I Googled “Assault on the Bible,” I was astounded at what I found, and especially the confession of Dr. Frank Logsdon. The root problem may be found in the simple adage that follows:

Follow The Money

My mother used to operate a small bookstore in church. She sold Bibles and discovered the huge conflict of interest among purveyors of Scripture. The more translations, the more revenue!

At this point, I remind my readers: This book, Two Loves, is being published online at no cost to the reader. I’ve contributed my time and paid all costs incurred for this online publication.

In Eight Kingdoms, by Michael Pearl, his contrast between the Kingdom of God and the Kingdom of Heaven is taken from the KJV. His proofs wouldn’t hold if he had used a modern commercial perversion.

As I have already said, Frank Logsdon and others claim that God inspired the KJV and that every word was inspired. Eight Kingdoms is so detailed and so precise that one has to agree. Read Eight Kingdoms for yourself.

Michael Pearl convinced me that my book, Two Loves, was in error. A number of my quotations were from the NASB and the NKJV. I spent about 8 hours replacing those quotations with quotes from the KJV. For me, to now read from any other version is borderline heresy.

Fruit Inspectors

Ye shall know them by their fruits—Jesus

Entire books have been written to contrast the King James to the modern translations. Everyone agrees: The original writings were inspired, but there is disagreement when it comes to transmission and translation. My argument is different from the others. The testimonies of Richard Power, Frank Logsdon, and Michael Pearl ring true to me, but I’m not a linguist or biblical scholar—just a fruit inspector!

While most churches use a modern perversion, they’re into the social gospel, divorce recovery, and Replacement Theology. Michael Pearl preaches from the KJV. He and his wife, Debi, have five godly children and 22 grandchildren. Their “No Greater Joy,” ministry is leading men to Christ, saving marriages, and training children for godliness. Michael’s book, Eight Kingdoms, is a classic in my thinking.

Better Prepared?

Is today’s Christian Church better prepared for the Second Coming than the Jewish Church was for The First Coming?

  1. The Jews had the law and the prophets, but their scholars added a myriad of extra teachings and regulations.  Christians have a fabulous King James Bible, but have added many perversions along with rules, regulations and procedures.
  2. They had their sects that were in disagreement. We have our denominations.
  3. They were self-righteous. So are we.
  4. They had their rituals. We have ours.
  5. The Jews “knew better than God.” We Christians “know better than God.”
  6. The Jews were marrying and divorcing. So are Christians.
  7. The Jews didn’t respect their wives. Christian women don’t respect their husbands.
  8. When the Jews had a male/female problem, it was always “the woman’s fault.” For today’s Christian, it’s always “the man’s fault.”

Are Christians better prepared than were the Jews? The following is a good indicator: “And if the righteous scarcely be saved, where shall the ungodly and the sinner appear?” (1 Peter 4:18, emphasis added)

Seekers After Truth

Decades ago, as a student, I was in class with Dr. Boone. Thomas Edison had electrical patents using DC current, but George Westinghouse came up with numerous AC inventions. Obviously AC was better, but Edison still challenged Westinghouse in court. I asked: “Truth? Doesn’t anyone care about truth?” Dr. Boone replied, “Seekers after truth? You’ll find them in the Philosophy Department.”

Please tell what the following people have in common: A Christian, Jew, Muslim, Mormon, Jehovah’s Witness, Humanist, Atheist, Democrat, Republican, Capitalist, Socialist, and Communist. So what do they have in common? They all think they’re right; they see others as wrong. So what is truth?

Truth is everything as God sees it—Art Katz

The Ideas of Men

The world is full of religions and ideologies that are false. They don’t work, but men cling to them with tenacity. Why? As I explain in Chapter 10, every man comes into the world thinking he’s God. A very few humble men get over that notion, and become teachable. Only the soul that is truly surrendered to Jesus will know the truth. Jeremiah sums it up accurately as follows: “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9)

The following quotation from Jeremiah applies to individuals and to governments: “O LORD, I know that the way of man is not in himself: it is not in man that walketh to direct his steps.” (Jeremiah 10:23, emphasis added). But it doesn’t have to be that way. The humble man won’t have to grope through foggy darkness trying to find his way.

Jeremiah and I write in masculine terms, e.g. we say, “If any man!” That is an affirmation of Creation Order. Ungodly people want to deny the authority of God so they denigrate male authority. They’ve changed the language. What used to be “he”  is now “he or she.” What  used to be “him” is now “him or her.”  When you, as a Christian, use “he or she,” you’re denying male authority. You learned that from our “egalitarian” culture—not from the Bible! Welcome to the slippery slope!

The Surety of the Word

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6) That continues to be my experience. So what is the basis for Divine Guidance? What will it take to replace opinion with truth? The Holy Bible! Scripture! The Word of God! The Law!

Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth. (John 17:17, emphasis added)

In contrast to the changing ideas of man, the Word of God is absolute, unchangeable, and completely reliable. I give the following references: Isaiah 40:8, Matthew 24:35, Matthew 5:18, and 1 Peter 1:25.

For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled. (Matthew 5:18, emphasis added)

The Application of The Word

I give the following references: Psalms 119:11, Psalms 111:10, Isaiah 54:13, and Proverbs 2:1,5. Why do smart people do dumb things? The fear of the Lord is not in them.

The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: a good understanding have all they that do his commandments: his praise endureth for ever. (Psalms 111:10, emphasis added)

God’s Word is Truth, but we’re not allowed to pick and choose. So much of what goes on in today’s churches is just that. The passage that follows makes my point: Jesus said, “It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.” (Matthew 4:4, emphasis added)

Every Word that proceeds from the mouth of God is what it takes for life and godliness. Every Word is what it takes to live an honest, victorious life—to be above reproach! And PS, when Jesus said, “It is written,” He was quoting from the Torah. “Man doth not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of the Lord doth man live.” (Deuteronomy 8:3b)

The Body of Christ

We have Jesus, the Word, and the Holy Spirit, but that’s not all. The Lord gives us special men for the perfecting of the Body of Christ.

And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers.” (Ephesians 4:11)

For as we have many members in one body, and all members have not the same office: So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another. (Romans 12:4-5, emphasis added)

Watchman Nee has pointed out a serious shortcoming amongst Believers: We only accept what we can understand. Instead, we should discern God’s authentic representatives. We should consider seriously, anything they bring us, but we should still make sure their words agree with God’s Word.

Believe in the LORD your God, so shall ye be established; believe his prophets, so shall ye prosper. (2 Chronicles 20:20b, emphasis added)

These [the Bereans] were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so. (Acts 17:11, emphasis added)

Trust, But Verify

In everyday life, we continually trust our doctor, dentist, repairman, etc. Why can’t we trust the prophet of the Lord? The requirements are discernment and submission. I choose my medical practitioner or repairman carefully—usually by way of recommendation—not from a Yellow Pages’ ad! “Trust, but verify.” That’s what the Bereans did.

Marriage and Family

When it comes to marriage and family, Michael and Debi Pearl of “No Greater Joy, Ministry,” are giants. Some ministers are fearful of marital problems, others can give good advice, but the Pearls can actually take a bad marriage and make it good. As they say where I live, “Whoop!”

Our marital struggles began the day we married. We didn’t need advice; we needed therapy. As I will show in this book, our search for marital healing continued until April 2002. I finally found the answer, for us, when I filed for divorce. (I’ll explain in Chapters 9,11,20,21,22,23,25.)

Debi’s *book came later, 2004, but has the answer to my every question. It has led hundreds of needy couples into a biblical marriage that agrees with Genesis 2:24, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” If I say “a Genesis 2:24 marriage,” that’s what I mean. In the Introduction to *Created To Be His Help Meet, here’s what Michael Pearl writes about his wife and her book.

I have never met or read another author who I thought was more qualified by life and experience to write a book to women on how to become the help meet God intended. She exemplifies all that she has written. Every word of this book comes with my blessing and wholehearted agreement.

I have a reputation in business as someone who can be trusted. I hope you will trust me. You have Michael’s testimony, and you have mine: Debi Pearl can be trusted.

Michael Pearl is the genuine article. His words, and those of his wife, ring true in the light of Scripture. Besides that, they have the benefit of years of interaction with people who have lacked knowledge, who have been disobedient to Scripture, or have been harmed by someone else. They have received, answered, and organized thousands of letters. Theirs’ is not just advice, but much needed therapy to a very confused generation.

Doing The Right Thing

I’m writing to people who want to do the right thing. Hopefully there will be many. “Nevertheless when the Son of man cometh, shall he find faith on the earth?” (Luke 18:8b) Let me ask the Lord’s question in a more pointed way: When the Lord comes, will He find enough Christians, who in the face of our current family disaster, will obey the Word and shape up?


One definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly, but expecting different results. “Egalitarian” (equality or unisex) marriage is a prime example. Another illustration is that of the continued peace talks in the Middle East. Peace will come when the Prince of Peace comes—Jesus!

Non-Christian ideologies and religions have failed, are failing, and will continue to fail, until judgment day. Men who confess their sins, and believe on Jesus, embrace the Spirit of the Lord, and are obedient to the Word, find liberty.

We see it at home, where husbands and wives enjoy biblical marriage. In the Middle East, a Jew and a Muslim find Jesus, and are immediately brothers; they are not only at peace with one another, but in love with one another.

Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. (2 Corinthians 3:17)


Words are powerful, and the Word of God is not to be ignored or tampered with. Christians have been careless and irresponsible with their words and with the Word of God. What have been the results?

  • Our words affirm and strengthen evil and ungodly agendas.
  • We pick and choose as we read Scripture allegorically and symbolically.
  • We use a multitude of perverted ‘bible’ translations.
  • Our churches are fragmented and teach wrong doctrine.
  • Wives are rebellious and husbands are irresponsible.
  • Marriages continue in conflict or end in divorce.
  • Families are in disarray and children have identity problems.

We are much too slow to learn from other people. All of us need correction, and often it comes from the words of others. We should not be quick to dismiss criticism or correction, but we should be like the Bereans. “These [the Bereans] were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so.” (Acts 17:11, emphasis added)


For His Pleasure

 For by him were all things created … all things were created by him, and for him: (Colossians 1:16, emphasis added)

We mortals were created for the pleasure of God, but most of us live for our pleasure rather than for His.

Freewill is not to do as you please, but to please Him as you do—James Leland

The wise man seeks always to please the Lord.

God made me fast, and when I run, I feel His pleasure—Eric Liddell

By faith Enoch was translated that he should not see death; and was not found, because God had translated him: for before his translation he had this testimony, that he pleased God. (Hebrews 11:5, emphasis added)

If you live for your pleasure, you have your resources to draw upon. If you live for His pleasure, you have the resources of Almighty God at your disposal.

Those that honor me I will honor (1 Samuel 2:30)—Almighty God

In The Image of God

The Lord wanted children who would bring Him pleasure, but He did so in the least likely manner.

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. (Genesis 1:27, emphasis added)

For the sake of procreation, He made them male and female, but there’s much more: He wanted to reveal himself to unbelievers. A complete revelation of God requires a male and a female biblically joined together. Let’s start with the building blocks.

The Masculine Representation

God is Almighty: He’s in charge; absolutely everyone and everything is subject to his authority. Words that come to mind include Master, Lord, Ruler, Commander, and King. God’s primary manifestation is that of Supreme Ruler. He created the man, Adam, to represent that aspect of His being.

The Feminine Representation

God is also love; and that manifestation is a more feminine one. Words like grace, mercy, and compassion come to mind. After creating the man, the Lord made a woman. Her nature is to reveal God as love. When a man and a woman are joined in biblical marriage, they become one; they become a physical and spiritual organism capable of reflecting a complete image of God.

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. (Ephesians 5:31-32)

Single people are incomplete. A single man cannot completely reflect the image of God. A single woman cannot reflect a complete image of God. Marriage has always been the Lord’s intention, but His ultimate purpose is for them, together, to reflect that complete image. When we marry, and then submit to our biblical roles, we will, like Eric Liddell, “feel His pleasure.”

Making Marriage Work

A good marriage results when a husband models the authority of God and his wife models God’s love. Theresa and I married in 1970, but for three decades we failed in our calling—neither of us were happy! Then suddenly, April 2002, our marriage became biblical. Candy and Jim married in 1990. For 22 years their marriage was a failure. Then three years ago their marriage was turned around. Once we did things God’s way, both couples—husband and wife—were 100% satisfied. But most of all, we then pleased the Lord.

I ask a pointed question: Is it possible for one to be happy while the other is unhappy? Not likely!

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. (Ephesians 5:28)

When a man loves his wife, he makes her happy. In so doing he makes himself happy. When a woman submits to her husband, she enables him to make her happy. A godly marriage is a place of mutual happiness while divorce is the product of mutual unhappiness. A godly marriage models heaven while divorce models hell. The Bible tells what is needed for a good marriage, but before I get into that, I’d like to illustrate using one of my favorite examples. I love aviation.

An Illustration

The husband is the pilot and his wife is the co-pilot. They are a team that has two primary goals:

  • Glory and praise for their Maker.
  • Happiness for the entire family.

The pilot and co-pilot actually talk to one another—on a regular basis! They share goals, ideas, and strategies. Sometimes they have different opinions and strategies. The pilot is in charge and his co-pilot accepts that, but she knows she is loved—even when they disagree and his decision trumps hers!

The pilot studies the nature of women, and the unique personality of his co-pilot. He deliberately loves his wife in ways that make her feel loved. She does the same for her pilot. She seeks to understand her man, and then seeks to please him.

So why must the husband be the pilot, and his wife be the co-pilot? Why can’t the roles be reversed? The husband is, by design, the leader and the authority. The wife is, by God’s design, the follower and the suitable helper. Why can’t they both be pilot? That would violate the design.

“Egalitarian” marriage is a societal violation, and it’s no wonder marriages do so poorly. Men, I said I’d share some secrets on how to win an “egalitarian” wife, but I need your help. Read the next few secrets, and then send me your success story. This is an online publication that allows me to add your experience. Normally I use only first names, but I’ll honor your request. And PS, there’s a book entitled, Battered Into Submission—that’s not acceptable! My solution was “A shape-up or ship-out” one, but after 32 years, it was way overdue.

Jon’s Secret

Jon’s wife has the radiance of an angel. I asked Jon, “Are you the head of your house?” He said, “If not, she sure has me fooled.” Unlike many couples, they actually talk to one another. Occasionally they come up with a bad idea. Jon learned a long time ago, as head-of-the-house, he takes the “heat.” No matter whose idea it is, if it’s a bad one, he’s responsible, and he takes the “heat.” His wife is a supremely happy woman.

Abram and Sarai

Genesis 16:1-5 tells the story of Abram, Sarai, and Hagar. Sarai was barren, but had an idea—a really bad one! She suggested that Abram have a child by her Egyptian handmaid, Hagar. Once the child had been conceived, Sarai wasn’t happy with the results. As the next passage shows, she laid the responsibility directly on her husband—where it belonged!

And Sarai said unto Abram, My wrong be upon thee: I have given my maid into thy bosom; and when she saw that she had conceived, I was despised in her eyes: the LORD judge between me and thee. (Genesis 16:5, emphasis added)

Abram took the “heat.” “But Abram said unto Sarai, Behold, thy maid is in thy hand; do to her as it pleaseth thee. And when Sarai dealt hardly with her, she fled from her face.” (Genesis 16:6) Contrast that with what Adam said when “He got caught with his hand in the cookie jar”: “The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.” (Genesis 3:12)

My Secret

Theresa was a very insecure woman, who felt she had to control things. That was the source of our conflict. I was always willing to take the “heat,” but she wasn’t about to let go. I separated from her three times, but that wasn’t enough. I finally filed for divorce, and that was what brought our marriage into line with Scripture. Once she turned the reins of family government over to me, she could relax. She quickly became a very happy wife.

Jim’s Secret

After 22 years, Jim was on his way out. He packed his bags, wrote a letter, and left. Candy quickly turned the reins of family government over to Jim; she instantly became a biblical wife, and (like Theresa) could relax and be content. Let’s take another look at Creation.


In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. (Before he could create man, He had to make a place for them to live.) Then He created Adam and Eve.

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. (Genesis 1:27, emphasis added)

Why did He have to tell us He made them male and female? When I was young I thought that was obvious, but today lots of people can’t tell the difference. God spells it out because He wants us to know there is a basic difference that is foundational to everything. Next He defines marriage.

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)

What can we ascertain from the above passage?

  • A marriage requires one man and one woman.
  • There must be only two.
  • The two are different parts that should become one whole.
  • Polygamy and “same-sex marriage” are NOT biblical.
  • Extra-marital relations violate the marriage.

God designed men and women to marry, so that is my primary focus, but it’s obvious that many people aren’t married. While single, I would introduce myself as half a couple. The difference between a man and a woman, and exclusivity in marriage, are critical: to the procreation of children; to live godly lives; and for the purposes of God.

Help Meet

I was brought up with the King James Bible, and it is still my choice. I know many of the words are out of date, but I believe it to be the most accurate English translation and trustworthy.  The Holy Spirit was given to guide us into all truth and the KJV is the place to start.

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. (Genesis 2:18, emphasis added)

The word “meet” is used again and again in the KJV; it means suitable. So “help meet,” is suitable helper. From Creation, the woman was made to be a help meet to her husband—that was the Lord’s intention! Can a woman be a wife without being a help meet? According to ~Michael Pearl, a woman is first a wife before she becomes a help meet—it doesn’t happen automatically after marriage!

One Flesh

There is something about sexual relations that join a man and a woman physically and permanently. For Isaac and Rebekah, we see no marriage ceremony. “And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her.” (Genesis 24:67a). Even sex with a prostitute leaves its mark for life. To the following, I say, “Wow!”

Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid. What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh. (1 Corinthians 6:15-16, emphasis added)

The Two Shall Become One

For a man and woman just to be husband and wife, is in God’s permissive will. His perfect will is for the two to become one flesh—not just physically, but in the spiritual sense!

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:24, emphasis added)

Most marriages don’t achieve the goal of becoming a one-flesh spiritual union, but that can be changed. The next step is the biblical Genesis 2:24 marriage. When a wife willingly submits to her calling as “help meet,” the two can have a biblical marriage.

Job Assignments

I want to illustrate using my business. With 33 years experience, I have what it takes to do most of the repairs, but I don’t have the time or stamina. Patrick has only 8 years experience and Ramsay is summer help, but they’re smart, agile, and can take the summer heat.

Dr. Kool’s Team

As the senior member of the team I counsel, plan, schedule, deliver equipment, haul off junk, and keep the books. We all share ideas, but my authority is greater than theirs. Patrick and Ramsay do the routine work—diagnosis, repair, and installation! I schedule in such a way that they don’t spent excessive time in hot attics.

The Marital Team

The Lord’s plan for marriage is similar—teamwork! The husband is the breadwinner, the warrior, and the higher authority. The wife’s job is to help her husband, make him happy, and raise the kids. It was never God’s plan for the wife to do everything. It’s as crazy as me trying to run my business alone. Mental disease is said to mostly target women, and our “egalitarian” culture may be the culprit.

What Does It Take?

So what is God’s design? The husband should be the spiritual leader and the family authority. He should love his wife sacrificially, as Christ loved the Church. His wife must be the follower, the “help meet,” the suitable helper. She must put herself under the authority of her husband, as the Church is under its Lord. It doesn’t happen automatically when they marry. Notice how I switched from should to must. A wife can bring about a biblical marriage even if her husband is unsaved and not doing his part. (Next, from ~p.68 I paraphrase from Michael’s book. My paraphrase appears again later.)

Because the woman was taken from the side of the man, she was meant to grow into conformity to her husband’s nature—not to be identical, but to complement with contrast! Any woman has the potential to grow into conformity to any man, no matter which type he is. And I add: That’s why arranged marriages, as in the Old Testament, and in places like India, today, work. The New Testament is replete with instructions that tell men to love their wives and that tell wives to submit to their husbands. They are intended to bring about the transition to oneness—the two shall become one—first physically, then spiritually.

It Seldom Happens

But most of the time, the spiritual union doesn’t happen. My parents were both Christians, but they didn’t have a biblical marriage. They adapted to their situation, and that became their uncomfortable, “comfort” zone. My wife and I are both Christians, but it was 32 years before we found oneness. We’ve been married, according to Genesis 2:24, now for 12 years.

Why so seldom? We live in a corrupt, “egalitarian” society. For some, it’s just a lack of understanding, but for others, it’s an unwillingness to submit to the Lord. Ronald Reagan said, “It’s amazing what can be done if you don’t care who gets the credit.” I want you to have a good marriage, and I don’t care who gets the credit. So I promote the teaching of Michael and Debi Pearl. I’ll do this, again and again, throughout the remainder of Two Loves.

If a woman never becomes a “help meet,” they never become one flesh spiritually. They are two single people, bound together and legally married. Failure to become a “help meet” is unnatural. ~Michael Pearl uses the term imbalanced. I agree.

Another Illustration

Let’s get real basic: What is the definition of helper? I’ll illustrate. I’m right handed, so my right hand takes the lead, and my left hand helps my right hand. I could get by without my left hand, but it would be difficult, and I would not be nearly so effective. Likewise, I could get along without a “help meet,” and I did for decades. It was difficult, and I wasn’t as effective as I could have been.

If my left hand insisted on taking the lead, two things would happen: I would lose my effectiveness, and my right hand wouldn’t like it. On the other hand—pardon the pun—if my right hand were injured, as it was last year, it would welcome any help the left hand could offer. (I got a call from the bank asking if what they got was really my signature.) Now let’s make the application to marriage.

As the right hand needs the left hand, the man needs the help of his “help meet.” The couple is the whole, and the single man is truly half a couple. He may pretend to be self-sufficient. He can get along without a “help meet,” but not very well. Hey! It was none other than God who said, “It’s not good that the man should be alone.” I don’t think it would be a stretch to say: It’s not good for the woman to be alone, but she can manage better, alone, than can a man. And PS, it’s possible to be married, and still alone.

The Contrast

God created the man to be the leader, the one who sets the agenda—it’s built into his DNA! He created the woman to be his helper, the one who follows—it, too, is built into her DNA! When a man and woman marry, and are faithful to Creation Order, they are relating as God intended. The husband is not allowed to abdicate his leadership role, and expect his wife to do his job. The same applies to a wife who wants to take the lead because she thinks she can lead better than her husband.

Multitudes of women are burdened with a heavy, unnatural load. This goes against a woman’s nature. It also goes against a man’s nature. A man needs to be needed, and when his wife doesn’t need him, he’s emasculated. Multitudes of marriages are like that. Usually a husband will accept the situation, and that becomes their “comfort” zone. In so doing, she remains his wife, but doesn’t become his “help meet.” As in the right hand, left hand, illustration, they lose their effectiveness as a team. It’s like one hand clapping.

The Implications

On ~p.69, Michael Pearl writes the following regarding the help-meet calling.

It is your job to make her long to fulfill her position. It is her job to do her duty even if it doesn’t seem to be personally fulfilling.

There is no more urgent need than for a woman to serve as “help meet” to her husband. Her husband should make her long to fulfill her position. My mistake was trying to talk Theresa into her role; and I foolishly continued for many years. On *p79, Debi Pearl writes, “In most marriages, the strife is not because the man is cruel or evil; it is because he expects obedience, honor, and reverence, and is not getting it. Thus, he reacts badly.”

Choices and Consequences

In Chapter 20, I tell of my gargantuan effort to convince my wife. Most men react badly to an intransigent wife, but that is not the right approach. Since women are subjective, here’s what I think a man should do: He should love his wife so thoroughly that she would have no choice but to become his “help meet.” If that doesn’t work, he probably should do what I did, but much sooner. To allow marital conflict to continue for years and years is not to anyone’s benefit. For a husband to sit on his hands and let his marriage “go to hell in a hand basket,” is irresponsible and inexcusable. I’m speaking from experience.

The consequences of our marital choices go beyond this life, into eternity. In what way does Michael’s words agree with Scripture? First the passage, then the analysis:

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; (Ephesians 5:25)

The husband is the leader; how is he to love his wife? “As Christ loved the Church.” He is to sacrificially and redemptively love her.

That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, (Ephesians 5:26)

The above passage is still talking about Christ, but applies to the way a husband is to love his wife. In a spiritual and protective way, he is to sanctify and cleanse her.

That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. (Ephesians 5:27)

Paul is still talking about Jesus, who wants to present to himself a glorious Church. For that to happen, a husband must spiritually bring his wife to that place, where she is without spot or wrinkle—holy and without blemish! Together, the loving husband and his spotless wife become part of that glorious Church that Jesus presents to himself. (You can be saved, and still not be part of that glorious Church.)

The woman was created to be a “help meet,” but when they marry, she is just a wife. Until he leads her into becoming a “help meet,” both of them are something other than candidates for that glorious Church. Now let me repeat ~Michael’s words, and I hope you will say as I do at this very moment. Wow!

It is your job to make her long to fulfill her position. It is her job to do her duty even if it doesn’t seem to be personally fulfilling.

The Path

A book entitled, Husbands Who Won’t Lead & Wives Who Won’t Follow, was written by James Walker. Following Michael Pearl’s advice given above, a husband is to lead his wife in such a way that she becomes his “help meet.” His wife is to follow in such a way, that she actually does become the “help meet.”

As I asked earlier, “Do you want your spouse, your children, and your grand children to go to heaven?” On ~p.69, Michael Pearl writes, “It is of eternal significance that you bring your marriage into conformity to its heavenly pattern.” For decades I tried, and finally succeeded. I want you to succeed, but much sooner than did I. It behooves us—husbands and wives—to work together, in the framework of Creation Order, to pass on to future generations the blessings the Lord offers us today.

As I indicate in Chapter 17, as a child of a dysfunctional marriage, I was partly able to turn things around—at least for myself, and those who will take seriously what I have to say! Let’s get on with the program of understanding one another. I ask, “What are the differences between men and women?”

Objective Versus Subjective

God made men bigger, stronger, and more objective than women. He did that so men can provide for, protect, and govern their families. God made women smaller, less strong, and more subjective than men. They are smaller and less strong to underscore their “help-meet” calling. They are more subjective, so they can nurture children, and provide insight that men desperately need.

Men are primarily driven by objective logic. Women have subjective reasoning. In a biblical partnership, the two mind-sets become like clockwork. Our court system and God’s justice are based on objective logic. So how should it work in the family?

A wife’s ideas could be different from her husband’s, and that’s good, but her subjectivity could lead to trouble. Two prime examples are taken from the Old Testament where Eve (1 Timothy 2:14) and then later Sarah (Genesis 16:1-2) were deceived. Adam followed Eve into sin—it was an act of rebellion! I’m not sure why Abraham followed Sarah; maybe he was just being careless.


I spent 32 years trying to change the way my wife related to me. Was that good or bad? As the objective, spiritual leader of my family, I wanted our relationship to glorify God, to cause our marriage to be a one-flesh union, and to bless future generations. I was trying to replace error with truth. When I succeeded, the Lord was honored.

In her *book, Debi Pearl repeatedly speaks to women who want to change their husbands. Most women want to re-arrange their masculine husbands according to their intuitive, feminine sensibilities. They find themselves banging their heads against a brick wall—frustrated! They are trying to violate the God-given personality of another human being. Debi explains, that by submitting to the Word and to their husband they can change him into a more godly man, and they can rescue their marriage.

In the Image of God

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. (Genesis 1:27, emphasis added)

Man was created in the image of God, but that doesn’t mean he’s an exact reproduction. We’ve been given intellect and free will—we are NOT robots! God has entrusted us to order our lives in a responsible manner; He has set boundaries, as explained in the Old Testament. The following command was given, before the Holy Spirit had been imparted. How much more are we, in the Church Age, empowered to obey the passage that follows:

He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God? (Micah 6:8, emphasis added)

Godly Living

To be honest and merciful are obvious Christian virtues, but what does it mean to walk humbly with thy God?

  1. First and foremost, we must respect the sovereignty of God. We should be grateful and obedient. The Lord is a good boss—”For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:30)
  2. We should cultivate the heavenly relationship He’s called us to, and seek always His glory. (There’s no higher calling than to be conformed to the image of Christ.)
  3. We must respect other people—their personalities, their talents, their ideas, their insights, and even their sensibilities!
  4. As Christians we must acknowledge that we live in a fallen world, and live humbly. That means we’ll be teachable and open to correction.

In The Image of the Man

God made Adam from the dust of the earth, “And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground … and man became a living soul.” (Genesis 2:7). But He made Eve from Adam. “And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.” (Genesis 2:21-22)

The nature of God’s Creation is the basis for the husband’s governance over his wife, as spelled out in the next passage. “He [the man] is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man.” (1 Corinthians 11:7b). But the following simple command was given at the very beginning.

Thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. (Genesis 3:16b)

Last Sunday, my pastor preached on the certainty of the Word of God and our failure as Christians to take the Word seriously. Nowhere is that failure more obvious than in today’s “Christian” marriage.

Women are Not Theologians

Paul may have written Hebrews, but that’s not certain. Inclusive people try to find a female author for some book in the Bible; Hebrews is the only possibility. According to Wikipedia, “In more recent times, some scholars advanced a case for the authorship of Priscilla.” Debi Pearl has some things to say on *p131.

The naysayers also draw our attention to the ministry of Priscilla and Aquila, as if the inclusion of the woman with her husband somehow negates the hundred or so doctrinal verses that teach about a woman’s role as a helper to her husband. On the contrary, although they are mentioned five times in the Bible, Priscilla is never mentioned alone. She is always with her husband, as I am with mine. … He takes the stage, and does the teaching, while I sit in the audience and support him.

Priscilla did not write the book of Hebrews. If a woman does serve in the place of a man, it will be for the Lord’s purposes, not as an affirmation of “egalitarianism.” Deborah is an excellent example, as are Golda Meir and Margaret Thatcher. As a rule, women are not leaders. They’re wives, mothers, and homemakers, but under the umbrella of male authority. That umbrella includes fathers, husbands, pastors, elders, etc. Single women should find wise male members of their family or church to help them with important decisions. An older widow might turn to her son for guidance. Every woman should voluntarily place herself under a suitable male authority—for her own spiritual protection! To be her own boss is dangerous.

Making It Work

When a man is true to his calling, when a woman is true to her calling; the two can marry and rear godly Children. The balance between objective governance and subjective nurturing must be maintained. Here’s the biblical standard again: A man should love his wife as Christ loved the Church. A wife should obey her husband, as the Church obeys its Lord.


This chapter is based on Archbishop James Ussher’s chronology, which is a biblical compilation of years since Creation. Starting with Adam, man has been on this earth about 6,000 years. For the entire 6,000 years, marriage has been in trouble—for one reason or another!

It takes two to make a good marriage, but it only takes one to wreck it—Dana Forgione

I see two applications for Genesis 2:24: When husband and wife marry, they become one flesh in the physical and legal sense. When a wife becomes “help meet” to a godly husband, the two become one spiritually. Many are saved, and walking in the Holy Spirit, but they’ve not been properly trained, so they’ve not become one spiritually. Adults, it’s time to go back to school.

And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. (Matthew 18:3, emphasis added)

If one has to become as a child to be saved, how much more should adults humble themselves, and learn how to enter into a one-flesh marital union. As Dana said, it only takes one to wreck a marriage. For about 5900 years, the problem was on the masculine side. For the past 100 years, the problem has been on the feminine side. The devil will take it anyway he can get it. Each time, it has been culturally driven, but I believe Satanically inspired. We’re in a spiritual battle. (Ephesians 6:12)

The Masculine Failure

According to Genesis 2:24, a man should cleave to his wife—not his wives! Multiple wives makes fulfillment of Genesis 2:24 impossible. The same is also true, when men don’t respect women, or men don’t love their wives. All three of these masculine failures, were pervasive in the Old Testament, and in Islam today.


From the beginning, marriage was to be between one man and one woman. But very quickly, God’s pattern was violated.

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:24, emphasis added)

And Lamech took unto him two wives: the name of the one was Adah, and the name of the other Zillah. (Genesis 4:19)

Before a kingdom was ever established in Israel, the Lord forbade polygamy.

But he [the king] shall not multiply horses to himself … Neither shall he multiply wives to himself, that his heart turn not away: (Deuteronomy 17:16-17a)

But that’s not what they did.

And David took him more concubines and wives out of Jerusalem, after he was come from Hebron: and there were yet sons and daughters born to David. (2 Samuel 5:13)

But king Solomon loved many strange women . . . And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines: and his wives turned away his heart. (1 Kings 11:1,3)

In the Old Testament, the Lord seemed to wink at polygamy.

And Nathan said to David, Thou art the man. Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, I anointed thee king over Israel, and I delivered thee out of the hand of Saul; And I gave thee thy master’s house, and thy master’s wives into thy bosom. (2 Samuel 12:7,8a, emphasis added)

The next one was a huge surprise to me. Joash was seven years old when he was put on the throne by the righteous priest Jehoiada.

And Jehoiada took for him two wives; and he begat sons and daughters. (2 Chronicles 24:3)

If a righteous priest could be disobedient regarding polygamy, should we be surprised when Christians are disobedient regarding “egalitarian” marriage?  Still, “Two wrongs don’t make a right.”

Consider an especially interesting example of polygamy, involving a godly man named Elkanah. He had two wives, Hannah and Peninnah. Hannah was his favorite, but she was barren. Peninnah had children, and made fun of Hannah who didn’t. Peninnah became an adversary to Hannah. Both Elkanah and Hannah were godly.

Elkanah loved and respected Hannah, and she had what it took to be his “help meet.” Their marriage could have been a fulfillment of Genesis 2:24, but because of Peninnah it was not to be. Read the entire story in 1 Samuel 1:1-23. And PS, Elkanah and Hannah were the parents of the great prophet, Samuel.

Even Jesus didn’t explicitly speak out against polygamy. A head-on confrontation appears for first time in the writings of Paul. For a leadership position in the church, a man must be a monogamist, and he must have well trained children.

A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife. (1 Timothy 3:2a, emphasis added)

If any be blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of riot or unruly. (Titus 1:6, emphasis added)

Always The Woman’s Fault

From Creation until the time of Christ, the woman was always the culprit. Even when the problem was on the masculine side, the woman was blamed. That is no way to solve a problem.

And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst, They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act. (John 8:3-4)

Huh! Where was the man? From Genesis until the time of Christ, and beyond, men used women and failed to respect them. The nuance that follows the above passage is interesting.

Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou? This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not. (John 8:5-6, emphasis added)

What did Jesus write on the ground? Maybe He was just doodling.

So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground. (John 8:7-8, emphasis added)

What did Jesus write this time? Was it the name of some Rabbi who had had relations with the woman?

And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. (John 8:9)

Always The Man’s Fault

Back then, the woman was blamed, but today it’s the man. The woman is often at fault, but the man is blamed—and not just by other women! Another man invariably comes to the defense of a woman—even when she’s wrong! Just the other day, I told a pastor how my wife had shaped up. He quickly asked, “What about you?” I replied, “I didn’t need to shape up. She was at fault.” He wasn’t convinced.

In a feminized society, the woman is always “right,” even when she’s wrong—C. Russell Yates

No wonder our “Christian” efforts to solve the marital problem, continue to fail.

The Women Loved Jesus

Rather than tell men to respect women, Jesus just honored them. Women had never been so esteemed. To the woman taken in adultery, He said, “Neither do I condemn thee, go and sin no more.” (John 8:4). To the Samaritan woman at the well, his conversation was respectful and forthright. (John 4:6ff). It was a sinful woman that washed His feet with her tears, and anointed them with expensive ointment—he commended her, and forgave her sins! (Luke 7:37-38). Women first witnessed the empty tomb. (Matthew 28:1-7). The same women were the first to meet the resurrected Lord.

And as they went to tell his disciples, behold, Jesus met them, saying, All hail. And they came and held him by the feet, and worshipped him. (Matthew 28:9)

Honor and Respect for Women

While men dishonored and disrespected women, Jesus honored them. Was the woman taken in adultery worthy of respect? The religious leaders (John 8:3-5) didn’t think so. Jesus respected and honored every woman. How about the Samaritan woman at the well? Was she worthy of respect?

Jesus saith unto her, Go, call thy husband, and come hither. The woman answered and said, I have no husband. Jesus said unto her, Thou hast well said, I have no husband: For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly. (John 4:16-18, emphasis added)

Two things: She was a Samaritan, and she had a checkered past. The religious leaders of Israel wouldn’t have given her the time of day, but Jesus honored and respected her. So what was the attitude of the religious leaders toward Jesus?

Then answered the Jews, and said unto him, Say we not well that thou art a Samaritan, and hast a devil? Jesus answered, I have not a devil; but I honour my Father, and ye do dishonour me. (John 8:48-49, emphasis added)

I’m going to summarize as follows: While the men, of the day, dishonored and disrespected all women, Jesus respected and honored even the most lowly woman.

A New Day for Women

With the launching of the Church Age, Paul and Peter began to give instructions to husbands on loving their wives. The Holy Spirit was given as the enabler. Women, who had been considered property, were now portrayed as equal partners, “Heirs together of the grace of life.” (1 Peter 3:7b). The dignity Christianity affords women continues to this day, throughout the Western World. Compare that with the brutal treatment of Islamic women.

Polygamy has virtually disappeared from the West. What Christianity started; modern, “egalitarian” marriage inadvertently finished. Today, one wife at a time is more than a man can handle. Even the polygamous teaching of Mormonism now applies, not to this life, but to the next.

The Feminine Failure

It takes two to make a good marriage, but it only takes one to wreck it—Dana Forgione

The one who sabotaged the one-flesh union has traditionally been the man, but for about 100 years, it has been the woman. It started with Susan B. Anthony. The marital relationship has always been culturally driven—both in the Old Testament and now!

How It Works

The modern “equality” woman takes over. Her dishonored and disenfranchised husband reacts. He may be downright mean, or he may get involved in an affair. For “good reason,” she divorces him, and everyone sees her as the “righteous” victim. She’s at fault, but no one has a clue. She gets the kids, along with child support. She and the kids live in poverty. The kids are is essence fatherless. Their mother becomes the head-of-the-house, and they have identity problems. Female headship then becomes a way of life for them and future generations.

In a feminized society, the woman is always “right,” even when she’s wrong—C. Russell Yates

An Interview

I was the driver for a 14 year-old girl I’ll call Cindy—very intelligent young lady! My questions and her answers illustrate perfectly female headship. Cindy is the youngest of four siblings. “Do you have the same father?” I asked. “No,” was her reply. “Where’s your father?” was my next question. “My parents are divorced,” she said. This seemed perfectly mainstream to her. As I drove from place to place, Cindy barked out orders like a watchdog. At 14 she’s already a take-charge woman, and a perfect candidate for marriage and then divorce—perhaps several times!

Today, the culture and the Church systematically disrespects and dishonors all men—even the most respectable man! I’m a blameless man, as I explain in Chapter 20, but I’ve been repeatedly and consistently dishonored—but why? I’m a man who had an “egalitarian” wife. “When the marriage didn’t work, it was my fault.”

Throughout her book, Created to Be a Help Meet, Debi Pearl honors her husband and all men—even the most lowly! The honor she bestows on men is, for me, the flip side of the honor Jesus bestowed on the lowliest of women. Jesus and Debi have taken the side of truth, over the culture. Let me give some examples.

What a Woman!

In my dedication page, I quote from *p146 of Debi’s book. She explains to women the nature of men, and their key role in the family. Her statement ends as follows: “When you neglect to reverence your husband, you are taking something precious away from yourself, your children, and your husband.” Debi Pearl is a woman who actually cares about men—her husband, and men, in general! It brings tears to my eyes.

In her book, *p14-15 Debi Pearl said to Michael, “Remember that little boy you baptized Sunday night, the little guy who could barely see over the baptistery? Someday I would like to give you a little boy just like that!” They married, and she did give him two little boys. I believe she meant those words. She was reaching out to Michael in a most godly way. The little boy was to be her gift to Michael. Debi is a woman who sees far beyond herself.

The next quotation is from *p179-180 of Debi’s book. She writes:

God created a man with a regular need for a woman, and God commanded a man’s wife to see to it that his need is met by her! When you truly love and reverence your husband, the very thought of him loving the likes of you should thrill your soul and make you long to cause him pleasure.

God created a man with a NEED for sex. In the following passage, God tells a man to keep himself only to his wife. God commands his wife to make herself available. Debi says she should do so joyfully.

Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and the pleasant roe; Let her breasts satisfy thee at all times, and be thou ravished always with her love. (Proverbs 5:18-19, emphasis added)

As I have said elsewhere, a woman desires to be married, but, for her, sex in NOT a biological or urgent need. If a man is hungry, the one who controls the food has the upper hand. God tells a wife to surrender control. She does that when she submits to her husband.  She is to do that even when she’s not in the mood. Since marriage models the relationship of Christ to the Church, the submission of a wife to her husband models Salvation—the submission of a sinner to Christ! The Lord doesn’t explain these things; He simply commands a wife to submit.

Part of Her Job Assignment

Let’s look at things differently. Submitting to a husband’s sexual need (and his authority) is part of a wife’s job assignment. A newly married woman may find sex to be a challenge—work! But with time her “work” will become fun. Debi wanted to be Michael’s wife, so she cleverly sought to influence him. “I’d like to give you a little boy, just like that,” she said. It worked, and eight days later they were married.

If a woman wants affection from her husband, she should cleverly try to influence him—in the way that is most meaningful to a man! If, as part of her “work,” she will willingly “enjoy” sex with him, the result will be a relationship like that described by Marie in Chapter 17. She will be “The queen of his heart, and the fire in his bed.” It was the fire in his bed that made her the queen of his heart.

Hormones 101

Now let’s look at things the way Debi does on *P.180. (I’m writing to men, but this is what Debi has to say to women.)

Do you love your husband the way he needs loving, the way you were created to love him? … It is your duty to fulfill his sexual needs. His faithfulness to you, and yours to him are both equally important, and we wives must give an account before God for our faithfulness in this area. I call it “ministering” to my husband. He says I am a mighty fine minister.

For a woman, sexual expression starts in her mind and heart. Love is giving up your center, your self-interest. It is choosing another’s needs above your own. A woman chooses to be interested or not interested in her husband’s needs. So, when a woman’s first commitment is to her own needs and feelings, she is necessarily going to view sex as strictly a carnal experience, for then she does indeed have an entirely hedonistic outlook—her self-gratification. But if a woman views sex as a ministry to her husband, then it is a selfless act of benevolence. She need not wait until she is stimulated to desire eroticism; she need only seek to fulfill her husband’s needs. I have a tip for you: when you make your husband’s needs central, you will get turned on to the experience and enjoy it yourself. That is the way God meant it to be. … We don’t minister to others because we are blessed—we minister to others because we want to bless them. It is completely incidental that the by-product of selflessly blessing others should result in our being blessed also.

The Lowly Man

In a masculine society, that did NOT respect females, Jesus honored all women. Today, we have a feminized society, and the male is in the cross hairs. Like Jesus, Debi honors those that society refuses to honor. On *p28-32 Debi answers a letter written by Beth. Her husband was a carnal man who was being much too friendly with a woman at the office. He was as wrong as was the woman taken in adultery or the Samaritan woman at the well; but Debi honored him. She gave four pages of detailed instruction on how Beth could save her marriage—even though it wasn’t Beth’s fault!

Again and again, Debi honors jerk after jerk—in a society that would cast him away! The husband appeared to be the problem, not the wife. But notice the ball was always in Beth’s court. If she did it right, she could win him back. If she did it right, the two of them could become one.

The religious leaders dishonored Jesus, and guess who has dishonored Debi Pearl? That’s right, the religious leaders! I give a lengthy documentation of that dishonor in Chapter 10.

Ancient Culture

Sarah saw no problem having Hagar serve as a surrogate mother. Elkanah, the husband of Hannah, probably thought he was doing the right thing by taking a second wife—especially since Hannah was barren! With proper training, surely Elkanah would have done the right thing, and not have married Peninnah. They were slaves to their culture. (And by the way, the Jewish word Peninnah is Pearl in English, which happens to be the name of my heroes.)

Slaves To Our Culture

The Pearls and Russell Yates are NOT slaves to our culture, but most people are. At this time, Christians are heavily influenced by our pagan, feminine culture. Again and again, in this book, I will document our current failure. If you see yourself as part of the failure, you need to act. And what action should you take? Besides prayer and reading the Word, you probably need training. There is no better source than “No Greater Joy Ministry.” Michael and Debi Pearl have put together unique training materials that no one else has offered. http://NoGreaterJoy.Org. And PS, it won’t be easy.

A Major Problem

A major problem in the Western World, especially in the black community, is that women are trying to be both father and mother. “It takes two to tango,” and it takes two to raise a family. The two must be different!

According to a 2010 study, 72% of black children are born to unwed mothers. Blacks make up 14% of the American population, but 39% of those in prison are black. The Black incarceration rate per capita is 2.8 times that of all those in prison. I tie these statistics, to the failure of black families.

But it’s not just in the black community. A wife should restrain herself, and the husband should be the spiritual leader. This is the tragedy of the ages, and the results are dreadful. The father becomes an outsider, and children are broken—often to the point of incarceration!

An Example

I just visited a charming black lady I’ll call Delores. She’s a Christian, who believes in male headship. She has not always done the right thing, but she doesn’t like being alone. Even now, she’s looking for a godly husband, who will take the leadership role. In the white community, it’s hard for a man to find a “help meet,” but it’s even more difficult for a black woman to find a husband, who will be the head, and love his wife in a biblical way.

More Critical

At this time in history, there is something more critical than calling men to individual repentance. It’s to call married couples to repentance. Debi Pearl’s book is to women. I want to give a quotation from *p23.

If you successfully do the job of leading the family, you will not find satisfaction in it. It is far better that the job be done poorly by your husband than to be done well by you.

Why? Amongst other things, a take-charge woman will inflict identity problems on your children, and you must not allow that. In short, there will be unintended harmful consequences—for you, for your wife, for your children, and for society at large!

Debi understands that a woman can take the leadership role. The house is her castle, and the children come from her body. As Mary Pride said in, The Way Home, “Just because a woman can do something, doesn’t mean she should.” When a woman takes over, the children will side with her, and their father becomes an outsider. A wise man will not allow that to continue.

To Illustrate

In the words that follow it sounds like I’m blaming my wife, but I let her do some really bad things, and I let it continue. My thinking at the time was to preserve the marriage at all costs. I thought I could convince her to do the right thing. I tried to lead, but my wife refused to follow. Then, I did what I should have done much sooner, and everything changed. For twelve years, Theresa has served as my “help meet.” The endearment love, that waited 32 years, has accumulated. My mistake was allowing the unbiblical marriage to continue for decades.

My wife took over the decision-making process against my will, but I allowed it. She fought with all her strength, for the leadership role, and continued the fight for years, but I allowed it. She raised our daughter against my will, and against everything the Pearls teach on training a child, but I allowed it. The result was hardship for us, and our precious daughter, but I allowed it. We lived with Theresa’s really bad decisions, and the entire family suffered the consequences. I’d like to spare you from what happened in our family. In Chapter 23 I’ll explain what I should have done much sooner, and why.

The Picture

Because of our present culture, the major marital problem is on the feminine side. As I said above, the conflict from Adam until the end of the Church Age has been over submission. The world has always been in rebellion.

We see bumper stickers that say, “I love my wife,” or “I love my husband.” When was the last time you saw one that said, “I submit to my husband?” As my wife said years ago, “Submission is a dirty word.” In today’s world, it’s okay to love one’s wife, but it’s not okay to submit to one’s husband. Let me repeat something I said a couple of pages ago.

Dignity Perverted

Jesus and the apostles brought real dignity to women, and the dignity Christianity affords to women continues to this day in the Western World. Compare that with the brutal treatment of women in the Middle East. But the dignity Christianity brought to Western women has been perverted. Women were once abused by men. Now it’s the other way around. That has been my experience, but I’m not talking about physical abuse.

Women are no more rebellious than men, but our pagan neighbors are leading Christian women (and men) astray. Few men will speak out. Others go hunting or watch football, while their wives do their job. So why am I speaking out? I love the Lord more than the approval of men, and I want to do the right thing, rather than just go along with the crowd. Enoch pleased the Lord and was rewarded—see Hebrews 11:5.

Things Have Changed

Most marriages are not one-flesh unions. Has it always been that way? Until the past 100 years, men were in charge, which is in agreement with Creation Order. Women were wives and mothers, not soldiers and Senators. Democracy seems so very noble, and it may be the best way to choose leaders, but applied to the citizenry, it’s the road to ruin.

America was founded on Judaic/Christian values that included representative government. At the polls, senators, congressmen, governors, etc. would be chosen. Citizens would influence their representatives, who would then govern according to the wishes of the electorate. Special interest groups have pretty much hijacked the process, but theoretically, representative government continues.

Where did the idea of representative government originate? God made the husband to be the family governor, and that is still the Lord’s intention. His wife, and to a lesser extent his children, should influence his governance. In Chapter 14, I describe the husband as the head, and the wife as the neck that turns the head. So what happened to representative government in the family?

The 23rd amendment, August 18, 1920, gave women the vote and, in so doing, abolished representative family government. (There are Christian women who actually brag about voting in opposition to their husbands.) It not only disrupted family life, but also drastically changed the voter base. Then the 26th Amendment, July 1, 1971 lowered the voting age from 21 to 18.

The voter base, which was mature, masculine, is now less objective, along with a healthy dose of immaturity. Added to that are voters who depend on government handouts. The voter base has become a self-interest and feelings-based constituency. Could that explain why incompetent people are elected to office? Absolutely! Those least qualified to fly the airplane, can’t wait to get behind the controls; and when the plane crashes, it’s always the fault of someone else.

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter—Winston Churchill

If you’re not a liberal at twenty you have no heart, if you’re not a conservative at forty you have no brain—Winston Churchill

The Result

So what has been the result? In past centuries, there were a much higher percentage of one-flesh unions and successful families; they produced godly and productive young people. Today we have the welfare state, with ungodly, non-productive people, who are lost spiritually and rationally. Parents of goof balls are goof balls themselves. We have second-generation goof balls.

If there had not been sufficient disruption to the family, add Roe Vs. Wade January 22, 1973, unending government regulations, that make it difficult to run a business or discipline your child, and the public schools, that brainwash your children.

This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. (2 Timothy 3:1)

The leadership positions, God ordained for men, are being filled by women—even in the military! Women, who should be “help meets” for husbands, are, instead, competing with men. When we disobey God’s order for male/female roles, things don’t go well.

As Ruth Carroll once said regarding what lies ahead, “It’s going to be too wet to plow.” She’s with the Lord now, but multitudes will see the fulfillment of her prophesy. I said to my pastor: “If the Rapture were to happen today, I believe Islam would take over the world tomorrow.” He replied, “I think you’re right.”

This is Only a Test

Let’s go back a hundred years. Few women had the education and job skills to support themselves. A wife was financially dependent on her husband, and the husband was clearly the head-of-the-house. Responsible wives are now being forced out of the home and into the work place. When a man is no longer solely in support of his family, “egalitarianism” seems only reasonable.

Now, many Christian women are financially independent, and can choose or reject marital submission. They also have the support and encouragement of the culture and Christian men who either don’t understand, or don’t have the backbone to stand up for what they know to be right. Could this be a special end-times test? I think so.

The Original Sin

And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat: But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die. (Genesis 2:16-17, emphasis added)

And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat. (Genesis 3:6, emphasis added)

The Lord commanded the man, but it was the woman who disobeyed that command.

There are three elements to the Original Sin:

  • Deception
  • Disobedience
  • A role reversal

Until now I had thought of the original sin as just deception and disobedience. Suddenly, I saw the catalyst—a role reversal! The follower became the leader and vice versa. It was in that context, that Eve was deceived and Adam disobeyed. God’s marital order was violated, and the human race fell. It reminds me of a little chorus:

Trust and obey,

For there’s no other way,

To be happy in Jesus,

But to trust and obey

History Repeats

And so it is today: In the Western World, women bear the burden of spiritual leadership and family government. God’s family order is systematically being violated, and our culture is in free fall. That’s the reason marriages fail, and children have identity problems.

The tree looked good to Eve. Since then, everyone is a born sinner, in need of Redemption. Today, “egalitarianism” seems right to women; and starting with Susan B. Anthony, women have taken the lead while men have followed. What started with a role reversal in the Garden of Eden; is ending the same way, with wholesale role reversal in the Western World. Every indicator says this is the final generation, and “egalitarianism” is a biggie. This is a startling fact that hit me like an earthquake. I had trouble sleeping that night.

Jesus’ death on the cross is the antidote to the Fall of man. But most Christians are replicating the Fall. (They call it equality marriage or “egalitarianism,” but it is, in reality, a role reversal. It is said to be progressive, but is, in reality, retrogressive.) So what is the antidote to a repeat of the Original Sin? For those who repent, it’s the cross of Christ. For the Christian who continues to replicate the Fall, what does the future hold? That remains to be seen!

It Seems Right to Women

“Egalitarianism” seems right to women, but equality, in marriage, is just a pipe dream. Someone will emerge as dominate, and that someone is usually the woman. That, my friends, is how a role reversal happens. As I mention in Chapter 23, neither Theresa nor Jim’s wife thought they had done anything wrong. They still don’t. As the objective head-of-the-house, the husband is to discern rightly, and then bring his marriage and family into line with Scripture. We live in a time when it’s especially difficult for him to do that. It has to do with sex. The present state of affairs was well expressed by my friend, Morris.

Women control 50% of the money and 100% of the “you-know-what”—Morris Limerick

For a man, sex is a need—not so for a woman! It’s a choice, and she can starve her husband sexually. In past generations, men controlled 100% of the money; so when it came to need, there was a trade-off. The man’s need (dependency) hasn’t changed, but the woman is much less needy.

A lady at church said, “Men are afraid of women.” At this time in history, a man needs a woman more than a woman needs a man. Besides that, men don’t understand women; but they still need them. Men have good reason to be afraid of women. (Am I one of the few men who likes women, but isn’t afraid of them? If so, it’s by the grace of God.)

Replicating The Fall

  • Eve took the lead.
  • Adam let her.
  • That was the first role reversal.
  • Eve was deceived.
  • Together, they ate of the Forbidden Fruit.
  • God held Adam responsible.
  • Modern women have taken the lead.
  • Modern men have let them.
  • I call that “The Great Role Reversal.”
  • Modern women have been deceived.
  • Couples continue to violate God’s role assignments.
  • God holds modern men responsible.


Years ago, my wife asked, “Why can’t I believe what I want?” I should have said: “You can if you don’t mind being wrong.” I don’t like the idea of being wrong. How about you?

If someone believes something, even if it’s not true, he’ll act on it. How else do we explain what’s happening in the Middle East and worldwide? Those who are killing and beheading “infidels,” really believe they’re doing service to “God.” “The time cometh, that whosoever killeth you will think that he doeth God service.” (John 16:2b)

  • If what you believe is true, you’ll do good things.
  • If what you believe is false, you’ll do evil things.

“Egalitarianism” has afflicted our families because people—mostly women—believe the wrong things. So what can be said for those who claim to believe one thing, but do another? They don’t really believe what they claim to believe.

Ultimate Deception

Beginning with Adam, and continuing to this day:

The source of every human problem is the willingness to believe something that is not true—C. Russell Yates

As the end of the Age approaches, deception continues to proliferate. As a businessman, I see both kinds:

  • Those who are deceiving the populace.
  • And people who are willingly being deceived.

The “deceived” trade their freedom for empty promises. The home warranty policy is a great example; it’s where greed and deception meet. The policy is set up to:

  • Deny as many claims as possible.
  • Limit the ones they have to pay.

Deceived people pay good money in exchange for the hassle of trying to get it back. They think they can outsmart the home warranty company.

Deception is found in corporate sales and warranties; local, state, and national government—rules, regulations, and ordinances; the service industry; and real estate sales. Most destructive are the deceptive cultural influences that shape our lives, and determine our eternal destiny.

The most serious deception teaches that one can go to heaven by being good. The second most egregious deception is the “egalitarian” one that asserts men and women are the same in marriage.

If the days of Noah were filled with violence (Genesis 6:11,13), the end of the Age is marked by both violence and deception. Now for another little story: The lady on the phone wanted to give me something. I told her my mother taught me never to take gifts from strangers. O’ that this generation of Christians would learn what my mother taught me.

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth. (3 John 1:4)

But to walk in truth requires that one turn from, “the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life”—see 1 John 2:16. To walk in truth requires that you trust the Lord. You’re either part of the problem or part of the answer.

Family Beliefs

I just came from a baptism where six new converts gave their testimonies. Most came from broken homes, and have been rescued by the church from terrible lifestyles. I wanted to cry as I listened to their words. Damaged families are the result of wrong beliefs; to large extent, wrong ideas about family have come from the pagan culture in which we live. So what’s the remedy?

According to 2 Peter 1:3-4, God has given everything we need to raise godly, productive children, but still we need training. “No Greater Joy,” is a ministry devoted to saving souls, saving marriages, and raising children that will walk in truth. “No Greater Joy” magazine, Created To Be His Help Meet, and To Train Up a Child are good examples of what they have to offer.


Believe on Jesus

So why should you believe on Jesus? Jesus is God! Throughout Scripture, He made that claim repeatedly. To witness the miracles He did and then His Resurrection, you have to believe He IS God. Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” (John 14:6)

When Jesus was being tried, Pontius Pilate asked the same question modern liberals are asking: “What is Truth?” Jesus said, “Every one that is of the truth heareth my voice.” Pilate saith unto him, “What is truth?” (John 18:37a-38a, emphasis added)

Truth is everything as God sees it—Art Katz

Jesus never wavered from what he said in John 14:6. I will reference passages where Jesus tells why we must believe on Him—not just believe what He says, but believe on Him! See John 3:16, John 6:29, John 6:47, and Mark 16:16.

He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already. (John 3:18a, emphasis added)

The above passage promises heaven for those who believe on Jesus, and condemnation for those who don’t.

Old Testament Faith

From the beginning, men were to believe on God. What does Scripture say about our father Abraham? “And he believed in the LORD; and he counted it to him for righteousness.” (Genesis 15:6) The New Testament refers to Abraham’s faith in Romans 4:3, Galatians 3:6, James 2:23, and Hebrews 11:8-9. (Sarah’s faith is given in Hebrews 11:11-12.)

And the scripture was fulfilled which saith, Abraham believed God, and it was imputed unto him for righteousness: and he was called the Friend of God. (James 2:23, emphasis added)

Believe in the LORD your God, so shall ye be established; believe his prophets, so shall ye prosper. (2 Chronicles 20:20b, emphasis added)

Resisting the Truth

Despite His many miracles and His authoritative teaching, there were men who refused Jesus. In John 8:41-58, we find a confrontation involving the scribes and the Pharisees. Jesus’ accusations and claims could only come from a man who really IS God.

Ye are of your father the devil … When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it. (John 8:44, emphasis added)

Your father Abraham rejoiced to see my day … Then said the Jews unto him, Thou art not yet fifty years old, and hast thou seen Abraham? Jesus said unto them … Before Abraham was, I am. (John 8:56-58, emphasis added)

To say, “I am,” could only come from Deity, and every Jew knew that.

Withstanding God

Today, men continue to withstand God —some do so in their own name, others in the name of Allah! Most people don’t love truth. They don’t read the Bible, and they don’t listen to the Holy Spirit; they believe what they want. Let me again ask the question Pilate asked: “What is truth?”

Truth is everything as God sees it—Art Katz

Truth, as God sees it, is the only thing that will stand in the judgment, and I take the judgment seriously. “Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.” (Proverbs 16:18)

Jesus is God

Jesus is Emmanuel—God with us! He refers to one who believes on Him as a good tree, and those who don’t believe on Him as a corrupt tree. “A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.” (Matthew 7:18-19) Also see John 15:1-17.

In short:

  • If you truly believe on Jesus, you’ll walk in the Spirit, and you’ll do good things.
  • If you don’t believe on Jesus, you’ll do evil things.
  • If you don’t believe on Jesus, you’ll one day be judged, and cast into hell fire.


Does that mean an unbeliever can never do a good thing? Absolutely not! America has always had a strong Christian influence, and that does affect the general population—even unbelievers! In contrast, the pervasiveness of evil in the Middle East is a reflection of their false belief system.

Can we say Christians never do anything wrong? Absolutely not! Christians live in the Spirit, but don’t always walk in the Spirit. “If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.” (Galatians 5:16b). Can you walk in the Spirit, and still be wrong? I do at times, but I’m eager to be corrected when I’m wrong.

If we confess and repent, God forgives our sins. “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28) If you love the Lord, you are called according to His purposes, and God’s calling requires, that for you all things will work together for good. Does that mean we can sin with impunity? Absolutely not! I continue with, “What You Believe Matters.”


Heresies lead would-be Christians astray, and cause people to go to hell. The heresy could be learned from the culture or from the false prophet, but it is destructive, nonetheless. I continue to discuss two modern-day heresies that may be more destructive than the sum total of all other false teachings. Two Loves confronts and refutes these two heresies; it also offers a way out.


Truth is everything as God sees it, and it’s spelled out in the Bible. Some teachings are open to differing interpretations, e.g., disagreement over “Predestination” or the “Second Coming” is entirely acceptable.

But for a Christian to express a doctrinal viewpoint in blatant contradiction to Scripture, when that viewpoint is destructive, it’s heresy. Such a man thinks he knows better than God. Paul warns of those who would preach another gospel (2 Corinthians 11:4, Galatians 1:9). Another gospel, eventually, results in damnation.

But there were false prophets also among the people, even as there shall be false teachers among you, who privily shall bring in damnable heresies, even denying the Lord that bought them, and bring upon themselves swift destruction. (2 Peter 2:1b, emphasis added)

Different Heresies

Over the centuries, there have been a multitude of heresies. Some have sought to re-define God, and that includes modern heresies like those of the Jehovah’s Witnesses and Mormons. Others seek to independently define how men are to be saved; how we are to relate to God; or how husband and wife are to relate to each other.

A popular modern-day heresy is the Prosperity Gospel, which seeks to re-create God into the image of man. “God wants me to be happy,” and that becomes the focus, rather than the glory of God.

I want to examine two clearly defined beliefs that have to do with Salvation and marriage. These are foundational to life and godliness. “If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?” (Psalms 11:3)

The Oldest Heresy

In Chapter 9, I show in detail: Salvation by works doesn’t work; but Salvation by Faith does. According to Mike Gendron, (Proclaiming the Gospel) the dogma of the Roman Catholic Church (RCC) is consistently contrary to the Catholic Bible. Paramount is their teaching of Salvation by works (SBW). If Gendron’s argument is true, then most of the world’s 1.2B Catholics are in danger of hell, and every Catholic lives in the shadow of the SBW heresy.

Some Catholics, like my I.T. man, Victor Delgado, see Salvation as an ongoing process. Victor thinks Gendron is interpreting that as Salvation by works. Victor agrees that Salvation By Works (SBW) is heresy. Besides Delgado I know other Catholics who believe rightly and inspire godliness in me. But I see lots of Catholics who get caught up in the pomp and circumstance surrounding the RCC and are lacking when it comes to true faith. Having said all that, there is much lacking in our non-catholic churches.

For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God: and if it first begin at us, what shall the end be of them that obey not the gospel of God? And if the righteous scarcely be saved, where shall the ungodly and the sinner appear? (1 Peter 4:17-18, emphasis added)

The “Egalitarian” Heresy

“Egalitarianism” defies the easy passages of Scripture. It also defies common sense. It’s a fancy word, but what does it mean? And how has it been applied? It means there is no difference between a man and a woman. The goal is to fill any position using either a man or a woman. The destructive consequences to the family and society continue to be enormous. “Egalitarianism” doesn’t work, but people keep trying to make it work. Let me illustrate: I’m in the attic and I’m about to set my AC evaporator coil. There will be condensate, so I must keep in mind an important axiom: Water always runs downhill.

The laws of nature are absolute, and “egalitarianism” is against nature. Despite what Susan B. Anthony claimed, God did NOT design men and women to be interchangeable. Water will never run uphill, unless you have a pump. The feminists have been pumping a hundred years trying to make “egalitarianism” work, but it still doesn’t work. In the face of marital and family disaster, society continues to pump. Things are holding together for now. I predict the economy of the West will eventually fail, and the government safety net will be gone. As Sister Carroll said, “It’ll be too wet to plow.”

Who’s In Charge?

“Egalitarianism” is as impossible as a physical bottomless pit—try to dig one! “Egalitarianism” says: At home, a husband and wife are said to equally in charge; but that’s not how it works. I repeat, the Bible says the man should be in charge, but in an “egalitarian” culture it’s usually the woman. There may be considerable conflict, as there was in my marriage, or the couple may be in agreement; but someone always emerges as dominate.

The Easy Passages

The Bible puts men in charge. Significant passages are as follows: (Genesis 17:23), (Genesis 18:19), (Joshua 24:15), (Acts 16:31), etc. King David was male as is the King of Kings, Jesus. God is the ultimate authority, and Scripture declares Him to be our Heavenly Father, NOT our heavenly mother.

When God’s judgment is upon a people, women rule and children are unmanageable. During the time of Elijah, Ahab was officially the king, but Jezebel ran the show. Athaliah was a wicked queen as seen in 2 Kings 11:1,3.

As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths. (Isaiah 3:12)

Similar passages are as follows: (Nahum 3:13), (Isaiah 3:4-5), (Jeremiah 51:30), etc. Deborah did a good job as leader, but she did so reluctantly, only because the men weren’t doing their job. Today, if a woman is forced to do her husband’s job, she should follow the example of Deborah, and do so reluctantly.

“Egalitarianism” is a foundational heresy that is sending children and grand children to hell.

The “Egalitarianism” Heresy

A belief in “egalitarianism” is unbiblical. During the past 100 years, this heresy has so captivated Christianity that every professing Christian lives in the shadow of that heresy. It seems every Christian church is affected. I’ll illustrate, using examples from Islam. Marco Polo lived from 1254-1324 and said the following: “The militant Muslim is the person who beheads the infidel, while the moderate Muslim holds the feet of the victim.” At 911, the towers fell, and the moderates applauded.

Is the one who holds the feet less guilty, under God, than the one who beheads? At 911, were those who applauded less guilty than the kamikaze pilots, who flew the planes into the towers? Are those who applaud “egalitarianism” less guilty than the advocates? Are Christians who live an “egalitarian” lifestyle less guilty than those who capitulated, and revised the wedding vows?

Creation Order

Man (male and female) was created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). The woman was created to be a “help meet” to her husband. (Genesis 2:18-23) Eve was taken from Adam. God’s plan was for the two of them to be joined physically and spiritually—to become one! (Genesis 2:24)

From the one, God made two, and then from the two He makes one—C. Russell Yates

“Egalitarianism” ignores Creation Order, and then denies the marital order God intended. For Christians to agree, in that denial, is to become victims of that heresy. Multitudes of Christians live an “egalitarian” lifestyle—usually in ignorance! Those who teach modern marriage are the heretics. I’m sorry, but the man who falls from a tower will be just as dead as someone who actually jumped.

The “Egalitarian” Heretics

The militants are men like Gilbert Bilezikian and Christians for Biblical Equality (CBE). In the early sixties, Bilezikian was my pastor in upstate New York. I never dreamed that 35 years later, I would be in Texas, and he would appear to trouble my marriage. I strongly suspect that, in his marriage, Gilbert doesn’t practice what he preaches. The man who is so bold in defense of “egalitarian” marriage is likely in charge at home.

On *p51, Debi speaks of “scholars” who write books. They undermine the beauty of a woman’s help meet position by casting doubt on the Bible itself. “They talk in elaborate and `learned’ terms about `the original languages’ and the `cultural settings’ in which the words of Scripture were written.” Their conclusion is that God intended men and women to be the same. They are heretics, who are destroying marriages and families. Their teaching is sending children to hell.

 But there were false prophets also among the people, even as there shall be false teachers among you, who privily shall bring in damnable heresies. And many shall follow their pernicious ways; by reason of whom the way of truth shall be evil spoken of. (2 Peter 2:1a-2, emphasis added)

The “Egalitarian” Influence

“And many shall follow their pernicious ways.” This century, it seems the entire Church is following the “egalitarians.” The moderate preachers accept Creation Order, but won’t stand up for it. They have deleted male/female role distinctions from their wedding vows, and from their expectations. If they preach Creation Order, it’s only rhetorical; people know they don’t expect to be taken seriously. They, too, are helping send the next generation to hell. Moderate Christians ostensibly believe in biblical roles, but live an “egalitarian” lifestyle. I see it at home and at church, and that includes Christians who appear to be spiritual. I cover this is detail in Chapter 18.

Squeak Up, Guys

At this time, a few timid preachers believe in role differences, but are fearful of offending women. They have retained male/female differences in their wedding vows, and they quietly hope people will comply. I’m reminded of a high school event, in which Mr. Burns falsely accused me of something. I didn’t respond. Another student explained to Mr. Burns that I was not at fault. Mr. Burns asked me, “Are you a man or a mouse?” My friend said, “Squeak up, Russell!” Hey guys! “Squeak up!” You are not to be commended for your timidity.

Going back to the illustration from Islam, are the moderates and the timid less guilty than the militants?

Is This My Discovery?

I thought I was almost finished with Two Loves, when I suddenly realized that “egalitarianism” is a heresy. In my listening and reading, I had never heard that from anyone. I Googled “Egalitarian Heresy,” and found “The Berean Christian Bible Study Resources:http:// I agree entirely with the author, and encourage you to read his words. He writes as follows:

Due to the feminist culture in which we live, its infiltration in the Church, [is] due to irresponsible church leaders, who either have neglected to address the issue, or are themselves promoting heresy, by teaching and practicing what is contrary to the Bible. Many in the Christian community don’t realize that the Bible teaches men and women are to have different roles, emphasis added.

For many not to realize the Bible teaches men and women are to have different roles, tells how far we have drifted. “Therefore we ought to give more earnest heed to the things which we have heard, lest at any time we should let them slip.” (Hebrews 2:1)

They Just Don’t Know

I asked a question, and the lady was appalled, so I plead ignorance. She said, “You’re not ignorant, you just don’t know.” Let me take a verse out of context. “But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren.” (1 Thessalonians 4:13a) When it comes to “egalitarianism,” many Christians are ignorant—they just don’t know!

“Egalitarianism” is not some indiscretion or peccadillo. It’s as if you’re driving down a back road, and you see a sign that says, “Bridge Out,” so you turn around. The Bible is the sign that says, “Bridge Out,” but Christians either don’t see the sign or ignore it. “Egalitarianism” is, in my opinion, the second most serious heresy in human history. It’s infinitely worse than driving into the river or over the cliff. Now back to the Berean Resource.

The Change in Marriage

On p.2 the author writes,

So what can be said of the modern “egalitarian” or feminist movement within the Christian community today? It is disgraceful. Isaiah said, `Youths oppress my people, women rule over them. O my people, your guides lead you astray; they turn you from the path.’” (Isaiah 3:12) He claims that “egalitarianism” leads to rebellion in the family, homosexuality, and abortion. “These and like things, are all symptoms of a rejection of God’s order of creation.”

Again, I agree. And I add one final point of affirmation. What the author has just described is heresy. I now quote Justice Ruth-Bader Ginsburg, who ties “egalitarianism” into homosexuality.

There was a change in the institution of marriage to make it “egalitarian” when it wasn’t “egalitarian.” And same-sex unions wouldn’t—wouldn’t fit into what marriage once was.

Is this just another step in the evolution of man? See Figure 8-1.


Figure 8-1, Present State of Evolution

The recent Supreme Court ruling, affirming same-sex marriage, offends Christians, but why should it. With their “egalitarian” marriages, Christians have inadvertently supported homosexuality.

How Did It Happen?

If I’m right, if most Christians are living an “egalitarian” lifestyle, how did it come about? It happened over a hundred-year period. The main culprit was Susan B. Anthony, who led the world into “egalitarianism.” Christians then followed the world.

“Egalitarianism” is applauded as progressive. Here’s an opinion, taken from the web:

Thank you Justice Bader-Ginsburg for supporting marriage equality and speaking so clearly on this issue. However, we all know if the religious right had their way, American marriage law would revert back to that primitive and barbaric model of dominate male, submissive female.

Darlene Denis

Women and liberals want so badly for “egalitarianism” to work, but it doesn’t work, and it won’t work. The daughters of Eve and the sons of Adam continue to eat the Forbidden Fruit. On a daily basis they replicate the Original Sin.

Darlene thinks she knows better than God—”Ye shall be as gods!” And what does God have to say about all this chatter? “Why do the heathen rage, and the people imagine a vain thing?” (Psalms 2:1)

The comments that followed that of Ms. Denis are equally “egalitarian.” As we approach the end, the words I wrote over 30 years ago are becoming increasingly true: “How could the `right’ be so wrong, and the `wrong’ be so right? As it was in the days of Noah, so will it be in the days of the Son of Man.” “Egalitarians,” including Christians, are deceived. Only the blameless man, who loves the Lord more than he loves himself, can walk above the illusion, first spoken of in Genesis 3:5. “Ye shall be as gods.”

It was a gradual thing that is now deeply seated—in both the world and the Church! If you place a frog in water, and then raise the temperature ever so gradually, the frog will remain, until cooked. On ~p.69, Michael writes, “The woman’s nature is designed to adapt and diversify for the sake of relationship.” Michael was referring to the marital relationship, but a woman can also adapt and diversify to fit into the culture. That’s what has happened and, again, it has been gradual.

Repeat of Adam’s Sin

During the past century, men have repeated the sin of Adam. Women have led men into sin, just like Eve led Adam into sin. If a good-looking woman leads a man into sexual indiscretion, he will probably follow, but that’s not what I’m talking about.

Over the past hundred years, women have gradually taken the leadership that rightfully belongs to men. Beginning with Susan B. Anthony, men have gradually allowed—sometimes encouraged—them to do that. In so doing, men have followed women into sin.

When Eve led Adam into sin, they both suffered the consequences. The same is true today. The divorce rate is obscene, but that is just an indicator of the marital strife that continues—even in homes where divorce may never occur! Because of this heresy, many kids will find their eternal home in hell—even if their parents are born-again, and going to heaven! These things are just another indicator we’re approaching the end.

For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God: and if it first begin at us, what shall the end be of them that obey not the gospel of God? And if the righteous scarcely be saved, where shall the ungodly and the sinner appear? (1 Peter 4:17-18)

If you’re a victim of this heresy, pay attention; there’s a way out, and between this book and “No Greater Joy” ministry, you can find it.

The False Prophet (Heretic)

Democracy is the devil’s worldly masterpiece; “egalitarianism” is the centerpiece. George Barna’s research has documented Christian trends, and shown that the Faith is no longer, effectively, being passed to the next generation. Why? “Egalitarianism” has disrupted marriage and family life. So what can be said for the false prophet, who prepares future generations for hell?

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones. (Luke 17:2)

And what can be said for the Church that has fallen prey to the “egalitarian” heresy?

Nevertheless when the Son of man cometh, shall he find faith on the earth? (Luke 18:8b)

Faith is rapidly disappearing from the Western World, and that tells me the Lord’s return is near.

And except those days should be shortened, there should no flesh be saved: but for the elect’s sake those days shall be shortened. (Matthew 24:22, emphasis added)

Christianity in Decline

I always thought the above passage had to do with life, itself. Here’s a probable interpretation: The faith is not being effectively passed to the next generation. If the Lord hadn’t shortened the days, and the faith wasn’t being passed to the next generation, no true Christian would remain. Salvation would be history—lost to the final generation!

I’m making it abundantly clear: The “egalitarian” lifestyle is destroying marriage, the family, and the Church. I also believe many saved (elect) are actually living an “egalitarian” lifestyle. Let me show the progression: Great Britain and other European countries were once Christian strong holds. The missionary outreach, from England, was outstanding. Now, there’s a spiritual vacuum, in that part of the world, and its being filled by Islam.

It looks like America is headed in the same direction; and who’s to blame? Women! Who’s responsible? Men! While Christianity continues to decline in the “egalitarian” West, it’s on the increase in the less “progressive” countries.

Is It Too Late?

I believe Western Civilization is doomed, but you don’t have to do down with the ship. Many married couples think their marriage and family are normal. If you can’t manage your kids or they seem confused, that’s a good indicator you have a marital problem. If the two of you can’t get along, that’s another indicator.

Marital problems are best solved when husband and wife work together. But DON’T trust a marriage counselor. Most of them are lost in the culture. As Debi Pearl’s *book explains, a wife can solve the problem alone, but what if she resists?

If your wife won’t cooperate, you can solve the problem, alone. My wife wouldn’t cooperate, but I solved the problem—it only took me 32 years! Throughout this book I explain how I did it. If you’re a Christian, and want to do things God’s way, you need to pay attention to what I say and the teachings of Michael and Debi Pearl. See the next chapter for additional information.

I’ve already touched on works-based Salvation. Now let’s look more closely.


Nowhere is the search for life after death more evident than in the Egyptian pyramids. They were built as tombs for the Pharaohs and their queens; their bodies were mummified. “The Ancient Egyptians believed that, when they died, they would be judged on their behavior during their lifetime; before they could be granted a place in the afterlife.” “The Weighing of the Heart,” can be accessed using a Google search.

Egyptian gods, like Osiris, were composites of humans and animals or birds. As one can see using a Google search, their religion was complicated. Repeatedly, one sees a huge balance on which one’s righteous deeds were weighed against his evil deeds. Their deities, like a jury, would pass judgment.

Today, most people want an afterlife that will be carefree. Human nature leads toward self-achievement. How does one make it to heaven? Every world religion—even the cults—preaches good works. If you’re good enough, you’ll go to heaven. Of course, no one actually knows whether he’s been good enough until later. (There is one exception: In Islam, if one is killed in jihad, he is said to immediately go to heaven.)

Salvation by works is probably the most destructive heresy of all time. And why is it a heresy? Because, as I will show in this chapter, its in blatant contradiction of Scripture. Multitudes call themselves Christians, but are depending on good works for their Salvation.

The Righteousness of Man

Many people believe we’re good when born. The Bible tells quite a different story. “As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one.” (Romans 3:10)

But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away. (Isaiah 64:6)

People have taken wild animals as pets. To expect a lion to behave like a kitten is exceedingly dangerous. A lion will behave according to his nature. If he tries real hard, a lion might act like a kitten, but his good deeds are just good deeds—not a reflection of his true nature! The same applies to unregenerate men, who try to please God by doing good deeds.

The Scribes and Pharisees tried to be righteous by keeping the Law. As in other world religions, this was an attempt to please God by being good. It didn’t work. “For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.” (James 2:10)

Along comes John the Baptist, with a message these men needed to hear—”You Jews need a new heart!”

And think not to say within yourselves, We have Abraham to our father: for I say unto you, that God is able of these stones to raise up children unto Abraham. And now also the axe is laid unto the root of the trees. (Matthew 3:9-10a, emphasis added, emphasis added)

Introduction to The New Birth

To the Jews, John was saying: Just because you’re sons of Abraham, just because you keep the Law; doesn’t make you right with God. You need a new nature; your broken relationship with God needs to be restored. “The axe is laid unto the root of the trees.” And who are the trees? The Jews who think they are righteous, because they’re sons of Abraham.

His message: Repent first and then, through Jesus, you’ll be given a new nature; you’ll no longer be estranged from God. It would take a new birth, for the lion to become a kitten. The same is true for unregenerate men, who are acting as if they are good. So what did John mean when he said? “God is able of these stones to raise up children unto Abraham.” The stones were the Gentiles, who would become spiritual children of Abraham.

The first purpose of the Law was to bring men to faith. “Wherefore the law was our schoolmaster to bring us unto Christ, that we might be justified by faith.” (Galatians 3:24) Salvation by faith is a uniquely Christian concept. No other religion has ever tried to copy Christianity on that point. Still, man continues his futile pursuit of righteousness apart from God.

Man Was Made For God

To be born again, one must repent; he must surrender his will to that of the Lord. When he does, he enters into relationship with the Lord—an eternal relationship! What has just begun on earth will continue in the next life—heaven! But the Lord doesn’t compel anyone. “Whosoever will … let him come.” (Revelation 22:17) A man doesn’t have to surrender his will to the Lord; he doesn’t have to have a relationship with the Lord; he doesn’t have to go to heaven.

Woman Was Made For Man

A woman doesn’t have to surrender her will to that of her husband. She doesn’t have to have a relationship with him. A wife can live in the same house as her husband, but still not have the relationship God intended. I see no compulsion for a man to continue, indefinitely, a non-relationship. So when will the pretense cease? At death—if not sooner! For Theresa and me, it ended after 32 years, but the ending was a happy one.

Rules, Regulations and Procedures

The Western World operates according to law, but the law has to be applied intelligently. When America was a Christian nation that was the case. Today, every criminal is looking for a loophole that will allow him to get around the law. Since the fear of God is now lacking, judges and lawyers “assist” the criminal in his effort to avoid justice.

Theology Versus Doing

The Christian Faith is founded on Scripture. Period! John MacArthur’s fellowship is probably the best Christendom has to offer, at this time, when it comes to theology. There’s room for disagreement when it comes to peripheral issues such as predestination of the Second Coming, but NO room for disagreement on basics such as Salvation and the Deity of Christ.

The Law is about “doing,” but we are to be guided by the Holy Spirit as we apply the Law. Anyone who disobeys the Law, and claims to be led by the Holy Spirit, would do well to find some precedent, in Scripture, for that violation. In this book, I give numerous examples from the Bible—even Jesus violated the Law! The goal is to do the right thing—no matter what!

Not To Destroy, But To Fulfill

Jesus said, “Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.” (Matthew 5:17). Here’s a disagreement from a woman.

Russell … your focus on roles is “doing”—what men should do and what women should do! … God uses people who HEAR and obey, without regard to gender. I keep telling you about the New Covenant to stress that it depends on faith in God. The Law depends on man DOING right. This is why we can’t observe both covenants at once.

My Answer

You said, “God uses people who HEAR and obey, without regard to gender.” That’s wrong. This entire book refutes the notion that men and women are spiritually and administratively interchangeable. It has always been about DOING. The flood was God’s judgment because men were doing the wrong thing. “The earth was filled with violence.” (Genesis 6:11b)

After the Exodus, from Egypt until the end of Deuteronomy, they had Moses, the daily presence of the Lord, and the Torah. Why? So they could do the right thing; but they didn’t. Then came the Judges and then the Prophets. Along with the Torah and the rest of the Old Testament, they were enabled to do the right thing; but they didn’t!

Then came Jesus—God with us! His miracles far exceeded those from the Exodus to the Promised Land. Surely they could then believe the right things and do the right thing; but they didn’t. Then came the Church Age, and the giving of the Holy Spirit. Christians were further enabled to do right—they did, and at the risk of their own lives!

Why do you think I continued with a bad marriage for 32 years? I wanted to do the right thing. I was persistently in search of truth that would give Theresa and me a biblical marriage.

Today, we have a complete Bible, the local church and pastors. Added to that we have blameless men who accurately interpret Scripture. Ministries like No Greater Joy, along with books like Created To Be His Help Meet, and Two Loves, are there as resources to help modern Christians in their DOING. But guess what? Neither the Israelites nor the Jews did the right thing. (Only the early Church did.) The same can be said for modern Christians: We are NOT doing the right thing.

 To Fulfill

I repeat: Jesus said, “Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.” (Matthew 5:17) In what way did He fulfill not only the Law and the Prophets? The New Covenant is merely an enlarged resource so we can do the right thing. The Holy Spirit and all the other spiritual assets (God has given) allow us to rightly apply the Law and the Prophets. Why? So we can do the right thing. Let’s look at the disagreement again.

Russell … I think you have a blind spot when you read Scripture. Your focus on roles is “doing”—what men should do and what women should do.

My focus is absolutely correct. The roles God assigned husbands and wives have not been revoked or changed. The roles are there to enable us to do the right thing; but neither the Israelites, nor modern Christians have done the right thing. Because people have not done the right thing, their families and ours have been decimated. The main reasons for failure—spiritual and family—are the two most destructive heresies in history: (1) Salvation by Works, and (2) “Egalitarian” Marriage.

This lady doesn’t need to understand what I just said. All a woman has to do is submit to the Lord, who tells her to submit to her husband. The following was written in the context of the New Covenant, after the Holy Spirit had been given in Acts Chapter 2.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church … Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. (Ephesians 5:22-24, emphasis added)

Jesus had already said, “If ye love me, keep my commandments.” (John 14:15) To keep His commandments is DOING.

As head-of-the-house, the man is the spiritual leader and the authority. He’s the king of the house, but also the theologian of the house; as such he’s responsible. If a man can say, “I have lots of responsibility, but not much authority,” he should read Two Loves, and then, as guided by the Holy Spirit, make the necessary corrections.

This lady is a Christian who continues to defend “egalitarianism,” despite the terrible carnage it has caused in her family. Nothing I could ever say would change her mind. That’s why I wrote this book to men, and NOT to women. I have to believe a day of reckoning is coming, in which modern couples will stand before the Lord, as did Adam and Eve. She blamed the serpent, and he blamed his wife. The serpent didn’t have a leg to stand on. History repeats.

Doing The Right Thing

As I’m directed by the Holy Spirit, I do the right thing, but in the context of the Law and the Prophets. Throughout Two Loves, I show how people violated the Law, but did the right thing, e.g. Jesus healed on the Sabbath. The Holy Spirit directed me to file for divorce even though it was contrary to the Law. I did the right thing, and if Theresa hadn’t changed, I would have gone through with it. It was the threat of divorce that rescued our marriage. Even if we HAD divorced, I would still have done the right thing? I’m talking about doing, in the context of believing. Let me repeat again:

Jesus said, “Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.” (Matthew 5:17) I’ve just shown how the Law has been fulfilled through the New Covenant. Read on.

Proper Use of The Law

Just because it’s the Law, doesn’t mean it always has to be enforced. The Law says one can divorce his spouse because of unfaithfulness, but nothing says it has to be enforced. One can forgive, so his spouse can repent and be restored. Was it not Jesus who said? “Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.” (John 8:11b) The Law is there to be used, as the Holy Spirit guides.

We Christians aren’t in bondage to strict rules, regulations, and procedures (RR&P). If we insist on living by RR&P, if we miss the dynamic of the Holy Spirit, then we’re no different from the Jews of Jesus’ day.

The Meaning

Jesus came to fulfill the Law. What did that mean? To fulfill the Law was to deliver true Believers from the bondage of RR&P. Today, if you want to live strictly by RR&P you can be Catholic, Muslim, or of any world religion, except true Christianity. If you just follow the rules, you can be a good Mormon, Lutheran, Methodist, Church of Christ, Presbyterian, or even a Baptist. When it comes to Salvation, or for marriage and divorce, evangelical Christians fall into the RR&P trap.

Jumping Through The Hoops

Evangelicals may think they’re saved because they “Said The Sinners Prayer,” or “Walked the Aisle,” or joined the church, or “asked Jesus into their heart.” In the absence of true Faith, these are nothing more than formalities—procedures!

I have another story that just surfaced. James worked for me eight years. He was truly saved in 2005. When that happened, he said to me, “All you’ve said for seven years went into one ear and out the other.” James was saved at 25. Once that occurred, he won his two brothers to the Lord. He quickly learned the Bible better than most lifelong Believers. Today, he told of once being pressured into saying “The Sinner’s Prayer,” and then being told he was saved. He said, “I wasn’t saved.” Jesus explains what it takes to be saved.

Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed; And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. (John 8:31-32)

So what about the guys who said the sinner’s prayer or walked the aisle? Read on. In Luke Chapter 8, Jesus tells the parable of the sower. The seed of the Gospel was sown, and for one reason or another, many who heard the Gospel fell away.

And that which fell among thorns are they, which, when they have heard, go forth, and are choked with cares and riches and pleasures of this life, and bring no fruit to perfection. But that on the good ground are they, which in an honest and good heart, having heard the word, keep it, and bring forth fruit with patience. (Luke 8:14-15)

Bottom line: Jumping through the hoops is not enough. Salvation goes to those who follow through. My next example involves people, for whom I have the highest regard and admiration: John MacArthur Jr. and Stuart Scott. John MacArthur’s ministry continues to bless the Christian community, but everyone needs correction from time to time—myself included!

The book is The Exemplary Husband, by Stuart Scott. See Appendix Five, DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE, pp. 323-334, The Elder’s Perspective, Grace Community Church, John MacArthur Jr. and his church body.

The entire statement sounds like something written by lawyers. SECTION TWO, p.325, begins with this: “The only New Testament grounds for divorce are sexual sin or desertion by an unbeliever. SECTION THREE begins as follows: Remarriage is permitted for the faithful partner only when the divorce was on biblical grounds. … Those who divorce on any other grounds have sinned against God and their partners, and for them to marry another is an act of “adultery.” Appendix Five is biblically based, but entirely RR&P. To my knowledge, they have yet to identify “egalitarianism” as a heresy, but continue to deal with the symptom, which is divorce and sexual indiscretion.

RR&P’s are based on a static interpretation of Scripture. But God’s Word is dynamic.

For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of  of the thoughts and intents of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12)

God speaks through His Word in a dynamic way that varies from one situation to another. In the Old Testament, He spoke through the prophets. Since Pentecost, He speaks through the Holy Spirit. The goal is to do the right thing. Hey! One can tell the truth (RR&P) and still be lying. Let me give an example.

Sarah must have been a real knockout because Abraham feared some man would kill him to get his wife. Whenever he went to a community, they had agreed to say Sarah was his sister (Genesis 20:13). Actually Sarah was Abraham’s half-sister, but she was also his wife (Genesis 20:12). To say Sarah was his sister was a half-truth. If he had said Sarah was his wife that would have been the whole truth. As I said, someone can tell the truth (RR&P) and still be lying.

Jesus said, “Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.” (Matthew 5:17) There’s nothing wrong with the rules given in Scott’s Appendix Five, but no statement can cover all the marital bases on something so multifaceted as marriage, divorce, and remarriage.

As I continue to say, it’s the Holy Spirit that directs the application of the Law. To large extent, I see that as an individual matter, especially in light of the “egalitarian” heresy that has so flooded today’s churches. My experience follows.

A Time To Pluck Up

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; (Ecclesiastes 3:1,2b)

In agreement with our “egalitarian” culture, my wife seized the authority that was rightfully mine. I find no direct instruction in Scripture on how a man is to deal with an unbiblical wife, but as head-of-the-house he’s responsible. God held Adam responsible at the Fall, so there had to be an answer. After 32 years, I stumbled onto the masculine answer for our modern, wrongfully educated wife syndrome.

I dealt with Theresa in a biblical way, but my approach didn’t agree with the rules, regulations, and procedures cited in Scott’s Appendix Five. I interacted with more than one church that accommodates the “egalitarian” heresy. In my ignorance, I sought their help to rescue my marriage. The problem continued for 32 years.

There had been no sexual sin, my wife was a Believer, and desertion was not a factor. I was led by the Holy Spirit to file for divorce, and I wasn’t bluffing. My wife was at fault, and as she put it, “she shaped up.” Looking back, what I and the Holy Spirit were saying to Theresa was, “Either shape-up or ship-out.” She made the right choice. Under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I did the right thing, apart from the strict application of the Law.

Something More Important

Malachi makes a good case against divorce, but there is something more important than the marital bond.

Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away … saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously. (Malachi 2:15b-16)

So what’s more important than the marital bond? It’s the glory of God and the integrity of His people. Before they entered the promised land, God warned the Israelites as follows: “But thus shall ye deal with them; ye shall destroy their altars, and break down their images, and cut down their groves, and burn their graven images with fire.” (Deuteronomy 7:5). He made a special point that they were not to intermarry with the people.

Thou shalt smite them, and utterly destroy them; thou shalt make no covenant with them … Neither shalt thou make marriages with them … For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the LORD be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly. (Deuteronomy 7:1b-4)

They Disobeyed

Guess what? They did intermarry with the heathen. You can read the entire story in Ezra Chapter 10. They were commanded to divorce their foreign wives and send them away, along with their children. Some of the offenders were sons of priests. Names were given, along with the names of judges who wrote bills of divorcement. There was much weeping, and to underscore the severity of the offense, God sent great rain.

And Shechaniah … answered and said unto Ezra, We have trespassed against our God, and have taken strange wives of the people of the land … Now therefore let us make a covenant with our God to put away all the wives, and such as are born of them … and let it be done according to the law. (Ezra 10:2,3)

Nothing was said in Ezra 10 about the Jewish women who had married pagan husbands. I presume they had already assimilated into paganism, and were forever lost to the purposes of God. In those days, God spoke through prophets like Ezra. Today, guidance is given through Scripture, and applied as the Holy Spirit leads.

The Chickens Come Home To Roost

People forget God’s commands, and then think the Lord forgets. Let me put it another way: It’s difficult to unscramble an egg, but that’s what they had to do. Men were suddenly unmarried, and homes were left empty; women and children were sent away, and then lost to paganism, and for eternity. The same God, who hates putting away, became the author of divorce.

In Like Manner

Today, Christians have failed, as did the Israelites. “Egalitarianism” is in blatant contradiction to Scripture, and is eternally destructive. That makes it heresy. “Egalitarianism” came from our pagan culture, but is seen as progressive, and applauded by Christians; it is no less idolatrous than the graven images of the pagans the Israelites were told to displace. Through Ezra, the Lord led the people to divorce their pagan wives. Through the Holy Spirit, the Lord led me to divorce my wife, and I would have done so if she hadn’t changed.

Adam and The Sons of Adam

Men are called to a position of authority in the family—jurisdiction over wives and over children! Obedience to the Lord requires that men accept their responsibility. They can’t turn their job over to their wives. Despite the present pagan culture, they must not allow their wives to seize their position of leadership and authority. They are eternally responsible. In Chapter 3, I told how Alfred was faithful to his calling. His wife eventually divorced him, but that was her sin, not his. I’ve been talking about works, but there’s no substitute for righteousness that comes through Faith. That’s next.

Righteousness Through Faith

Adam fell from relationship with God, and his descendants found themselves estranged from their Maker. Only the perfect sacrifice of Deity itself, Jesus, would be sufficient to restore man to relationship with his Creator. But it has been almost 2000 years since Jesus’ death, His burial, His Resurrection, and His Ascension; and most men are still estranged from the Lord. Something is missing, and what is that something? One has to believe on Jesus to be saved.

Believe On Jesus

For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast. (Ephesians 2:8-9, emphasis added)

Did you get that? Man is saved by faith, not by good works. The man who is saved by faith has a new nature. It’s an absolute requirement—not an option! That’s why Jesus said, “Ye must be born again.” (John 3:7b)

The New Birth

If a lion could be born again, and become a kitten, he could do good deeds. The same is true for an unregenerate man, who is born again. “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.” (Ephesians 2:10, emphasis added). As born-again Believers, our new nature allows us to do good works, but they are not our good works. It’s the righteousness of Christ working through us. “For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.” (2 Corinthians 5:21) Still, by the power of the Holy Spirit, we have to make right choices.

“Except a man be born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.” (John 3:3 KJV) That’s what Jesus said to Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews. Then Paul observes the results. “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” (2 Corinthians 5:17, emphasis added) Please pardon the repetition, but this is so important.

A Radical Transformation

We’re talking about a radical transformation, a spiritual re-birth that drastically changes the nature of a man. And when does that happen? When a man is saved. So what does it take to be saved?

  1. You must realize you’re a sinner.

The bumper sticker reads, “Born right the first time.” As long as the man believes that, he will not believe on Jesus, and he cannot be saved.

  1. You must believe that Jesus is the Savior.

Jesus asked his disciples, “Whom do men say that I the Son of man am?” Some thought He was John the Baptist; some Elijah, and others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets.

He saith unto them, But whom say ye that I am? And Simon Peter answered and said, Thou art the Christ, the Son of the living God. (Matthew 16:15-16, emphasis added)

  1. You must accept Him as your Savior.

Scripture tells us to believe and confess that God has raised Jesus from the dead. “For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.” (Romans 10:10)

I like to put it this way: When a man discovers that God is God, and he isn’t; he will, by the power of the Holy Spirit, surrender his will to that of his heavenly Father. In so doing, he becomes a new man.

Good Works and Rewards

So what did I say in Chapter 8?

  • If what you believe is true, you’ll do good things.

Then I went on to show that Jesus is the truth, and we are called to believe on Him. Once you are born again, your nature and your heart’s desire will be to please the Lord, by doing good things. Jesus said the following: “Ye shall know them by their fruits.” (Matthew 7:16a).”Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit.” (Matthew 7:17a) John 15 says He is the vine and we are the branches, and that by abiding in Him, we’ll bring forth good fruit.

Identify the good fruit and the good tree Jesus speaks of. The good tree is the born-again Believer. The good fruit is the righteousness of Christ, at work in those who have Faith in Jesus. All the Scribes and Pharisees could offer was self-righteousness.

The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are. … I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess. (Luke 18:11-12)

I’ve always wondered about the next passage. It seems to say that Salvation is the result of good works.

The books were opened: and another book was opened, which is the book of life: and the dead were judged out of those things which were written in the books, according to their works. (Revelation 20:12b)

According to Ephesians 2:10, we’re saved unto good works. James writes that good works are proof of our faith.

But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves. For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass: For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also. (James 1:22,23; 2:26, emphasis added)

Good works, born of the Holy Spirit, in the life of a Believer, prove he is born again. If we are born again, what is the nature of the judgment? Good works determine the Believer’s heavenly rewards. Evil works determine the unbeliever’s punishment. Will not Moses and Paul have greater rewards? Will not men like Hitler and those who persecute the Jews, have greater punishment?

Review, Summary, and Conclusion

Two Choices: (1) Live by the Law. Follow rules, regulations, and procedures (RR&P), or (2) Do the right thing. I’ve already shown the loopholes that come with RR&P. I’ve also shown that keeping RR&P can’t satisfy the Lord. Let’s say, you want to do the right thing. How can you do that? By yourself, you cannot do the right thing.

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? (Jeremiah 17:9)

O LORD, I know that the way of man is not in himself: it is not in man that walketh to direct his steps. (Jeremiah 10:23)

The next passage tells how you can do the right thing.

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

The New Testament adds the dynamic of the Holy Spirit. Anyone, who believes on Jesus, receives the gift of the Holy Spirit.

Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized … in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. (Acts 2:38)

You become the agent by which the Holy Spirit acts to do the right thing. And PS, that’s exactly what God wants you to do—the right thing! We are NOT robots!

The Test

What follows next was written by Mike Gendron, and published by; it is used with permission and quoted verbatim.

True Faith or False Hope—How Can I Be Sure?

The most terrifying words Christians could ever hear would be if Jesus said to them, “I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness” (Matthew 7:23). On judgment day, those horrifying words will be heard by many who called Jesus “Lord,” but never repented of their iniquities. How can this be? How can someone who declares Jesus is Lord, and performs religious activities, be cast into hell? Are you sure this will not happen to you? You might comfort yourself by saying, “It can’t happen to me, because I believe in Jesus.”

Two Kinds of Faith

“You believe that God is one; you do well. Even the demons believe, and shudder” (James 2:19). So, the issue is not your “faith in God,” but the kind of faith you have. There are two types of “faith” described in the Bible. One is a dead faith that originates in man, as he gives mental assent to certain truths about God, but it produces no evidence of a new life in Christ (James 2:17). The other is a God-given faith, which includes being born again as a new creature in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17). This is a living faith that is coupled with repentance (Acts 11:18). It flows out of a new heart that desires to bear fruit for God’s glory (Ezekiel 36:26; John 15:8).

Which kind of faith do you have? Would you be willing to look to Scripture to test your faith? (2 Corinthians 13:5). John wrote his first epistle so you may know that you have eternal life (1 John 5:13). If you truly are a Christian, this will give you greater assurance of Salvation (2 Peter 1:10). However, what if you fail the test, and discover you are not a true Christian? By God’s grace, you must obey his command to believe the Gospel before you perish forever (2 Thessalonians 1:8-9).

Two Ways to Eternity

The Lord Jesus said we must “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.” (Matthew 7:13-14) The narrow way is hard, and only few find it, because you must diligently search the Scriptures to find it. You must enter with humility and contrition, confessing your sins before God (James 4:6; 1 John 1:9). Jesus warned that false prophets will try to mislead you (Matthew 7:15). They will point people to the broad way with a distorted gospel of works, religious rituals, and self-righteousness (Galatians 1:6-9). The broad way is easy because there is no call to repentance (Acts 26:18).

Two Responses to the Gospel

The only response unto salvation is to “repent and believe the Gospel” (Mark 1:15). Jesus declared, “I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance” (Luke 5:32). God is commanding “all people everywhere to repent.” (Acts 17:30) Repentance and faith produces “the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1) Assurance should not be based on a past decision, but on a present reality. Yet, some believe they are Christians because they responded to an altar call, or asked Jesus into their heart, or made a one-time decision to follow Christ, or repeated a sinner’s prayer or were water baptized for salvation. These responses are not found in the Word of God.

Two Types of Converts

True converts have been born again, and have passed from spiritual death to eternal life in Christ (John 3:3; Ephesians 2:5). Godly sorrow, for their sins, produced a repentance that led to salvation by grace through faith in Christ alone (2 Corinthians 7:10; Ephesians 2:8-9). Once slaves to sin, they have become obedient from the heart to God’s word (Romans 6:17). They have been sealed by the Holy Spirit, who guarantees their eternal inheritance. (Ephesians 1:13) They prove to be the Lord’s disciples by abiding in His Word and being led by the Spirit (John 8:31-31; Romans 8:14). As ambassadors for Christ, they desire to see others reconciled to God (2 Corinthians 5:20).

False converts are not aware of their perilous condition. They remain dead in their sins, because they do not have the Spirit of Christ (Romans 8:9). They love themselves and the world more than they love God and His children (1 John 2:15; 1 John 3:14). Being ignorant of God’s perfect righteousness, they rely on their own filthy rags of righteousness, which will never qualify them for heaven (Romans 10:3; Isaiah 64:6). These people deceive themselves when they call Jesus “Lord” and hear His Word, but do not do what He says (1 John 2:4; James 1:22). They claim to know God, but by their actions they deny Him (Titus 1:16). They desire Jesus as a priest, to pardon their sins; but not as a prophet, to instruct them; or a king, to rule over them. The cares of this world, the deceitfulness of riches, and the lusts of other things, keep them from abiding in God’s Word (Mark 4:19). When affliction or persecution arises, because of the Word, they fall away, because they were never born again (Matthew 13:21).

What Will You Do?

Some will reject this warning and continue to walk in darkness and deception. Others will test their faith in light of God’s Word, and realize they have never been born again (1 John). May God grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the true Gospel that Jesus Christ died for our sins, was buried, and was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scripture (1 Corinthians 15:4; 2 Timothy 2:24-26).

Here ends my quotation from “True Faith or False Hope,” by Mike Gendron.


God became man to save man from the illusion that he’s God—C. Russell Yates

The following is taken from my online publication, In His Image, Feel free to read the entire story. This chapter follows Chapter 9, and for good reason. Even after Salvation, men still hear the siren sound of Satan, and see themselves as God. Even for Christians, this is the rule. This is my favorite chapter, because it strikes at the root of man’s rebellion against God. Also I believe my understanding to be unique, and I like being creative.

You Are Not God

Since the Fall, every man comes into the world thinking he’s God. Satan’s attempted usurpation becomes that of each man.

For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil. (Genesis 3:5, emphasis added)

Most people act like they’re God—”If I believe something, that makes it true!” Or worse yet, “What’s true for me is not necessarily true for you.” That way, everybody gets to be God. Let me repeat!

God became man to save man from the illusion that he’s God—C. Russell Yates

Those, who love themselves more than they love God, will act as if they are God—these are NOT blameless men! As I said, this is true of most people, including Christians.

You were created in the image of God, but you’re NOT God. You’re not omniscient, omnipotent, or omnipresent. The remedy for this problem is found in what Jesus refers to as the new birth—see John 3:3. But there is one more requirement: One must learn to love the Lord more than he loves himself.

And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death. (Revelation 12:11, emphasis added)

The martyr is someone who already loves the Lord more than he loves himself. He is truly submitted to the Lordship of Christ, and walks above the illusion that he’s God. He’s a blameless man.

If God is God, and I’m not God, the logical and proper conclusion is this: I must come under the authority of the One who is God. I have Jesus, the Bible, and the Holy Spirit. I have everything I need to say, “Yes,” to the Lord. If I love the Lord more than I love myself, I will always defer to God, and I will never set myself above God—I will be a blameless man! The Lord has given me considerable autonomy, which I consider to be a huge compliment. Yet my most fervent prayer is that I might be obedient.


The greatest challenge faced by every man is to surrender his will to that of his Maker. If one can successfully obey Ephesians 5:21 “Submitting yourselves one to another,” he is prepared to surrender his will to that of the Lord. That is true humility. And PS, wives are given the greatest opportunity of all—to model submission to their families, and to the world by submitting to their husbands! (Ephesians 5:22-24)

The Meekest of Men

Now the man Moses was very meek, above all the men which were upon the face of the earth. (Numbers 12:3)

There may have been as many as 2.5M Israelites at the Exodus from Egypt. The earth had millions of Gentiles. Moses was the meekest man on the face of the earth. He was the most submissive. Read Exodus Chapters 7-14, and see that, again and again, Moses confronted Pharaoh—Let my people go! He was anything but submissive to Pharaoh, but he was submissive to the Lord—more than any other man! Moses, the prophet, wrote:

The LORD thy God will raise up unto thee a Prophet from the midst of thee, of thy brethren, like unto me; unto him ye shall hearken.” (Deuteronomy 18:15)

Does, “like unto me,” fit the usual definition of meekness? Once the Messiah appeared, Moses was no longer the meekest man on the face of the earth. For all my flamboyance, I’ve learned to submit to others, and to the Lord. My goal is to grow in meekness.

Perfection (God’s Requirement)

I’ve checked several translations of Scripture, and they all use the word perfect in the passage that follows.

Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect. (Matthew 5:48)

We are fallen men, who live in a fallen world, so none of us are flawless. What does the Lord mean, when He calls us to perfection? By faith in Jesus’ redemptive work on the cross, the righteousness of Christ becomes ours.

For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him. (2 Corinthians 5:21)

 We see the righteousness of Christ at work in our lives, but none of us will be as perfect as Jesus, until we’re glorified in heaven. We have the treasure, but it is still in an earthen vessel (2 Corinthians 4:7). Having said that, it’s possible to be blameless, and that’s my goal.

Blameless Believers

A blameless Believer is someone who will stand for the Lord, someone who will resist the culture, rather than seek the approval of men. Abraham was such a man.

And when Abram was ninety years old and nine, the Lord appeared to Abram, and said unto him, I am the Almighty God; walk before me and be thou perfect [blameless].(Genesis 17:1)

A blameless man is someone who loves the Lord more than he loves himself, “Whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel’s, the same shall save it.” (Mark 8:35b) Abraham proved to be blameless. He trusted the Lord to the point of death, and beyond. Abraham was also a prophet.

 By faith Abraham, when he was called to go out into a place which he should after receive for an inheritance, obeyed; and he went out, not knowing whither he went. For he looked for a city which hath foundations, whose builder and maker is God. (Hebrews 11:8,10)—see Genesis 12:1-4.

By faith Abraham, when he was tried, offered up Isaac: and he that had received the promises offered up his only begotten son. Accounting that God was able to raise him up, even from the dead; from whence also he received him in a figure. (Hebrews 11:17,19) Also see Genesis 22:2.

Abraham loved God above all else. The Lord told him to offer Isaac as a sacrifice, and he was obedient, until the Lord stopped him. Try to imagine what he would tell Sarah. I can hear her response: “You did WHAT?” It would have been worse than going into a fiery furnace as the three Hebrews did.

Hananiah, Azariah, and Mishael withstood the idolatrous culture of Babylon. Daniel 3 tells how Nebuchadnezzar set up an image and commanded everyone to worship his idol. The three Hebrews refused, and were cast into the king’s fiery furnace. The Lord rescued them. Read the entire story in Daniel Chapter 3. When our daughter was really little she said, “I would have bowed to the image, but I wouldn’t have meant it.”

How important is one’s confession? “And they overcame him [Satan] by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.” (Revelation 12:11) Most modern-day Christians bow to the “image.” They may not mean it at first, but, with time, the culture becomes their way of life. They are still Christians, but NOT blameless.

Hey! You can be as blameless as Abraham and the three Hebrews. That is my claim: I’m not flawless, but I’m blameless. If my claim is true, then I have reason to rejoice, for someday I will stand before the Lord and hear Him say, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant!”

Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you. (Matthew 5:11-12)

Blameless, But Not Flawless

Abraham, the blameless man, was not flawless. In Genesis 20:2, Abraham told Abimelech that Sarah was his sister. Sarah also lied, and Abimelech took her into his house. Despite Abraham’s sin, God stood by his blameless man.

But God came to Abimelech in a dream by night, and said to him, Behold, thou art but a dead man, for the woman which thou hast taken; for she is a man’s wife. (Genesis 20:3)

Now therefore restore the man his wife; for he is a prophet, and he shall pray for thee, and thou shalt live: and if thou restore her not, know thou that thou shalt surely die, thou, and all that are thine. (Genesis 20:7, emphasis added)

So Abraham prayed unto God: and God healed Abimelech, and his wife, and his maidservantas; and they bare children. For the LORD had closed the wombs of the house of Abimelech, because of Sarah Abraham’s wife. (Genesis 20:17-18)

Many Christians think God has abandoned Israel. Really? Well he didn’t abandon Abraham, despite his failure, and he hasn’t abandoned the nation of Israel. Isn’t it wonderful to know: You don’t have to be flawless, to be approved of the Lord?

Blameless Versus Flawless

We are still subject to temptation, so even the most godly Believer will sin. Still, we can be blameless. “There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was perfect [blameless] and upright, and one that feared God, and eschewed evil.” (Job 1:1) So Job was a blameless man—not flawless, but blameless!


How does a Believer become a blameless man?

  • He learns to love the Lord more than he loves the approval of men.
  • He learns to love his neighbor as much as he loves himself.
  • He’s teachable, and accepts correction.
  • When he’s wrong, he’ll repent, which means he’ll make the necessary changes.
  • He doesn’t make excuses, as did King Saul.

If a man can pull that off, he’s blameless. By the power of the Holy Spirit, he applies principles found in the Word. He’s not a slave to the Law, and when he sins he doesn’t feel guilty. He simply repents, and is forgiven.

To Criticize A Blameless Man

A blameless man will welcome constructive criticism. Throughout his trials, Job continued to declare himself to be a righteous man. At 76, one would expect me to be set in my ways, but that is absolutely, positively, and unequivocally NOT the case. A blameless man is never set in his ways.

Job’s Marriage

Job’s wife was NOT blameless, but Job stayed the course.

Then said his wife unto him, Dost thou still retain thine integrity? curse God, and die. But he said unto her, Thou speakest as one of the foolish women speaketh. What? shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil? In all this did not Job sin with his lips. (Job 2:9-10, emphasis added)

Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him. (Job 13:15)

Because of his wife, Job’s marriage was flawed. Now hold that thought. I’ll discuss different types of marriages, and then get back to Job.


Biblical (Complementarian) Marriage

Biblical marriage was clearly stated at Creation. “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet [suitable helper] for him.” (Genesis 2:18) It’s pretty simple: If a woman is a suitable helper to her husband, they have a biblical marriage. The husband is in charge, and his wife is his suitable helper. A maid, janitor, or handyman could be a man’s helper, but, according to the Bible, that would not be suitable.

“Egalitarian” Marriage

“Egalitarian” marriage is a modern invention. It requires two non-biblical partners; and the way things are developing, the two partners can be of the same sex. Given enough time, I predict a partnership marriage could involve a man and his dog. It’s culturally driven, and in opposition to the Bible.

The Public Dialogue

At the end of April 2015, the Supreme Court began to hear arguments for same-sex marriage. The article, from which I quote, was found using a Goggle Search. “Justice Ruth-Bader Ginsburg explained exactly why marriage was long understood to be incompatible with homosexuality in just five sentences.”

[Same-sex couples] wouldn’t be asking for this relief if the law of marriage was what it was a millennium ago. I mean, it wasn’t possible. Same-sex unions would not have opted into the pattern of marriage, which was a relationship, a dominate and subordinate relationship. Yes it was a marriage between a man and a woman, but the man decided where the couple would be domiciled; it was her obligation to follow him.

There was a change in the institution of marriage to make it “egalitarian” when it wasn’t “egalitarian.” And same-sex unions wouldn’t—wouldn’t fit into what marriage once was!

“Justice Ginsburg’s point was that, until surprisingly recently, the legal institution of marriage was defined in gender [sex-based] roles.”

Jesus said in Matthew 5:13-14, that we Christians are the salt of the earth and the light of the world. He said we’re to put our light on a candlestick so the whole world can see. For the past century we haven’t done that. The culture has led the way, and Christians have followed.

No Moral Authority

If there’s no difference between men and women, what does it matter if a man marries a man or a woman marries a woman? By accepting or accommodating “egalitarianism,” we Christians have given our blessing to homosexuality. Christians have no moral authority to challenge same-sex marriage. … Just in! On Friday June 26, 2015, the Supreme Court ruled that Same-Sex marriage is a right nationwide. Now it’s time for some fun. Here’s a spoof my friend, Art, sent me by email.

Good Morning

“We want to apply for a marriage license.”

“Names?” said the clerk.

“Tim and Jim Jones.”

“Jones?? Are you related?? I see a resemblance.”

“Yes, we’re brothers.”

“Brothers?? You can’t get married.”

“Why not?? Aren’t you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples??

“Yes, thousands. But we haven’t had any siblings. That’s incest!”

“Incest?” “No, we are not gay.”

“Not gay?? Then why do you want to get married?”

“For the financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other. Besides we don’t have any other prospects.”

“But we’re issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who claim they’ve been denied equal protection under the law. If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman.”

“Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have. But just because I’m straight doesn’t mean I want to marry a woman. I want to marry Jim.”

“And I want to marry Tim. Are you going to discriminate against us just because we are not gay?”

“All right, all right, I’ll give you your license. Next.

“Hi, we are here to get married.


“John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson.”

“Who wants to marry whom?”

“We all want to marry each other.”

“But there are four of you!”

“That’s right. You see we’re all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert; Jane loves June and me; June loves Robert and Jane; and Robert loves June and me. All of us getting married is the only way we can express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship.”

“But we’ve only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian couples.”

“So you’re discriminating against bisexuals!”

“No, it’s just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it’s just for couples.”

“Since when are you standing on tradition?”

“Well, I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere.”

“Who says?? There’s no logical reason to limit marriage to couples. The more the better! Besides, we demand our rights! The Mayor says the constitution guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a marriage license!”

“All right, all right. Next.”

“Hello, I’d like a marriage license.”

“In what names?”

“David Anderson.”

“And the other man?”

“That’s all. I want to marry myself.”

“Marry yourself?? What do you mean?”

“Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality. So I want to marry the two together. Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return.”

“That does it! I quit!! You people are making a mockery of marriage!!”

END OF SPOOF, and I ask, “Are the Mormons that wrong?”

I recall what a young lady, my student at Texas A&M, once said to me: “I’ll leave it to your discrepancy.” The discrepancy belongs not just to the Supreme Court, but also to the Christian “egalitarians.” Is that not a mandate to get our marriages and families in line with Scripture? Shall we continue to be party to this foolishness, and the next Sodom-and-Gomorrah type judgment?


Some Christians, like Gilbert Bilezikian and CBE (Christians for Biblical Equality), have given a cultural interpretation to the Bible; they are NOT blameless. Their interpretation of Scripture is that the world has been right all along—at least for the last 100 years!

Some Christians, like Tim Challies and CBMW (The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood), Russell Yates, and “No Greater Joy Ministry” (Michael Pearl) have a complementarian (biblical) interpretation of marriage.

A few Christians, like Debi Pearl and Russell Yates, publicly oppose “egalitarian” marriage despite the disapproval of men. Tim Challies and CBMW are unbiblical when it comes to defending their beliefs.

Most Christians believe in biblical marriage, but have adapted to the cultural changes. Tragically, they live an “egalitarian” lifestyle. Today, very few Christians actually have a biblical marriage. Tim Challies and members of CBMW  probably do.

After years of conflict, my wife and I finally found a biblical marriage. Up to then, Theresa was dreadfully unhappy and so was I. After she became my “help meet,” everything changed. Suddenly, Theresa was entirely satisfied with our relationship, and so was I. Now, I’ll try to identify, from the top, down—great to terrible—different marriages!

Levels of Marital Perfection

In Luke 1:5-6, Zacharias and Elisabeth, the parents of John the Baptist, are said to be blameless. Scripture identifies many blameless people, and calls us all to be blameless, but nowhere else is a specific couple said to be blameless. We can rightfully infer that Joseph and Mary were blameless; anything more would be conjecture. For Christians, I’ll try to identify four different levels of marital achievement.

Example A—The Perfect Marriage

The perfect marriage results when two blameless people are properly trained. This is where both husband and wife love the Lord more than the approval of men. These are Christ-centered people, in contrast to those who are self-centered. I believe it was true for Zacharias and Elisabeth, and for Joseph and Mary. Throughout Judaic/Christian history, a perfect marriage has been rare.

Example B—The Biblical Marriage

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24) When a wife becomes “help meet” to her husband, she can lead him into a biblical marriage. She can save her husband and her marriage by submission (1 Peter 3:1-6). (A biblical marriage does NOT require blameless Christians.) Beginning 100 years ago, the biblical marriage has come under attack from our “egalitarian” culture. It is now an endangered species. The work of Michael and Debi Pearl offers hope that biblical marriage can again flourish in the Church.

Example C—The “Egalitarian” Marriage

Today, most Christian couples live an “egalitarian” lifestyle—it’s culturally driven! They learned it, over time, starting with Susan B. Anthony. It’s a repudiation of Genesis 2:24. Instead of the two becoming one; the two remain two; they never become one.

Example D—Militant “Egalitarian” Marriage

This is best explained by example: My wife, Theresa, usurped our family leadership, and then sought to justify her usurpation. She enlisted the help of “egalitarian” heretics like Gilbert Bilezikian and Christians for Biblical Equality. Ostensibly, they sought to prove, from Scripture, that husbands and wives should be equal and interchangeable. Theresa really believed in equality—that was her goal—but, as I explained earlier, for a woman, “equality” translates into female dominance. The serpent said, “Ye shall be as gods,” and she continued to dance to that tune. The tragedy was that I allowed it. After 32 years, Theresa graduated from Example D to Example B. I’ll explain later.

It’s been a while, but I return to Job: In the midst of his suffering, he remained faithful.


The prophet Samuel said the following: “Them that honour me I will honour, and they that despise me shall be lightly esteemed.” (1 Samuel 2:30) Job was a man who honored the Lord.

The Blameless Man

There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was perfect [blameless] and upright, and one that feared God, and eschewed evil. (Job 1:1)

Early in the book of Job, Satan is given permission to afflict Job. Neither Job, nor his friends were aware of the deal the Lord had made with the devil. Throughout the book, Job suffers, and feels the Lord has deserted him; he continues to register his complaint. In Chapters 37-41 the Lord chastens Job. “Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the earth? Declare if thou has understanding.” (Job 38:4). Job answered, “Wherefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes.” (Job 42:6)

Question! If it took God five chapters to reprove Job, how could Job be a blameless man? A blameless man doesn’t have to be flawless, but he will repent as did Job. I will now give some marks of a man who is blameless in the eyes of the Lord.

Marks Of The Blameless Man

He is obedient to the Great Commandment. “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.” (Luke 10:27, emphasis added). This was before the Law had been given to Moses, but Job was such a man. He loved his neighbor as himself, and he loved God more than he loved the approval of men—see Job Chapter 29!

He was like Daniel, in the lion’s den; like Hananiah, Azariah, and Mishael in the fiery furnace; like the martyred prophets; like the martyred apostles; and like multitudes of martyrs, today, who love the Lord, more than their own lives—more than the approval of men! He was not flawless, but he was blameless. He was like Enoch, who pleased God, and was then translated; and Abraham who believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness.

The blameless man is one who is in submission to the Lord, rather than to the culture. He is humble, and open to correction. When wrong, he will repent, e.g. see Job and David (Psalms 51). Most Believers, like King Saul in 1 Samuel Chapter 15, will make excuses.

If you’re blameless, the Lord will take care of your faults.

Everything the blameless man says and does is blessed of the Lord. I say it again: Even your mistakes or sins turn out for the best. Remember when Abraham lied to Abimelech? How God intervened for Abraham and Sarah! Regular Believers can criticize blameless men, but they will just bang their heads against a brick wall.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)

Like David facing Goliath, a blameless man is bold as a lion. (Proverbs 28:1b)—the Lord is with him!

It Takes One to Know One

Nine times in the New Testament, men are encouraged to be blameless. (Never are they expected to be flawless.)

So that ye come behind in no gift; waiting for the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ: Who shall also confirm you unto the end, that ye may be blameless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. (1 Corinthians 1:7-8, emphasis added)

So how is one to know a blameless brother? It takes one to know one, but casual contact is not enough. I claim to be a blameless man, but even another blameless man would have to know me pretty well before he could be assured my claim is correct.

I lived with Theresa since 1970, so I got to know her pretty well. She’s a born-again Believer, who loves the Lord, but she has always been driven by self-interest, and that means she is NOT blameless. If “the way is narrow and few be that find it,” even fewer are blameless. Having said these things, I believe that both Michael and Debi Pearl are blameless. I stand in awe!

Just Believers

Before I say bad things about Job’s friends, we must give them proper credit. They weren’t blameless men, but they meant well. (They were the Old Testament equivalent of today’s typical Christian.) At the end, the Lord still made a distinction between Job and his friends.

Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that was come upon him, they came every one from his own place; Eliphaz the Temanite, and Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite: for they had made an appointment together to come to mourn with him and to comfort him. And when they lifted up their eyes afar off, and knew him not, they lifted up their voice, and wept; and they rent every one his mantle, and sprinkled dust upon their heads toward heaven. So they sat down with him upon the ground seven days and seven nights, and none spake a word unto him: for they saw that his grief was very great. (Job 2:11-13, emphasis added)

In his misery; Job’s friends Eliphaz, Bildad, Zophar, and Elihu came to comfort him; but that’s not the way it turned out. Remember, neither Job nor his friends knew about the deal the Lord had made with the devil. Repeatedly, Job asserted his righteousness, while his friends continued to accuse him of wickedness. They were just expressing their opinion. For them, it made sense that God would punish only the wicked; Job was suffering, so he must be wicked. They went through three cycles: First Eliphaz, then Bildad, then Zophar would accuse him. Job said, “Miserable comforters are ye all.” (Job 16:2b)

Job’s End

At the end, the Lord called Job’s friends “on the carpet.” (A younger man, Elihu, was even more critical, but his name wasn’t mentioned in God’s rebuke of the older men.)

And it was so, that after the LORD had spoken these words unto Job, the LORD said to Eliphaz the Temanite, My wrath is kindled against thee, and against thy two friends: for ye have not spoken of me the thing that is right, as my servant Job hath. (Job 42:7, emphasis added)

Therefore take unto you now seven bullocks and seven rams, and go to my servant Job, and offer up for yourselves a burnt offering; and my servant Job shall pray for you: for him will I accept: lest I deal with you after your folly, in that ye have not spoken of me the thing which is right, like my servant Job. (Job 42:8, emphasis added)

God was declaring Job to be blameless and his friends to be just Believers. His friends were wrong. God called Job, “my servant,” but offered no such commendation to his friends.

“And the LORD turned the captivity of Job, when he prayed for his friends: also the LORD gave Job twice as much as he had before.” (Job 42:10). The Bible doesn’t tell us everything; but hopefully the Lord gave Job a new wife, or at least repentance to the wife who had once advised him to, “Curse God and die.” After his restoration, Job did have a wife, who bore him ten children.

He had seven sons and three daughters. And in all the land there were no women found so fair as the daughters of Job. (Job 42:13,15a)


Michael Pearl

Michael Pearl is a blameless man. I have followed his ministry for over 12 years, and I testify: Michael loves the Lord, more than he loves the approval of men. He lives a Christ-centered life. Michael has ministered as a pastor, a husband, a father, in the jails, and as an author. He is a gifted manager, and a humble servant. Because of Michael Pearl, men are being saved, marriages are being rescued, and children are being trained, and then home-schooled.

“No Greater Joy,” is Michael’s ministry. Debi Pearl is Michael’s “help meet.” She, too, is blameless. Together they have five children, and at least 22 grand children, all of whom are under their umbrella of godliness. From within the Christian community, there’s considerable opposition to “No Greater Joy Ministries.” That should not be surprising since “egalitarianism” has flooded our homes and churches.

The Opposition

I believe I can shed light on the opposition, but change will not come easily. I do want to encourage the Pearls, and I want to assure those who have been blessed by Michael and Debi to continue in that blessing. Why am I writing this book in the first place? To the glory of God! I want to see men saved; marriages healed; and children properly trained and saved. I want to see churches set free from the heresy of “egalitarianism.” I want Believers to be ready for the Second Coming. In Two Loves, I quote Debi Pearl 53 times, and I quote Michael 26 times.


I’m an engineer, a mechanic, and an AC contractor. I believe the right things about gravity, plumbing, fluid-flow dynamics, electricity, and a host of other things. I love the Lord more than I love the approval of men. The Holy Spirit is my guide. When I do a job, I expect to get the desired results. In a cost-effective manner, I want people to be kool—with a minimum of future problems! I have a fabulous reputation. I’m blameless, but not flawless.

I could say similar things about Michael and Debi Pearl. They are blameless people who do the right things, and are directed by the Holy Spirit. They get the desired results, in their family and in their ministry. For differing reasons, people find fault with their ministry. It would be hard to find anything wrong with their family.


This is a modern term for interactive opinions that appear on the web. Tim Challies is a blogger and a book reviewer. I’ll refer to him later. Cyberspace is overflowing with comments, which are nothing more than opinions. Millions of people act as if they are Gods, but all they have to offer are flawed opinions. I am NOT among those who take these people seriously.

But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned. (Matthew 12:36-37)

The Council On Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (CBMW)

The Danvers Statement was prepared by several evangelical leaders, at a CBMW meeting in Danvers, MA, in December 1987. It was first published in final form by CBMW in Wheaton, IL, in November 1988. It appears in original form in my Appendix Three. Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, edited by Piper and Grudem, was published in 1991. In 1994, three members of CBMW met with Christians for Biblical Equality (CBE) for discussions. While there was much dialogue, little agreement was found.

At first I agreed entirely with the Danvers Statement, but now I see things differentlyI was partly right! In the following order, the original statement is given.

  • Rationale —– 10 points
  • Purposes —— 5 points
  • Affirmations — 10 points

Their “Rationale” and “Affirmations” are entirely biblical. They have done a magnificent job at defining biblical manhood and womanhood. The Danvers Statement, as it now appears on their website, has been altered. The entire section called “Purposes” has been removed, and probably for good reason.

How did they plan on confronting “egalitarianism?” That was spelled out in their “Purposes.” Their approach was dreadfully unbiblical, and their first four points were entirely academic. Their goals, as enunciated in point five, are worthy! I have added emphasis to portions of their “Purposes.” Here, I will show the introduction to their “Purposes.”


Recognizing our own abiding sinfulness and fallibility, and acknowledging the genuine evangelical standing of many who do not agree with all of our convictions, nevertheless, moved by the preceding observations and by the hope that the noble Biblical vision of sexual complementarity may yet win the mind and heart of Christ’s Church.

A Difference of Opinion

CBMW framed it as a difference of opinion that could be resolved through discussion. In 1990, I began writing, Restoring The Father To The Family. In so doing, I interacted with the Council On Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (CBMW). I was told I would offend even my friends, but just now, I understand the implications. Significant people I’ve offended include Elisabeth Elliot, Larry Christenson, and Mark Day.

Why would they be offended? Let me guess: They felt guilty because they were guilty. They had good marriages and felt sorry for people like me. But they were unwilling to take the “heat.” They continue to preach the easy parts of the Gospel, while giving “lip service” to those parts that would invite conflict, within the Church.

I have shown in Chapter 8, that “egalitarianism” is heresy. The Bible tells it like it is, and CBMW should be doing the same.

He that abideth in the doctrine of Christ, he hath the Father and the Son. If there come any unto you, and bring not this doctrine, receive him not into your house, neither bid him God speed: For he that biddeth him God speed is partaker of his evil deeds.” (2 John 1:9b-11).

The following passages deal with heresy.

But there were false prophets also among the people, even as there shall be false teachers among you, who privily shall bring in damnable heresies. And many shall follow their pernicious ways; by reason of whom the way of truth shall be evil spoken of. (2 Peter 2:1a-2, emphasis added)

A man that is an heretick after the first and second admonition reject; Knowing that he that is such is subverted, and sinneth, being condemned of himself. (Titus 3:10-11)

Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear. (1 Timothy 5:20)

Cultural marriage (“egalitarianism”) is firmly entrenched in our evangelical churches. What would have happened if CBMW had answered the “egalitarians” in a biblical way? The disruption in our churches would have been like an earthquake. So instead of a biblical answer, they chose the academic approach, as spelled out in their first four points of purpose.

A Biblical Response

Was John the Baptist ever confrontational?

But when he saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees come to his baptism, he said unto them, O generation of vipers, who hath warned you to flee from the wrath to come? (Matthew 3:7)

Ye serpents, ye generation of vipers, how can ye escape the damnation of hell? (Matthew 23:33)

Was Jesus ever confrontational? Matthew 23:2-39 was an incredibly scathing rebuke of the Scribes and Pharisees.

Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men’s bones, and of all uncleanness. (Matthew 23:27)

Ye serpents, ye generation of vipers, how can ye escape the damnation of hell? (Matthew 23:33)

Did the apostles, and the prophets ever offend? Were they ever disruptive? In the book of Acts, I find 16 places where the apostles caused disturbances, to the point of rioting. They were willing to put their lives on the linenot just their reputations! They were blameless, but so many Christians today aren’t blameless because they value the approval of men more than the approval of God.

Throughout this book, I refute “egalitarianism.” In Chapters 17 and 20, I tell how my “open-letter” disrupted the church and resulted in my expulsion. The pastor denounced both my letter and me from the pulpit. Once things quieted down, they were able to get back to business as usual.

Michael and Debi Pearl defend marriage in a biblical manner. As such, they have offended “nice” Christians. I’ll say it again: The apostles founded the Church. They withstood the disapproval of men. They were offensive to the point of martyrdom.



If CBMW is correct in their “Rationale” and “Affirmations,” departure from the complementarian position is not just a difference of opinion, but blatant rebellion again the authority of God’s word. It’s heresy that’s infinitely destructive. Church leaders, who espouse “egalitarianism” are false prophets, who are leading people astray; they should be soundly denounced by CBMW.

I would have thought the theologians at CBMW would have seen the heresy, long before I saw it. (I’ve been to Bible school, but only for a year—not to seminary!) It’s been 27 years since the Danvers Statement was published. Their last affirmations point follows:

  1. We are convinced that a denial or neglect of these principles will lead to increasingly destructive consequences in our families, our churches, and the culture at large.

I used the term, “infinitely destructive.” In their affirmation above, they use the phrase, “increasingly destructive.”

By not confronting the false prophets, as the heretics they are, our families are in worse shape now than they were then. “Egalitarianism” is now solidly entrenched in our culture, our homes, and our churches. But perhaps I was expecting too much from the theologians. According to Scripture, family healing will take place because of the leadership of “Elijah.”

Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD: And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse. (Malachi 4:5-6, emphasis added)

God Doesn’t Hurry

Hundreds of years passed before the Early Church put a stop to polygamy. Human idolatry in many of its forms, including “egalitarianism,” will continue until the Second Coming. As I have said, “egalitarianism” is about 100 years old, a relatively new Western invention. There has been lots of discussion.

Besides discussion between CBMW and CBE, I point to an article in “Christianity Today,” that originally appeared in “Today’s Christian Woman.” The article is “Complementarian Versus Egalitarian,” by Kelli B. Trujillo. She tries to combine the best of both positions. She is a complementarian and, not surprisingly, has a great marriage. But the problem she faces is that “egalitarianism” is NOT biblical. They have to ignore much of the Bible to support their position.

As I said, “egalitarianism” is a relatively new Western invention, which is both heretical and idolatrous. Up to now few have been willing to risk everything to confront the “egalitarian” sin. In her book, Created To Be His Help Meet, Debi Pearl has done that. My book is even more bold and confrontational than Debi’s. And furthermore, Two Loves is online and freefor the entire world to see! Before now, no one has ever had an audience of 3.5 billion men.

Next I want to review a book reviewer. Is that not fair? My review of Tim Challies will be as public as his review of Created To Be His Help Meet, by Debi Pearl. I think Challies comments are uncalled for, unfair, and destructive to marriages and families; I’ll review his review, accordingly.

Rev. Nice Guy

Tim Challies is Associate Pastor of Grace Fellowship Church in Toronto, Ontario. Besides being a pastor, he is an author, blogger, and book reviewer. He seems to be highly respected. On his website, he has published his reviews for 720 books—done over the last twelve years! Check my arithmetic, but I get 60 books/yearabout one every six days! No man on the face of the earth can do that, and be fair. He is not being fair to the authors or to the Christian community.

Challies’ Critique Of Debi Pearl

Created To Be His Help Meet was 10 years in the making, and four years in the writing. Debi is a blameless womennot flawless, but blameless! The Fall 2012, issue of the Journal for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, contained Challies review of Debi’s bookpart 1 (five pages)! If that weren’t enough, Challies published Part 2 of his “book review” (3 pages) that can be found on his website. Is this a book review or a vendetta? He ends both sections with this comment: “I would recommend avoiding this book at all costs.”

Most of his comments, I found too painful to read. Any response I can offer will be an understatement, but here goes: She didn’t do things his way, so he continued to find fault. Challies says that Debi’s book, “offers too much foolish counsel.” Throughout Two Loves, I quote Debi and Michael Pearl repeatedly. I think they give fabulous advice. It looks like Tim Challies and I have a difference of opinion. His criticism was over a difference of opinion and procedure, but it was presented with the approval, and I presume blessing, of CBMW. The following words of Paul apply here.

Who art thou that judgest another man’s servant? to his own master he standeth or falleth. Yea, he shall be holden up: for God is able to make him stand. (Romans 14:4, emphasis added)

If you’ll read Romans Chapter 14, you’ll find the context has to do with opinions and choices. Rev. Challies is not master to Debi Pearl. Christians, who were unwilling to offend heretics, then trashed the ministry of a godly couple, the Pearls. As I said earlier, I don’t expect to change their minds, but I do want to encourage Michael, Debi, and their flock. The disciples had the same problem as Challies, and Jesus rebuked them.

And John answered him, saying, Master, we saw one casting out devils in thy name, and he followeth not us: and we forbad him, because he followeth not us. But Jesus said, Forbid him not: for there is no man which shall do a miracle in my name, that can lightly speak evil of me. For he that is not against us is on our part. (Mark 9:38-40)

In 1993, I published my book, Restoring The Father To The Family, which is complementarian. Tim Challies is a complementarian, and has his own recommended books. There’s just one problem: Our books haven’t been persuasive. Challies can criticize the Pearls “til the cows come home,” but I know one thing: Debi has been persuasive, while other complementarian books, like mine, haven’t been. (In Two Loves, I’ve taken a different approach, and written to men.) We are to “Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.” (Romans 12:15) Tim Challies, it’s not about you or me, it’s about the Lord and His glory. His Kingdom Come! Not your Kingdom Come! Not my Kingdom Come!

Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter! Woe unto them that are wise in their own eyes, and prudent in their own sight! (Isaiah 5:20-21, emphasis added)

Man Pleasers

No man is flawless, but a few are blameless. Most Believers are NOT blameless. Some will nit-pick with the Hebrew and the Greek as they criticize the ministry of blameless men. Any blameless Believer, who rocks the boat, is, to them, an angry man, who should be ignored.

A man pleaser has little to offer, but an opinion. I’m talking about men like Job’s friends. They mean well, but overstep their spiritual authority. The Church is full of men who make fools of themselves in God’s eyes, when they criticize blameless men; they would be wise to remain silent. That’s what Job’s friends should have done.

Tim Challies Reports

Someone directed me to the writings of Tim Challies; that caused me to do considerable research, and then write the “Perfection,” part of this chapter. Tim Challies has taken it upon himself to undermine the Pearl’s ministry. Talk about “throwing one’s pearls (pun intended) before swine,” Michael Pearl did, by publishing material that was sure to be offensive. He had no control over who would read it, or what would be said online. Who would have ever dreamed, the online criticism, from Christians, would be so intense?

Raising Children

The Pearl’s book, To Train Up a Child, is their godly answer to the cultural approach to raising children; it has 670,000 copies in English, as well as other languages. Again, Tim Challies has posted, online, a lengthy negative report. If he’s so smart, maybe he should review the books of the Biblethere’s only 66! Is Pearl’s training advice nearly as drastic as that of Jesus who said, “If thy hand offend thee, cut it off.” (Mark 9:43a)? Or “If thine eye offend thee, pluck it out.” (Mark 9:47a)? If Challies doesn’t like the way the Pearls raise kids, he should investigate Michael’s five grown children.

Nothing But The Facts

How many of them are alcoholics? Has either of them been on drugs, arrested, or incarcerated? How about out of wedlock births or abortions? Does anyone pay or receive, court ordered, child support? Has either of them married, and then divorced? Lived together without benefit of marriage? Is one of them on government assistance? These problems are the natural result of rearing children according to the culture, rather than by the Bible, and most Christians have bought into the culture.

Michael has responded to his accusers, and at the end of his response, he writes: “Of the 287 words attributed to me, 77 of them were just not my words. They were taken from the web, where Lesbians and Leftists make it their life’s mission to slander all that is holy, just and good. For the accusations, and Michael’s response see I already know the truth about Michael Pearl, and I’m fearful for Christians who join in the witch-hunt.

My Response

I was upset after I read Challies’ book reviews. It took me several days to calm down. Now that I have a more complete profile on him, I can be more objective in responding to his CRITICISM. A man, who has majored in criticism, says Debi Pearl has a critical spirit. Mama Mia! Tim Challies, is acting like almost everyone else (Christians included); he’s acting as if he is God.

Tim Challies probably has a good biblical marriage and family. Nothing says he has to manage his marriage and his family according to the Pearl’s teachings. So why is he so driven to publicly assault the ministry of two blameless Believers who have a heavenly marriage, godly children, and godly grand children? Does he think he is laying up treasure in heaven?

My Experience

I’ve been on both sides of the fence. For 32 years I had a horrible marriage because of my wife’s militant “egalitarian” stance, and the support of “equality” Christian heretics. For 13 years, now, I’ve had a biblical marriage. Perhaps my bad marriage could have been rescued sooner, if I had had the benefit of the Pearl’s marital teaching.

Created To Be His Help Meet, was published in 2004. From the tone of his critique, it appears Challies was on a search and destroy mission, when he opened Debi’s book. Having read and quoted repeatedly from Created To Be His Help Meet, I can’t, for the life of me, understand why Challies would do thatother than through ignorance! Such people think they are the source of all wisdom and understanding. Job said to his friends, “No doubt but ye are the people, and wisdom shall die with you.” (Job 12:2)

Leading Others Astray

Some objectors have simply been mislead by things they’ve read online. Like Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar; men like Tim Challies will give account of themselves to the Lord. For a man to call himself a Christian, and then undermine the work of exemplary people, is worse than just wrongful teaching. “My brethren, be not many masters, knowing that we shall receive the greater condemnation. … If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able to bridle the whole body.” (James 3:1-2)

If Tim Challies would be blameless, he needs to do some serious repenting, and it should be as public as his accusations. Like Job, Michael should pray for Tim Challies. At a time when American morality is at an all-time low, and family fragmentation is at an all-time high; Michael and his “help meet” are doing everything right. Their family and their ministry prove it. If Challies repents, he would follow in the footsteps of Job’s friends, and be forgiven; but I’m not holding my breath.

The Lord’s Response

Note, in the passage that follows, that Job’s friends “ate crow,” as they obeyed the Lord’s commands.

Therefore take unto you now seven bullocks and seven rams, and go to my servant Job, and offer up for yourselves a burnt offering; and my servant Job shall pray for you: So Eliphaz the Temanite and Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite went, and did according as the LORD commanded them: the LORD also accepted Job. (Job 42:8a-9, emphasis added)


Michael and Debi Pearl, and many others, are in company with the likes of Noah, Job, Samuel, Daniel, David, Sarah, and Rahab plus the martyrs, the apostles, and the prophets. They continue to respect and honor Almighty God, who said, “Those that honor me I will honor.”

Tim Challies and countless other Christians, find themselves in company with Job’s friends, King Saul, the false prophets, the “egalitarians,” and the heretics. They continue to dance to the tune of the serpent, who tempted Eve, when he said, “Ye shall be as gods.” My heart’s desire is for Challies and the others to repent, and stop acting as if they’re God.

I’m Not Done Yet

I want to explain why Challies so upset me. For over 30 years I endured a terrible marriage, but looked to the Church for help. I found none. The Holy Spirit guided me, so that Theresa and I finally became one, according to Genesis 2:24. The Christians, who could not guide me into a biblical marriage, failed to rejoice when I, apart from them, found one. Theresa and I had over ten years of biblical marriage before she came down with Alzheimer’s. I’m now 76 years old, and can’t have that many years left on this earth. Theresa is 79; she probably has even fewer years than I.

After our marital healing, I discovered, Created To Be His Help Meet, by Debi Pearl. Finally, someone had the answer to our modern marital failure, and was able to present it in a persuasive manner. Debi and Michael Pearl are my heroes. Would Tim Challies have us return to the same failed marital remedies that caused me to spin my wheels for decades? Challies, CBMW, the Pearls, and I agree on this: We are all complementarians. I suggest that those who won’t confront the cultural crowd biblically, step aside, and stop harassing those of us who are doing the job.

Do I Understand?

Let’s see if I have this straight: Men and women, like Tim Challies, who have biblical marriages and godly children, continue to write scholarly articles, and seek to persuade those who are destroying marriages, families, and churches. They can accept, as evangelical, men I see as heretics, while undermining the ministry of people I see as blamelesspeople who are effectively accomplishing what they would like to have done, but have been unable to achievepeople who are following a procedure, which does not meet their approval! While Challies, et al, have enjoyed comfortable marriages, I’ve been through the meat grinder for decades. I fought off well-meaning Christians, while trying to win a militant “egalitarian” wife, and watching our precious daughter struggle.

I have some questions: Are men, like Tim Challies, afraid to confront the culture? Or is there a genuine lack of understanding, when it comes to the enormity of the “egalitarian” offense? Do they know the difference between honest disagreement and heresy? The sign says, “Common sense is not that common,” and that may be the answer to my questions. The religious leaders persecuted the apostles. Has anything changed?

And they departed from the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer shame for his name. (Acts 5:41, emphasis added)

I add the little known quotation that follows:

It’s important for people to know what you stand for. It’s equally important that they know what you won’t stand forMary Waldrip

Additional Information

I discovered another Challies book review after writing the above. This review tells more about the reviewer than the book he is reviewing. April 22, 2014, Tim Challies reviewed Four Blood Moons, by John Hagee. He writes:

Now it’s important to understand that Hagee believes the Jews were and still are God’s chosen people, and that all God’s promises and covenants with the Jewish people are still in effect today.

From the above, Challies believes in Replacement Theology. RT has the Church replacing Israel when it comes to God’s covenant promises to Abraham and his descendants. If my understanding is correct, Tim Challies and the entire RT crowd are under the curse spoken of in the next passage.

And I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee: and in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed. (Genesis 12:3)

To believe in Replacement Theology, they have to interpret Scripture allegorically or symbolically, rather than literally. The Catholic Church, has Peter as the first pope, and appears to be the author of RT. RT may be part of the baggage protestant churches bring from their Catholic heritage. Baptists have no Catholic heritage. They aren’t protestant, and they tend to interpret Scripture literally. Challies’ RT belief casts serious doubt on his entire ministry. In my mind, it also explains his negative attitude toward Created To Be His Help Meet, and the entire “No Greater Joy,” ministry. Debi and Michael Pearl interpret the Bible literally while Challies doesn’t.

Okay, it’s time for me to quiet down.


Have you ever wondered at this dichotomy? In the Western World, a killer will be tracked down, and brought to justice. Secular law is paramount! In other places, a killer can get off scot-free. Religious law is supreme! The Jews are God’s chosen people, so let’s start with them.

Ancient Judaism

The Ten Commandments were given in Exodus 20:3-17; they were primarily religious laws, but included civil matters like killing and stealing. The Torah (Genesis-Deuteronomy) added considerable detail to the Law. Over the centuries, Jewish scholars and their religious lawyers wrote the Talmud, etc. Jewish Sects like the Pharisees were meticulous in keeping the religious Law.

The highest court was the Sanhedrin. Religious matters were given priority over the secular. What we would call “criminal,” was whatever one could get away with, e.g. “And the scribes and chief priests heard it, and sought how they might destroy him.” (Mark 11:18a). Jesus’ trial, before the Sanhedrin, (Matthew 26:59-68) was illegal on many counts. When Stephen was stoned, (Acts 7:59) there was no accountability for those guilty of killing him.

Again and again, in the book of Acts, the Jews, knowing they wouldn’t be held accountable, sought to kill Paul. Under great duress, Paul appealed to Caesar, and came into Roman custody. Festus said the following, “It is not the manner of the Romans to deliver any man to die, before that he which is accused, have the accusers face to face, and have license to answer for himself concerning the crime laid against him.” (Acts 25:16)

Roman civil law has been passed, through the centuries, to the Western World. Islam seems to have copied Judaism in many ways. Today, they are meticulous when it comes to their religious law, but more open-ended, when it comes to secular matters. In the Middle East, ISIS continues to slaughter men, women, and children with impunity.

What Happened to Jewish Law

Jewish Religious Law has been pretty much set aside, but will be restored before or during the time of the Antichrist (Daniel 9:27). During the Tribulation, I believe Islam will prevail. In the West, Roman Law will be replaced by Shariah Law. If that happens, the emphasis, in the entire world, will again be on religious law, rather than on civil law. Worship the Antichrist or die!

Written on Their Hearts

Jews not only wrote the Old Testament, but also started the Church. So what happened to the Law of Moses? God was going to take the Law that was written on tablets, and write it on their hearts; but it won’t happen until after the Second Coming.

For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, saith the Lord; I will put my laws into their mind, and write them in their hearts: and I will be to them a God, and they shall be to me a people: (Hebrews 8:10)

The Holy Spirit, given to the Church, is a foretaste of what is in store for Israel.

The Church Comes First

The external Law would become internal. In John 16, Jesus foretold the coming of the Holy Spirit and in, so doing, predicted the beginning of the Church Age.

Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth … and he will shew you things to come. (John 16:13)

In the next passage, he told his disciples to wait for the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit then arrived dramatically. (The Holy Spirit is the same as the Holy Ghost.)

And when the day of Pentecost was fully come, they were all with one accord in one place. And suddenly there came a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled all the house where they were sitting. And there appeared unto them cloven tongues like as of fire, and it sat upon each of them. And they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance. (Acts 2:1-4)

As I said, the Holy Spirit, given to the Church, foretells what is to eventually be given to Israel. Let’s examine the role of the Holy Spirit, at work in the lives of Christians.

In The Hearts of Christians

The Law was given first, then the Holy Spirit. Besides that, we have gifted teachers like the Pearls. In the context of the Word, the Holy Spirit guides us, as we make the application. When you accept Jesus, you receive the Holy Spirit. On a daily basis, we must draw upon the power of the Holy Spirit if we’re to make wise choices. We see the dynamic of the Holy Spirit in the ministry of Jesus. He upset the religious people by acting contrary to the Lawespecially regarding the Sabbath!

A born-again Christian is subject to the same temptations that face unbelievers. The “Christian” divorce rate and other statistics tell us Christians are lacking in discipline. Some Christians are terribly deficient when it comes to prayer and Bible reading, but it shouldn’t be that way. A born-again Christian has what it takes, the Holy Spiritsee Romans 8:9! The gift has been given, but still has to be used all the time. Why? We have not yet taken on immortality.

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us. (2 Corinthians 4:7, emphasis added)

This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. (Galatians 5:16, emphasis added)

The Gift Ignored

Is it possible to be a Christian, and not walk in the Spirit? Absolutely! It’s done all the time. Romans 8:1-14 is about the spiritual battle faced by every Christian.

There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his. (Romans 8:1,9b, emphasis added)

The above was written to Believers. Christians are known to fornicate, and do many works of the flesh that are normally attributed to unbelievers. In the next passages, we’ll examine works of the flesh that may not always seem like works of the flesh.

Walk in the Spirit (Ephesians 5:18-33)

The first passage gives a strong contrast. We are not to be filled with alcoholic spirits, but on a daily basis be filled with His Spirit. That is a really good starting point.

And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit; (Ephesians 5:18)

If we’re continually filled with His Spirit, what can be expected? We will be joyous in the Lord, and we’ll give thanks.

Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; (Ephesians 5:19-20)

If we’re continually filled with His Spirit and properly taught, we’ll have a submissive spirit. We’ll actually surrender our will to that of someone else.

Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. (Ephesians 5:21)

If we’re continually filled with His Spirit and properly taught, Christian wives, will actually come under the authority of their husbands.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. … Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. (Ephesians 5:22-24)

If we’re continually filled with His Spirit and properly taught, husbands will actually love their wives.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church … He that loveth his wife loveth himself. Ephesians 5:25-28)

When a husband and his wife are continually filled with His Spirit and properly taught, they will become one.

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. (Ephesians 5:31-32, emphasis added)

And what can be said for the man who doesn’t love his wife or the woman who doesn’t respect and submit to her husband? They may be walking in the flesh, or they may just need training.

The Fruit Of The Spirit

Christians, who walk in the Spirit, can expect the fruit of the Spirit. People will get along with one another, and love one another.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance. … And they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. (Galatians 5:22-25, emphasis added)

The last passage implies we can live in the Spirit, but not walk in the Spirit. Romans Chapter 6 tells how Christians are buried in baptism with Christ so they might be dead to sin and alive unto Christ. A Christian who doesn’t walk in the Spirit will sin.

Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body … Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God. … (Romans 6:12-13)

Right Choices

If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. If you are born-again, you live in the Spirit, but to walk in the Spirit requires that you make the right choices, by the power of the Holy Spirit, and with the right training.

  • To not to get drunk is a choice.
  • To refuse fornication is a choice.
  • To love is a choice.
  • To honor your marital vows is a choice.
  • To submit to a husband is a choice.
  • To love a wife is a choice.
  • To stand up for Jesus is a choice.
  • To withstand the culture is a choice.
  • To be honest is a choice.
  • To _____________is a choice.

We want to guide you toward a successful marriage and everlasting life: but, you must be saved, walk in the Spirit, and have the right training. “For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.” (Romans 8:14) We live in the Church Age, and the Law is no longer external, but written in our hearts, that we might be empowered by the Holy Spirit. The right training affects the entire body of Christ.

The Influence

But what if you’re walking in the Spirit, and your spouse isn’t? 1 Peter 3:1-6 says a wife can influence her husband towards godliness by her submissive behavior. A man should love his wife. This entire book applies to anyone who wants to walk in the Spirit—a single person, a wife, a husband, or a married couple!

The Dichotomy

Godly living is based on a dichotomywhat appears to be two contradictory parts! Scripture gives what appears as rules, regulations, and procedures (the Law), but the Holy Spirit guides as we make the correct application.

God is a God of righteousness, and for that reason; He is also, a God of judgment. Therefore, a particular application may be contrary to the Law. I’m going to illustrate with a few examples.

The Examples

The entire idolatrous episode is told in Numbers 25:1-9.

And Israel joined himself unto Baal‑peor: and the anger of the LORD was kindled against Israel. (Numbers 25:3)

The Execution

Moses told the judges (Numbers 25:5) to kill every idolater. When an Israelite openly fornicated, with a woman of Midian, Phinehas (Numbers 25:6-8) went into their tent, took his javelin in his hand, and thrust it through both of them.

So the plague was stayed from the children of Israel. And those that died in the plague were twenty and four thousand. (Numbers 25:8b-9)

In Numbers 25:10-15, we see that Phinehas was a brave man who slew significant people: The slain man was Zimri, the son of Salu, a prince of a chief house among the Simeonites. The slain woman was Cozbi, the daughter of Zur; he was head over a people, and of a chief house in Midian.

And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, Phinehas … hath turned my wrath away from the children of Israel …. Wherefore say, Behold, I give unto him my covenant of peace: And he shall have it, and his seed after him, even the covenant of an everlasting priesthood; because he was zealous for his God, and made an atonement for the children of Israel. (Numbers 25:10-13)

God, through Moses, gave the Commandment, “Thou shalt not kill,” but the same God, in judgment, gave the command through Moses to kill. Then he rewarded Phinehas for his obedience.

Saul Commanded To Kill

A similar incident is reported in 1 Samuel Chapter 15. This time, it was through the prophet Samuel that the order was given to King Saul.

Thus saith the LORD of hosts, I remember that which Amalek did to Israel, how he laid wait for him in the way, when he came up from Egypt. Now go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass. (1 Samuel 15:2-3, emphasis added)

Again, this was an act of judgment that violated God’s general Law that says, “Thou shalt not kill.” The slaughter was to be totalnot even the animals were to be spared! “Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” (Romans 12:19b). In the context of Old Testament justice, and by God’s order (through his prophet) judgment was ordered. The fact that Saul partially obeyed is another story.

The Righteous Judge

I’ve given two examples where the Lord said, “Thou shalt not kill,” and then gave orders to execute. The Bible scholars will interpret God’s command as, “Thou shalt not murder,” and they’re right, but many people have trouble with Old Testament judgment from a God they want to be of permissive love. The two examples I’ve given are nothing compared to what lies ahead.

And the slain of the LORD shall be at that day from one end of the earth even unto the other end of the earth: they shall not be lamented, neither gathered, nor buried; they shall be dung upon the ground. (Jeremiah 25:33)

Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade men. (2 Corinthians 5:11a)

Doing The Right Thing

Doing the right thing sometimes requires disinformation (deception). In Genesis 12:3 God promised blessings to those who would bless the descendants of Abraham. I want to give three examples where deception was used to bless God’s people.

Example #1

In Exodus 1:15ff Pharaoh gave orders to the Hebrew midwives to kill all baby boys at birth. The midwives disobeyed Pharaoh, and then lied to him. God approved of the deception, and rewarded the midwives as follows:

Therefore God dealt well with the midwives: and the people multiplied, and waxed very mighty. And it came to pass, because the midwives feared God, that he made them houses. (Exodus 1:20-21)

Example #2

In Joshua 2:1ff, Joshua sent spies into the land of Jericho. Rahab, the harlot, took them in, hid them, and then lied to the authorities. When the Israelites conquered Jericho, Rabah and her family were spared. She embraced the God of Israel, “For the LORD your God, he is God in heaven above, and in earth beneath.” (Joshua 2:11b) Rahab later married an Israelite, and became part of the Messianic line that came through King David. Rahab blessed the sons of Abraham by deceiving the authorities of Jericho; she was rewarded. And PS, Rahab is one of my favorites. She and Nebuchadnezzar are two special saints. Why? I love it when God saves a really bad person. What a God!

Example #3

Sometimes, it’s the Lord that deceives.

And if the prophet be deceived when he hath spoken a thing, I the LORD have deceived that prophet, and I will stretch out my hand upon him, and will destroy him from the midst of my people Israel. (Ezekiel 14:9, emphasis added)

Truthfulness is a biblical requirement, yet the Lord himself, for His purposes, will deceive people. He did this repeatedly, to give His people victory in battleboth in the Old Testament, and in numerous present-day Arab-Israeli conflicts! During the holocaust, Corrie Ten Boom relied on deception. She repeatedly misrepresented the truth, to protect Abraham’s progeny. Today, the Lord darkens the understanding of the wicked.

Because they received not the love of the truth, that they might be saved. And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie: That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness. (2 Thessalonians 2:10b-12, emphasis added)


I will now give some examples that place the purposes of God above Rules, Regulations, and Procedures (RR&P’s).

Abraham’s Lie

In Genesis Chapter 20, Abraham lied to Abimelech that Sarah was his sister. According to Abraham’s instruction, Sarah went along with the lie. She could have refused. The fact that Sarah was a submissive wife overshadows her lie. The Lord defended Sarah and Abraham.

But God came to Abimelech in a dream by night, and said to him, Behold, thou are but a dead man, for the woman which thou hast taken; for she is a man’s wife. (Genesis 20:3)

If that weren’t enough, the Lord put His own reputation on the line.

Now therefore restore the man his wife; for he is a prophet, and he shall pray for thee, and thou shalt live: and if thou restore her not, know that thou shalt surely die, thou and all that are thine. (Genesis 20:7)

David, Abigail, and Nabal

And there was a man in Maon, whose possessions were in Carmel; and the man was very great, and he had three thousand sheep, and a thousand goats: and he was shearing his sheep in Carmel. Now the name of the man was Nabal; and the name of his wife was Abigail: and she was a woman of good understanding, and of a beautiful countenance: but the man was churlish and evil in his doings. (1 Samuel 25:2-3a)

How did a good woman like Abigail get married to an evil man like Nabal? I’m betting her father sold her to the highest bidder.

There was a disagreement between Nabal and David that could have led to a wholesale slaughter of every male that belonged to Nabal. Abigail sent tribute to David behind Nabal’s back, and prevented a calamity. Did Abigail usurp her husband’s authority? Were her actions justified? She didn’t follow the RR&P’s but, as I see it, she did the right thing.

At that time in history, most people accepted a husband’s authority in the home. Since Abigail was “of good understanding,” we have to believe she was not in rebellion against her husband. Later she appealed to David and showed herself to be a submissive woman. Could she have discussed the matter with her husband, and sought to be the mediator? I don’t think so. He was not a reasonable man, and David had four hundred fighting men who were “loaded for bear.” For a subjective, emotional woman to “just trust the Lord” would be unrealistic. David and his men would have taken revenge on Nabal and his household. It would not have been a pretty picture.

In short, this was an emergency that required immediate action. The result was a mixture of judgment and blessings. “And it came to pass about ten days after, that the Lord smote Nabal, that he died.” (1 Samuel 25:38). David was kept from evil, and Abigail later became one of David’s wives. I don’t have a problem with Abigail’s conduct, but I still have trouble with Old Testament polygamy. Despite the fact that no Old Testament prophet ever rebuked any man for having multiple wives!

Queen Esther Did The Right Thing

The story is told in Esther Chapters 1-7. The book starts with a party, given by the Persian King Ahasuerus. Queen Vashti was fair to look upon, and the king wanted to show her off, but she refused to come. The guys got upset, and were afraid Vashti’s example would cause women in the kingdom to be disobedient to their husbands. They recommended that Vashti be replaced, and in about five years (478 BC), Esther became the new queen. Esther was an orphan, who was brought up by her older cousin, Mordecai. Esther was an obedient daughter, unto Mordecai; this was extremely important, because the king didn’t know she was a Jew—until the time was right!

Esther had not yet shewed her kindred nor her people; as Mordecai had charged her: for Esther did the commandment of Mordecai, like as when she was brought up with him. (Esther 2:20)

The competition to become the next queen was intense, but Esther won—“hands down”! Later, there was a plot, by a man named Haman, to destroy all the Jews. Esther intervened, and saved the entire nation. Haman had built a gallows, on which to hang Mordecai; when the king heard, he said, “Hang him [Haman] thereon.” (Esther 7:9-10)

Esther is the only book in the Bible where God is not mentioned once. At the advice of the godly Mordecai, Esther sought to be queen to a pagan, divorced, gentile. Both Mordecai and Esther violated the RR&P’s, but they were both godly—they did the right thing! God was looking out for His people.

Jesus and The Disciples (Matthew 12:1-14)

The disciples were picking corn on the Sabbath, and that upset the Pharisees. Jesus reminded them that David entered the temple and ate the showbread, which was not lawful for him to do. He rebuked them for not recognizing Him as the Messiah, and told them He was Lord of the Sabbath. Then he healed a man with a withered hand, and that, too, offended them. It was still the Sabbath.

Then the Pharisees went out, and held a council against him, how they might destroy him. (Matthew 12:14)

Jesus put relationship above rules, regulations, and procedures (the Law). The Pharisees did just the opposite.

The Lesson to Be Learned

Especially when it comes to marriage, divorce, and remarriage, we Christians want to follow the rules. For divorce, we look for loopholes, so we can’t be blamed for breaking the rules. In so doing, we find ourselves in company with all world religions; they think the answer is found in rules, regulations, and procedures. Our Christian faith is dynamic. We recognize the Law as having been fulfilled in Jesus, apart from RR&P’s.

You don’t have to be Moses or Samuel or Jesus. You don’t have to be Phinehas or Dr. Kool. You have the Holy Spirit to direct you. If, in your heart, you want to be conformed to the image of Christ; if you are even beginning to “love the Lord with all your heart, and your neighbor as yourself”; whatever the Spirit leads you to do, will work for the best. Expect that your deeds will SOMETIMES be contrary to the Law, and may cause you to be penalized or jailed. You were created in the image of God, and have much more autonomy than you think. If you’ll access and read Chapters 2-6, you’ll see what I mean.

I wrote “The Dichotomy,” to clarify things I have said, and will say. When I filed for divorce, I believed it was the leading of the Holy Spirit, but it was contrary to the Law. My marriage was saved because I did the right thing, not because I followed rules, regulations, and procedures.

For a man to be led by the Holy Spirit is not purely a spiritual matter. I read The Great Divorce, by C.S. Lewis and reflected on hell, as that place of eternal separation between a man and his Creator. I had tried every possible avenue of persuasion—over a period of 32 years! My wife had continually refused. For me to divorce Theresa was inspired by that place of ultimate divorcementhell! Can you accept that? It certainly didn’t agree with the RR&P’s. This is not the end of my explanation. (See Chapters 14 and 23.)


Without submission, there can be no relationship, but in today’s world, and for other good reasons, it’s difficult for a woman to submit to her husband. Consider the worst-case scenario: The woman is weaker than her husband (1 Peter 3:7); she already knows he’s a jerk; then an unseen God, tells her to submit, and then obey.

The title of Elizabeth Handford’s book says it all, Me? Obey Him? This takes a lot of faith, and only a woman of faith can pull it off. But faith is not enough; the woman must be trained (Titus 2:3-5). A relationship develops with time. The ultimate depth of the relationship depends on the integrity of the participants.


Love starts with some type of commitment. You may show love because of your commitment to Christ, or you may choose to love someone, but it always starts with a commitment. When the object of one’s love returns that love, you build a relationship and find endearment.

Commitment Love

Let’s look at the most quoted passage in the Bible. “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” (John 3:16) In the next passage, we read that God loves the unlovely.

For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die. But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:6-8, emphasis added)

The Lord has shown commitment love; He doesn’t want a soul to be lost, but those who don’t eventually believe, will be lost. So how does one find his way? When the Lord convicts a man, that’s his opportunity to repent. Each time a man says “No,” to God, he runs a risk. Those who think they can repent on their deathbed, often find no repentance, and are forever lost.


Submission is the bridge between commitment love and endearment love. In sending Jesus into the world, the Lord God submitted unto our great need. Those who obey Jesus will find endearment love. “If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love.” (John 15:10, emphasis added). To keep his commandments is an act of submission.

Endearment Love

We are confident, I say and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord. Wherefore we labour, that, whether present or absent, we may be accepted of him. (2 Corinthians 5:8-9)

When one pleases the Lord, he will be accepted. About 30 years ago I had two visions in the early morning hours. In the second vision, I found myself in the presence of the Lord, and was given a single verse. “Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.” (Matthew 5:8). That was, for me, a sign I had pleased Him. I always seek to please Him, and I want be alive at the Rapture. In heaven, I’d like to sit down with Enoch, and share that accomplishment: We pleased the Lord so thoroughly that both of us passed directly from this life to eternal life.

By faith Enoch was translated that he should not see death; and was not found, because God had translated him: for before his translation he had this testimony, that he pleased God. (Hebrews 11:5, emphasis added)

I See Enoch’s translation as a foreshadowing of the Rapture, but most of all, it affirms my idea of pleasing the Lord. If you’re saved, you have the Holy Spirit; you have what it takes to please the Lord. Enoch was still a sinner, but he pleased the Lord. If nothing else, Enoch proved early on, it’s possible to please God.

When a Christian woman pleases her husband, she pleases the Lord. Throughout her *book, Debi counsels women to please their husbands. Again and again, letters come from women who find fault with their husbands, but once they become “help meets,” they have nothing but praise for their man. It was that way with my wife, Theresa. Continually, she found fault with me; but in April 2002, she became my “help meet,” and after that I was the greateststill am! And PS, after we found a biblical marriage, we ran into a local pastor who said, “You finally decided to submit!” I just smiled.

The Image Revealed

We’re created in the image of God. What is needed for a complete revelation of that image? Let’s start with the foundational Creation passage and then go from there.

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. (Genesis 1:27, emphasis added)

The man was created in the image of God. Then, Scripture switches from “created he him,” to “created he them.” When Adam was created, Eve was resident in her husband. From Genesis 2:7, we see that Adam was created from the dust of the ground. Genesis 2:21-22 tells us Eve was taken from Adam. From the beginning, the two of them were two parts of a wholeequal, but different!

1 Corinthians 11:7b tells us the man is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of the man. That agrees with Creation Order. Now let’s tie these things together.

  • The man and the woman were both created in the image of God. They are equal, but differenttwo parts of a whole!
  • No single person will display the complete image of God, by himself.
  • Only when a man and his wife are joined physically and spiritually (Genesis 2:24), do they reflect a complete image of God.

Some will argue that marriage is not necessary to reveal a complete image of God. They use (the unmarried) Jesus as an example. Hey! JESUS IS GOD, so the example is flawed.

So what can be said for modern marriage? It is a caricature or distortion of the image of God. “Egalitarian” marriage is the second most useful weapon in Satan’s arsenal. (Salvation by works is number one.)


If your commitment is in the context of submission, you’ll find endearment love. But rebellion is the opposite, and Satan is the architect. In Genesis 3, we read of the Fall. The serpent beguiled Eve, and Adam followed her into sin. Eve was deceived, but Adam rebelled. Isaiah describes Satan’s rebellion in vivid detail.

How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! how art thou cut down to the ground, which didst weaken the nations! For thou hast said in thine heart, I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God … I will be like the most High. (Isaiah 14:12-14, emphasis added)

The Submissive Jesus

In contrast, Jesus taught us submission. He’s our example. Passages are found in John 4:34, John 6:38, John 8:29, and Luke 22:42.

For I came down from heaven, not to do mine own will, but the will of him that sent me. (John 6:38, emphasis added)

Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done. (Luke 22:42, emphasis added)

If you think submission is a dirty word, whose example are you following?that of Jesus or Satan!


The Godly Man

The following passages tell how a man is to live.

And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. (Mark 12:30-31b)

Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel’s, the same shall save it. (Mark 8:34b-35)

Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. (Ephesians 5:21)

Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. (Philippians 2:3-4)

When a man loves the Lord with all his heart, and with all his soul, with all his mind, and with all his strength, he will obey the Word. He will take up his cross daily, and follow Jesus, who gave His life for the sake of the lost. He will be in submission first to the Lord, and then to his fellow man. He will humbly esteem others better than himself, and look out for the interests of others.

To the glory of God, that is how I livein my business, in my family, and with others! Relationships are all that matter to me. I’m friendly, respectful, grateful, and accepting. The idea of giving myself in service to the Lord, and for the benefit of others, brings me great satisfaction and joy. Now, let me apply the principles given in the four passages above to the godly wife.

The Godly Wife

She sees herself as “help meet” to her husband. He’s the leader, and she’s his suitable helper. There are billions of women on earth, but she, alone, can meet his sexual needs. She considers that to be a great privilege, and delights in making him happy in bed. As I quoted elsewhere, “She is the fire in his bed.” She puts herself under her husbandin bed and in their relationship!

The love making position is the result of God’s design. The symbolism is no accident, and applies to the entire marital relationship. And PS, Only people make love face to face. Another fabulous reflection of the Image of God! “Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.”

The Excellent Wife

I have before me a book, The Excellent Wife, by Martha PeaceExpanded Edition! Martha gives her testimony in Chapter One, and I continue to fight back the tears as I write. She was an only child and spoiled rotten. At 19, she and Sanford married, but there were many bumps ahead. Martha was a self-centered woman who thought the world revolved around her. She became a feminist, but was finally arrested by the Lord. She is now a Christ-centered woman who joyfully serves the Lord, her husband, and others.

For now, I’ve read Chapters 1-6 and 13, and I’m impressed beyond words. Martha says a woman was created to be a suitable helper for her husband. Her advice to the aspiring excellent wife is identical to that offered by Debi Pearl. “The Scripture is clear that the wife is to be submissive to her husband in all things unless her husband asks her to sin.” Now I know two women who are willing to stand up to the “egalitarian” crowd. Hallelujah!

I will now quote from The Excellent Wife. It was published by Focus Publishing Inc., 502 Third Street NW Bemidji, MN 56601. My quotation is taken from p.47 of the first edition, and used by permission. Martha Peace writes as follows:

The sexual relationship is a low priority in the minds of many wives. It isn’t that the wife cares nothing about that part of her life. It is that there are so many other things screaming for her attention, such as raising children, work, finances, managing a home, emotional stress, exhaustion, sickness, and marital strife.

For a wife, sex comes out of affection. She doesn’t want to be affectionate with a man who makes her feel angry, hurt, lonely, disappointed, overworked, unsupported, uncared for, or abandoned. But for a husband, sex is pure need. Wives sometimes have it backwards. They think, “We can have sex after we get these other issues settled.” Actually there is a far greater chance of settling the other issues, if sex comes first.

Whether all conditions are perfect, or whether you feel like it or not, isn’t the point. The point is meeting the needs of your husband, and keeping communication lines open. A man can easily be made to feel insignificant, beaten down, discouraged, destroyed, or tempted in this area of his being. There is probably no more important means of fulfillment for a man, and no area where he is more vulnerable, emphasis added to the last sentence.

The Marriage

For a man, sex is a need. According to my doctor, that need is both psychological and physical. For a woman, sex is a choice. Martha writes, “There is no area where he is more vulnerable.” What does that mean? A wife can take advantage of her husband by withholding what, for him, is a need. She may not even realize the difference between need and choice, but she knows withholding works.

In our present “egalitarian” culture, women can easily gain control. The attitude for many is, “Do things my way or do without.” As repulsive as I find polygamy, it did encourage wives to do their duty. There was always the possibility a husband would take a second wife. What Martha has said, none of us would figure out by ourselves. Every woman and every man needs to commit this understanding to memoryextremely important! Thank you, Martha!

Let me add a masculine dimension (which happens to be biblical) to Martha’s words: The urgency of sex was built into a man at Creation. That is one of the reasons God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” (Genesis 2:18) The male sex drive motivates him to find a wife. Then God says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing.” (Proverbs 18:22) To wrap things up, God tells a wife to submit unto her husband, (Ephesians 5:22) and He tells a husband to love his wife, (Ephesians 5:25). That’s it! Have I not said in different words what Martha just said?

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. (Proverbs 18:22, emphasis added)

It’s not just that the man finds a good thing, but that he obtains favor of the Lord. It’s good that a man and woman marry, that he love his wife, that she willingly submit to his sexual need, and that they find a Genesis 2:24 marriage, where the two become one. Let me repeat: The urgency for sex was built into a man at Creation, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.


But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints; (Ephesians 5:3).

Now I’d like to warn women: It helps to understand how males and females differ when it comes to sex. I will review and then expand on what I have already said. A man desires sex, but his desire is based on a need that may seek immediate fulfillment. A woman desires sex, but her desire is based on a long-term need to be cherished.

When a single woman surrenders her body to a single man, it gives her a sense of ownership. Unfortunately, for her, the man finds immediate fulfillment. When she regularly sleeps with the man, she unwittingly delays or scuttles her marital aspirations. If she is obedient to Ephesians 5:3; if she insists that he wait until after marriage; the wedding may come much sooner.

My parents waited until marriage. My mother said the following: “The only time your father ever got in a hurry was to get married.” Yes, my father was easy going; but he had a sexual need he could only satisfy in marriage. And guess what! There were children; I was the second of seven.

A Must Read

Every wife should read *p179-181 of Debi’s book. (I’m using this quotation again, but to make a different point.) Under “A Matter of Physiology,” she writes: “God created a man with a regular need for a woman, and God commanded a man’s wife to see to it that his need is met by her!” I add, it is not only her responsibility, but also her privilege. Under “Hormones 101,” she writes: “When you truly love and reverence your husband, the very thought of him loving the likes of you should thrill your soul and make you long to cause him pleasure.”

The Christian community is full of self-centered people who care little about meeting the needs of others. In the above case, Debi is addressing the self-centered wife who is not meeting the need of her husband. The wife who says, “Why can’t it wait?” may just not understand how her husband’s sexuality differs from hers.


A godly marriage should produce godly children. Together, they bring children into the world. The fruit of a woman’s womb is much more than just that; it’s the fruit of their godly marriage. The child she bears is not for herself, but for her husband. Every woman should bear children for her husband, but the woman must understand and acknowledge that the child she bears is not for herself. Debi Pearl influenced Michael to marry her when she said, “I’d like to give you a little boy like that.” In time she gave Michael two boys and three girls.

For Sarah conceived, and bare Abraham a son in his old age. (Genesis 21:2a) And she said, Who would have said unto Abraham, that Sarah should have given children suck? for I have born him a son in his old age. (Genesis 21:7, emphasis added)

To bear a child for someone elseeven your husbandencompasses all four passages I quoted at the start of this section, The Godly Man. She blesses the Lord, her husband, her children, the Body of Christeven unbelievers! That brings her great satisfaction. “Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.” (Proverbs 31:28)

I have to repeat from Marie’s letter: After much heartache, and then some advice from Debi Pearl, Marie wrote to Debi as follows: “I am the queen of his heart and the fire in his bed, at last!” If you want magic in your marriage and in your bedroom, do it God’s way.

The Perfect Will of God

The Lord has really high standards; I’ll give a number of supporting passages. To be blameless is to totally satisfy the Lord.

And when Abram was ninety years old and nine, the Lord appeared to Abram, and said unto him, I am the Almighty God; walk before me, and be thou perfect [blameless]. (Genesis 17:1b)

There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was perfect [blameless] and upright, and one that feared God, and eschewed evil. (Job 1:1)

Thou shalt be perfect [blameless] with the Lord thy God. (Deuteronomy 18:13)

Mark the perfect [blameless] man, and behold the upright: for the end of that man is peace. (Psalms 37:37)

The Marital Standard

But I say unto you, That whosoever shalt away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery. (Matthew 5:32)

He who puts away his wife causes her to commit adultery, and he that marries her, that is divorced, commits adultery. Jesus expressly prohibits divorce and remarriage, unless there has been a sexual violation of the marriage. But what about those who live together without benefit of marriage? Jesus referred to that in the following passage:

For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly. (John 4:18, emphasis added)

The standard is high, but we are fallen men who live in a fallen world.

The Permissive Will of God

True Christians don’t live by rules, regulations, and procedures (Law). Ours is a dynamic faith, where the Holy Spirit guides our prayers, thoughts, and actions. Another passage comes to mind, “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” (Genesis 2:18, emphasis added). But what if the man doesn’t stay married?

Okay, the man just got divorced and he, again, is alone. Is that good? In today’s world, multitudes of Christians have married, divorced, and then remarried. They are members of our churches. As I see it, and I think I have the mind of Christ, many of them are in the permissive will of God. Many Old Testament saints had multiple wives, and that certainly was not in the perfect will of God.

Rahab, the ex-harlot; Ruth, the ex-pagan; Bathsheba, the adulteress; and David, the murderer; were not in the perfect will of God; but as I showed in Chapter 15, they were blameless—not flawless, but blameless! And PS, they’re all in the Messianic line.

God has high standards, but He’s also forgiving. To the woman taken in adultery, He said, “Neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more.” (John 8:11b). Did He tell the woman her marriage had been dissolved by the affair? Of course not! He told her not to sin. How about the woman at the well who had been married five times and was then living with a man? (John 14:17-18) Did he tell her not to marry again? No, Jesus was leading her into godliness, and that was the answer to the emptiness in her soul.

My most notable reference is Rahab, a Caanaanite harlot. She believed in the God of Israel, and gave up her “profession.” She was forgiven, and then married Salmon. She became the great, great grandmother of King David. What love! What mercy! What forgiveness! It brings tears to my eyes.

I’ve never been divorced, but if I were, I’d plan on remarrying. It should not be an experimental thing, but between godly partners, under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. I repeat: “It’s not good for man to be alone,” and it’s also not good for the woman to be alone. God made us to be married. On the phone, I talk with my mentally afflicted wife every night, but I live alone, and that’s not good. If it were up to me, my wife would quickly leave her present wretched condition, and enter into glory. But the Lord has given me “the faith of Abraham,” so I wait.

A new publication became available after I wrote the above, Divorce and Remarriage, by Michael Pearl. The book is very interesting. Michael points out different requirements in the Law of Moses, the teachings of Jesus, and then the words of Paul. I believe what I wrote to be in agreement with Michael. It all boils down to the perfect will of God as the standard, with the permissive will of God, as that which He allows, and even, at times, blesses. Nowhere else, as in marriage, divorce, and remarriage; is the love, mercy, and grace of God so revealed, without compromising His righteous standard.

Headship and sex are the two areas of greatest conflict in marriage. Michael discussed the latter, but said not a word about the former. Apparently, he is leaving that to his wife and Dr. Kool.


The Almighty

First, I want to show that God is sovereign, and needs nothing. Then, I want to show that God has wants. He wants to have a relationship with those whom He created in His image. He wants His disciples to lead others to faith.

On Mars’ Hill, Paul speaks of the sovereignty of God, as he addressed the Greek intellectuals.

God that made the world and all things therein, seeing that he is Lord of heaven and earth, dwelleth not in temples made with hands; Neither is worshipped with men’s hands, as though he needed any thing, seeing he giveth to all life, and breath, and all things; (Acts 17:24-25)

Numerous biblical scholars seek to prove Creation, as something God made out of nothing. I hear this repeatedly in church, and expected to find it in the Bible, but it’s not there. Significant passages are Genesis 1:1ff, Psalms 33:6, Psalms 148:5, John 1:3, and two I will quote.

For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him. (Colossians 1:16)

Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear. (Hebrews 11:3, emphasis added)

Made of Nothing

The “Made-of-Nothing” theory seems to be the answer for those who have no answer. For hundreds of years, the saints were at a loss to explain this. Hebrews 11:3b, above, provides what I think is the best clue. I’m not a theologian, but I am an engineer and a mechanic, who happens to be created in the image of God. We don’t make things out of nothing. I sincerely believe Einstein’s Theory of Relativity, E=MC2 holds the answer, even though it’s a recent finding.

A reaction occurs in an atomic bomb or in a nuclear reactor, that actually converts matter into energy according to E=MC2. I once ran the numbers before my university students, and it showed if we could convert the matter in a brick into energy, we’d have enough to power the City of College Station, TX, for 200 years.

I told my students that we had successfully converted matter into energy, but to my knowledge, no human had successfully converted energy into matter. I went on to say the following:

I believe that every brick on this planet, every planet in every galaxythe entire universewas created from pure energy, and the source of that energy is God Almighty. Furthermore, He says He wants to be my friend. I like being friends with such a God.

The above is my answer to those who think God made everything out of nothing. It looks like the Almighty is more powerful than any of us could even start to imagine. So how could Almighty God need anything? He doesn’t, but He does have wants. He is a relational God, who is completely worthy of our praise and adoration.

Helpers To The Lord

  • We were created in the image of God.
  • Our needs are a reflection of His nature.
  • Our needs and His wants are met by relationship.
  • Born-again Believers are the Lord’s suitable helpers.

For God to even identify with us men is beyond imagination. What humility!

Through Adam, men Fell, but through Christ, came the reconciliation. For a Holy God, relationship requires a holy people. “Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.” (Matthew 5:8)  This is why the wicked must forever be separated or divorced from the Lord. Even the Great Commission shows a relationship, where the Lord calls men to preach the Gospel. God has chosen to work through men, but he doesn’t have tosee Revelation 14:6, where angels are preaching the gospel!

The Humility of The Incarnation

We Christians reverence the virgin birth, but it was not so when Jesus came into the world. Joseph (Matthew 1:19-21) thought Mary had been unfaithful. During His ministry, the Jews questioned His birth—“We be not born of fornication!” they said in John 8:41.

He was born in a manager, and reared in humble circumstances. Like any baby, he had to be fed and changed. His occupation was that of a carpenter, and he had no formal theological training. He was crucified between two thieves, and buried in a rich man’s tomb (Matthew 27:57-60). It was the humility of God that led him to the Cross.

I lay down my life, that I might take it again. No man taketh it from me, but I lay it down of myself. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again. (John 10:17b-18a)

This humble Jesus was the agent of Creation and our Redeemer—the Alpha and the Omega!

In whom we have redemption through his blood, even the forgiveness of sins. Who is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of every creature: For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him and for him. (Colossians 1:14-16)

Such humility from God, himself, requires that we respond in humility. “How shall we escape, if we neglect so great salvation?” (Hebrews 2:3a) Is it too much that a humble God should require a little humility from those created in His image? That a wife should submit to the authority of her husband! That a husband should love his wifein a sacrificial and redemptive way!

The Bride of Christ

The corporate body of Believers is called the Bride of Christ. Who are the people that make up this body? Those who have accepted Jesus as their Savior! (He is Lord of all, or He is not Lord at all.) In contrast to the rebellion of Satan, these are people who have submitted to Jesus, and to their fellow man. But through neglect or rebellion, most Western Christians have yet to submit to their marital roles.

According to Larry Christenson: In heaven, every Believer will take on the feminine role. On earth, we are all sons of God; in heaven, we will be part of the Bride of Christ. In the meantime, husbands and wives are expected to submit in different ways, but we’re all expected to submit. We’re preparing to meet Jesus, the Bridegroom. I expect it to happen soon, and once it does, nothing will ever be the same again.

Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready. And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints. (Revelation 19:7-8, emphasis added)

And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom cometh; go ye out to meet him. (Matthew 25:6)

The fine linen is the righteousness of Christ, with which the Bride is clothed. “Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.” (Matthew 5:8)

Not Just for Wives

No, submission in not just for wives. It’s the key to relationship and to eternal life. Jesus submitted to the cross. Submission is the most beautiful word in the English language.

I believe we’re all called to be a helper to the Lord. That is my claim, and if that’s the way I live, I serve as an example to the wife who has been called to be a “help meet” to her husband. On ~p.69, Michael Pearl writes the following: “It is her job to do her duty even if it doesn’t seem to be personally fulfilling.”

The beautiful thing about serving is that it grows on you. The wife who does her duty, “even if it doesn’t seem personally fulfilling,” will discover two things: She is doing what she was designed to do, and with time, being “help meet” to her husband will be personally fulfilling beyond anything she could ask or think. The submissive wife teaches, by example, what the Lord wants of every man.

I want to find endearment love with the Lordnow and in heaven! What should I do? It starts with human relationships. I’ve found the servant role of the helper to be the same as service to the Lordrewarding and motivating! The pleasure continues to grow. I will recount ways in which I continue to serve others. Consider my work.

The Professor

After considerable industrial experience, I came to Texas A&M as an engineering professor. Early on, I had a unique idea. I decided I was going to do the jobs no one else wanted. I became the submissive servant, and my boss loved me. I continued at A&M a total of twelve years. After the department was reorganized, I phased out of the university, and into another profession. I became Dr. Kool, the AC guy.

My AC Relationship

For over thirty years, I’ve run an air conditioning business, which is really a ministry. My business statement follows:

I respond promptly, do great work, and give fabulous advice. My prices are reasonable, and I stand behind the job.

One of my customers saw my advertisement, and was amazed. Beth said, incredulously, “It’s true!” She knew, as we all do, that most advertisements are an exaggeration.

If my business statement is true, it’s because of submission and humility. It’s not always convenient to respond promptly. It takes discipline to do good work. It takes the mind of Christ to give fabulous advice. In the AC business, it takes restraint to charge reasonable prices. And it takes humility to admit when you’re wrong, and then make it right.

The Submissive Servant

For me, the idea of being the submissive servant started early. I got my first job as a paperboy, when I was 10. My father died when I was 14, and I continued to serve. With seven children, mom needed all the help she could get.

The Lord has blessed me beyond measure. This is an example of sowing good seed, and reaping a good harvest.

Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. (Philippians 2:3-4, emphasis added)

Most people are dreadfully self-centered. In the “Good Samaritan” illustration, the Levite and the priest are good examples. The next article is something I wrote a long time ago.

Unscheduled OpportunitiesC. Russell Yates (11-28-92)

There are times when the Lord calls us to drop everything we are doing to respond to His call. The most difficult testing is often that moment of decision. The story of the Good Samaritan is prime. The priest and the levite failed the test.

Twelve men were busy attending to their everyday affairs, when Jesus called them to service. Each dropped everything and followed the Lord. They had been presented with an unscheduled opportunity and had responded appropriately.

Lot’s wife was told to leave Sodom and not look back. She was required to forsake everything. An unscheduled opportunity beckoned, but she refused. She became a pillar of salt.

The other day a lady was cruising our neighborhood desperately looking for her lost pet. “Have you seen a grey Chou?” she asked. I replied, “No, but if I do I’ll sure tell you. Where do you live?” The next day I was on my way to a business appointment when I came across the dog. I really didn’t have time, but this was an unscheduled opportunity. I was in a position to help someone who needed me. I went to her house, then to a neighbor’s house, and then located her at work—I persisted! Within an hour, Miss Edwards had retrieved her pet and was joyous.

Unscheduled OpportunitiesC. Russell Yates

A certain man, a traveler,
was passing down the road of life.
Along the way, he chanced to meet
a variety of ordinary folk.
Regular people!

His next encounter was with thieves
who valued merchandise more than life.
They left with his goods
and left him, with half a life.
Lucky man!

By chance a priest appeared,
a good man, but busy, good intentions, little time.
Perhaps tomorrow he’d be free,
Perhaps there’d be another soul in need.
He passed on.

When the levite saw the man’s plight
he thanked God for sparing him.
And wished with all his heart
that he had time for this poor man.
He offered a prayer.

A stranger, a Samaritan came along
in the footsteps of these ordinary folk.
Was he less busy than the other men?
Not likely! Just available
for an unscheduled opportunity.

 One day soon, a trumpet will sound and the ultimate unscheduled opportunity will appear. I am deeply involved in the affairs of life. Yet I want to be so accomplished in the art of recognizing and responding that it will be natural to leave everything behind, for the glory that lies ahead.

Come quickly, Lord Jesus!

Getting Ready

Each of us needs to step outside himself, and deliberately meet the needs of others. “Look out not only for your own needs, but for the needs of others”—not as a project, but as a way of life. Husband, do that for your wife. For over 33 years I’ve been on call during waking hours, and I love it. The interruptions are a great preparation for that trumpet sound. Looking out for the interests of others and seeking to please the Lord is a wonderful way to prepare for eternity.

Over the years, I’ve given away my time, things, and money. Just recently, my employees and I volunteered to make ready for sale, a house owned by dear friends. We spent hours and hours, plus some of my own money. We repaired, painted, cleaned, even put down new grass. Then, we arranged for the installation of new granite counter tops. The place was gorgeous, and was sold. The closing was March 13, 2015.

We Identify With Christ

So what can be expected, when you look out for the interests of others? We dare not stop with the above passage. Read on.

Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus … he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name: That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow. (Philippians 2:5-10a, emphasis added)

When we look out for the interests of others, we identify with Jesus, who loved us enough to die for us. (Could anyone refuse such a Savior?) The obedient Believer will not only be saved, but be highly exalted with Jesus. I want much more than just heaven; I want to be close to Jesus.

His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord. (Matthew 25:23)

“He Who Honors Me I Will Honor” (1 Samuel 2:30)

The “help meet” to her husband is, amongst other things, the example for us men. Besides that, it’s good practice. As the “Bride of Christ,” we will all be helpers to the Lord, both now and forever. In the kingdom, some of us will be governors, while others will be janitors. What I just said doesn’t appear in Scripture, but the rewards will be different for different Believers. Matthew 20:25-28 tells us the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven will be the greatest servant on earth. That is one way to honor the Lord.

As I said earlier, the Lord wants a relationship with the men He created in His image. Jesus, who called us to humility, humbled himself and became obedient unto death, even death on a cross. Why? For Relationship! Without The cross, relationship would not be possible. We would still be in our sins, and eternally separated from the Lord. What a savior! Hallelujah!


In a family, someone has to be in charge. Much of what is called “egalitarianism” is no more than a power struggle. Someone always emerges as the boss. When a couple believes and obeys God’s word, the husband automatically accepts his God-ordained headship role. By God’s design, the husband is the head-of-the-house. The fact that “we’ve always done it the other way,” is not acceptable to the Lord. Correction will not be easy.

The One Who Names

The one in authority is the one who names. So who named Adam? God!


The First Man

And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul. (Genesis 2:7)

The Lord put the man in charge of the Garden. “And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.” (Genesis 2:15) The man had not yet been named. The Lord continued to instruct the man for several verses without naming him. Then suddenly, this nameless man was addressed as Adam.

And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them … but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. (Genesis 2:19-20, emphasis added)

After naming Adam, the Lord gave Adam the authority to name every living creature. He was in charge!

The First Woman

Next, the Lord made a wife for Adam. This was his first glimpse of a female, and he liked what he saw.

There be three things which are too wonderful for me, yea, four which I know not: The way of an eagle in the air; the way of a serpent upon a rock; the way of a ship in the midst of the sea; and the way of a man with a maid. (Proverbs 30:18-19, emphasis added)

He called her Woman. Later, he gave this woman the name Eve. Because he was in charge, Adam had the authority to name his wife.

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. (Genesis 2:18,23, emphasis added)

And Adam called his wife’s name Eve; because she was the mother of all living. (Genesis 3:20, emphasis added)

From Genesis 3:20, we can conclude that there was no pre-Adamic race, and life exists only on planet earth.

Authority and Responsibility

The one in charge, not only has the authority; but also, the responsibility. In Genesis 3:1-6 the serpent tempted Eve, and the human race fell.

And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat. (Genesis 3:6)

Eve led Adam into sin, but who did God hold responsible? Adam! The one in charge, the head of the family! “And the LORD God called unto Adam … Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?” (Genesis 3:9-11)

Adam tried to blame his wife; actually he tried to blame God. “The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.” (Genesis 3:12b, emphasis added). Eve blamed the serpent. (Genesis 3:13)

A man should listen to his wife, but since he’s responsible, there are times when he should refuse her ideas. “And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife.” (Genesis 3:17a, emphasis added)

The Sin of Adam

In the Bible, the Fall is never called the Sin of Evealways the Sin of Adam! “Nevertheless death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over them that had not sinned after the similitude of Adam’s transgression, who is the figure of him that was to come.” (Romans 5:14, emphasis added)

We read in 1 Timothy 2:14, that Eve was deceived and in the transgression, but now Romans 5:14 calls it Adam’s transgression. That is not a contradiction. Adam transgressed, when he followed Eve into sin.

Adam was “The figure of him that was to come,” Jesus is sometimes called the second Adam. “For as by one man’s disobedience many were made sinners, so by the obedience of one [Jesus] shall many be made righteous.” (Romans 5:19)


The man is the head-of-the-house, but according to our friend, Mary, the woman is the neck that turns the head. Could she be right? Absolutely! It’s the privilege and the responsibility of a woman to influence her husband. In that way the two function as a team. The two merge into the one, spoken of in Genesis 2:24.

  1. The wife provides information and guidance. She should influence carefully.
  2. The husband makes the final decision; he should do so in a responsible manner, with humility.

Listen, we are created in the image of God, and that is a sacred trust. Together, we are to think and pray, and do … all to the glory of God. Teamwork is God’s design, but the modern concept of equality introduces conflict. The following ideologies are all based on equality: Communism, socialism, and democracy. It’s a charade—a pretext—a hoax! There’s no such thing as equality; by God’s design, we’re ALL different!

Despite the attempt to eliminate the hierarchy, there’ll always be a hierarchy—this time with women in charge, rather than men! And PS, when a wife takes the leadership role, she has both the influence and the authority. Her husband is left with nothing. No wonder he’s so hard to deal with. I return to God’s idea of teamwork.

The Influence

In her book, *p14-15, Debi Pearl tells how she influenced Michael. Wow! He was a 25 year-old pastor and she, at 20, was part of the ministry team. She had eyed Michael since she was thirteen, but never expected to get her trophy. One day they were together in his car. She said to him, “Remember that boy you baptized Sunday night, the little guy who could barely see over the baptistery? Someday I would like to give you a little boy just like that!” Debi writes:

You might think a man could take a hint, but he was out of the car and running within two seconds. I got out and headed for my car, figuring I might have spoken too boldly. I saw him as he came around his house the first time and watched as he disappeared around it again. He made three full laps around the large parsonage before he finally made up his mind. He rushed toward me, picked me up, and threw me into the air. At that point I was beginning to doubt my wisdom and his sanity. Then he said in a loud confident voice, “Let’s get married.”

There was no dating period and no engagement. Eight days later, they married. Michael and Debi had served together in ministry, and they were both ready. Thus began a healthy marital relationship, where the man is the head, and the wife is the neck that turns the head. When Michael ran around the parsonage, he was moving in the Spirit. When he tossed Debi into the air, he was still moving in the Spirit. Forty-four years later, their marriage continues to honor and glorify God.

For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death. That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. (Romans 8:2,4)

The Chain of Command

But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. (1 Corinthians 11:3, emphasis added)

God is the head of Christ. (Two chapters ago, I showed how Jesus repeatedly came under the authority of His Father.) Christ is the head of every man, and the husband is the head of his wife. On *p141, Debi writes,

In all of Scripture, there is no promise to men that they can save their wife and marriage by conducting themselves in a prescribed manner. In contrast, the Bible holds a wonderful promise from God to women: they have the power to win their lost husbands, both to themselves and to God. The Bible tells us, a woman can win her husband, without the Bible. In today’s churches, many women have failed to win their husbands because they have tried to be evangelists instead of wives.

How It Works

Let me first address Debi’s “wonderful promise.” The answer is found in 1 Peter 3:1-6, where wives are told to just be submissive. But Debi doesn’t explain how it works. Let me try, by laying out the chain of command.

  • God
  • Jesus
  • Husband
  • Wife
  • Children

God submitted to our need, when He sent Jesus to die for our sins. Jesus submits to His Father. Now watch the dynamic: When a headstrong wife becomes a “help meet,” she does so by submitting to her husband. The children learn from their mother, and begin to obey both their mother and their father. The husband is in the middle of the chain of command.

Starting with God, and ending with the children, he’s the only rebellious one in the crowd, and it’s a lonely place. Before that, he had both his rebellious wife and his rebellious children, to affirm and strengthen him, in his rebellion. Should we be surprised, when such a man finally submits to the Lord, and is truly born again?

Now, let me address Debi’s first point. “In all of Scripture, there is no promise to men that they can save their wife and marriage by conducting themselves in a prescribed manner.” Since the husband is in charge, and he’s responsible, there has to be a way for him to save his wife and his marriage.


Led By The Holy Spirit

If I print money, and spend it into circulation, I’ll probably go to jail; but for the government, it’s legal. Likewise, God says we should not kill; but if He kills it’s okay. In Acts 5:1-11, Ananias and Sapphira lied to God. First the husband, and then his wife dropped dead and were buried. Peter was the agent, used by the Holy Spirit.

Scripture says a man should not divorce his wife, but a man, who is led by the Holy Spirit, becomes the agent through which God files for divorce. In 2002, I was led by the Holy Spirit to file for divorce, and it saved our marriage. In short, to save his wife and marriage, a man should walk in the Spirit, and sometimes he will be led to divorce.

Follow The Example of Jesus

Let’s look at divorce from another angle. To save his wife and marriage, a man can follow the example set by Jesus. (I’ll take my time developing the analogy.) Almighty God loved us. Jesus came to earth, took on human flesh, and then died on a cruel crossfor us! Jesus earned our praise and adoration.

And they sung a new song, saying, Thou art worthy to take the book, and to open the seals thereof: for thou wast slain, and hast redeemed us to God by thy blood out of every kindred, and tongue, and people, and nation. (Revelation 5:9, emphasis added)

During His time on earth, Jesus showed love and forgiveness. He healed the sick, forgave sins, and even raised the dead. As the Bridegroom, he gave himself for his Bride. There has never been a better servant or lover than Jesus. In fact, the love of Jesus has become the way a man is to love his wife“As Christ loved the Church!”

Jesus said, “You must be born again.” (John 3:7b) In the above paragraph, Jesus showed commitment love, which was an invitation to endearment love. To be born again, is to enter into a relationship with Christ. We live in a day of grace, which means the invitation is open. Those who refuse the invitation will, someday, be divorced.

If you’re that lost sinner, on the day you die, the Lord will file for divorce. For some people, He will file even sooner. The divorce will be finalized at the judgment. This is what C.S. Lewis calls The Great Divorce, where one is eternally separated from the Lord.

I Loved Like Jesus

Like Jesus, I loved Theresa so thoroughly she should have surrendered to the biblical “help meet” requirement, but she continued to resist. Then came “judgment day” when I filed. If I had divorced Theresa, it would have been, for her, the “great divorce.” At this time, Theresa thinks I’m wonderful. If she had not changed, I would have actually divorced her. And where would she be?now that she has Alzheimer’s! She would be alone, as the condemned sinner will be alone in hell.

In Matthew 28:20, Jesus said, “I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.” In Hebrews 13:5, He said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” To whom was Jesus speaking? Born-again Believers! Members of the family of God! He made no such promise to atheists, agnostics, or “egalitarians.” Likewise, a husband must not permit an “egalitarian” wife to continue destroying the family. There comes a time when he must follow the example, set by Jesus, and divorce himself from her.

Thirteen years ago—after 32 years of conflict—Theresa finally entered into a relationship with me. Now that she has Alzheimer’s, I continue to love her; like Jesus, I’m faithful. I won’t leave Theresa or forsake her. Throughout this book I repeatedly refer to my love for her. I continue to love my wife as Christ loved His Church.

Yesterday, I told George, “She still thinks I’m wonderful.” George replied, “You got her fooled.” Last night I passed that on to Theresa, and she got really upset. I had to explain that George was just kidding; then she settled down. I ran the story past John, and then asked, “Does she like me or what?” John reminded me of what his mamma used to tell his daddy: “Don’t push your luck.”

The Bride of Christ is a corporate body of born-again Believers. In the “time of trouble,” they can call, and He will answer. The others will be on their own, without help.

For in the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion: in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me; he shall set me upon a rock. (Psalms 27:5)

But the transgressors shall be destroyed together: the end of the wicked shall be cut off. (Psalms 37:38)

Jesus didn’t promise the transgressors He would never leave them nor forsake them. A woman who is a committed “Egalitarian” is not wife “material,” and we must quit pretending she is.

The Husband Is Responsible

You, husband, are between “a rock and a hard place.” If you have a headstrong wife, who insists on running the family, you have to do something. Otherwise your children and grandchildren will be damaged. You are responsible, not just for your family, but for future generations.

Here’s my advice to the “helpless” husband: Ours’ is a dynamic faith; we don’t just follow rules, regulations, and procedures. Don’t just try things, like I did. Be led by the Holy Spirit, and follow through, despite what others may think or say.

The Leading of The Holy Spirit

Debi writes on *p264, “The Scriptures teach that there is something bigger and more important to God than our happiness. It’s not about our happiness; it’s about our holiness.” If you, husband, are one who loves the Lord, with all your heart, and your neighbor as yourself; if you can first pray, “My Kingdom go, and then Thy Kingdom Come”; if pleasing the Lord, for you, comes before pleasing yourself; you are blameless. You’re a pretty good candidate for what I did, when I was led by the Holy Spirit to file for divorce. To treat a wife shabbily, and then file for divorce is the way of the world; NOT the way of a godly husband who loves his wife as Christ loved the church.

As A General Rule

(This paragraph will be deliberately repetitive.) When dealing with an unbiblical wife, a husband must remember that he’s the leader. If he is to “save” his marriage, it will be by some aggressive means. He is ABSOLUTELY NOT to be submissive to her wayward leadership. I was much too submissive, for way too long.

A husband may be led to file for divorce. (For a man to be truly led by the Holy Spirit, he must be in submission to Christ.) In marriage, he is not the helper, and not to submit to the leadership of his wife. He cannot win his wife by submission, but he might win her by filing for divorce. He should explain that he loves her, but his first obligation is to the Lord, and to the authority of Scripture.

The man, who is led by the Holy Spirit to file, must be prepared to follow through if she doesn’t change. He cannot be bluffing. A wife is the helper (one who submits) and, as such, is clearly instructed in Scripture to win her husband by submission. I now quote a lengthy passage, which is worth considering in its entirety.

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting of hair, and of wearing of gold. or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. (1 Peter 3:1-6)

A woman cannot win a wayward husband, to the Lord, by divorcing him. To do so, is to take the leadership role, which is not hers to take. I’m sure there are times, when a woman must divorce a husband, but that is no way to win him to the Lord.

You Are Commanded

But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. (1 Corinthians 11:3, emphasis added)

Here’s the chain of command, again.

As a husband, I’m in the middle of the chain of command. I’m a high-powered man, but I’m in submission to my head, Christ. Michael Pearl is a super-high-powered man, but he’s in submission to his head, Christ. Debbie Pearl is a super-high-powered woman, but she’s in submission to her head, Michael. By example, the three of us have shown: It’s possible to actually obey the Lord, when it comes to the “chain-of-command.”


Let me explain further starting with the great commandment.

Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself. (Luke 10:27b)

To obey the great commandment is to surrender to the Lord. A wife is obedient to the Lord when she surrenders to her husband. Some people think a wife should be lower than her husband. What if she is more talented? Smarter? More affluent? That has nothing to do with Creation Order. The man was created to rule, and his wife was to be his advisor. In the absence of that order, society disintegrates.

So what is an intelligent, creative, and productive wife to do? She is to surrender her abilities to her husband. I know a couple where the wife is a medical doctor, and he keeps the house. The problem with this couple is that she is the boss. This book repeatedly warns against female domination.

They should work together as a team (equals)“heirs together!” But as an act of obedience to the Lord, and to the glory of God, she should let him have the final word. That’s what it takes to have a good, traditional, biblical, glorious marriage. (If he has to argue to get the final word, he has a serious problem on his hands.)

Now I ask a question: “What do Jesus and Satan have in common?”

In the chain of command, both Jesus and Satan are under the authority of God. By example, Jesus is the ultimate in submission, while Satan is the ultimate in rebellion.

Be Sure You’re Saved

Willie Simpson, the electrician, is my friend. He keeps them hot [electrically], while I keep them kool. Here’s some wisdom from Willie.

Most people don’t think about hell, until they start to feel the heatWillie Simpson

According to Jesus, (Matthew 7:22-23) many people think they’re saved, but aren’t. Peter gives a similar report: “Wherefore the rather, brethren, give diligence to make your calling and election sure” (2 Peter 1:10a). One should be in submission to his head. If not, he should at least question his Salvation. Let me put it another way: The more obedient I am to the Lord, the more confident I amnot only of my Salvation, but also of my heavenly rewards!

For so an entrance shall be ministered unto you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. (2 Peter 1:11)

Glory! At 76, here’s my testimony: The further down the road I travel, the brighter is the light I see ahead.

Cultural Marriage

The biblical plan for marriage is that the two should become one. The modern cultural idea is “equality”: The two shall remain twothey shall never be one!

There is a movement, in culture today, to assassinate the institution of marriageDeborah Yates Eberhardt

The Progression of “Egalitarianism”

World War II sent the men into battle, and the women into the work place; that helped accelerate the “equality” movement. Since then, “equality” has become a convenient excuse to assassinate the institution of marriage, to grow government, and to limit population. Every product and every service has a huge chunk of government built into it via taxation. The “egalitarian” (equality) crowd wants no difference between men and women in the work place.

I was a teenager when automation began to make things less labor intensive. They were talking about working four days a week, instead of five. In the 50’s, a husband could provide for his family. His wife could stay home, keep the house, and raise the children. Now, excessive government has raised the cost of living, so a wife is almost forced to work outside the home. The Proverbs 31 woman earned money, so I’m not against that. It’s an interesting dichotomy: As the pool of people who can’t, or won’t work increases, they need to enlarge the pool of people who can, and will work. (And PS, those who can’t or won’t work, vote for politicians who confiscate the earnings of the workers and transfer the money to the non-workers.)

Expensive government puts economic pressure on the responsible segment of society. When responsible mothers leave the home, and the nurturing of children, those children do not grow up to be godly, productive citizens. That further reduces the pool of those who can, and will work. They are “killing the goose that lays the golden eggs.” People, who oppose male headship, are deceived, and represent an enormous threat to civilization.

Limiting Population

The left thinks there are too many people, and wants to limit population. They are doing that in several ways: (1) Birth Control, (2) Abortion, (3) Climate Change, and (4) Excessive government. (Can euthanasia be far behind?) As women are forced out of the home, and into the work place, they have fewer babies. And while the Western World is limiting population, the Muslims are reproducing as if they want to take over the world. In a democratic society, they will eventually vote themselves into power. They are extremely patientwilling to wait generations to achieve supremacy!

Resisting The Culture

More and more, the serious Christian is being called to resist the culture. For many, home schooling is the answer to a failed public school system. The same “egalitarian” ideas must have been present in at least some places, because Paul writes as follows: “For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.” (1 Corinthians 11:8-9)

Contrary to the culture, the man is in charge, but always in the context of love and responsibility. “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” (Ephesians 5:25) “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” (1 Timothy 5:8)

Eliminating Male/Female Roles

There was a time when certain jobs were considered masculine, while other jobs were considered feminine. Once I could open the newspaper to the classified section and find:

  • Employment: Male
  • Employment: Female

That was a few decades ago, but now such a listing is illegal. There’s a massive effort to obliterate male/female distinctions; interchangeability, in the work place, is part of that effort. This is not just a human conspiracy, but spiritual warfare; where the male is in their cross-hairs, and family destruction is almost inevitable.


Two World-Views

When I’ve tried to conduct business on behalf of my wife, I’ve always been treated like an outsider, rather than like her husband. According to the Bible, I’m responsible for my wife; but according to the Law, she’s responsible for herself. Let me say it differently: According to the Bible, Theresa and I are one; but according to the culture, we are separate entities.

These are two distinctly different world-views: A biblical one, and a humanistic one. As Christians, we’re to live by the biblical one; but we live in a world, where restraints are in conflict with the Word of God. The consequences for marriage and family, at this time in history, are destructive to the n’th degree. So what are we up against?

The world not only believes differently, but also is determined to change the way Christians believe. Nowhere is that more obvious than in our public schools and universities. Besides that, government offers a multitude of financial incentives, to move us from our beliefs toward theirs. Earth Day, environmentalism, and conservation did not come from the Christian Community. I’m not saying we should be wasteful or abusive to the environment, but that is not our religion.

Secular government encumbers us with unending rules, regulations, procedures, laws, and ordinances. Just to discipline your child, in a biblical way, is against the law. I could go on and on. So how are we to respond to their coercive measures?

In The World, But Not Of It

Even the born-again Believer is subject to temptation, and tainted by sin.

For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now. And not only they, but ourselves also, which have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting for the adoption, to wit, the redemption of our body. (Romans 8:22-23, emphasis added)

We are to be led by the Holy Spirit, and that will sometimes be contrary to rules, regulations, and procedures. That was the case for Dietrich Bonhoeffer and Corrie Ten Boom in Nazi Germany. They routinely used deception to protect Jews. Navigating through the devil’s minefield has to be challenging for a Christian woman, who wants to please the Lord, but is subject to multiple authorities.

Practicing “Help Meet”

Since Women’s Suffrage, a woman can vote, and she can vote independently of her husband; but a genuine “help meet” won’t do that. The two of them will talk things over, and she will influence her husband. Then he will decide, and the two of them will vote the same way. They will legally circumvent the culture, which is opposed to a Genesis 2:24 marriage.

A more lethal threat to a Genesis 2:24 marriage comes from the IRS via the joint tax return. Often, because of a minor disagreement, a wife doesn’t like her husband’s version of their tax return. They both have to sign, and she has trouble doing that.

Perhaps her husband made a little money on the side doing some repair work, and he doesn’t see a need to report it. He has put lots of work into tax reporting. He may feel like he’s working for the government, but not on the payroll. He’s not happy with how the government uses his money to subsidize abortions and be the world’s policeman. The idea of reporting every last nickel of income adds insult to injury.

His wife takes the high ground, and insists on absolute purity in reporting, so she refuses to sign the tax return. They can file individual returns, but that would surely increase their tax obligation. It would also undermine their Genesis 2:24 marital relationship. So what’s the answer? She needs to re-examine her role as “help meet.”

The Nature of Help Meet

Genesis 2:24 marriage was God’s original pattern for representative government. She influences, but he decides. A “help meet” doesn’t set the agenda; she doesn’t lead; she follows. She is her husband’s suitable helper, and everything she does is in his name. Before God, he’s responsible for everything his wife does as his representative. When they both sign the tax return, morally, it’s as if only he had signed the return.

If she refuses to sign, she will come from under her husband’s authority. There will be a break in representative family government, and she will be on her own. At what point is she allowed to do that? If a carnal husband is in major violation of the laws of man or God, she is obligated to obey the higher authority. The following letter to Debi appears on *p289 of her book.

Dear Mrs. Pearl,

I’ve tried very hard to obey God and my husband, but I’m afraid I will end up in jail if I keep helping him. He makes me stand “watch” at truck stops, while he breaks into semi-tractor trailer trucks parked at the stops. How can I honor him and still refuse what he expects?


We told her to report his crime to the law, to assist them in catching him in the act. She did, and he is in jail. She goes to visit him and brings him goodies and talks of the day when he can be back with his family. He knows he was wrong. He didn’t need a dictionary to spell it out. If your husband tells you to break the law of God and man, and you know you will go to jail or others will be hurt, then you can respectfully refuse to comply, for God did not grant the husband unregulated power.


Abraham’s Family

If male headship is biblical, one would expect that Abraham would be the head of his house. What does Scripture have to say? “For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment.” (Genesis 18:19a, emphasis added)

In the Faith Chapter, Hebrews 11:11 declares Sarah to be a woman of Faith. Sarah was “help meet” to Abraham. “For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.” (1 Peter 3:5-6a, emphasis added)

Many churches, today, declare husband and wife to be co-pastors, but that’s unbiblical. A pastor should be a man, preferably one who has a wife, but she is not to be the spiritual leader of the home or the church. Now, consider God’s calling to Abrahamnot only Father to the Jews, but father to every Christian as well!

Now the LORD had said unto Abram, Get thee out of thy country, and from thy kindred, and from thy father’s house, unto a land that I will shew thee: And I will make of thee a great nation. … And I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee: and in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed. (Genesis 12:1-3, emphasis added)

And PS, Abraham took his wife (Genesis 12:5). The calling was to Abraham, the head-of-the-house. What if Sarah has disagreed, and refused to leave home? The thought is unthinkable for a woman of Faith.

Abraham’s Sin

“And the LORD appeared unto Abram, and said, Unto thy seed will I give this land.” (Genesis 12:7a, emphasis added). That was God’s first promise to Abraham that he would have a son. Later the Lord spoke to Abraham saying his descendants would be numerous, and they would not be the result of adoption, but issue from his body. The Lord said to him:

Look now toward heaven, and tell the stars, if thou be able to number them: and he said unto him, So shall thy seed be. And he believed in the LORD; and he counted it to him for righteousness. (Genesis 15:5b-6, emphasis added)

But with time, Sarah had passed the age of child bearing, and still there was no son. Sarah had an idea that Abraham accepted. The idea came from the culture of the day, but it was a really bad one. “And Sarai said unto Abram, Behold now, the LORD hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid; it may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai.” (Genesis 16:2, emphasis added)

A Son of Abraham

Thus was born Ishmael. Along with Esau, and other sons of Abraham, came the Arabs, including Mohammed. The world population of Muslims is now about 1.6B. They are opposed to everything Jewish, Christian, and Western. Sarah held Abraham responsible.

And Sarai said unto Abram, My wrong be upon thee: I have given my maid into thy bosom; and when she saw that she had conceived, I was despised in her eyes: the LORD judge between me and thee. (Genesis 16:5)

Wait a minute! Sarah asked Abraham to have sex with Hagar. Sarah wasn’t happy with the results, and then she said it was Abraham’s fault. Was it? Yes, as head-of-the-house, Abraham should have protected Sarah by refusing her ill-conceived idea. His objectivity should have overruled her subjectivity.

Adam and Abraham

The two worst ideas, in history, originated with womenthat of Eve and that of Sarah! According to 1 Timothy 2:14, Eve was deceived and in the transgression. The Bible doesn’t tell us that Eve was a submissive wife, but it does tell us that Sarah was.

If Sarah was such a godly wife, why did she come up with such a bad idea? Because of the subjective nature that is part of being a woman! Abraham failed in his role, as did Adam. Is there an answer to the problem?


I was recently introduced, over the phone, to a young man named Timothy. Timothy is looking for a wife, and he wants a biblical wifeone that is submissive! I told that to my friend Aaron, and he asked, “Where’s he going to find one of those?”

I think Aaron is right. He’ll not find one, but I just read ~Michael Pearl’s book. What I learned will we the subject of Chapter 22. A “help meet” is not someone you marry; she is made. On ~p.69, Michael writes, “The woman’s nature is designed to adapt and diversify for the sake of relationship. It is your job to make her long to fulfill her position.” Now I have some advice for Timothy.

To find a good wife, one needs to fellowship in the right places. The Pioneers in our church are a fellowship of college-age young people. Many young people have found godly mates in that group.

No Greater Joy Ministry has good material, e.g. In Search of a Help Meet, by Michael and Debi Pearl. See There are young ladies who, even now, are reading, Preparing to Be a Help Meet, by Debi Pearl. Debi writes, “Being a good help meet starts long before marriage. It is a mindset, a learned habit, a way of life established as a young unmarried girla perfect study guide for small groups!”

No Greater Joy also sponsors, each September, a shindig, where young men and women meet suitable candidates for marriage. The last one was in the Smoky Mountains. I read the love story of Matthew and Kelsey. See I cried throughout the entire 24 pages.

Qualifications for Deacons

The qualifications for deacons are given in 1 Timothy 3:1-13. A deacon had to be a man, the husband of one wife, teachable, hospitable, etc. He also had to be responsible as the head of his house. “One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?).” (1 Timothy 3:4-5)

A deacon cannot be a woman. Never does Scripture allow a woman to rule her house. Women seldom connect the resulting carnage with their disobedience to Scripture. Never does Scripture allow a woman to be the spiritual leader of the church. “But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man.” (1 Timothy 2:12, emphasis added). Women, who rule the church, dishonor the Lord. In Chapter 18, I relate my experience of having been raised in a church that had a woman pastor.

Let me repeat what I said at the start of this chapter. By God’s design, the husband is the head-of-the-house. The fact that “we’ve always done it the other way,” is not acceptable to the Lord. Correction will not be easy.



At the time of Christ, Jewish couples were first betrothed, before there was a physical consummation of the marriage. Joseph and Mary were legally married, but she was still a virgin when she became pregnant with Jesus, by the Holy Spirit.

To be married, and still a virgin, would not happen today. As a rule it’s just the opposite. They live together before they marry. It was by Divine design that Jesus could be born to a virgin, yet born into a married situation. Husband, Joseph, was the provider and protector of a newborn, who just happened to be God. But Joseph was not told, beforehand, of the virgin birth.

Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost. Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a publick example, was minded to put her away privily. (Matthew 1:18-19)

It appeared to Joseph, and others, that Mary had been unfaithful. To break the engagement, would require a divorce, but an angel explained to Joseph.

The Illustration and Application

If you were God, and wanted to communicate an important message to a colony of ants, what would you do? You would become an ant. God wanted to communicate an important message to men, so He became a man. Conceived by the Holy Spirit, Jesus was fully God. Born of a woman made him fully man. Thus God became a man. Emmanuel! God with us!

Now all this was done, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken of the Lord by the prophet, saying, Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us. (Matthew 1:22-23)

The Legal Father of Jesus

Most peopleeven Christianssee Joseph as unnecessary. He was the legal father, and that was important. I’ll explain in the paragraphs that follow:

To fulfill prophecy, both Joseph and Mary were descended from King David. The Bible documents the ancestry of Joseph in great detail. Mary’s ancestry appears in even more detail, and goes back further, but her ancestry is shown as an appendage to Joseph.

Ancestry of Joseph

Matthew 1:1-17 traces the ancestry of Joseph forward from Abraham to the Christ. Joseph was descended from David through Solomon.

So all the generations from Abraham to David are fourteen generations; and from David until the carrying away into Babylon are fourteen generations; and from the carrying away into Babylon unto Christ are fourteen generations. (Matthew 1:17)

At the carrying away into Babylon, the Davidic line of kings, was interrupted. Jeremiah declared a curse on Jeconiah, the last king, as follows:

Thus saith the LORD, Write ye this man childless, a man that shall not prosper in his days: for no man of his seed shall prosper, sitting upon the throne of David, and ruling any more in Judah. (Jeremiah 22:30)

After Babylon, Israel had governors, but for fourteen generations there was no king. The next king to assume the throne of David will be Jesus, the KING OF KINGS! “And He shall reign forever and ever. …” Still, the chronology given in Matthew includes Jeconiah and his descendants—see Matthew 1:11.

In the chronology, a woman was named three times, but always to illustrate the grace of God. From Matthew 1:5-6, I will list six generations, along with the name of the wife when given.

  • SalmonRahab (a Caananite harlot who embraced the true God)
  • BoazRuth (a Moabite pagan, who trusted the Lord {Ruth 2:12})
  • Obed
  • Jesse
  • DavidBathsheba (once the wife of Uriah)
  • Solomon (son of David and Bathsheba)

To include Rahab, Ruth, David, Bathsheba, and Solomon in the Messianic line demonstrates, beyond human imagination, the love and mercy of God. From Abraham to Joseph, the entire chronology is traced through men. In God’s economy, the generations are always documented through the men. I’m just presenting facts. All the wishing in the world won’t cause things to be otherwise.

The Ancestry Of Mary

Luke 3:23-38 traces the ancestry of Mary backwards to Adam, but her name never appears in the chronology. Mary was descended from David through Nathan. Always the emphasis is on Joseph. The two passages that follow seem to contradict one another.

And Jacob begat Joseph the husband of Mary, of whom was born Jesus, who is called Christ. (Matthew 1:16, emphasis added)

And Jesus himself began to be about thirty years of age, being (as was supposed) the son of Joseph, which was the son of Heli. (Luke 3:23, emphasis added)

Joseph could not have been both the son of Jacob and the son of Heli. So what’s the answer? Joseph was the biological son of Jacob, who was descended from David through Solomon. He was the son-in-law to Heli, who was descended from David through Nathan. Since he was married to Mary, she had to be the daughter of Heli. As I said, Mary’s name is never mentioned in the chronology.

If the generations are documented thorough the male, what can be said for the female? In the providence of God, the virgin birth gave us Jesus. It has been said, “If it weren’t for women not many of us would be here.” More importantly, it can be said, “If it weren’t for a woman, not many of us would be saved.” It was predicted just after the Fall.

And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel. (Genesis 3:15)

A Male Centered Creation

In Luke 3:23-38, not a single woman is mentioned in the chronologynot even Mary! In God’s economy, the male of the species is in charge. God, the Father; God, the Son; and God, the Holy Spirit (John 16:13) are masculine. Every angelic appearance in Scripture is masculine, “Behold, two men stood by them in shining garments.” (Luke 24:4b) Gabriel and Michael are significant angels. Authority rests with the more objective member of the speciesin heaven and on earth!

The foundation is laid in Genesis where God created the first man and the first woman. We then find male authority in the Law.

Take you wise men, and understanding, and known among your tribes, and I will make them rulers over you. So I took the chief of your tribes, wise men, and known, and made them heads over you, captains over thousands, and captains over hundreds, and captains over fifties, and captains over tens, and officers among your tribes. (Deuteronomy 1:13,15)

It’s confirmed in 1 Corinthians 11:8-9 where male/female roles are defined. (They are equal, with different roles.) And now we see it, in the chronologies of Joseph and Mary.

The male is the center of God’s dealings with His human Creation. That is truth, and truth is non-negotiable. Modern man has refused the truth, and civilization (including the church) is in big trouble.

Miscellaneous Indicators

At Creation, male and female were in Adam. Only later was Eve taken from Adam.

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day. (Genesis 1:27,31)

It appears that God was finished with His creation because He rested on the seventh day (Genesis 2:2). In Genesis 2:15-17 the Lord put Adam in the Garden and instructed him on how to keep it. (Eve was still resident in Adam.) In Genesis 2:21-22, the Lord took a rib from Adam and made Eve. At Creation, Eve was resident in Adam. Now she was to be his “help meet.” She was taken from his side to be his equal—his suitable helper! She was not taken from his head to rule over him.

“God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good.” The man was good, and the woman was good; but they were given different assignments. I’m not writing to call “bad,” that which God calls “good.” But I am writing because neither men nor women have faithfully carried out their assigned tasks.

A Man’s World

Men, you need to pay attention. Read the Bible and see that everything revolves about the male, and that includes women. You’re in charge, and you’re responsible. If things aren’t right in your marriage and family, it’s your job to make it right. For 32 years, my wife was my hindrance mate; but working in partnership with the Lord, I brought her to that place of submission. Overnight, she finally became my “help meet.” We were truly one, and both of us were 100% happy with our Genesis 2:24 marriage.

In the KJV, the words men/women appear 1488/169 times. The words man/woman appears 2331/335 times. Scripture gives the names of only five women who had the prophetic gift. The most significant prophetess was Deborah. Only one female monarch reigned, and that was the wicked Athaliah (2 Kings Chapter 11).

The covenants were all to men such as Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and Davidnot to Sarah, Rebekah, the two wives of Jacob, or the 8 wives of David! The Lawgiver, Moses, was a man. The prophets and the apostles were men. Men founded the early church. Men wrote the Bible.

Can you tell me the names of Noah’s wife? His sons’ wives? Lot’s wife? Joshua’s wife? Eli’s wife? These are significant men in the history of Israel, yet their wives go unnamed. Proverbs 18:22 says, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.” It DOESN’T say, “Whoso findeth a husband findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.” In Genesis 24, Abraham sent his servant to find a wife for Isaac. Unlike today’s dating foolishness, this was an arranged marriage, based on compatibility.

Proverbs Chapter 31 describes the virtuous woman as a homemaker whose husband sits in the gates. Try to imagine a Proverbs 31 virtuous man as the homemaker whose wife sits in the gates. Joshua declared, “As for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.” (Joshua 24:15b) The statement was from Joshua, not from his wife. Women have influence, and rightfully so. Lydia influenced her entire household for God, but she was not the head.

… Lydia, a seller of purple … which worshipped God, heard us: whose heart the Lord opened … And when she was baptized, and her household, she besought us, saying, If ye have judged me to be faithful to the Lord, come into my house, and abide there. (Acts 16:14-15a, emphasis added)

The great prophetess, Deborah, did not rule over mennot over her husband, Lapidothnot over the commander, Barak! By God’s appointment, she was just a faithful mouthpiece of the Lord.

Denial of Creation Order

As I elaborate elsewhere, before Christ appeared, women were seen as property. Outside the Western World, especially in Islam, women are still treated little higher than animals.

In Christian America, women were respected as Christ respected them. Unfortunately, America is no longer Christian, so it should not be surprising that women have been degraded, but in a different way. Pagan Americans don’t understand the teachings of Peter and Paul. Slaves obey masters. In their thinking, a woman who obeys her husband is a slave. But that’s not what Scripture teaches. The Bible teaches a woman to function according to her created nature. She was created to be a “help meet” (suitable helper) for one man. When she does that, she is successful.

Susan B. Anthony’s Gift

A hero is said to be God’s gift to all. Susan B. Anthony, along with Jonas Salk, Thomas Jefferson, Martin Luther King, and Neil Armstrong, are seen as heroes. Anthony did change the world, but not for good. Ever wonder why our marriages, families, and society are in big trouble? You can thank Susan B. Anthony.

As “help meet” to her husband, a woman is the foundation of the family. When a woman no longer functions as a “help meet,” the foundation of the family is ruined; the family is devastated; and society is destroyed. That is Susan B. Anthony’s gift to the Western World. Anthony never married, and she caused millions of men (and women) to wish they had never married.

If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do? (Psalms 11:3)

Suicide of The West

“Egalitarianism” advocates political, economic, and legal equality for all. In other words, a woman should not function according to her created nature. They think a woman should act like a man, and that gets her, her husband, their children, and society into big trouble. On *p21 of her book, Debi Pearl writes, “A woman trying to function like a man is as ridiculous as a man trying to be like a woman. A unisex society is a senseless societya society dangerously out of order.”

If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do? (Psalms 11:3)

A hundred years of “egalitarianism” has brought Western culture to the brink of disaster. Susan B. Anthony’s “noble” intentions have led to disaster in the homein the public schools!in the Western World! And the irony is that people, including most Christians, still see Susan B. Anthony as a progressive heroine.

Satan’s Tricks

Darwin tried to deny God’s hand in Creation, but Christians weren’t that receptive to evolution. So Satan tried a different approach, one that seems so very progressivemarital democracy! It’s contrary to Scripture, but Christians swallowed the liehook, line, and sinker! Christians, who wouldn’t buy evolution, are now in bed with the “egalitarians.”


I’m looking in Scripture for sameness between the sexes. Let me review what I said in Chapter 14. Adam was created first, and put in charge. Eve was created from Adam to be his “help meet.” Adam named the animals, and then he named his wife. “And Adam called his wife’s name Eve.” (Genesis 3:20a, emphasis added) Paul explains Creation Order by declaring the woman was made for the man (1 Corinthians 11:8-9). I think the account given in Genesis 2:23-24 should speak for itself.

And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:23-24, emphasis added)

Nowhere, in the Creation account, do I see sameness between the man and the woman. Do so-called gender-neutral restrooms prove their point? “Egalitarianism” is no more credible than evolution.

A Masculine God

The male of the human species was put on earth to represent the God we call Father. The man is to be the loving head of his wife. Paul presents this clearly in his letter to the Ephesians. In Ephesians 5:22-24 he speaks to the woman. In Ephesians 5:25,28 he speaks to the man.

Summarizing the above, God gives different commands to the woman than He does to the man. When Adam was created, Eve was resident in Adam. Therefore, one can logically speak of any human being in masculine terms. The Bible does that: In the New Testament I find the expression, “if any man,” repeated 38 times. An example follows:

Then if any man shall say unto you, Lo, here is Christ, or there; believe it not. (Matthew 24:23, emphasis added)

Nowhere does it say, “If any woman.” That would not be consistent with Creation Order. The word grouping, “If any man,” applies to everyone. Unless the reference is specifically for a female, masculine nouns and pronouns in the Bible are rightly used as an umbrella for both sexes.

To elevate the female above the man, as has been done in modern Western culture is a reversal of Divine Order. What I see is idolatry, akin to that in Ephesus, where they worshiped the goddess Diana. (Acts 19:27-35). This is just another end-times assault on the sovereignty of God.

Modern Culture

Modern man would deny, both the God of Creation and Creation Order. It’s a blatant act of rebellion. When a Christian woman takes the lead, she is participating in the rebellion. When a Christian man refuses to lead, he is the rebel.

In a recent sermon, the pastor asked, “Who Are You?” In the movie, Pretty Woman, Julia Roberts played the role of a prostitute. When asked who she was, she said, “I’m what you want me to be.” When we as Christians follow the culture instead of the precepts of God, we become like the prostitute.

If you’re a Christian, “Who Are You?” Pastor referred to 2 Corinthians 5:17-6:1, which can be summarized as follows: “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” (2 Corinthians 5:17, emphasis added). The born-again Believer is no longer the rebel. He is what God made him to be. His family is one that will succeed, both in this life and the next.

The Language Has Been Changed

I Google searched using the words, “I now pronounce you man and wife.” I found an article entitled: “Signs that Your Wedding Ceremony is Sexist.” They dissect the wording of the wedding ceremony to bring it up to date with their “egalitarian” perspective. Their summary statement follows:

Language is not only a bridge between the present and the past. It can also create the future.

The word “gender” has pretty much replaced the word “sex.” Let’s see how that is being used to reshape our thinking. A 40 year-old dictionary defines gender as having to do with literary composition—nouns and pronouns! Gender as a reference to sex was colloquial.

Now, in ordinary speech, sex and gender are often used interchangeably. Why is the word “gender” being upgraded to supersede the word “sex?” The goal is to create a new future.

When you’re born, you have no choice; you are either a male or a female—you’re stuck with it! Use of the word “gender” gives you creative possibilities. Gender is what you want to be. You can declare yourself to be a “he,” a “she,” a “he and a she,” or an “it.” Your anatomy makes no difference. This fits the “egalitarian” agenda perfectly—everyone is equal! Despite what God says!

To prove the point, any-sex marriage and unisex restrooms are now in vogue. God created them male and female, but modern society is re-creating them, as if God doesn’t exist. If you have four minutes, view the following interviews.

On the average, a college education costs $50,000. The average student graduates with a debt of $33,000. And these kids can’t even tell the difference between a man and a woman. The narrator concludes with this statement: “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.”

Inclusive language seeks to underscore the “egalitarian” claim that men and women are interchangeable. The English language has been deliberately changed. What I was taught in high school was the product of our Judaic/Christian culture. I was taught to use masculine nouns and pronouns as an umbrella for both males and females, e.g. “Would everyone open his book?” Current language would say, “Would everyone open their book?”

What used to be direct has become convoluted, and most Christians haven’t even noticed. Consider the passage that follows:

If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. (Matthew 16:24b, emphasis added)

Let me re-write the above passage to fit modern language.

If any man or woman will come after me, let him or her deny himself or herself, and take up his or her cross, and follow me. (Matthew 16:24b, emphasis added)

His or Her?

Christians habitually speak in these “his-or-her” terms, and unknowingly support the agenda of those who would deny Creation Order. Today’s New International Version uses inclusive language, and, as such, is nothing short of heresy. The so-called gender-neutral wording of their “bible,” denies male authority. Satan’s goal is to deny male/female distinctions, and he now is working through Bible translators. Wow!

My friends, Mark and Nancy, were up to date in their use of language, but I wasn’t. They pointed out that the language had changed. Once I told them why my language hadn’t changed, they understood. Most teachers are women; the feminists have, and still are, changing the language. Today, it’s “his-or-her”; tomorrow, it may be “his-her-or-it.” Did they get together, and agree on a plan? I don’t think so. The change is just part of a much larger spiritual battle, that has been organized by Satan.

Obliteration of Male/Female Distinctions

From the left, there is a huge effort to wipe out the distinctions between male and female. Dennis Prager is probably the most outspoken media critic of that effort. A Google search will reveal many things he has to say. Much of gay rights advocacy is not about gay rights at all. It’s a “Trojan-horse” to advance the “egalitarian” agenda.

The husband, as head-of-the house, should model the authority of God. The Church should model the Bride of Christ. To destroy male/female distinctions, is to neutralize the Christian Faith. The terms man, woman, boy, girl, father, mother, son, daughter, bride, and groom become meaningless. When a human being can declare itself to be a man, a woman, or an it; we become no more than animals, rather than people created in the image of God, and made to relate to one another and to our Creator. The relational principles given in the Bible are meaningless, and so is the idea of a sovereign God.

Altering The Word

In a recent sermon, a pastor showed how Eve was deceived. In Genesis 3:1-5 the serpent subtracted from the Word, while Eve added to the Word. He went on to say that to add, or subtract from the Word, is to set oneself up for deception. Then, he replicated the sin he had just exposed.

He read, “And because ye are sons of God, God hath sent forth the Spirit of his Son into your hearts, crying Abba, Father.” (Galatians 4:6) He said we are sons of God, and then added, “daughters of God.” His error was O’ so subtle, and I doubt anyone else picked up on it.

Sons of God, refers to relationship, not to sex. Both men and women can become sons of God in the spiritual sense. In the Kingdom, as the Bride of Christ, both men and women take on the feminine rolesuitable helpers to Jesus! In adding “daughters of God,” he corrupted the text, and left his hearers open to the deception of the “egalitarian” crowd, whose ultimate goal is to discredit our sovereign Lord.

What if the Preacher is Wrong?

If the preacher is wrong, and you agree with the preacher, you’re both wrong. For the past hundred years, the culture has changed drastically. Every living soul, today, has been affected. Here’s something I just saw on a bumper sticker, “A clear conscience is likely the result of a bad memory.” Few of us can remember, when the culture even partly reflected our Judaic/Christian heritage.

Most Christiansthat includes preachershave accepted and adapted to an “egalitarian” lifestyle, even though it doesn’t work. A minister may preach on biblical marriage, because it’s in the Bible, but he doesn’t expect you to take him seriously. His words say one thing, but his spirit says another.

I was brought up in a home, where my mother “ruled the roost.” As I have said, and continue to say, my wife followed in the footsteps of my mother. The pastor, who married us, once criticized me, when he said, “You have always been afraid a woman would rule over you.” I could say as did Job, “For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me.” (Job 3:25a)

Time For Some Correction

I don’t care if the error has continued for a hundred years, or several hundred years, it’s time for some correction. If we’re to be obedient to the Lord, there must be a willingness to be taughteven if the correction comes from a woman, like Debi Pearl! I’m talking to men. Debi’s teaching women, but nothing says we men can’t listen in. It’s the willingness to be corrected that leads to excellence, whether it’s teaching a class, fixing air conditioners, or preaching to a congregation.

A preacher seems to be the most difficult to correct, and it’s probably because he’s supposed to have all the answers. The preacher that kicked me out of his Baptist churchsee Chapters 17 and 20—“covered his tail” while denying the validity of anything I had said. Ephesians 5:21 is for preachers, as well. “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.”


What Is Submission?

Submission is an act of obedience to the Lord. Submission is NOT “waving a white flag,” in the face of inevitable defeat. Submission is always to the higher authority. If the lower authority asks you to disobey God, you must disobey the lower authority.

The greatest challenge for any man is to surrender his will to another human being or to God. The callings for husbands and wives are different, but they are both called to surrender their will.

Other Christians, and even pastors, don’t understand much of what I’m writing in Two Loves. They are offended; I continue to sense their disapproval. In obedience to my Higher Authority, I write what the Lord has shown me.

Jesus said, “I have overcome the world.” When Christians become worldly, they, too, must be overcome—that has been my experience! Sometimes good Christians allow their sensibilities to interfere with the proclamation of truth—they, too, must be overcome! I continue to overcome both the world and other Christians. Wow!

Submission is for Every Christian

Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. (Ephesians 5:21)

As Christian witnesses, we’re trying to lead men to Salvation. We want them to submit to the Lordship of Christ. So, what is the best means to influence others? By example! Lost sinners need to be surrounded by Christians who take Ephesians 5:21 seriously. As we submit to one another, and to them, we teach what it means to submit to Christ. At work, at home, at church, and in society, here are some ways we can submit:

  • To God-ordained authority.
  • To the needs of others.
  • To the feelings of others.
  • To the ideas of others.
  • To the sensibilities of others.

The first item applies especially to a wife. The last four items apply to the submission of a husband to his wife. But not just in marriage. At home or outside the home, that’s the way I live. I’m a high-powered man, but by the grace of God, I usually know when to give in, and when to stand my ground. If I didn’t live that way, I couldn’t write these things.

If you’re a strong personality, in a position of leadership, you absolutely must practice submission. Otherwise you’ll take, for yourself, glory that rightfully belongs to God. “Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.” (Proverbs 16:18)

Each person is created in the image of God, and is to be respected. Our attitude towards even an unbeliever should be one of submission. Commitment to truth requires ongoing correction. When I’m wrong, and on rare occasion I am, I want to be corrected.

Someone asked if I could take orders from a woman. Over half my customers are ladies, so I’m used to taking orders from them. Hey! In Numbers 22:28-30 the Lord spoke to Balaam through a donkey. The godly man gladly accepts correction no matter how it comes.

Masters Of Ourselves

The following quotations are from Chapter 42 of Let Me Be A Woman, by Elisabeth Elliot.

No woman who has not learned to master herself can be trusted to submit willingly to her husband. And that word willingly means that she does not merely resign herself to something she can’t avoid. It means by an act of her own will she gives herself. With gladness she submits because she understands that voluntary submission is her very strength. Because it is the thing asked of her by her Creator, it is the thing that assures her of fulfillment. It is the task assigned her which, willingly performed, actually strengthens the husband in his weakness.

The husband strengthens the wife in her weakness by obeying the command to command. But he too must first have mastered himself. … Many men protest that it is not their nature to dominate. … But the roles are not assigned on the basis of capability. They were determined at the beginning of Creation to be a man’s role and a woman’s role and again, we are not free to experiment, tamper with, or exchange them.

It takes self-discipline and it takes humility to do your job. We can count on the God who issued the order, to provide the strength to carry it out.

Submission of Wives

In 1 Peter 3:7, the wife is said to be the “weaker vessel.” In a physical sense that’s true, but in the long-term scheme of things she’s the stronger vessel. The Lord created the woman to be in submission to her husband—that is her strength! I know a woman who is married to an unbeliever—she honors her husband! Most of her eight kids had already been born, when she found her way into church, where she became a Believer. Her obedience to the Lord has rubbed off on their adult children. How her husband can continue to resist the Lord, while surrounded by such godliness, is beyond me.

An Illustration

I’ll illustrate the role of the biblical wife with a personal example. I’m preparing Patrick to eventually take my business. Patrick and his son, Luke, are shown in Figure 16-1. He is smart, hardworking, dependable, teachable, and available. He can diagnose and make repairs that I was never trained to do. There are times when I will, of necessity, rely on his expertise and judgment. His youthful agility and my maturity complement one another.


Figure 16-1, Patrick And Luke

Patrick and Isee Figure 16-2work together hand-in-glove. I have 33 years experience, while he has only seven, so he learns from me. But many times, his ideas are better than mine. He does wonderful work, but I have veto power, and he respects that. I have to interrupt with a story.


Figure 16-2, Russell And Patrick

He Knew What To Do

The air conditioner was on the roof, and we needed to replace it. All my ideas were bad ones, but Patrick knew what to do. He rented a boom lift for $178, and towed it to the job site. The lift was part of a trailer that he backed into position. He set the outriggers, and then went to work. See Figures 16-3 and 16-4.


Figure 16-3, Boom Lift


Figure 16-4, Removing The Old Air Conditioner

My customer (Cindy) and I were awestruck, as we watched Patrick navigatingup and down, and from side to sidecutting tree branches, removing the old unit, and then lifting the new unit into place! From rental to return; it only took him three hours. Patrick said he was having fun, so Cindy suggested he not be paid. I said, “Veronica, (his wife) wouldn’t like that.”

Righteous Teamwork

The other day, we faced a really tough situation, and talked it over at length. Finally Patrick said, “You’ll come up with something.” After considerable prayerful thought and discussion with other tradesmen, I did come up with a good solution. Patrick is such a joy to work with.

Patrick routinely gets my permission before doing something. Even though he is under my authority, he has considerable autonomy, which allows him to do things, for which I’m not qualified, e.g. when he put the air conditioner on the roof. He is the faithful and wise servant spoken of in Matthew 24:45.

Within the framework of the Word, and under the guidance and empowerment of the Holy Spirit, we live, and move, and have our beingto the glory of God and for the blessing of those around us!

Marital Teamwork

The above paragraph describes the relationship between Michael and Debi Pearl, which is what they want to pass along to as many couples as possible. Husband and wife work together as a team, with the husband as the quarterback. Why don’t people understand? Many times, it’s because they don’t want to understand. I can’t remember the Christian artist, but I recall his words, “You can’t see nothin’ when you close your eyes.”

The Miracle of Patrick

In our Western World, large families are unheard of. Patrick was the twelfth of twelve children, born on St. Patrick’s Day, 1985. Being the youngest, one would expect him to have been spoiled. He said he had been spoiled, but he worked out of it in two or three years. I saw Patrick as the end of my bad harvest, but now I see him as the Lord’s special provision. Without him, I would not have time to be writing this book.

The Modern Woman

In today’s world, it’s difficult for a woman not to be contaminated by the ungodly women around her. As I said earlier, “Every woman, no matter how passive, desires to control her husband.” Even one who usually walks in the Spirit, may try to re-make her husband into her mold. A wife should voluntarily accept her husband’s position as head-of-the-housedespite what the neighbors do! She should arrange herself under his leadership and authority. She should encourage her husband in ways that cause him to be conformed to the image of Christ—not re-made into her image!

A Meek and Quiet Spirit

It’s a good thing for her to offer her ideas and suggestions, but it’s not good for her to be bossy and assertive. According to Ephesians 5:33, a wife should reverence or respect her husband. A bossy wife doesn’t come across as respectful. According to 1 Peter 3:4, a godly wife should have a meek and quiet spirit. I know a godly woman, who is married to an indecisive husband. She watches him struggle through decisions, but leaves the results to the Lord. She’s a peaceful, happy lady.


It’s been several weeks since I wrote about the godly woman and her indecisive husband. Yesterday, February 13, 2015, I attended the funeral of that husband, Bob Snodgrass. I last saw Bob at church. Six days later, he was on a business trip in Memphis, when he suddenly died of a heart attack. Bob and Mary had a wonderful marriage and family. Hundreds of people showed their love and respect for this loving, fun-loving, godly manat the viewing, and at the funeral! And PS, I do their AC work.

Respect and Appreciation

To love a wife is an act of submission. Her husband should discover her unique personality. Her gifts and limitations become part of their life together. Just her presence, should be cause for rejoicing. He should carefully consider her ideas, needs, feelings, and preferences.

To love a wife as Christ loved the Church is indeed a challenge, but well worth the effort. He should not try to re-make her unique personality, but he should encourage her in ways that cause her to be conformed to the image of Christ. Men, there’s only one way you can do this: You must be properly trained, and then walk in the Spirit.

Carnal and Self-Centered

The above ideal is how I try to live, and what I recommend for other men, but that’s not how it usually works. Many men are self-centered and carnal, but they can be won. Debi Pearl shows wives how they can win their men, for the Lord and for themselvessee 1 Peter 3:1-4!


Submission Unto Government

Both Paul and Peter taught submission unto government. Even slaves were told to submit to their masters.

Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. (Romans 13:1)

Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme; Or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well. (1 Peter 2:13)

Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward. (1 Peter 2:18)

To The Higher Authority

But submission doesn’t always mean you should obey. Obedience should be to the higher authority, and that often requires a citizen to disobey the law, or a wife to disobey a husband. A believing wife could not obey a husband, who wanted her to have an abortion. Still her attitude should be submissive, and one of respect. Paul suffered greatly, when he obeyed God rather than the authorities.

Of the Jews five times received I forty stripes save one. Thrice was I beaten with rods, once was I stoned, thrice I suffered shipwreck, a night and a day I have been in the deep. (2 Corinthians 11:24-25)

None of the apostles suffered more than Paul, but always it was because he chose to obey God. Still he respected authority, and obeyed when he could. But Paul wasn’t the only disciple to disobey authority that was opposed to God’s. “Did not we straitly command you that ye should not teach in this name? … Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, we ought to obey God rather than men.” (Acts 5:28-29)

Ananias and Sapphira

Sapphira followed her husband into sin, and it cost her life. She was responsible to God, the higher authority. The story is told in Acts 5:1-10. They sold a parcel of land, and then brought to the church what they claimed were the full proceeds. Actually they lied, by keeping, for themselves, part of the price. Peter confronted Ananias, “Thou hast not lied unto men, but unto God.”

And Ananias hearing these words fell down, and gave up the ghost: and great fear came on all them that heard these things. (Acts 5:5)

Three hours later, his wife Sapphira came in, and repeated the lie of Ananias.

Then fell she down straightway at his feet, and yielded up the ghost: and the young men came in, and found her dead, and, carrying her forth, buried her by her husband. (Acts 5:10)

The passage seems to say the idea originated with Ananias. If so, Sapphira followed her husband into sin. As I have said, and will say again, submission doesn’t always require obedience. A woman should not follow her husband into sin.

From the Adam and Abraham example, the idea may have come from Sapphira. If so, even though he was first in line, Ananias would have followed his wife into sin. No matter what, each of us is accountable unto God.

Less Than Ideal

Love and submission are decisions. The Lord tells a wife to submit to her husband, whether he deserves it or not. He tells a husband to love his wife, whether she deserves it or not. That’s commitment love. If neither partner does his part, divorce is likely. If one partner, to the marriage, is obedient to the Lord, but the other isn’t, the marriage may survive, but there’ll be loss. There will not be mutual endearment, and the death of one spouse, may be a relief for the surviving spouse. The faithful partner WILL be rewarded.


The Pearls are right on target, when it comes to rearing children. Over the years, I’ve been too occupied trying to rescue my marriage, and fighting with Theresa, to even consider training our daughter. How could I, when Theresa had taken over? I knew one thing: I didn’t want another child.

I want to copy, from No Greater Joy Magazine, an article by Shalom Brand. I’ll show a portion here, and the entire article in Appendix Five.

 “Training Starts at Birth”

Shalom Pearl Brand

Every parent trains her children. They train them to scream and pitch fits, or they train them to be sweet and obedient, but the child is trained either way. When the little ones arrive in our arms and we pull them to our breast for the first time, we are training them that we are their life source. The next time they become hungry and we are holding them close, they will begin nuzzling around looking for that sweet comfort they know will come soon. It is the most amazing thing ever that a little two-day-old will remember the smell, the taste, the comfort, and will not be satisfied with anything else. …

A Partnership

Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord. For as the woman is of the man, even so is the man also by the woman; but all things of God. (1 Corinthians 11:11-12)

The first woman was fashioned from a man, but every man after Adam was born of a woman. The seed of the man (Genesis 15:5) is gestated in the woman, but the application goes much further. As you can see, in the above article by Shalom Brand, the woman not only gives birth, but also trains her children. Her second paragraph (in Appendix Five) tells how Shalom trains her child to “Go to Daddy.” It is daddy who instructs the child in the faith.

For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him. (Genesis 18:19)

It is Mama’s job to say, “Go to daddy.” It is daddy’s job to teach the children.

And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. (Deuteronomy 6:6-7)

It is the woman’s role, as “help meet,” that makes it possible for her husband to spiritually train their children. According to Scripture, she lovingly submits to her husband; then she lovingly obeys her husband. The children follow their mother’s example. The result is a biblical family that fulfills God’s intention.

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:24, emphasis added)

Our Children

As McGee has taught, their children bear witness to their oneness; neither parent can identify what part of their child came from the mother, and which part came from the father. They can only speculate.

Notice I never call Deborah my daughter. I do that to honor my wife, but Deborah is really my daughter! I document repeatedly: A woman gives birth to children that are the heritage and responsibility of their father.

If my wife had been my “help meet,” if she had lovingly submitted to my headship, she would have been “the queen of my heart and the fire in my bed.” We would have been “heirs together of the grace of life.” As it turned out we were combatants, in a 32-year battle that we finally sort of won.

No Help From The Church

Only by the grace of God, were we able to get on a path that led to a Genesis 2:24 marriageone that has continued now for 12 years! But I can’t blame my wife. There were millions of voices, many of them “Christian,” telling her I was wrongeven to the point of expelling me, December 13, 2000, from the Baptist Church (of about 2K) I had been part of for five years, and then denouncing me before the entire congregation. I never flinched!

If you sin long enough, it no longer seems like sin. As in 1 Timothy 4:2, one’s conscience is no longer reliable. Departure from biblical roles has been going on for a century. The corporate Christian body now accepts “egalitarian” marriage; and then wonders why there is so much conflict, divorce, cohabitation, homosexuality, “same-sex marriage,” and so many wayward children.

I have yet another story to tell: I told a customer he had a bad AC compressor. He asked, “Is it a problem money can fix?” I asked, “Do you have some?” Well, he was a vice-president of an oil company, and he had money, but he had a marital problem that money couldn’t fix. I repaired his air conditioner.

The Wrong Way To Raise a Child

I’m still not blaming my wife, but I have more to say. So often a mother will shut out the fathershe can do that! From the moment of our daughter’s birth, I was an outsider. Theresa insisted on making all decisions regarding Deborah’s upbringing. When I would try to correct Deborah, Theresa would correct me. When I objected, I had a major fight on my handssee the Gothard example I give later.

The Right Way

Deborah is now a married adult, and she has learned from her parents’ conflict. She has learned the importance of male leadership and male authority in marriage. She respects her husband completely, and I’m proud of her. I said that my book, Restoring The Father To The Family, wasn’t persuasive, but I did persuade my daughter, and that’s worth everything to me. So let me summarize.

  1. The mother trains her children in physical matters, and then looks to her husband for spiritual leadership.
  2. She deliberately serves the Lord, her husband, her children, and society; by being a “help meet.”
  3. The father leads the family into godliness. Husband and wife are a team.

It Starts in the Family

I’m a licensed AC contractor, who’s responsible for my employees. At this time, we face a severe shortage of qualified technicians. The competition for the few capable men is intense. As a result, many companies send out workers who barely get by. When there’s a “call back,” they send out a qualified man to pick up the pieces. When he worked for a large company, Patrick used to be the “pick-up-the-pieces”  guy. One customer told Patrick he was the 4th man they had sent out.

Technology is changing so rapidly, it’s hard to keep up, but there’s a more foundational problemthat of defective families! According to the Barna Research Group:

Studies showing the importance and value of preparing for marriage seem to fall on deaf ears. America has become an experimental, experience-driven culture … people prefer to follow their instincts and let the chips fall where they may. Given that tendency, we can expect America to retain the highest divorce rate among all developed nations of the world.

Marriage on the Rocks

Modern culture says there’s no difference between husbands and wives. Each has equal authority, and each has equal responsibility. That’s not true, and no amount of wishing or posturing, will cause it to be true. They never seem to connect multiplied marital failures, with their defective marital model.

Modern culture accepts the idea of representative government, and a chain of command in business, but rejects representative government, and a chain of command in the family. God’s chain of command is: God, Christ, husband, wife, and then children. They want democracy in the home.

There’s a reason why an airliner has first a pilot, and under his authority, a co-pilot. Democracy in the cockpit would be a disaster, as it is in the home. There’s a reason for the relational carnage.

Fewer Divorces

At this time, 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Debi Pearl writes, on *p52 of the 2004 edition, “Statistics reveal that on the average, modern Christians have a higher divorce rate than the general population.” She doesn’t explain,so let me try. Unbelievers often just live together, so they can break up without getting a divorce.

“Shacking Up”

For the past hundred years, divorce statistics got worse until around 1980 when the incidence of divorce peaked. Since then there have been fewer divorces. Hey! If you don’t get married, divorce won’t be necessary; so people just live together without benefit of marriage.

In her 1975 Album, Sweet Soul Music, Barbara Mason sings, Shackin’ Up. Her lyrics first address the negative attitude of society toward “shacking up,” and then extols its virtues. But that was then, and today is now. Outside the Christian Community, just living together has become routine and comes with no stigma. The term “Shacking Up” is now obsolete.

According to, between 2006 and 2010, 48 percent of women 15-44 said they weren’t married to their spouse or partner when they first lived with them. We’re nearing the end of 2015, and it’s getting worse. I interview young people, and, without shame, they readily admit they lived together before they married. I asked one young man, “How many of your siblings actually married without having lived together first?” He had several siblings and thought real hard. “None,” he finally answered. In the supermarket, I can easily spot such couples. How did we get from marriage, to divorce, to cohabitation, to homosexuality, to same-sex marriage? It started with “egalitarian” marriage.

The Elvin Solution

If marriage doesn’t work, find an alternative. Here’s the most creative solution I’ve heard: A man named Elvin has been married and divorced three times. Ditto for his girlfriend of 20 years. They don’t live together, but they do meet each others’ needs. She’s a wealthy woman who lives in her house. He’s a financially comfortable man who lives in his house. He’s doesn’t mind her business and she doesn’t mind his. They’re just friends who share. I call that the “Elvin” Solution.

If It Ain’t Busted, Don’t Fix It

We live in a land of laws and regulations. Listen to my make-believe story. Round wheels have been with us forever, but suddenly they’re no longer available. You can buy elliptical wheels, hexagonal wheels, octagonal wheels, or square wheels, but NO round ones. You complain that the new wheels don’t work, but they tell you the sharpest minds in the wheel industry say they WILL work. Still, you can’t make them work. People come up with alternatives. They equip their cars with treads, like they use on tanks, feet that walk, cams that rotate and push the car forward. There’s no end to their creativity. They get by without round wheels.

Now let’s apply that analogy to marriage. For centuries, traditional marriage worked until society re-invented marriage. Now it doesn’t work, but the sharpest feminine minds, in the West, say it would work if men would just behave themselves. People have come up with alternatives.

  •  Marriage
  • Adultery
  • Divorce
  • Remarriage
  • Shackin’ Up
  • The Elvin Solution
  • Masturbation
  • Pornography
  • Homosexuality
  • Same-sex marriage

Thanks to Susan B. Anthony and her little elves, marriage is now a two-headed monster. It’s  way past time we dust off the Bible, and return to the original marital design: Love your wife! Submit to your husband!

Lack of Discipline

The Original Sin took place because Adam lacked discipline. When Adam failed to properly shepherd his wife, they ate the Forbidden Fruit. In Chapter 6, I referred to a book by James Walker, Husbands Who Won’t Lead And Wives Who Won’t Follow. It takes discipline to lead and it takes discipline to follow. Modern marriage is undisciplined! Should we be surprised that the children of undisciplined parents are even more undisciplined? Why bother getting married? Just live together! The slippery slope just got more slippery.

We make a big deal over male/female problems, but that is only the visible part of the “iceberg.” The children have identity problems, which they pass to future generations. Most evident and destructive, is the increasing lack of godliness, lack of productivity, and confusion.

Broken Children

Children from broken or damaged marriages are often intelligent and well educated, but unable to find, and hold, a decent job. In my opinion, that’s why it’s so difficult to find a capable AC technician.

I addressed a class of HVAC students at a local college, seeking to find someone I could train to be a technician. To my surprise, no one was interested. Later the instructor explained: “These guys don’t want to be here. They’re here to extend their unemployment benefits or to gain some advantage with the government. The authorities give them HVAC tools, but they sell them.”

Kent Moore is a Bryan, TX, cabinetmaker who is always looking for help. He spends big bucks on billboard advertising; it’s an ongoing thing because of the high turnover rate. Today, I spoke with one of his supervisors, and he confirmed what I already knew: To find a man who is disciplined, and willing to work, is a challenge. It appears an employer’s best bet is to hire hispanic. In Mexico there are no government benefitsyou either work or starve! Also the father has a stronger role in the family, so the kids are less likely to have identity problems.

The best way to learn a trade is on the job training, but it seldom works. For example, I tried several times to instruct my employee, but he wouldn’t listen. Finally, I said, “I’ve been doing this 25 years, just do what I say.” His answer was, “Stop griping.” He wanted to prove he could do the job without my help.

Too Wet To Plow

More and more, individual responsibility is being relinquished to the government. Through abortion and birth control, birth rates have decreased. Young people, from broken families, either can’t, or won’t work. Entire families are dependent on the government for their livelihood. In New York State, the number of people below retirement age, but on government assistance, exceeds those who work. Without the support of wholesome families, the elderly also become a ward of the state.

Through government programs, the support of those who can’t, or won’t work; falls on those who can, and will work. The former is increasing, while the latter is decreasing. In the meantime our national debt, along with unfunded entitlements, is going through the sky. The economy of the West will eventually fail, and as sister Carroll has said, “It’ll be too wet to plow.” I think our Western economy will fail at the Rapture. Then comes the Great Tribulationyou don’t want to be here then!

Marriage on the Rock

Woman was made from man, for man, to be his wife, to bear his children, and to help him. Any assignment that comes from the Lord will be a rewarding one. Recall from *p14-15, what Debi Pearl said that led Michael to marry her:

Remember that boy you baptized Sunday night, the little guy who could barely see over the baptistery? Someday I would like to give you a little boy just like that! (Emphasis added)

Eventually Debi gave Michael two little boys, to the glory of God. The mother’s job is to help her husband. When couples accept biblical marriage, the result is godly children, who become productive adults. Even if husband and wife aren’t Christians, if their marriage is patterned after the Bible, the kids will be well adjusted and productive.

Society would have us believe religion has nothing to do with what goes on in the work place. They might be right when it comes to false religion, but wrong otherwise.

True Relationship

The Christian faith is not religion, but relationship. Human relationships prepare us for heavenly ones. “And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.” (John 17:3)

Wholesome relationships usually start with marriage and family. The key words are submission and love. The relationship between a man and his wife, models that between Christ and His Church. Paul explains as follows:

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. (Ephesians 5:31-32, emphasis added)

Jesus is the bridegroom, and the Church is the bride. “And the Spirit and the bride say, Come.” (Revelation 22:17a) “And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom cometh; go ye out to meet him.” (Matthew 25:6) Let’s see what happened at the Fall, and how the Lord is correcting the results of Adam’s sin.

Fallen Marriage

For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. (1 Timothy 2:13-14)

And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat. (Genesis 3:6, emphasis added)

Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. (Genesis 3:16, emphasis added)

They had just eaten of the Forbidden Fruit. God then pronounced curses on the man (Genesis 3:17-19). God told what fallen marriage would be like. The harmony God intended would no longer exist, but the basic relationship had not changed. On *p128-9, Debi Pearl explains it best.

It was God’s design, before the Fall that the woman’s desire would be to her husband, and that he would rule over her. This relationship was not punishment, but after the Fall, it would be a source of suffering for the woman. God created the woman to be the helper of a mana sinless man! Now that she had led him into sin, she is still his helper, her desires are still focused on him and his goals, and he will rule over her as beforebut now he is sinful, selfish, and carnal!

And I add: His wife, too, is sinful, selfish, and carnal. In short, fallen marriage would be one of conflict. Self-will would prevail over benevolence. If there is doubt as to my interpretation, note two things: (1) The first couple had disobeyed, and the pronouncement would not be a happy one, and (2) Since then, male/female relationships confirm the accuracy of what I’m saying.

How Shall We Live?

Years ago, a single lady, the late Mary Ann Allred, was children’s minister at a large Baptist church. I mentioned to my friend Pat, that Mary Ann was a very submissive woman. Pat replied, “Marriage would cure that.” Pat understood reality: Because of sin, every woman, no matter how passive, desires to control her husband. Likewise, the natural tendency of a man is to use a woman.

One who walks in the Spirit, denies his natural tendencies, and does what pleases the Lordit’s a choice! For 32 years I stayed with a terrible marriage. I meant well, but let it continue, without correction, for way too long. The next example involves a man who is dearly beloved, but used women.

The following passage clearly defines marriage as being between one man and one woman. “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24) Still David, the “man after God’s own heart,” was a polygamist. And today, the great reward in Islam is the 72 virgins that await the “martyr.” Is that not men using women? Celestial Marriage in Mormonism is akin to the Islamic model of polygamy.

The pendulum swings, and modern culture has the woman controlling the man. The male/female role reversal is a major Satanic achievement. (Figure 17-1 shows the evolution of authority.)


Figure 17-1

The Born-Again Answer

But the curse of sin was broken at the crossit doesn’t have to be that way! Woman doesn’t have to control man, and man doesn’t have to use woman. The antidote to Genesis 3:16 is John 3:16.

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)

We’re created in the image of God, male and femaledifferent, but equal! The new birth equips a man for relationship with others and with his God. How to relate is best taught, in the homelearned by example! For the non-relational adult, it’s more difficult. I had a terrible home life, but learned how to relate by personal struggle, and with the help of a counselorstarting at age 28! Is that not amazing? Despite my terrible upbringing, I could write a book like this?

Unclaimed Treasure

In today’s culture, most Christians are disobedient, when it comes to Ephesians Chapter 5 that tells us to submit to one another. In Acts 2, the Holy Spirit was given, but the gift still has to be used.

My experience and observation is this: The vast majority of Believers do not live by the Word. Those who do, have healthy families. So what does it take to love one’s wife or submit to one’s husband? It is best learned, as children watch their godly parents interact. It can be learned from “No Greater Joy”; or it can be learned the hard way, as did Theresa and I.

When a wife willingly submits to the authority of her husband, she teaches their children, by example, to respect authority. They learn to obey their father, their Lord, and God-ordained authority. When a husband loves his wife, he teaches the love of God, by example. The children learn to love their parents and their God. They grow up to be secure, trustworthy, and compassionate. And they don’t have identity problems.

The Desired Result

Children, who could otherwise be destined for hell, embrace Jesus as Lord and Savior. They become a light in a dark world, and beckon others to join them in a pilgrimage that leads to everlasting life. The harmony God intended for marriage is restored, and the rewards are heavenly.

For this to happen, both wife and husband must accept and adhere to Ephesians 5:22,25. If the wife submits, but the husband doesn’t love; if the husband loves, but the wife doesn’t submit; the children will be confused, and their faith will be darkened.

By the grace of God, and the influence of the Church, the children may be saved, and become strong Christians; but if either parent is disobedient to the Ephesians 5 directive, he will jeopardize the spiritual future of his children. Still each child has a will.

The Influence

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6)

Proverbs 22:6 doesn’t guarantee success—it’s just a good rule!

When husbands and wives follow Ephesians 5:22,25, they will rightly influence their children. But each child must choose for himself, and sometimes he goes astray. When that happens, he is back to Genesis 3:16.

Rebuilding the Family

On ~p.26, Michael describes the first 32 years of the Yates’ marriage. My wife had not yet become my “help meet.” We were still two parts, that had not yet become one whole.

If you are married, but do not function as one with your wife, you are still alone. The aloneness is worse than it was when you were single and still had great expectation of fulfillment, for your empty relationship now mocks you like a thirsty man who spent his last dollar to buy a well only to discover that the water is too bitter to drink, emphasis added.

Theresa and I went to Christian marriage seminars, like “Week-End to Remember” and “Men’s Leadership Conference.” “Promise Keepers” was big in the 90’s, but has dwindled to almost nothing. We read Christian books on marriageI can’t remember how many!

They could take a good marriage, and make it better, but I had a bad marriage, and I learned not to expect any help from these Christianstheir seminars, their books, or their churches! See Figure 17-2, “The Culture And The Impotent Church.” The hot topic at the seminars was Better Communication, but as Laura Doyle wrote in, The Surrendered Wife, many couples communicate all the way to divorce court.


Figure 17-2, The Culture And The Impotent Church

Married, But Still Alone

Michael just said, “If you are married, but do not function as one with your wife, you are still alone.” This applies to the entire Western World. Billions of men are married, but still alone. Wait a minute, “The LORD God said, it is not good that the man should be alone.” (Genesis 2:18a) For billions of men to be alone is worse than bad. It’s dreadful, with endless consequencesfor the man, for the woman, for the children, and for society! God said it is not good for one man to be alone. For billions of menmarried mento be alone, is beyond imagination.

The Lord said, “I will make him an help meet for him.” (Genesis 2:18b), so He made a woman. Western society is molding that woman into the likeness of a man, and Surprise! Surprise! Marriage no longer works. And Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! People have an identity problem, and suddenly homosexuality becomes an issue.

Men and women desperately exchange partners hoping their luck will change. Many try to find loopholes in Scripture to justify divorce and remarriage. We continue to deal with the symptom, when we should be putting an ax to the root. And what is that root-cause? “Egalitarianism”: A heresy, which has yet to be identified as such, by Christians who see it as virtuous.

 A wonderful and horrible thing is committed in the land; The prophets prophesy falsely, and the priests bear rule by their means; and my people love to have it so: and what will ye do in the end thereof? (Jeremiah 5:30-31)

This understanding is new to me. I feel like Thomas Edison who just invented the light bulb. It took me 32 years to solve my marital problem, and even longer to come to this understanding. Read this section again: “Married, But Still Alone”read it, again and again! Listen to me: I’ve just explained, for the entire Western World, why marriages aren’t working and homosexuality is proliferating. If you want to understand, you will, and it’ll “blow your mind.” My head is swimming.


Okay, so now I see the problem with great clarity. To convince others is a monumental task, but I’m trying. I live in the shadow of Texas A&M University and Kyle Field. Football is a big deal around here, and it will serve as a useful illustration.

There are 11 men on the Aggie team, but some are more talented; otherwise they’re all equal. Still they have different assignments. On offense, the quarterback is the boss, and there’s only ONE Quarterback. The other players obey him. If the team were “egalitarian,” everyone would be boss and no one would be boss. Since the goal is to win, “egalitarian” players aren’t allowed on the team. Men, if you want to win in your marriage and family, you must not allow “egalitarianism” in your family. By Divine design, you are the head of your house, and you’re responsible. Now, let me talk about a winning family.

Michael Pearl, long ago, published a booklet called, “To Train Up A Child.” When people ask his credentials, he says, “My five children!” Where did he get those kids? Debi gave them to him, and they have grown up to be fabulous. It required teamwork. If anyone on Michael’s team had been “egalitarian,” the result would have been drastically different. I have a rich imagination so listen to my next idea.

Creative “Egalitarianism”

For the serious “egalitarians,” I offer this challenge: For true equality, have children in a non-traditional way. The man has always been the one to impregnate, while the woman has been the one to give birth. “Egalitarianism” is progressive, so let’s get really progressive. Half the time, let the woman impregnate and the man give birth. Go for it!

Bottom-line: “Egalitarianism” is the road to ruin. This is not rocket science, but a reasonable explanation as to why families are so fragmented. God created man and woman with specific roles, and anyone who tries to change the role assignments will answer, both now and for eternity. And PS, after writing the above, I did a Google Search. Wikipedia reports that Thomas Trace Beatie, a male has given birth to three living children. He’s a real “egalitarian.” Oops! He wasn’t impregnated by a woman, so he’s not there yet.

Accommodating The Culture

I refer again to *p51. Debi talks about timid Bible teachers who have themselves never tasted the gift of a heavenly marriage. They are Greek “scholars” and I add: They are also heretics. They distort the plain truth about God’s plan for the one-flesh union, as portrayed in Genesis 2:24.

In Chapter 22, my wife and I were embroiled in such a controversy. People like Gilbert Bilezikian were interpreting the Greek and telling my wife, husbands and wives were the same. I just learned that our daughter took one of my wife’s “equality” Greek passages to her atheist Greek professor, and asked him to translate the Greek passage. He said that the woman should submit to her husband. Paul’s letter to Timothy is for all:

Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. (2 Timothy 2:15, emphasis added)

God’s word tells us to study, but it doesn’t say in which language. It does say we are to rightly divide the word of truth. Obviously someone is NOT rightly dividing the word of truth, despite the fact that he knows both English and Greek. Those who know Greek can easily confuse the rest of us because, “It’s all Greek to us.”

Follow The Money

Debi, *p.53, offers a clear explanation as to why the conferences, seminars, and books on marriage refuse to confront the culturethey aren’t willing to offend women!

In the last few decades the world has shifted to a “women’s liberation” philosophy. Nine out of ten gifts to these ministries, and nine out of ten purchases of books and tapes, are by women.

These are average Believers who live in the shadow of the “egalitarian” heresy. “Follow the money!” See Acts 16:16-19.

On *p52-3, Kristen wrote Debi, telling how she had been blessed by women speaking from the platform. She tells how Bible scholars have interpreted the Word, to show God’s plan for men and women is to be the same. Kristen then said, “The Full Gospel believers have never silenced women, and always encouraged women to teach men.” Debi answered as follows:

You are asking me to adopt a philosophy that is contrary to the Bible, has destroyed countless homes, has put thousands of women on Prozac, and has driven men to pornography, in exchange for something that has worked perfectly for the past thirty-five years in my marriage. I am a supremely happy and content woman, in submission to my husband, but I am not altogether gullible. I suggest you believe God, and let the snake deceive some other dumb lady (just like he deceived Eve in the garden).

I’m going to interrupt, and tell three snake stories.


First Story

About 20 years ago, I sent Carl to do an AC job for a lady named Christine. He called back, and told me a snake was tangled in the fan blade. I quickly replied, “It’s not the first time a woman got tangled up with a snake.” Carl and I thought it was funny; Christine didn’t.

Second Story

I built my office 30 years ago. Originally it had an attached carport, but we later closed it in for storage. My office is sealed like a house, but the storage area is an invitation for critters. Occasionally rodents will move in, so I keep traps on hand. Two days ago, for no apparent reason, Patrick set one of the traps, without bait. He said nothing to me.

To enter my office, you must first pass through the storage area. Yesterday, I was about to enter the storage area, when I met a snake. Its head was under what appeared to be a piece of 2×4, but it was very much alive. I grabbed a shovel and went to work. The severed tail continued to wiggle, and that was unnerving. Satisfied the snake couldn’t survive, I left it until Patrick arrived.

I was in the office, and Pat walked right past the snake. Once I introduced him to the intruder, he turned the trap over and explained what he had done. A picture of the snake is shown in Figures 17-3 and 17-4. Notice the trap closed and crushed the snake’s head.


Figure 17-3, The Mutilated Snake

Dead_Snake_Closeup (2)

Figure 17-4, The Snake’s Crushed Head

Third Story

My third snake story took place a long time ago, and began a play that sounds like something Shakespeare could have writtenonly a gillion [sic] times more intricate and conflicting! It began in the Garden of Eden, and will end at the Second Coming of Christ. My first and second stories are about harmless snakes, but this one was anything but harmless.

The episode of the Fall is told in Genesis Chapter 3. The snake deceived Eve, and both she and her husband ate of the Forbidden Fruit. The entire human race continues to pay the price, but the Lord had an answer. I draw your attention to the passage that follows.

And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel. (Genesis 3:15)

At Calvary, Satan bruised the heel of Christ, but it was there that Christ bruised the head of Satan. Somehow I feel that my second snake encounter was arranged by the Lord, and for a purpose. The head of the snake was crushed, and I would like to take that as a sign that the coming of the Lord is just around the corner. Maranatha!

So where was I? I was trying to save my marriage.

I Persevered

I finally came to this conclusion: If my marriage would be saved, it would depend on Jesus and me. I should not expect help from worldly Christians, who prostitute the Word with their seminars and books. My pastor at the time (1991-1995) and his wife stood with me, but otherwise I was alone. Our marriage could have been one of the casualties Debi just wrote of, but I persistedfor 32 years, I persevered!

As I mention in Chapter 20, I was trying to save my marriage, and the church was the major hindrance. Thirty-two years is a long time, trying to find a biblical marriage, while fighting off well-meaning Christians. The idea of the church being the hindrance is nothing new. In the following passage, it was the high priest and the elders who were resisting the Holy Spirit and the apostles.

The high priest asked them, Saying, Did not we straitly command you that ye should not teach in this name? and, behold, ye have filled Jerusalem with your doctrine, and intend to bring this man’s blood upon us. Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men. (Acts 5:27b-29)

Self-centered Christians dismissed me from the church. I echo the words of Peter, “We ought to obey God, rather than men.”


Sixteen months after I was expelled from church, the Lord did a work, and the problem was solved in April 2002the change was sudden and dramatic! Not a soul has rejoiced over our marital success. I had invaded their comfort zone, and many of them are still angry. My 32 years of commitment love has been followed by over 12 years of endearment love. As Theresa continues to decline with Alzheimer’s, she becomes more precious. I’ll give more information later.

Our struggle was before I knew about Michael and Debi Pearl’s ministry to the family. I found no effective teaching on marriage, and there probably was no really good teaching on child rearing. My research is old, but here’s what I see at this time.

Marriage Ministries

Newer seminars have been added to the older ones, but I have no reason to believe they’re any better. I see three categories of marriage ministries at this time. Only the last is honest and direct.

  1. Those that are just “spinning their wheels,” but enjoying the ride, while refusing to resist cultural marriage. This includes moderate churches, like the one I discuss in Chapter 18. The problem is usually on the feminine side, but they always blame the man.
  2. Those that understand and embrace biblical marriage, and can explain it from scripture. They try to be balanced, and give equal attention to biblical requirements for males and females when they should concentrate on the feminine problemlike Debi Pearl does! They tiptoe around the issue, fearful the ladies will “be turned off” if they get too direct. It’s easy for them to blame men, and they do.
  3. The few ministries that tell it like it is. The Excellent Wife, by Martha Peace is new to me, but wonderful. I’ve followed No Greater Joy Ministry, with Michael and Debi Pearl for over 12 years. Debi Pearl’s book, Created To Be His Help Meet, is anything but balanced. She and Michael know the problem is mostly caused by a cultural role reversal. Debi shows, again and again, how an angry, bitter, uncooperative wife can, through training, transform her marriage into something that is gloriouseven if her husband is unsaved or just a jerk!

If the above leads you to think Debi is a “Judas Goat,” you have another think coming. She writes, “If your husband messes sexually with one of the children, report him to the authorities, testify against him in court, and hope he gets 20 years, so he won’t get out until the children are grown.” She guards her children like a mother bear.

Head On

We need to learn from the mistakes of Neville Chamberlain, who sought to appease Hitler; and Barak Obama, who tries to appease militant Muslims: You can’t solve a problem, until you are willing to face it honestly and directly. Of the three types of ministries above, few are doing that. Debi and Michael are blameless people who are obeying Scripture as follows:

That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; But speaking the truth in love, MAY GROW UP into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ: (Ephesians 4:14-15, emphasis added)

Having said all that, there may be good ministries, of which I’m not aware. Still, any ministry that won’t confront the culture is a loser, and most churches are heavily influenced by the “egalitarian” heresy. Theresa and I had a really bad marriage, so I look only to ministries that are direct and to the point.


Representative government is Scriptural, and the husband represents the family. A good head-of-the-house, is a born-again Christian man, who is obedient to Ephesians 5:25. His wife stands behind him. He doesn’t abuse his position. He listens to his wife and children, is guided by the Holy Spirit, and makes decisions for the good of the family. If he loves the Lord more than he loves himself, he is blameless.

Just Do it!

We have the Bible and the triune GodFather, Son and Holy Spirit! There is a treasure-trove of instructional material in Tennesseehttp://NoGreaterJoy.Org. What more do we need to withstand the culture? Just do it! In the normal Christian home, husband and wife often agree, and that settles it. The loving husband wants to please his wife, and will often go along because he loves her.

To a large extent, the wife runs the house, and her husband takes care of things outdoors. Men build, and women decorate. The best bookkeeper, keeps the books. To submit to a husband, is to accept his authority and leadership. For his family, the godly husband stands in the place of Godthat place of ultimate authority!

How Shall We Then Live?

About 50% of all marriages, but 41% of first marriages, 60% of second marriages, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce. For celebrities: The most marriages are to Zsa Zsa Gabor, who has been married 9 times.

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds backZsa Zsa Gabor

Her current marriage has lasted since 1986she is now 97! (When people get older, they are not so apt to change partners. Their primary goal is survival.) Shortest marriage goes to Britney Spears, who was married to Jason Alexander for 55 hours. As I said, divorce statistics, for professing Christians, are pretty much the same as for the general public.

The Contest

I have a radical idea: Marry a godly spouse, and then, together, model the relationship between Christ and the Church. The idea is this: Based on Scripture, husband and wife compete to see how each can best love the other. The husband can play the role of Jesus, and the wife can be the Bride of Christit doesn’t get any better than that! But most people can’t do that without some training. No Greater Joy!

Help Is Available

Every married woman should read and study Debi Pearl’s *book, Created To Be His Help Meet. Debi is addressing both good and bad girls, who need to obey the Word in their marital relationship. Every woman who wants to be married should read, Preparing To Be A Help Meet, by Debi Pearl.

A good book for men is  Michael Pearl’s book ~Created To Need A Help Meet. Michael is addressing both good and bad boys. The latter are legalistic in their interpretation of Scripture, and see their wives as their slaves. Every man who wants to be married should read, In Search of a Help Meet, by Michael and Debi Pearl. Debi and Michael are so kool! Along with the Bible, these books will transform your life. The Pearls are the best marriage counselors I knowby far! They are blameless, and not many Christians can say that.

On ~p.20, Michael Pearl writes, “This book is written to help you create your own perfect marriage, something every person should experience this side of heaven.” It has been the dream of my adult life to do that, and I’ve been at least partly successful. Only the latter 25% of our marriage has been biblical, and since January 2011, Theresa has had Alzheimer’s.

Unrealistic Expectations

Most Christians have absorbed “egalitarian” (equality) marriage from the culture. If men and women are interchangeable, you would naturally expect your spouse, to think the way you do. Sorry, but men and women think differentlyno ifs, ands, or buts about it! As I said earlier, men and women are wired differently. Expecting your spouse to think the way you do, results in unrealistic expectations, and that leads to big trouble.

Correction becomes an iterative processbad habits don’t quit easily! You have the Bible, the Holy Spirit, and one another. A husband can offend his wife again and again, and not even know itunless she tells him! And vice versa. Ongoing mutual correction is the answer, but that requires humility, which only comes to those, who walk in the Spirit, and are properly trained.

Some Thoughts

The love a man wants from his wife is quite simple, while the love a woman wants, is more complex. I illustrate by referring to two control panelssee Figure 17-5!


Figure 17-5, Two Control Panels

If you had it to do over, would you again marry your spouse? This may not be a fair question, because there are so many who have unrealistic expectations. If your spouse survives you, how do you want to be remembered? With endearment! What if your spouse finds your departure to be a relief? Again, these may be unfair questions, because of the unrealistic expectations.

If you both follow Scripturehow to submit to your husband and how to love your wifeyou’ll find endearment love. If you’ve disobeyed Scripture in your marriage, that is sin, but sins can be confessed and forgiven. Training is available. (Still if you’ve sowed bad seed, the harvest will be bad, and you’ll have to deal with itsee Galatians 6:7-8.)

In a Nutshell

Okay, a husband wants his wife to submit. Let me clarify. Islam means “submission,” but it’s forced. What a man wants from his wife, is what God wants from each human beingvoluntary, willing submission, that emanates from love!

In the Old West, the best horse was a wild stallion that had been tamed. Pardon the illustration, but that’s what I like in a womanlots of fire, but fire, that is under control! To submit to the Lord is to be “under control.”

Each of us should submit to God; the wife submits to her husband. They normally talk things over, but he’s not required to do that. In any case, he gets the final word. The children obey their mother, as a child obeys an adult. They might talk things over, but it’s not required. She gets the final word.

A woman, who submits to her husband, establishes her own authority with the children. When she obeys her husband, the children are much more apt to obey her. (Still, one must never obey any human authority, whose command violates that of the Lord.)

The Foundation

As *Debi Pearl has made it abundantly clear, by submission, a wife lays the foundation for a Genesis 2:24 marriage. And once the foundation is laid, her husband can build on it. As I discovered for 32 years, a man can do everything right, but until his wife becomes his “help meet,” there is no marital foundation. I was trying to do what only my wife could do.

For as the woman is of the man, even so is the man also by the woman; but all things of God. (1 Corinthians 11:12, emphasis added)

So what does “of the man” and “by the woman” mean? When she submits to her husband, and obeys him, she lays the foundation. “By the woman,” means laying the foundation. “Of the man” means building on the foundation laid by his wife. “All things of God,” means that both husband and wife are to be obedient to Scripture.

He can build upon that foundation, and when he does, the two become one. When the two become one, there is no room for a third party. A woman whose husband has cheated on, or divorced her always has a good story: He was abusive, was never at home, etc. So it’s convenient for male Christian writers to reprove men. They say, or imply, that every marital problem “is the fault of the man.” Debi takes the opposite position: Usually the injured wife could have prevented the calamity, if she had been obedient to the Word.

The Worthless Drunk

On *p.300 Debi shows the awesome influence a wife has on her husband.

Over the years, I have on many occasions seen what appeared to be a good woman married to a man who seemed to be a worthless, no-account slob. Finally, after years of abuse, the “good” wife divorces her drunken husband with everyone agreeing it was the only thing she could do. Within a year, the worthless drunk marries again. A few months after his marriage, he stops drinkingwithout the aid of a twelve-step programand then spends the rest of his life, enjoying his new family, loving his new wife, and never touching another drop of liquor. I have enough sense to know that some men are addicted to alcohol, porn, and laziness, regardless of their wives, but I have witnessed the above scenario too many times to dismiss it as insignificant. This is by no means advocating divorce and remarriage. Rather it says that if some “worthless” men had wives who were more_____________(you fill in the blank), they would not be so worthless.

Queen of His Heart and Fire in His Bed

I’ve already quoted Marie, from *p38, but will do so again to make a different point. Marie may not be a knockout, or outstanding in any earthly way. But she was obedient to the Lord. The following shows the awesome power a wife can have over her husband.

Dear Debi,

One day my husband came in while I was reading your literature about joy, and he asked me to do something for him. I cheerfully did what he asked with a smile on my face, and, boy was he surprised. That was the beginning of our new life.

The sweeter I am to him, the more he likes me, and the more I like myself. I know that most of my depression was because I hated myself over how I treated my man and how he reacted to me. How dumb we can be. We make life so complicated with our demands to be treated fairly. You know, the attitude of, “you do this and if you do it right, then I’ll do that, and if you don’t, you can just suck it up, because I will not do your part.” Boy am I glad to be finished with that stupidity. Now I seek to always delight my husband, no matter what. I do not know why I expected him to “like” me when I was so “unlikable and mean.” I want my face to reflect joy and thanksgiving to him.

Anyway, he’s been treating me like a princess. His face lights up when he sees me. He holds my hand, puts his arm around me, smiles at me all the time, tries to help any chance he gets, and wants to just sit and talk. I am the Queen of his heart and the fire in his bed, at last!


Any Chance?

Is there any chance Marie’s husband will be tempted by another woman? Any chance they will divorce? Any chance Marie will say her husband was abusive? Any chance she will say he was never home? What did Marie’s husband do to change their marriage? He just responded to his wife’s obedience to the passage that follows:

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives … But let it be the hidden man of the heart … the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. (1 Peter 3:1,2,4)


The Bible stands in opposition to the culture, and since the Church began, the serious Christian has always been counter-cultural. Today, Christians in the Middle East are paying with their lives, because they won’t fit in with the ungodly.

In America, to go against the culture won’t cost you your life. So, why are we so slow to obey the Bible? Why are we not taking a stand? This chapter deals with cultural compromise: Judaic/Christian practices, that should be counter-cultural, but aren’t.

The Church Today

For 20 years I’ve been a Baptist, but Baptist churches vary. I recently attended a wedding, and was appalled at the wedding vows. I Googled “Wedding Vows,” clicked on traditional, and then clicked on Baptist. I found the vows to be entirely “egalitarian”—no role distinctions whatsoever! I said I was appalled at the wedding vows, but that just revealed my ignorance.

Our Wedding Vows

Since writing the above, I’ve done some research. First I found a book, my wife had stored in a drawer. It’s The Book of Common Prayer, according to the use of the Protestant Episcopal Church of America. Our wedding vows are contained in that book.

On the cover is engraved in gold letters the following:

Theresa M. Carucci and C. Russell Yates

United in Marriage July 4, 1970

Heirs Together of the Grace of Life

The wedding vows we used 45 years ago contained no biblical role distinctions between husband and wife, so why should I be surprised at the recent ceremony.

To say we are “Heirs Together of the Grace of Life,” and then to deny the role differences God built-in at Creation, is to render impossible a biblical marriage. From the beginning, our marriage was cursed by the culture to which we Christians have succumbed.

Their Wedding Vows

A woman’s “Love, Honor, and Obey,” wedding vows had continued for centuries in Christian beliefs and social rules, but shortly after Women’s Suffrage of 1923, they disappeared. I have a Baptist Pastor’s manual, Broadman Press, copyright 1934. “Egalitarian” wedding vows are in that manual. Women refused the headship of their husbands, and men quickly capitulated. They accepted wedding vows that make no distinction based on sex. How significant is the compromise?


The Christian Faith requires not only belief, but also confession.

That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. (Romans 10:9, emphasis added)

To confess with one’s mouth is to give an accurate and true testimony. Jesus leaves no doubt as to His requirement.

Whosoever therefore shall be ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation; of him also shall the Son of man be ashamed, when he cometh in the glory of his Father with the holy angels. (Mark 8:38)

Repeatedly, the Book of Revelation reveals the importance of one’s testimony.

And when he had opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of them that were slain for the word of God, and for the testimony which they held: (Revelation 6:9, emphasis added)

A Wrongful Testimony

To use unbiblical wedding vows is to give a wrongful testimony that will cause the marriage to be cultural rather than Christian. Christians have destroyed their own marriages.

If Christian men and women had stood their ground; if they had insisted on biblical marital vows; if they had insisted on biblical marriages; they could now show the world godly marriages, godly homes, and godly children. Our daughter, Deborah, believes, and I agree: Western civilization is doomed because male/female role distinctions have been lost. But wait, I’ve done some more research.

Our Church

The wedding vows last used at the church I now attend are biblical, and reflect role differences as given by Peter and Paul. The vows are lengthy, and have been reproduced in Appendix Four. These wedding vows are the rare exception.

The couples at our church are biblically married. You can tell by watching their children. I continue to marvel at how well disciplined and devoted these kids are. The music and praise are almost entirely led by young people. They are very much involved in church activities. Their conduct says volumes for their parents and for the church leaders. And PS, the girls dress modestly.

A 45th Wedding Anniversary

Theresa and I married on Saturday July 4, 1970. This year, July 4 again fell on a Saturday. Theresa and I re-enacted our wedding vows, but this time we used the biblical ones given in Appendix Four. Brittany, a 28 year-old caregiver, was the preacher and our daughter was the ring bearer. The witnesses were Milo, the dog, and Butterscotch, the cat. Then we took pictures. Especially since my wife has Alzheimer’s, I took the opportunity to honor her while upgrading our wedding vowsshe loved it! Was it just fortuitous, that 45 years after our wedding, July 4 again fell on a Saturday?

The Cultural Connection

What the Lord wants of Christians is what He required of the Israelites. We are not to be conformed to the culture of the world in which we live. We are to be different or, as Scripture puts it, “peculiar.” I give passages from both the Old and New Testaments.

Now therefore, if ye will obey my voice indeed, and keep my covenant, then ye shall be a peculiar treasure unto me above all people: for all the earth is mine. (Exodus 19:5, emphasis added)

But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvelous light: (1 Peter 2:9, emphasis added)


The Israelites failed miserably. They worshipped the pagan gods, Molech and Baal. The Jews were actually sacrificing their children to Molech, and the Lord pronounced death for any Israelite who sent his child through the fire. I find eight passages, but will quote just one.

Again, thou shalt say to the children of Israel, Whosoever he be of the children of Israel, or of the strangers that sojourn in Israel, that giveth any of his seed unto Molech; he shall surely be put to death: the people of the land shall stone him with stones. (Leviticus 20:2)

Elijah confronted the prophets of Baal at Mt Carmel.

And Elijah came unto all the people, and said, How long halt ye between two opinions? if the LORD be God, follow him: but if Baal, then follow him. And the people answered him not a word. (1 Kings 18:21)


I see six types and manifestations of Idolatry:

  1. The worship of gods that aren’t godseither the sun, or moon, or any of the host of heavensee Deuteronomy 17:3.
  2. The worship of the works of man’s hands such as possessions. Graven images are another work of men’s hands that continues in the RCC.
  3. The worship of powerkingdoms!
  4. The worship of gods that might be demons as in 1 Kings 18:21 above.
  5. The worship of gods that are demons as in modern Islam.
  6. Humanism, the worship of men’s ideasideologies! “Egalitarianism” is a biggie.

Idolatry, Then And Now

The Israelites didn’t invent idols. They copied from their pagan neighbors. During the kingdoms of Israel and Judah, God’s people repeatedly indulged in idol worship. In the Torah, God had offered them blessings, if they kept his commandments, and served Him, alone. He also laid out curses they would receive, if they were disobedient. For their sins, Israel, first, went into captivity to Assyria. Judah then fell to Nebuchadnezzar, King of Babylon. After the Jews rejected their Messiah, they were scattered to the ends of the earth.

The Church, today, has followed the same pattern. We didn’t invent the idolatry of humanism. We copied from our ungodly neighbors. The centerpiece of humanism is “egalitarianism,” and Christians have swallowed it “hook, line, and sinker.” God’s people, today, are as idolatrous as the ancient Israelites. What judgment awaits us remains to be seen.

The Idolatrous Church

The following is an internet comment by a man named James. “Augustine defined religion as what we love the most. If you love God the most, you will revolve your life around Him and all your worship. If you love yourself the most, you will revolve your life about you and all your worship,” emphasis added.

Cultural compromise found it’s way into ancient Israel and the church, because of covetousness. “Egalitarianism” is a heresy that redefines the most basic institution on earth: Marriage! It’s worshiped by almost everyone, in and out of the church. You can go to church, and everything will seem okay. The Bible reading, the singing, and the preaching ring true; but a most destructive idol (“egalitarianism”) lurks beneath the surface. Ezekiel 14:7-9 says we are not to come before the Lord with idols in our hearts. To do so will lead to deceptionboth for the preacher and the congregation! The following is a deceived church:

And unto the angel of the church of the Laodiceans … Because thou sayest, I am rich, and increased with goods, and have need of nothing; and knowest not that thou art wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked: As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent. (Revelation 3:14-17,19, emphasis added)

I’ve always thought the Laodicean Church was something other than the Evangelical churches I’ve attended most of my life. Now I’m having second thoughts. So what does “spue thee out of my mouth” mean? It sounds pretty bad to me.

We’re nearing the end of the age, and the words of Daniel apply: “Many shall be purified, and made white, and tried; but the wicked shall do wickedly: and none of the wicked shall understand; but the wise shall understand.” (Daniel 12:10)

They Don’t Understand

At this time, the world is upside down, and the wicked don’t understand. So why should we continue to copy their ways? To imitate them is not only disobedience to the Word, but also stupid. It’s time for us to be “purified and made white.” Jesus declares plainly that we are to resist the culture at all costs. “In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33, emphasis added). If you live an “egalitarian” lifestyle, you’re NOT an overcomer.

God’s Old Testament people got into big trouble, when they conformed to the pagan culture around them. “And this whole land shall be a desolation, and an astonishment; and these nations shall serve the king of Babylon seventy years.” (Jeremiah 25:11)

Cultural compromise marks today’s Christian. Our families are in big trouble. Lord knows what eternity will hold for our progeny. When Christian families fail, children and grand children go to hell. How long will this continue?

The Ashamed Church

The Israelites had the Law written on tablets and in a book. The Church has the Word written in our hearts by the Holy Spirit. We also have a multitude of books. The calling to be a “peculiar people,” is the same for us as for them, but we have the advantage: We’ve been empowered by His Spirit to walk above the culture. If we continue as is, most of us will be embarrassed at the coming of the Lord.

And now, little children, abide in him; that, when he shall appear, we may have confidence, and not be ashamed before him at his coming. (1 John 2:28, emphasis added)

On The Edge

God’s people always want to get close to the edge of the cliff, without falling over. Let me illustrate: Genesis 2:24 defines marriage as between one man and one woman. According to Deuteronomy 17:17, the king should not multiply to himself wives. Conclusion: God doesn’t approve of polygamy, but He anticipated their disobedience.

God had given His perfect will for marriage; next He gave instructions for those who would violate His perfect will. In Deuteronomy 21:15-16, God addressed the man who had two wiveshe was to treat both of them rightfully! I’ll soon talk about women in the ministry. It’s not necessary that women understand what I’m about to say. I’m sure Eve didn’t think she had done anything wrong, until God, himself, explained it to her; and then kicked her and her negligent husband out of the Garden.

I’ll stop and recall a story I heard a long time ago. Adam and his son were together. They could see the beautiful Garden, and Seth wanted to know why they couldn’t live there. Adam replied, “We used to until your mother ate us out of house and home.” (I’m covering serious material, but nothing says we can’t have fun along the way.) Before I talk about women in the ministry, I want to show the recent evolution of “egalitarianism” using my experience as an example.

The “Egalitarian” Evolution

1954-1957, I was a student at Wilbur Wright Vocational High School in Detroit. We were being trained for male jobsthere were no girls!

1957-1961, I was a student at General Motors Institute in Flint, Michigan. We were being trained for male jobsthere were no women! That was changed later.

1961-1963, I was a masters’ student at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute in Troy, NY. There was one female, a Chinese lady. That, too, was changed later.

1976-1988, I was a professor at Texas A&M University in College Station, TX. The student body had become entirely co-educational.

Texas A&M began in 1876, as a military school for men only. President James Earle Rudder, a war hero, was president of A&M from 1959 until his death in 1970. It was under his direction that “egalitarianism” won the day at A&M. His wife, Margaret outlived Earle Rudder by 34 years. His daughter, Anne, was my next-door neighbor for 16 years. Margaret and her daughter were both aggressive women. In the Rudder home, “Egalitarianism” had also won the day.

After the six-day war in Israel (June 1967) everything changed. I’m convinced this is part of the end-times scenario. Interestingly, the co-ed movement at A&M started just before 1967, and was fully implemented just after. Women in the ministry, is just one indicator of “egalitarianism.”

Women In The Ministry

The Western World is repeating the first role reversalthe Original Sin! Christians fail to model the relationship between Christ and the Church as they promote an “egalitarian” lifestyle. This book shows these things throughout. I will now give examples where women in the ministry, and the men who followed them, have failed. Because of their subjective nature, spiritual things come natural to women. It takes an act of obedience to the Lord, and to a husband, for a wife not to lead.

Mother Waddles

Over 40 years ago, a friend and I visited her mission/church. I just Googled “Mother Waddles,” and was surprised to find her mission on the web. After being married three times and having had ten children, at age 36, she began her mission. Shortly thereafter, she was ordained as a minister in the First Pentecostal Church. Her mission story is outstanding, but I take exception to Mother Waddles as a pastor. Here’s a quote from the web:

For nearly four decades, the Reverend Charleszetta Waddles devoted her life to providing food, hope, and human dignity to the down trodden and disadvantaged people of Detroit, Michigan.

I would have nothing but praise for Mother Waddles if she had not pastored a church. While in the church, I heard them singing praises to Mother Waddles, and that’s idolatry. She seemed to have no problem with that. Rev. Waddles worked long hours and continued until she was 82. She died July 12, 2001 at the age of 88.

As a pastor, she held spiritual authority that rightfully belonged to the male of the species. In the black community, there has been a wholesale transfer of the headship position. Mother Waddles, by example, assisted “egalitarianism.”

A child needs to know someone is in charge; he needs that someone to be his fathersee Malachi 4:5-6!

Sister Beall’s Church

I was brought up in an independent charismatic church, where speaking in tongues was, by definition, being filled with the Holy Spirit. Much of the speaking in tongues was just gibberish. The pastor was Sister Beall, a convert from Catholicism. Her husband was “just there.” She said there was no man for the job.

Bethesda Missionary Temple began in 1934 in a Detroit store. The church expanded at that location, 7616 E. Nevada Ave. In 1989 the church moved to Sterling Heights, Michigan, and the name was changed to Bethesda Christian Church. What started in a store is now large enough for a thousand families.

In 1948, when I was nine, my parents took me there. Her son, James, followed her as pastor. His daughter, Analee succeeded him in 2004, and then retired in 2016. Pat and Julie Visger became joint pastors. And PS, Sister Beall couldn’t have done it without the men, including my father, who followed her leadership.

The church began when a woman violated 1 Timothy 3:2, “A bishop [overseer] then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behavior, given to hospitality, apt to teach.” How could Sister Beall be “the husband of one wife?” Was that violation of Scripture such a big deal? Well, was the eating of the Forbidden Fruit such a big deal? An apple? A pear? Whatever!

Like the wife who takes the lead, Sister Beall and her family ruled like our President, by Executive Order, without any oversight from the church body or even the elders. They were nothing more than “yes” men. Over 19 years, what I saw was a family enterprise in the name of Christ. The pastor’s salary was considered none of our business. Mother Waddles was a giver. The Bealls were takers, but that wasn’t the worst part.

By their example, the Beall’s affirmed “egalitarianism” as legitimate. Along with Mother Waddles and Kay Arthur, Sister Beall helped promote female usurpation.

Spurious Teaching

Her teaching was erratic, e.g., Sister Beall decided it was wrong to be baptized in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. We should be baptized in the name of Jesus. So we all had to be baptized again. My situation was exceptionally flawed, so I had to be immersed a third time.

Every woman should be under male authority, but a woman has a will, and she can disobey the Lord, as Sister Beall did. If a woman can be pastor, why can’t a wife be head-of-the-house? Very bad modeling!

A Related Illustration

In College Station, TX we have a church like Sister Beall’s church, but worse. The Pastors are Danny and his wife. In July 2014, I rented a house to Tyrone and his wife. They were Christians, and I fell in love with them. I’m an extremely patient man. For several months they didn’t pay rent. Hey! They were Christians, and Tyrone always had a good story. Twice I tried to get his pastor to intervene, but Danny wouldn’t return my calls. Finally I had them evicted and got a judgment for $5400. In Tyrone’s presence, the judge wanted to know why I let it go so long. All I could say was, “I won’t do it again.”

Yesterday, December 23, 2015, I met a man who explained everything. About 12 years ago, Kenneth and his family visited Danny’s church twice. Danny encouraged giving to the churchcredit cards were accepted! People were admonished to step out in faith. Here’s what they were told: “If you have money to pay rent or buy groceries, give it to the church, and trust God to meet the need.” I think I understand why Tyrone didn’t pay his rent. Let me read between the lines.

Tyrone gave my rent money to his church, but God didn’t “meet the need.” Pastor Danny didn’t return my calls. How would he explain to Tyrone why the Lord didn’t come through? (When it comes to financial oversight, Pastor Danny is the CEO with no accountability.) It’s been over a year. I haven’t seen a cent of the $5400, and I don’t expect to. Now back to the subject of women preachers.

Kay Arthur’s Ministry

God made men to be leaders and women to be followers. In the world, and in the church, women are leading, and men are following. That’s why things are so fouled up. What happened in the Garden is being repeated on a grand scale.

It’s deja vu all over again–Yogi Berra

In Evangelical circles, Kay Arthur’s Precept Ministry is probably the most popular and respected. Her life history appears in Wikipedia. Her book, Marriage Without Regrets, seems entirely biblical. But Kay Arthur has adapted to the culture, and is doing a man’s job, rather than a woman’s. Her work is so extensive as to legitimize the egalitarian idea that men and women are interchangeable in the ministry.

As Helen Kendrick Johnson predicted in 1897, most women are now doing a man’s job, while neglecting their job. The kids are being “raised” by a rebellious mother and someone other than their mother. As an employer, I see the results: It’s almost impossible to hire a decent man.

Because Kay Arthur is a woman teaching women and children, Christians think that is okay. I know of only one place in Scripture (Titus 2:3-5) where women are told to teach other women. The aged women are to teach the younger women to be biblical wives.

The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. (Titus 2:3-5, emphasis added)

But no one is doing that—almost no one! Actually, Kay Arthur offers a smattering of such teaching, but then moves on with material that should be taught by a man.

What Difference Does It Make?

When a woman teaches the Bible, there will be a feelings-based presentation. Objective truth is sacrificed on an altar of feminine subjectivity. In Titus 2:3-5, women are to teach other women to be biblical wives. If you’ll read my appendix, you’ll find they are doing a superb job—better than any man could do!

In her book, Created To Be His Help Meet, Debi Pearl teaches biblical marriage. Candace Cameron Bure is also taking the lead in teaching women to be submissive wives. Let me back up just a little.

I did some internet research, and was surprised to learn that some modern women are actually teaching other women to be submissive wives. Click on the link to read an article that I find captivating. Use the back button to return to this website.

In the above article, the submissive wife works at home—NOT away from home! How does that compare with the Proverbs 31 woman? In today’s world, can a man find a virtuous woman? The answer is “yes.” My wife of 47 years was such a woman.

10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

14 She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates. (Proverbs 31:10-31)

Head Of The House

En Masse, most modern women assert themselves, and become the acting head-of-the-house. They learn from the examples set by women like Sister Beall and Kay Arthur. It is precisely their acts of disobedience that are destroying our families, our children, and our culture.


The story is told in Judges Chapters 4-5. Many people think the story of Deborah refutes male leadership and authority that I’ve been teaching. Actually, it authenticates my second theme: Christians aren’t robots that just follow the rules.

Male leadership is the norm. Most prophets and judges in the Old Testament were men. Deborah, a prophetess, was a judge in Israel who delivered them from bondage to the Canaanites.

And the children of Israel again did evil in the sight of the LORD … And the LORD sold them into the hand of Jabin king of Canaan, that reigned in Hazor; the captain of whose host was Sisera … And the children of Israel cried unto the LORD: for he had nine hundred chariots of iron; and twenty years he mightily oppressed the children of Israel. (Judges 4:1-3)

The Bible is full of rules and regulations, but God’s people have always been enabled to apply those rules to the glory of God. In the Old Testament, God spoke through the prophets, and in this case through a prophetess. Deborah’s words were as much the words of God as were those of Elijah. For purposes known only to God, He chose a woman to serve as prophetess and judge. But Deborah wasn’t the only one; there were also Miriam, Huldah, and Anna.

And she [Huldah] said unto them, Thus saith the LORD God of Israel. 2 (Kings 22:15A)

“Thus saith the Lord,” coming from a man or a woman, is music to my ears. To me, this is one of the most exciting stories in the Bible. I was so impressed by Deborah that I named our daughter after her. When God uses men, I rejoice. When God uses women, I rejoice. The fact that God would use any of us is cause for rejoicing. But we should NEVER try to impose our agenda on the Lord. That is exactly what Christian “egalitarians” are trying to do. One of their proof texts is the following:

And it shall come to pass in the last days, saith God, I will pour out of my Spirit upon all flesh: and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams: (Acts 2:17)

The fact that an occasional daughter would prophesy doesn’t negate the general principle of male headship and male authority. This, again, is evidence of the dynamics of God’s choices. The “egalitarians” are fighting God. Let me illustrate starting with one of my not-so-famous quotations.

No two objects can occupy the same space at any given timeC. Russell Yates

At a rail crossing, a car and a train will sometimes arrive at exactly the same time. The train always wins. When man’s agenda, or Satan’s, conflicts with God’s agenda, God always wins. “Egalitarians” are losers.

In this section, I’ve described self-appointed women whose ministries have been questionable. There’s absolutely no doubt about the authenticity of Deborah’s calling. She was the wife of Lapidoth, a humble woman, who called herself a mother in Israel. Deborah told Barak exactly what to do to gain the victory. He expressed a lack of faith, and for that, Deborah told him the victory would come through a woman. (That was an embarrassment.) Everything played out exactly as Deborah said it woulddespite the 900 chariots of iron! From the battle, Sisera fled to the tent of Jael.

Then Jael, Heber’s wife, took a nail of the tent, and took an hammer in her hand, and went softly unto him, and smote the nail into his temples, and fastened it into the ground: for he was fast asleep and weary. So he died. (Judges 4:21)

The Law is God’s handbook, but He is not a slave to His rulesGod can do anything He wants!  Generally, women are not prophets, but Deborah was the exception. We serve an exceptional God. Hallelujah!

Unforeseen Consequences

I’ve just talked about cultural compromise in marriage and in the church. What result can these Christians expect? The answer is found in three passages.

And I heard another voice from heaven, saying, Come out of her, my people, that ye be not partakers of her sins, and that ye receive not of her plagues. (Revelation 18:4)

Most Christians have NOT come out of her; we’re partakers of her sins, and we can expect to share in her plagues. Christians have always been persecuted, but the plagues in Revelation are from the Lordnot from men! It’s the wrath of God poured out on the rebellious. For a Christian to endure the wrath of God along with the ungodly would be a new and unique experience. First the passage, and then the application:

Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly … But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. (Psalms 1:1)

If you’re that blessed man spoken of above, then you’re NOT guilty of cultural compromise, and you should not expect to come under the wrath of God. In contrast, “egalitarian” Christians don’t live according to the Word. They walk in the counsel of the ungodly, and they’ll come into judgment.

Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous. (Psalms 1:5)

The Coming Of The Lord

The Old Testament continually documents the idolatry of the Jews. They followed their pagan neighbors into the worship of Molech, Baal, etc. Again and again, the Lord corrected them. Both Israel and Judah went into captivity. But they still hadn’t learned their lesson. Christ was born during a time of spiritual darkness. (It had been 400 years since Malachi had given the last prophetic word.)

When Jesus came the first time, almost everyone missed it. They were looking for a political leader to overthrow Rome. Jesus was born, ministered for 3.5 years, was crucified, buried, resurrected from the dead, and then ascended into heaven. The Holy Spirit was then given, and the Apostles established the Church. But the Jews still weren’t convinced. In AD70, Jerusalem was destroyed and the Jews were scattered to the ends of the earth.

Christians continue to emulate the “egalitarian” ways of their pagan neighbors. I have declared the “egalitarian” sin of Christians to be idolatry, heresy, blasphemy, and covetousness. Considering how God has judged and chastened the Jews, can these Christians expect to go in the Rapture along with the faithful? Let’s be realistic. The Jews and the Christians are God’s people. Can they expect special treatment? The answer is, “yes,” but only to avoid condemnation.

But when we are judged, we are chastened of the Lord, that we should not be condemned with the world. (1 Corinthians 11:32)

Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you … let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God. (2 Corinthians 6:17-7:1)

And I heard another voice from heaven, saying, Come out of her, my people, that ye be not partakers of her sins, and that ye receive not of her plagues. (Revelation 18:4)

I think the “egalitarian” Christians and those who accommodate them will be left behind at the Rapture and chastened along with the ungodly. Just before the predicted Rapture, the Lord had some things to say to the seven churches—see Revelation 1:19-3:22. He had criticism for every church, but especially for the latter day church.

Because thou sayest, I am rich, and increased with goods, and have need of nothing; and knowest not that thou art wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked. I counsel thee to buy of me gold tried in the fire, that thou mayest be rich; and white raiment, that thou mayest be clothed, and that the shame of thy nakedness do not appear; and anoint thine eyes with eyesalve, that thou mayest see. As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore and repent. (Revelation 3:17-19, emphasis added)

To the church at Philadelphia, Jesus declares,

Because thou hast kept the word of my patience, I also will keep thee from the hour of temptation, which shall come upon all the world, to try them that dwell upon the earth. (Revelation 3:10)

Chapter 6 of Revelation is the start of the 7-year Great Tribulation. Of the seven churches, only Philadelphia is caught away—Raptured!

Regarding the Antichrist, we read in Daniel 7:25 that he will wear out the saints. I always thought the “saints” were people who were saved during the tribulation. I now see the “saints” as Christians who were left behind at the Rapture plus those saved during the Tribulation.


Why did Adam and Eve eat the Forbidden Fruit? They thought they knew better than God. People still think they know betternothing has changed!

The Unbelievers

The ancient idolaters and the modern idolaters deny and refuse God because they think they know better.

The Believers

The Israelites and modern Christians accept God, but still think they know better. They quietly ignore God’s Word when it conflicts with their ideas, but Scripture is absolute; those who obey will succeedin this life and the next!



Scripture tells a husband to love his wife. To do that is an act of submission. To the wife, the command to love is in the context of submission. Obedience to a husband comes under that umbrella.

The aged women likewise, that … they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. (Titus 2:3-5, emphasis added)

Role Reversal

A woman may want to change her husband. She basically likes him, but sees room for improvement, so she finds fault. She sees herself as okay, and wants to conform him to her pattern. Like Eve, she takes the lead, rather than following the lead of her husband. Her comments often come across as disrespectful and bossy. Even her questions may sound like an accusation.

Debi hitchhikes on advice, Michael gives to young men, who are looking for wives. Here’s what Debi Pearl has to say on *p.151.

If she feels that YOU are lucky to get HER, then you had better run, because that woman is looking for her own help meet, and she thinks you are the one to fill the job. She will spend the rest of her life trying to change you.

See Chapter 8 of *Debi’s book: It is entitled, “Wisdom To Understand Your Man.” Again and again, Debi tells the ladies to quit trying to change their men, but to start learning to understand them. She writes, “A wise woman learns to adapt to her husband.”

His Help Meet

Nowhere in the Bible, does the Lord say the aged men are to teach the younger men how to be good husbands and fathers. The men are instructed directly from Scripture. So why are the aged women to teach the younger women? A man is not called to order himself around the nature of his wife. Instead a woman is called to order herself around her husband. She is designed to do that. She is made to become a “help meet” to her husband. On p15-16, Debi Pearl writes to women,

You are about to read God’s plan for a joyful marriage. It has worked for me, for my daughters, for my mother, my grandmother, and my grandmother’s mother. It has worked for many young and older ladies alike. We didn’t just happen to marry perfect, or even saved men, but we all learned to be help meets to our men, resulting in heavenly marriages.

Becoming a “help meet” is a process, and it is for that reason that the younger women have to go to school, and be taught by the aged women. I repeat what I said earlier: Every Bible believing church should have instruction for single women and married women, who have yet to become “help meets” to their husbands.

To my knowledge, there’s nothing compared to Debi’s teaching. Her 184 page Journey is a year-long companion workbook/Journal for Created to Be His Help Meet, which is 336 pages!

Women Listen to Women

In 2003, Theresa and I were in California, and had lunch with John and Laura Doyle. Laura was not a Believer, but somehow she learned that submission would be to her benefit. First she took John’s last name, and then she wrote, The Surrendered Wife. She was not seeking to please the Lord, but she was unwittingly teaching women how to model the relationship between Christ and the Church. Laura pretty much told me to give up my cause because women only listen to women.

So now I seek to persuade men. And what should they do? On ~p.69, Michael Pearl tells men, “It is your job to make her long to fulfill her position.” It took me 32 years, but that’s what I do. For women, I still recommend The Surrendered Wife, by Laura Doyle.

Lovemaking Was A Chore

Liz wrote to Debi. On *p.20 she writes, “We had both grown bitter, and love-making was not love; it was necessary sexwhen it was unavoidable!”

Theresa and I married as virgins. But without submission, lovemaking was a chorelike taking out the trash! Husbands have trouble faking it. A man won’t say it, but he has a sexual need, that no one but his wife can meet, but only in the context of submission. She should consider it her opportunity to bless her man. If a woman is detached, wishing she were somewhere else, she’ll be missing her opportunity. If she’ll joyfully submit to her “help meet” calling, he’ll be gratefulthere will be endearment love! I will again quote Michael, ~p.69; then I will quote Debi, *p.38.

It is your job to make her long to fulfill her position. It is her job to do her duty even if it doesn’t seem to be personally fulfillingMichael Pearl

I am the queen of his heart and the fire in his bed, at last!From Marie’s letter to Debi

A take-charge woman leaves her husband open to temptation. Before and after marriage, women have crossed my path, who have been inviting. If I had given in, I wouldn’t have the moral or spiritual authority to be writing this book. Few women understand the magic that goes with submission. Few understand the potential for the extra-marital affair that happens when they take the lead in the family. The carnal men, who are actually married to biblical wives, don’t realize the blessing that is theirs.

I mentioned that lovemaking for us was a choreand for 32 years! The lack of fulfillment, in that area, is what I miss most from life. But at my age, the time has past. Thankfully, my name is written in the Lamb’s book of life, and I expect a hundred-fold blessing (Mark 10:30-31) from the Lord.

Later I’ll mention how my pastor (1991-1995) continually praised his wife. It was just the outpouring of his grateful heart. A wife is told to submit, before her husband is told to love. Why? God’s love is an act of submission to our need. When we respond, we find endearment love. The relationship between husband and wife should be the same.

Submission Leads to Success

Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. And the wife see that she reverence her husband. (Ephesians 5:24,33b)

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. (Colossians 3:18)

The Pearl family is successful, but as I see it, Michael was not the architect of that successDebi was! She did it as “help meet” to a godly husband. Submission is the most powerful tool, any Christian woman (or man) has. “Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord. For as the woman is of the man, even so is the man also by the woman; but all things of God.” (1 Corinthians 11:11-12)

Women Under Male Authority

In the Old Testament, wives were under their husbands. But we see little evidence that men loved their wives. In the pagan world, it was unheard of. Jesus and the Church brought real dignity to women, but compliance with modern culture has removed that dignity. Did you hear what I just said? “Egalitarianism has removed the dignity Christ gave women.”

NEVER was a wife authorized to come from under the authority of her husband. Under her husband, she could expect spiritual protection and Christian dignity. In keeping with Christian tradition, a woman takes the last name of her new husband. Is that not consistent with the idea of a woman submitting to her husband? Let’s consider some cultural marriages.

Fifty-Fifty Marriage

Fifty-Fifty is what I consistently call cultural or democratic marriage. Husband and wife are equally in charge. One partner to the marriage will emerge as boss, and usually that person is the wife. The house is her domain, and she’s closest to the children. Also, her female reasoning cannot be refuted by his male logic.

The worst possible situation is where the pilot and co-pilot fight over the controls. We read about the crash of an airplane full of passengers, and that makes news, but numerically those losses don’t compare to the losses that result when multitudes of families crash. A wife who consistently argues, and seeks to usurp her husband’s leadership role, is not a biblical wife—no matter how godly she thinks herself to be!

The Flip Side of Biblical Marriage

This is another non-biblical marriage. Occasionally, a “command” woman marries a passive man, and the two agree to a marital arrangement that I call the “flip side.” The marriage is harmoniousthey never fight! She’s the head-of-the-house, and they like it that wayor at least they say they do! But there is no real oneness, and her composure is more like that of a man, than that of a woman. As Michael said, “She is imbalanced.”

The marriage doesn’t agree with Scripture, and they can expect problems. For the children, the father doesn’t model God the Father, and the mother doesn’t model the submissive Bride of Christ. The children grow up with an identity problem that may lead to homosexuality.

Birth Of The Homosexual

Luke 17:26-30 says when the Lord returns, it will be as it was in the days of Noah and the days of Lot. Noah’s days were marked by violence, and Lot’s were marked by homosexuality. Departure from biblical roles, in marriage, has proliferated during this century. Besides that, the culture presents homosexuality as a respectable lifestyle. Both family failure and cultural influences, account for the growing number of homosexuals, and the assertiveness that is theirs.’ Sodom and Gomorrah are history. Let’s take a look at the finale.

Destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah

The story starts in Genesis 18:20 and ends in Genesis 19:30. First, we find Abraham negotiating with the Lord over the fate of the cities. He got the Lord down to ten righteous men. If there were ten righteous men, the Lord would not destroy the cities.

The Lord sent two angelic men to Lot’s house for the express purpose of sparing Lot. The angelic men were inside. Homosexuals surrounded the house. They were intent on raping the two angels. They were about to break the door down, when the angelic men went into action.

But the men put forth their hand, and pulled Lot into the house to them, and shut to the door. And they smote the men that were at the door of the house with blindness, both small and great: so that they wearied themselves to find the door. (Genesis 19:10-11)

The angelic men must have been really attractive to so arouse the homosexuals, that they would continue trying to find the door, even after being smitten with blindness. The angels removed Lot and his family from Sodom, and then God destroyed the cities.

Then the LORD rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the LORD out of heaven. (Genesis 19:24)

And Abraham gat up early in the morning to the place where he stood before the LORD: And he looked toward Sodom and Gomorrah, and toward all the land of the plain, and beheld, and, lo, the smoke of the country went up as the smoke of a furnace. (Genesis 19:27-28)

But the same day that Lot went out of Sodom it rained fire and brimstone from heaven, and destroyed them all. Even thus shall it be in the day when the Son of man is revealed. (Luke 17:29-30, emphasis added)

In Chapter 8, I quoted from “The Berean Christian Bible Study Resources.” The author claims that “egalitarianism” leads to rebellion in the family, homosexuality, and abortion. “These and like things are all symptoms of a rejection of God’s order of creation.”

Marriages, children, and families are being destroyed. We Christians are picking up the pieces. Most Christians continue to live an “egalitarian” lifestyle, but fail to see that they are the source of the carnage. My next section is the testimony of a young woman whose marriage is biblical. I give this in contrast to what I’ve just said, and to show how it works.

Becoming His Kind of Woman

Shoshanna is the daughter of Michael and Debi Pearl. She was trained to be a “help meet” to a husband. She married James Easling, and was she surprised. Her father was a Command Man, who could make lightening fast decisions, with biblical backing and fast deducing logic. He didn’t ask; he told. Shoshanna writes,

Mom knew that dad’s unchanging decisions were not to lord over her; they were just a part of who he was. When I got married, I expected my husband to be that alpha male that my dad was, but he was not.

Let me summarize Shoshanna’s marital experience. James is a visionary, and can’t be bothered with routine decisions. His mind is on more complicated things. To be his “help meet,” Shoshanna is learning to make certain decisions for him, and to fill in the blanks. That’s the way he wants it. On p.20, “No Greater Joy” magazine Nov-Dec 2014, she writes,

He needed me to help him balance life. I found that it was a blast living as his help meet. He likes it when I am creative, working with him, and strong enough to stand on my own when he needs me to do so. We both found that we were two halves, but together we make a whole.

Still The Head-Of-The-House

In the biblical sense, Shoshanna is James’ suitable helper, but he’s still the head-of-the house. James has delegated to Shoshanna decisions her father would have made himself. Still, he’s responsible to the Lord. So what did Shoshanna do right? She did for James what he wanted her to domake most of the routine decisions! She submitted to her husband.

After marriage, it took some doing for James and Shoshanna to find the oneness God intended. First she tried to make James into the image of her father. There were struggles and frustrations, but they’ve come a long way toward their goal of becoming one flesh as spoken of in Genesis 2:24. Now a word from Debi, p.21 of “No Greater Joy,” magazine Nov-Dec 2014:

A wise woman seeks to be part of her husband’s life. His interests become her interests. She looks for ways to help him, in all his endeavors. When he needs a helping hand, it is her hand that is there first.

Three Marital Choices

Here’s a quote you’ve seen before: “It takes two to make a good marriage, but it only takes one to wreck it”Dana Forgione. I’ll now give some examples: In my first example, the wife renders the one-flesh union impossible; in the second, the husband is the culprit; in the third, the couple fulfills Genesis 2:24“The two shall become one!”

Big Mama

Often in today’s world, the wife runs the show. She does what she wants without regard to her husband’s wishes. When he disagrees they’ll argue, but she always wins. She rules by executive order.

In our home, Theresa wanted to be Big Mama, but I refused to accept the idea. She and I struggled for 32 years until my biblical view finally prevailed. As I said earlier, my years of commitment love were followed by over 12 years of endearment love. To get there, I tried one thing and then another; I’ll explain in the next chapter.

Michael Pearl helped me understand what had happened. I tell part of the story in Chapter 20. Then I tell the rest of the story in Chapter 22.

Big Daddy

On ~p.184, Michael Pearl starts with a letter he received.

Mr. Pearl,

I hope you tell the men, Love is not, “God says you are to obey me, so it’s my way or the highway. You need to read Debi Pearl’s book and get yourself in order.” My husband (a pastor) has actually said this, and somehow does not believe this is contrary to his vows. He is a tyrant that robs me (and the children) of giving him the gift of submission, because he demands it angrily. I do not feel loved; I feel owned. And my four-year-old wants to know why Daddy hates him.


Michael answers, “No doubt this husband is a carnal Command Man, for there is no way someone so self-centered, could come to be regarded as a spiritual leader, other than by lazy parishioners, who are deceived by his commanding presence … the immature, self-centered Command Man, actually believes in his divine right as a man.” Michael continues, “You are not God, and have no right to command your wife to obey you.”

I was never the tyrant Michael has just written about, but for about the first ten years, my headship attitude was as confused as that of the self-styled “general” mentioned above. As I said earlier, the process of marital learning and sanctification moved more quickly for  me than for Theresa. I guess I was more teachablecertainly more highly motivated!

The Ideal Marriage

The husband is both the spiritual leader and the administrative leader of the house. He’s the boss in the administrative sense, but he should not be bossy. A spirit-filled husband and wife, properly trained, who are in the Word, and in prayer, talk things over. Usually, their conclusion is a mutual one, but he has veto power, and sometimes he will override his wife’s idea. That’s what Adam and Abraham should have done when their wives came up with the two worst ideas in history.


Husbands Love Your Wives

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. (Ephesians 5:25)

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. (1 Peter 3:7, emphasis added)

The husband, who loves his wife, sees her as an equal. They work together as a team, even though he’s the head. He will earn the respect of the Lord and his peerseven when he prays! Their union will declare: They are “heirs together of the grace of life.”

Marital Commands

I observed: Wives are instructed to submit, not only first, but more often than men are instructed to love. That should not be surprising, because submission, over rebellion, is what determines whether men go to heaven or to hell.

Is it possible that submission is the primary mark of godliness? I think so! “Now the man Moses was very meek, above all the men which were upon the face of the earth.” (Numbers 12:3)

Jesus declared himself, to be a servant, and commended his followers for their service to others. “But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant.” (Matthew 23:11)

But service to God or to others will never take the place of obedience to the Lord. “And Samuel said, Hath the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.” (1 Samuel 15:22, emphasis added) It is the Lord that commands husbands and wives to submit and to obey. You can serve “til the cows come home,” but that won’t make up for disobedience.

The importance of submission is illustrated by how often Jesus declares His submission to His Father. I repeat what I said earlier “If I didn’t live that way, I wouldn’t be writing this book.” The Bible tells the whole story. Regarding my family, I’m going to follow the example of Scripture, even if it makes people angry or uncomfortable.


My father, Daniel, was born June 26, 1907. His father’s name was Brady, and his mother’s name was Yates. As a fatherless child, he had identity problems, which were passed on to his children. My father died March 29, 1953. Dad was intelligent, but not a good manager. He lacked the confidence to be a good leader; that made him the “ideal” husband for my mother who was itching to lead.

My mother, Novella Blalock, was born September 26, 1908, the second of seven children. She died Mother’s Day, May 11, 1975. Mom was a hard worker and a capable manager. I’m sure mom was somewhat driven by necessity, but she was a controlling woman, who clung to her children. I was her favorite. She did have a sense of humor. I had been doing yard work, and then went into the house. I said, “I worked my tail off.” Mom replied, “No you didn’t, Russell, I saw you dragging it into the house.” Perhaps it was from mom that I got my sense of humor.

I was the second of seven children, born January 19, 1939. I was brought up in church, and accepted Jesus as my savior when I was nine. At 28, I realized things weren’t working for me. I had two engineering degrees, but was still having trouble settling on a career. I had an identity problem. The macho thing would be to pretend everything was okay. The humble thing would be to ask for help.

In June 1967, while attending Detroit Bible College, I asked if they could recommend a counselor. They recommended David Dyke. Mr. Dyke said to me, “I’m not telling you to cut the apron strings, I’m telling you to cut the umbilical cord.” I could say, “I was over-mothered,” but that would be an understatement. I moved from home, and for at least a month, had no contact with my mother. Thus began my journey toward wholeness. Unfortunately, there were many bumps ahead.

The C. Russell Yates Family

I’ll tell what happenedjust the facts! I talk about my family, not to fix the blame, but to fix the problem. Our problems are nothing new to the human race, but I’m a problem solver, and I’m writing this book to help others solve their problems.

July 4, 1970 I married Theresa Marie Carucci from Utica, NY. I met her at church in Detroit. Theresa was a gifted Christian woman. For example, at five she was playing the piano before the church, without ever having taken a lesson. She was also entertaining. Theresa was helping Korean ladies improve their English. They wanted to be respectful, and asked how they should address her. My wife said, “Call me Mother Theresa.” One of the girls was named You Hee. Her email address is youhee@yahoo. That’s my favorite email address. My wife was the youngest of three siblings. We had one child, 3.5 years after we married.

God reached out to mankind in a relational way, starting with Abraham. We are rapidly approaching the end of the age, and I’m writing with the faith of Abraham. Abraham lived in a pagan society, where the gods were the work of men’s hands. We live in a pagan society, where the gods are in men’s hearts and minds. Each man acts as if he’s God. Abraham was a blameless man who didn’t require the approval of man. The same can be said of methis book is evidence!

Our Marital Conflict

The first years of our marriage were dreadful. I held to the biblical model, taken from Ephesians 5, while my wife sought to defend the “egalitarian” view. The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (CBMW) was on my side, while Christians for Biblical Equality (CBE) was with Theresa. My wife was led astray by Christians, but not unwillingly. Only recently did I realize that “egalitarianism” is a seriously destructive heresy.

I Published

First, I wrote and published a book, Restoring The Father To The Family. I published the book on Theresa’s birthday April 6, 1993. Then I went on local Christian radio, and gave a weekly message on marriage. I did that from 1998-2002.

It Was My Fault

One of my sisters apologized to my wife “for what my brother did to you.” That was before Theresa became my biblical wife. My friends, and fellow Christians were sure our marital problem was my fault. In public, I was aggressive, while Theresa was quiet. At home, it was another matter. At church, they knew nothing of what went on in our home, but they knew one thing: If there’s a male/female problem, the man is always at fault.

In a feminized society, the woman is always “right,” even when she’s wrongC. Russell Yates

On *p.226-7, Debi tells how a good wife can make a bad husband look good, and a bad wife can make a good husband look bad. In short, what people see in a husband is really the character of his wifeeither good or bad! She ends the discussion as follows:

Although a good woman can lift up a poor husband, a good man cannot make up for the deficits of a poor wife, and create a family with a good reputation. A man married to such a wife usually becomes a lifetime loser, no matter how hard he tries to win. At first he has hope, but over time, deep down in his bones, he feels the rottenness; and despair consumes all his hopes.

Sexism Is Not New

In Chapter 7, I discussed how attitudes about male/female issues changed, starting 100 years ago. Before that, “the woman was always wrong,” but now, “the man is always wrong.” To accept an across-the-board condemnation, independent of the facts, is tragic, but not surprising. The lack of discernment is not fitting for men who call themselves Christians.

The Left-Foot of Dis-Fellowship

I had been a member of a Baptist church for five years. My pastor—I’ll call him Pastor CEO—preached biblical marriage, but wouldn’t stand up to the cultural crowd. He’s still a slave to the approval of men. He was seen as biblical, while overlooking the “egalitarian” lifestyle of church members. Shortly after I was expelled from my church, the associate pastor gave an excellent sermon on biblical marriage—a good subterfuge for my expulsion! That underscored what Pastor CEO had preached, but still left the “egalitarian” lifestyle undisturbed.

December 2000, I wrote an open letter, and sent it to everyone in our church of about 2K. (See Appendix Two, for that letter.) Ginger asked if there was any truth to my letter; Pastor CEO said, “No.” My friend, Stephen, thinks the letter would make a good tract.

Pastor CEO called, and said, “You won’t believe the calls I’ve gotten.” (Were those calls from men? Not likely!) He was hot, and I was cool. I replied, “I thought there’d be a firestorm.” This was a mini-earthquake. Recall what I said in Chapter 10, if CBMW had challenged the church, at large, as I did my local church, the earthquake would have been felt across the land. Its possible Two Loves will at least partially achieve what CBMW failed to accomplish.

Pastor CEO had a problem, which reminds me of what Laura Bush once said: “George and Dick Cheney think every problem can be solved with a chain saw.” I’d say my ex-pastor agreed with George and Dick. He told me not to come back, and I didn’t for 14 years, until I attended a funeral there. I think I now understand why the reaction was so intense. I was facing a pastor and Believers who were accommodating the “egalitarian” heresy. I was seeking the glory of God, while they were more interested in maintaining the status quo.

Job Security

I was kicked out December 13, 2000. I began to attend a church 25 miles north of town, and visited with a man named Stan. Pastor CEO, in his earlier years, had been pastor of a small church about 50 miles north of town, but had been relieved of his pastoral duties. Stan said CEO thought he was responsible. “Actually,” he said, “It was my brother.”

The report I heard this past week was not surprising. Pastor CEO has been at our local church for well over 20 years, but remembers how he was booted years ago. At a meeting of pastors, CEO said, “Your best job security is to have a building program and to always keep the church in debt.”

Marital Inertia

Men and women, alike, have settled for a worldly marital paradigm that opposes the Genesis 2:24 model for marriage. Faulty marital beliefs have been the norm for decades, and not easily dislodged. Marital statistics prove their cultural beliefs to be defective, but they cling to them with tenacity. They are comfortable with the uncomfortable, and will defend their beliefs when someone, like me, “rocks the boat.”

In Chapter 8, I discussed two heresies. This is the “egalitarian” heresy. For evangelicals, it may be more destructive than the heresy of Salvation by works. And so far, the only ministry that is effectively challenging this heresy is “No Greater Joy,” with Michael Pearl and his wife Debi. I don’t have to tell you Christian marriages and families are in troublebig time! You know that.

As an AC contractor, I’m a problem solver. I’m telling you: If there’s a problem, there’s a reason for that problem, and we do have a relational problem when it comes to marriage and family. The primary responsibility for marital success lies with the husband, but as Debi Pearl shows, by submission, a wife can turn things around. I managed to salvage my marriage, but tried many things before finding the answer. As I showed in Chapter 9, a godly man should face his marital problem head-on, and not back down.

After My Expulsion

My wife had not yet fulfilled her calling as a “help meet.” More than that, she continued to struggle for the leadership role, so that I might be her “help meet.” I was a good man, but when people looked at me, they saw a reflection of my wife. And to this day, many still think I’m the bad guy. In my zeal for a Genesis 2:24 marriage, I caused quite a commotion. As I said, “I’m a problem solver,” and I had a problem that needed to be solved, so I continued.

I Filed for Divorce

About nine months after I was booted from church, on Labor Day weekendjust before 911I flew to Minnesota for special meetings. (I got home just before the planes were grounded.) The host thought our marital problems were my fault; he publicly said some negative things that were directed at me.

Larry Christenson was the guest speaker. His message was The Guidance of the Holy Spirit. After listening to his tape a dozen times, I felt led to file for divorce. Later, my Christian attorney said, “Sometimes filing for divorce is the only thing that will save a marriage.” I replied, “That’s not where Theresa is,” but thankfully I was wrong. My filing, for divorce, was what turned our marriage around.

At one point, I was on my knees expressing my love, and begging her to do the right thing. Theresa later said, “We’ve wasted so much time.” I replied, “With the Lord it’s how things end that counts.” I don’t know how many times, I’ve said: “We’ve been married 44 years; happily married for twelve.” Some people think I’m kidding.

Since April 2002, we’ve enjoyed marriage as God intended it. Just now, after reading Michael’s ~book, I understand the dynamics that led to Theresa’s change. I’ll explain that understanding in Chapter 22.

An Apology?

Everyone was convinced I was at fault, but, like Job, I was right and they were wrong. When Theresa became a biblical wife, I forgave her. Since then, we’ve enjoyed a Genesis 2:24 marriage; and now that she has mental illness, I continue to love her sacrificially. At 76, I live alone, but continue to work, and earn an income that allows me to pay $37K per year for Theresa’s care. Not surprisingly, she thinks I’m wonderful.

Hundreds of people owe me an apology. That includes the pastor that kicked me out of the church, and then publicly denounced me before the congregation. It’s been fourteen years, but he should invite me back; and then publicly apologizebefore me, and before the congregation! I wish I could tell you that at least one person has apologized, but I can’t. Do I need their apology? I’ve already forgiven them, but they are not forgiven until they repent. They need to apologize, but I don’t need their apology.

About 2005, I wrote and published It was an attempt to lead young people into biblical marriage, but people weren’t interested. This agrees with the Barna Research I quoted earlier: “People prefer to follow their instincts, and let the chips fall where they may.” is still there, folks, as is my book, Restoring The Father to The Family. This is hard stuff, but the message is true and essential to godliness.

Theresa in Decline

Around January 2011, Theresa went into mental decline, and is now being cared for at a home in Round Rock TX, which is 95 miles from my home in College Station, TX. Even though she has Alzheimer’s, she’s always eager to hear from me. I call her every night, and we visit every 2-3 weeks. Our conversations are limited, but she loves to hear me read the Bible. At times, Theresa can seem erudite and even be funny. Today March 7, 2015, I just got off the phone talking with Theresa. She asked how she was doing, and I told her she was a good wife. I said, “You’re nuts about me.” Her mind worked okay for the moment. She laughed heartily, and said, “You’re something else!” She understood, but she always forgets.

Making the Most of It

July 19, 2014 Rosemary and George were moving. Theresa and I spent time with some friends, until Rosemary was ready to receive my wife. As we were leaving College Station, I said to her, “Do you want to drive?” She asked, “Do you want to sleep?”

The other day I was having trouble hearing, so I told her to give the phone to her caregiver. Rosemary said, “The reason you had trouble hearing was that Theresa had the phone backwards.” We talk on the phone every evening, but sometimes we get cut off. It seems Theresa is accidently pressing the disconnect button.

January 19 was my 76th birthday celebration, and Rosemary brought Theresa to College Station. They arrived at 10:30, and I wanted to do some everyday things with my wife, so we went shopping. At HEB, Theresa pushed the cart; that way I made sure she wouldn’t fall. I guided the cart. She said to me, “Rosemary and I do this all the time, but I do most of the work.” At 1 pm, we met daughter, Deborah and son-in-law, Freddie at Carino’s for lunch. We had a wonderful time together. Let’s consider a couple that lives in my neighborhood.

What If?

Mary and Teddy are over 80. Like Theresa, Mary has Alzheimer’s, and can’t be left alone. Their daughter lives with the couple to help care for her mother. Living alone, and running my AC business, I can’t have my wife with me at all times. If Theresa and I had had a Genesis 2:24 marriage, from the start, she would probably be living with family, instead of being in a home 95 miles away.

My friend Tom Karn said, “The reason she’s in mental decline is because she’s married to you.” I replied, “You’re the first to have made that observation.” He answered, “No, I’m just the first to say so.” I enjoyed his comments.

Commitment Love

Well, she’s still married to me, and I’m her faithful husband. What I have demonstrated, over the years, is commitment love. Even though our marriage was a struggle, it was my commitment to the Lord that caused me to go to extraordinary lengths to preserve it. The endearment love we’ve enjoyed since 2002 is, for me, a consolation prize. Still, no earthly thing will replace what was lost during the first 32 years. I would like to help others avoid the heartbreak that is mine.

Doing My Job

 It is your job to make her long to fulfill her position. It is her job to do her duty, even if it doesn’t seem to be personally fulfillingMichael Pearl ~p.69

I made her long to fulfill her positioneven if it did take me 32 years! And what did I do?

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the WASHING of water by the word. (Ephesians 5:25-26)

By the grace of God, and the power of the Holy Spirit, I washed her. She was an uncooperative puppy, and there was quite a scene. We splashed water, and lots of people got wet, but she’s clean. Because she has Alzheimer’s, her spiritual condition is now set in concrete. What I did for Theresa will bless lots of people forever: Theresa, Deborah, me, and a yet to be determined number of people who will read this book.

It’s been months since I wrote the above, but I have something to report. Yesterday, Christmas 2015, I was with my wife in Round Rock. In Theresa’s presence, I explained to George that for 32 years Theresa fought me over every decision. If I had taken her advice, I would have been out of business years ago. I didn’t expect Theresa to understand.

About two hours later she said, “I’m sorry.” ”Sorry for what?” I asked. “Sorry I’ve done so many bad things,” she answered. I have been waiting all our married life to hear Theresa say she was sorry for anything. I didn’t need her apology, but she needed to apologize. She had gathered and retained her thoughts for over two hours. Praise the Lord, Theresa is still preparing for eternity. It was a very emotional moment for me.

Three Weeks Later

On January 13, 2016, Theresa stumbled over a curb. Rosemary thought she had caught my wife sufficiently. There were no bruises or swelling, but for a week Theresa favored her left leg. On January 20, we discovered she had a broken hip. After five days in the hospital, we moved her 120 miles, by ambulance, to a full-time nursing facility in Navasota. She will be there until the Lord comes or until He comes for her.

She arrived on a Monday, and I spent over two hours with her. Because of the Alzheimer’s, we could not go for surgery and rehabilitation. At this point, she is pretty much bedridden—unable to even feed herself! I’ve never before seen her so helpless. All day and beyond, I felt really bad. All I can do is love and read the Bible to her. I continue to pray the Lord will take her gently and soon.

As Christ Loved The Church

Exactly how did Christ love the Church? In a redemptive way! Is it possible for a man to love his wife like Jesus? The assumption has been this: It’s a worthy goal, but it’s not possible. After writing, “Doing My Job,” I realized I had loved Theresa as Christ loved the Church. As the spiritual leader, under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I brought her to a place of marital submission. Our unbiblical marriage became a Genesis 2:24 union. I led Theresa into an abundant lifefor our marriage and for eternity! And as I said, her present mental condition leaves little room for further sanctification.


I graduated from dysfunctional to whole. I believe, I arrived at the latter years ago, but there are people who disagree. Despite my tendency to get into mischief, there are people who actually like me. I’m a fun loving guy, but I also weep over our failure as Christians.

In Appendix One, I’ll tell of a personal spiritual struggle that started June 2013, and continues until now. Fortunately I’ve been given the faith of Abraham. My friend, Roy, talks about making a long story endlessmine is! It’s clear that I’m not some academic type, writing from his sequestered office.


Part 1 – Seed Sown By MenBad Seed

As a youngster on the farm, I was fascinated with seeds. We planted corn, and guess what came up? Corn! I especially liked watermelon seeds because watermelons appeared and I lovedstill dowatermelons. The same principle applies to our good deeds and our bad ones. Listen to what Debi Pearl writes on *p.57.

Wisdom is conceived in a strange place. It is fathered by fear. Many Christians … try to convince us that biblical fear is just respect for God, not real fear. … If our actions were without consequence, or if consequences were never painful or permanent, then fear would be foolish. But our actions and reactions do indeed reap painful results, in this present life, as well as in eternity. We live under a law of sowing and reaping, that is as certain and unrelenting as disease and death. One might forestall the day of reaping, but it always comes with the surety of an eternal lawgiver.

Consider the passage I repeat again and again.

Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. (Galatians 6:7-8)

“Be not deceived; God is not mocked.” What does that mean? Lawbreakers think God is not watching; they’re deceived. To act as if God does not see, is to mock God, but He is not to be derided, scorned, or ridiculedwithout consequence! Then Paul spells it out: If you sow rebellion, you’ll reap corruption. If you sow good spiritual seed, you’ll reap life everlasting.

Galatians 6:7-8 appears in the Old Testament as follows: “But if ye will not do so, behold, ye have sinned against the LORD: and be sure your sin will find you out.” (Numbers 32:23, emphasis added)

Bad Seed

What if you think the seed you sow is good, but it isn’t? If you’re sincere, but sincerely wrong, the result will still be bad. What if you later realize you were wrong, and repent? You’ll be forgiven, but the harvest will still be evil.

What I’m about to write is new to me. I just now understand how the above passage was fulfilled in the lives of men in the Bible, and how it is being fulfilled today. Hey! God really does mean what He says. And PS, whether the seed was planted before or after Salvation, doesn’t seem to make any difference when harvest time comes.

A Side Trip

As an introduction to the sin of King David, I want to discuss temptation and adultery, using a personal example. This little “side trip” will require a page before I actually get into David’s “sowing and reaping” experience.


Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. (Matthew 5:27-28, emphasis added)

Men will be men, and there will always be temptation. So what does Jesus mean by the above passage? I’ll illustrate how I read this, with a story I’ve never told. (My wife has Alzheimer’s so I can now tell the story.) For 3 years, ending 2009, I worked on a project with a woman I’ll call Franshe said she was a Christian! Fran was “coming on” to me, but I never said a word to Theresa. After Fran told me she loved me, I got a bright idea: “I’ll take my wife with me when Fran and I work on the project.” When Theresa wasn’t watching, Fran would run her fingers up and down my spine.

Fran was good looking, perhaps as beautiful as Bathsheba. I was sorely tempted. Does that mean I committed adultery with her in my heart? As an objective man, I was responsible before God to overrule the philandering intention of a subjective woman. If we had actually committed adultery, would she be without guilt? I did the only wise thing, when faced with temptation: I ran in the other direction. This side of glory, Theresa will never knoweven if someone tells her!

The Analysis

Let’s say we did have an affair, and people found out. They would blame me; but they would know nothing about the flirtatious Fran, and she wouldn’t tell them. Fran and her husband obviously didn’t have a Genesis 2:24 marriage, or she wouldn’t have been “coming on” to me. With that introduction, let’s, again, consider the woman taken in adultery.

And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst, They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act. (John 8:3-4)

They had little information, to establish guilt, so why did they blame her? It was culturally driven. For the first 5900 years of man’s existence, a male/female problem was the woman’s fault. If Fran and I had committed adultery, I would have been blamed. Why? During the last 100 years, a male/female problem is the man’s fault. It’s that simple. Now back to Jesus’ accusation.

Adultery In The Heart

Here’s how I read Matthew 5:27-28, where a man looks upon a woman with lust. If given the opportunity, he would actually commit adultery with her. I have a pagan friend who, when he was younger, would be up-front. He would tell a woman, “I’m in lust with you,” and every chance he got, he would take a new woman to bed. If he would count on his fingers and toes, I’m sure he’d run out of digits. Decades ago, I was told of a Christian man, who would sleep around. He was a spiritual man, so he would only sleep with Christian women. The side trip is over.


Was Bathsheba Without Guilt

David lusted after a woman, but not just in his heart. He followed through. He committed adultery with Bathsheba.

And it came to pass, after the year was expired, at the time when kings go forth to battle, that David sent Joab … But David tarried still at Jerusalem. And it came to pass in an eveningtide, that David arose from off his bed, and walked upon the roof of the king’s house: and from the roof he saw a woman washing herself; and the woman was very beautiful to look upon. (2 Samuel 11:1-2, emphasis added)

Nathan and Christians, today, hold David responsibleand rightfully so! He should have been at the battle, rather than in Jerusalem. But was Bathsheba without guilt? She couldn’t help being very beautiful, but did she have to bathe so David could see her from his roof? Bathsheba lost a husband she dearly loved, and the first child conceived with David.

The Record

Scripture tells us David was a man after God’s own heart, and Jesus is one of David’s descendants. But David sinned grievously, and paid a terrible price. He reaped a bitter harvest, and it was just like the evil seed he had planted.

In 2 Samuel Chapter 11 we read about the affair between David and Bathsheba, the wife of Uriah. Uriah was a godly man, a faithful soldier in the army of Israel. While he was away, his wife became pregnant.

To cover his sin, David wanted Uriah to have relations with Bathsheba. He made arrangements to bring Uriah home, but he didn’t spend time with his wife. In 2 Samuel 11:13 he made Uriah drunk, but still Uriah didn’t spend time with Bathsheba. He then arranged to have Uriah killed in battle. Bathsheba mourned the death of her husband. Then David took her to be his wife.

The Price David Paid

The prophet, Nathan, confronted David with his sin, and David repented, but the evil seed had been planted. Two things: David had committed adultery, and then killed a righteous man. Here’s what Nathan said: “Now therefore the sword shall never depart from thine house; because thou hast despised me, and hast taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be thy wife.” (2 Samuel 12:10)

First, the child born to David and Bathsheba died. In 2 Samuel Chapter 13, we read that David’s son Amnon raped his half sister Tamar, the sister of Absalom. Then Absalom ordered Amnon to be slain. In Chapter 14, Absalom mounted an insurrection to take the throne from David his father. In Chapter 16, they spread a tent on top of a house, so Absalom could have sex with his father’s concubines. In Chapter 17, there was a plot to actually take the throne, but the Lord defeated the plan. In Chapter 18, David’s commander, Joab, had Absalom slain.

David’s two-fold sin was the seed. The harvest was multiplied, but it was of the same kind. David repented, and was forgiven of the Lord, but still suffered the consequences.

Romans 8:28 in Action

Did the Lord cut David off? David loved the Lord. Even though the book of Romans had not yet been written, the following passage still applied: “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

Solomon was the son of David and Bathsheba. The passage I give is taken from a complete lineage from Abraham to Christ. “And Jesse begat David the king; and David the king begat Solomon of her that had been the wife of Uriah.” (Matthew 1:6) God can work things together, for good, even when we sin. For Bathsheba and Solomon to be in the messianic line, testifies of God’s mercy and grace. Still David’s harvest was the same kind as the seed he had sown.

The Sin of The Apostle Paul

Saul of Tarsus was later named the Apostle Paul. He was the chief architect of the Christian Church, with his outreach to the Gentiles. “And a vision appeared to Paul in the night; There stood a man of Macedonia, and prayed him, saying, Come over into Macedonia, and help us.” (Acts 16:9)

But prior to that, Saul of Tarsus was a chief persecutor of the Church. We first hear about Saul at the Stoning of Stephen (Acts 7:58)he was consenting to Stephen’s death! But that was just the start. “And Saul … went unto the high priest, And desired of him letters to Damascus to the synagogues, that if he found any of this way … he might bring them bound unto Jerusalem.” (Acts 9:1-2)

Saul Was Forgiven

But the Lord had plans for the man. Paul eventually wrote 13 books of the New Testament.

And as he journeyed, he came near Damascus: and suddenly there shined round about him a light from heaven: And he fell to the earth, and heard a voice saying unto him, Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou me? And he said, Who art thou, Lord? And the Lord said, I am Jesus whom thou persecutest. (Acts 9:3-5a)

Later Paul writes, “For I am the least of the apostles, that am not meet [suitable] to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God.” (1 Corinthians 15:9)

After Saul’s dramatic conversion, one would think the Lord would forget about his persecution of the Church, but was it not Paul who wrote Galatians 6:7-8? And I have to wonder whether Paul ever connected the seeds of suffering he had sown, with the suffering he was reaping. “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.” (Galatians 6:7)

An Obedient Saint

And what did the Lord say, through Ananias, about the newly converted Saul of Tarsus? “For I will shew him how great things he must suffer for my name’s sake.” (Acts 9:16)

The Lord appeared to Ananias in a vision, and sent him to Saul. Aware of Saul’s history of persecution, Ananias was fearful of the man, and protested to the Lord. “But the Lord said unto him, Go thy way: for he is a chosen vessel unto me, to bear my name before the Gentiles, and kings, and the children of Israel.” (Acts 9:15, emphasis added)

Ananias was obedient to the vision. The man he once feared, he now calls brother. “And Ananias … putting his hands on him said, brother Saul, the Lord, even Jesus, that appeared unto thee in the way as thou camest, hath sent me that thou mightest receive thy sight, and be filled with the Holy Ghost.” (Acts 9:17, emphasis added)

A Universal Law

By persecuting the Church, Saul sowed seeds of suffering. Then, as a Christian emissary, he suffered. He sowed suffering, and he reaped suffering. Listen to Paul’s own words:

Of the Jews five times received I forty stripes save one. Thrice was I beaten with rods, once was I stoned, thrice I suffered shipwreck, a night and a day I have been in the deep. (2 Corinthians 11:24-25)

Galatians 6:7-8 is a universal law given by the Lord. The idea of reaping what one sows is natural. To make the spiritual application is a warning. Disobedience to the Lord leads to trouble. Maximum disobedience, like Satan’s rebellion, leads to maximum trouble.

The Sin of C. Russell Yates

Over 50 years ago, I sowed some bad seed, the seed took root, and for 30 years I reaped a bad harvest. What I reaped was exactly what I had sowed.

I’m a graduate of General Motors Institute (GMI), 1961, and a graduate of their Bachelor Masters program, 1964. I got a wonderful engineering education, pretty much free of charge. General Motors used GMI to train engineers and managers who, upon graduation, would serve in their organization. There was no contract, but I knew what I was getting into. Before, during, and after graduation, I had no intention of staying with GM. Shortly after completing my education, I left the company.

I have always felt what I did was wrong, and have never tried to rationalize. Like King David and the Apostle Paul, I’ve been forgiven, but the seed had been planted. Certain things happened in my life, that I am just now connecting with what I did to GM.

My Harvest Begins

In 1983 I started an AC business, I first called “On The Spot Repair Service Inc.,” but now call “Dr. Kool AC & Heating Inc.” Trying to hire and keep good men, has been a major challenge for me. I’m now 75. For years, I’ve wanted to train someone, who would someday be my successor. I’m a gifted teacher, and have wondered why no one was willing to be taught.

The last renegade employee left me June 14, 2014, and what a relief it was! I’m absolutely bewildered by Rheese, a man who calls himself a Christian. I hired him November 2013. He had a medical problem, but being a good salesman, he persuaded me. I spent $25,000 for his recoveryit worked!

Rheese got well, and was ready to work for the 2014 AC season. As long as I would stand there, and tell him what to do, he could do the work, but by himself he was lost, and completely unpredictable. GM spent time and money on me, and I spent time and money on Rheese. I reaped what I had sowed.

A Fraud

Have you ever heard of someone impersonating a doctor? Well, Rheese was impersonating an AC repairman. If he couldn’t fix the broken AC, and unless it was an easy fix, he couldn’t; he would sell the customer a new system, to the tune of thousands of dollars. I never allowed him to do that while working for me.

I told him he should find another profession. He should have submitted to my superior and sanctified understanding, but instead he got mad, and found another job, working for an out-of-town company.

He’s very much in demand because he can sell. He thinks he’s a good repairman, because of that demand, and because he’s paid well. His new employer proved to be a man of integrity, and ran into the same problem as I did. He fired Rheese. Twice in a row, Rheese worked for a man of integritythat was his mistake! In the AC business, he could easily get a job working for someone who is morally flexible.

He’s not only a fraud, but also dangerous. While working for me, he installed a gas furnace exhaust vent that would block the flow of exhaust gases. A trap is absolutely forbidden. I took a picture (Figure 21-1) and the other repairmen found it hilarious. Fortunately I caught his error and corrected it, before exposing my customer to carbon monoxide poisoning. When I sought to correct Rheese, he didn’t believe me. He thought furnace exhaust gases flow like water through a pipethey only flow uphill!


Figure 21-1, Dangerous Combustion Venting

Bad Seed

Rheese wanted to make as much money as he could, as fast as he could. He was quick to quote the following:

But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel. (1 Timothy 5:8)

Rheese neglected to quote the passages that really applied to his situation: “For the love of money is the root of all evil:” (1 Timothy 6:10a, emphasis added) and “He that is greedy of gain troubleth his own house.” (Proverbs 15:27a, emphasis added)

In due season, he will reap the harvest, and nothing can stop that. “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.” (Galatians 6:7) My prayer is that he will be convicted, by the Holy Spirit, repent, and cut his losses.

My Harvest Ends

Seven weeks after Rheese left, I hired the employee of my dreams. Patrick has been with me since July 28, 2014, and gets an A+. I’m now preparing Patrick to, someday, take my business. I want my legacy to continue after I’m gone. When I hired Patrick I told him, “If you’re the right man, I’m going to give you the business.” I owe that to my loyal customers.

Here’s what we did on the farm: We planted seed, it came up and grew, then the harvest, but there was an end to the cycle. Rheese was so bad, and Patrick is so good, it appears my bad harvest is over. Once you understand the law of sowing and reaping, you’ll be careful what you sow.

The lesson to be learned should be obvious: Don’t sow bad seed. If you’re habitually sowing bad seed, my prayer is for the Holy Spirit to reveal your sin and empower you to stop! Repent and cut your losses. “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.” (Galatians 6:7)

Like King David and The Apostle Paul, I’m a righteous man. But like David and Paul, I sowed seed that brought forth an evil harvest. And PS, I got an education courtesy of General Motors. By the grace of God, I have made good use of that education. Romans 8:28 has not been repealed, but my heavenly reward has been diminished. The Lord holds people accountable. Should we do less?


Chris Hayden is my bug man. His business is called JC Pest Control. JC stands for Jesus Christ.

Chris’ Complaint

Martin Luther was anti-semitic, and I had originally covered that in detail. Chris was offended. He was raised in a Lutheran church, and I spent ten years in one. Here’s a text message I received from Chris. I quote his text exactly as received.

I thought it was unfair and irresponsible to point the finger at Lutherans, when Baptist, Church of Christ, Mormons, Jehovah Witness, etc. All have had shady past … at one time or another.

Is Chris saying, “Several wrongs make a right?”

My friend, Chris, complained that I was pointing out the sins of Luther. Since all religious groups are guilty, and to be fair, he felt I should ignore Luther’s sin against the Jews. Let’s see what the Bible has to say.

Confession is Good for the Soul

I just confessed what I consider to be a significant personal sin. The next passage confirms that I did the right thing. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)

The Bible repeatedly names both the sin and the sinner. David repented of his sinsee Psalms Chapter 51! Saul tried to cover his sinsee 1 Samuel Chapter 15! The entire Christian Faith is about exposing sin so men might repent. “He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.” (Proverbs 28:13)

The man, who wrote thirteen books of the New Testament, had the following to say about sinners and his own sinfulness. “This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief.” (1 Timothy 1:15)

If you believe like Chris, that sins should be ignored or covered, rather than revealed; be assured you believe wrongly. In pointing out the sins of others, I want us to identify sins in our own lives, so we might repent. What I’m doing is in agreement with the Bible. “Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear.” (1 Timothy 5:20) I’m not a nitpicker, but when the Holy Spirit identifies sin in your life, it’s a call to repentance.

Chapter 21: Sowing and Reaping

Part 2 – Seed Sown By WomenBad Seed and Good Seed

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. (Psalms 111:10a)

Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade men. (2 Corinthians 5:11a, emphasis added)

Have you ever been near the edge of a cliff? Were you especially careful? What was it that caused you to exercise extreme caution? It was the fear of falling off the cliff, and the immediate consequences. Many times the consequences of wrong deeds are delayed, and people get careless.

Our actions and reactions do indeed reap painful results in this present life as well as in eternity. … One might forestall the day of reaping, but it always comes with the surety of an eternal lawgiver. From *p57 of Debi’s book.

I gave three examples of sowing and reaping, where the focus was on men. Now I’ll give four examples, where the focus is on women. It’s not my intention to be disrespectful, but to accurately report information that will help others. Please note the married couples involved. Did the wife become a “help meet” to her husband? What were the results?

In Galatians 6:7, we read about the law of sowing and reaping. We can’t always identify a particular evil harvest as being the result of a certain sin, but we do know that seed brings forth after its kind. I’ve already identified that connection in the lives of David, Paul, and Russell Yates. I will now speculate regarding bad seed sown by my mother and my wife.

The Sin of My Mother, Novella Yates

My mother was a go-getter, while my father was easy going. My father was a godly man that I admired. I recall vividly his sense of humor when he would say, “I’ve taught you all I know, and you still don’t know anything.” As he’d drive, he’d sing about Jesus. He’d sing louder, and he’d drive faster. Dad died of a heart condition when I was 14. When dad died, mom cried, and I was angry for the way she had treated my dadI was only 14!

Mom was quick to criticize my dad, despite the Scriptural admonition that tells a wife to respect her husbandsee Ephesians 5:33b! While mom was married to dad, she would declare how she would do better, if she were to marry again. Dad should have taken the lead, but he wasn’t a leader. Even if mom had to take the lead, she should have sought his approval. My mother was a controlling woman. She was anything but “help meet” to my father.

A Controlling Mother

My mother sought to control her husband and her family. Then she suffered a prolonged and total loss of control. Thirteen years after dad died, my mother married Wiley who was a loose cannon in multiple ways. He insisted on driving, but was in one auto accident after another. At least once, mom was injured by Wiley. A controlling woman was now losing control.

Then she came down with backaches that could not be explained. They continued for months, until the doctors finally discovered a large tumor between the spine and the heart. (That was before the MRI and Catscan.) By then, nothing could be done, and she died on Mother’s Day, 1975. She had totally lost control.

Damaged Children

Her children, six of whom survived to adulthood, all had identity problems. In my opinion, all of us suffered because of Mom’s dominance. I was the most severely impacted. As I indicated earlier, by the grace of God and the help of my counselor, I was able to overcome my handicap. I became a productive and godly man. (My older brother, now deceased, was never productive.)

About ten years ago, I told one of my employees of my identity problems. He replied, “Well, you sure have your bricks lined up now.” It was despite my mothering. Still, I must commend my mother for taking us to church, where we were taught the Bible. She was in church every chance she got, and she took us with her.

For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12)

The Sin of My Wife, Theresa Yates

As I said earlier, fire is a good thing when it’s under control. I wanted a wife with a lot of fire that was under control. Theresa had the fire, but it took the Lord and I, 32 years to get it under control. For the fire to be under control, a woman has to be obedient to the Lord. Scripture gives instructions to both husbands and wives. Both are called to submission, but the husband has an additional callingto be the family authority!

It was decades after we married that Theresa became my “help meet.” In the meantime, irreparable damage was done. I didn’t give Theresa my headship position; she took it, and held on as long as I let her. Her argument for equality was just a smoke screen; she really wanted to be the boss. Most men would be emasculated, but I pressed on even though I was an outsider to my wife and daughter. Now that Theresa is incapacitated, Deborah and I are getting closer. She is an intelligent, well-educated, scholarly woman who believes biblical teaching on marital roles. She gives me credit for having taught her.

Let me review some things I said earlier. My wife was not just a controlling wife and mother. She went to great lengths to legitimize her malfeasance. But it’s tough to blame a subjective woman, when multitudes of supposedly objective Christian men stood with her, against me. I filed for divorce when all else failed. If it hadn’t been for the many Christians who wrongfully took Theresa’s side, she probably would have been persuaded much sooner.

Our Conflict

I’m a gifted communicator, teacher, mechanic, administrator and businessman. Everything I do is done well. Theresa always thought she knew better, and fought me over every decision. Hey! She was the musician and homemaker; I was the engineer.

This is equality marriage in action: I didn’t try to tell her how to run the house, but she always wanted to tell me how to run the family and my business. If I had taken her advice, I would have been out of business years ago. Why do Christian people want to control other people? They’re walking in the flesh, they’ve not been trained, or both.

Perhaps the worst fight we ever had was in the late 70’s when we drove 100 miles to a Bill Gothard Basic Youth Conflicts Seminar. I wanted to leave three-year-old Deborah with trusted, adult friends, while Theresa wanted to take her with us. It was the two of them against me, and I thought I would cave in. Finally, they accepted my decision, but Theresa insisted on leaving the phone number of her sister, who lived 1800 miles away. (That was before cell phones.)

Reaping the Harvest

Theresa, the controlling wife and mother, has now lost control. Is it an accident? As I said earlier, she went into mental decline around January 2011. She is in Bethany Home Care, which is 95 miles from me. Theresa is well cared for by Rosemary. As I said, I call every night, and visit every 2-3 weeks. I feel really bad, and have a sense of loss over what might have been from the beginning, rather than toward the end.

There is no history of mental disease in her family. Her parents lived to be over ninety, and died of natural causes. As I indicated earlier, her sister Mary died of mental illness, while living with us. Before Mary’s death, Dr. Jones noted the mental illness in the family, and caused me to wonder. Is this stuff spiritually catching?


Today is January 26, 2016, and my routine has completely changed. As I indicated earlier, Theresa broke her hip January 13. Now she has totally lost control—unable to even feed herself! She is now 25 miles from me, rather than 95 miles, so I can visit more often. But I must at least share the blame for her misery. I allowed our unbiblical marriage to continue for 32 years, without correction. Galatians 6:7, “Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap,” has not been repealed. My subjective wife sowed some bad seed, and I, as her objective husband, didn’t protect her.

Again And Again

Yesterday was April 17, 2016. Our local SOS ministry had a fund-raiser luncheon, and I was there with friends. I said to Mary, “Let’s sit with strangers and see what happens.” Wow!

I sat next to a man who had been down the same marital road as I. He was there with his wife and daughter, but the husband and I did most of the talking. Only as we were about to leave, did I discover that his wife was in a wheel chair. His controlling wife has an incurable disease, and will increasingly lose control. I look around me and see it again and again.

Most controlling people are women, but men aren’t exempt. For me, this is so very sobering. Again and again I have emphasized the negative results of sowing bad seed, but we must never forget the positive results of sowing good seed that are given in verse 8.

Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. (Galatians 6:7-8, emphasis added)


Mental Illness

Dementia comes in different packages, but the most common form of dementia is Alzheimer’s. The Alzheimer’s Association has an 80-page report on Alzheimer’s disease. They say almost 2/3 of Alzheimer’s patients are women. says, “The incidence of the disease is higher in women, than in men; and this simply cannot be attributed to the higher longevity of women, versus men.” Then they launch into a medical explanation that involves biology unique to women. That could well be the case, but it’s also possible: Our “egalitarian” culture might be the most significant contributing factor.

For years, Theresa suffered with depression, probably because she was trying to do my job, doing it very poorly, and having to deal with a husband who wouldn’t be her “help meet.” Now, I’m recalling other facts that seem to substantiate my premise.

The past 100 years have seen a massive movement away from male/female role assignments toward an “egalitarian” (unisex) society. I’m going to harvest facts and opinions  in support of my spiritual premise.

Mental Illness in Women

On ~p.68, Michael writes the following:

But women who are not married, or those who have not grown into their roles as their husband’s help meets, will also manifest one of the three images in a significant way. As such they are imbalanced, emphasis added.

He’s saying a woman, who fails to become “help meet” to a husband, will eventually be retrofitted into a masculine role for which she was not designed. I have seen that happen again and again. Next Debi says the same thing in different words.

I quoted from *p.23, earlier in an abbreviated form.

You can only realize your womanhood when you are functioning according to your created nature. To covet his role of leadership is to covet something that will not make God, you, or him happy. It is not a question of whether or not you can do a better job than he; it is a matter of doing what you were “designed” to do. If you successfully do the job of leading the family, you will not find satisfaction in it. It is far better that the job be done poorly by your husband than to be done well by you. Your excellence as “help meet” to him may very well be God’s plan for improving his leadership role in the family. Your female nature cannot be retrofitted to the male role without permanent damage to the original design, emphasis added.

Debi is personally fulfilling her calling as help meet to Michael, and must be the happiest woman on the face of the earth. Every picture of Debi reveals a woman of pure joy. Here’s what her daughter, Shoshanna Easling says about her mother. “Mom bounces around like a little bulldog, always ready to dance.” Contrast that to my wife, who for decades suffered from depression.

The Application

I spoke recently with Theresa’s cousin, Leah, and asked whether my wife or her sister Mary had had any boy friends. Leah spoke of two young menone of which had an eye on Theresa, and the other, on Mary! Mary didn’t like her admirer because he had dirty fingernails. Mary never married, and Theresa didn’t grow into her role as my “help meet” until years after we married. Mary died of some mental illness, December 19, 2013. Theresa has had Alzheimer’s since January of 2011.

In The Surrendered Wife, Laura Doyle tells of the anxiety and stress that go with being a controlling wife. A broken marriage or family usually leads a girl or a woman to morph into a “control mode.” When she marries, she will take the leadership role in the family. But Laura doesn’t  mention two serious downsides that go with being a controlling wife.

  • The horrendous damage that is passed to the kids.
  • The distinct possibility of mental illness that results from anxiety, stress, and fear.

Now Theresa has Alzheimer’s. Note carefully the next passage.

Men’s hearts failing them for fear, and for looking after those things which are coming on the earth. (Luke 21:26a)

A heart attack can stop a man’s heart immediately. Alzheimer’s can take several years, but the brain eventually shuts down the heart. If a woman simply obeys the Word of God, and accepts her God-given role she will NOT be a controlling wife. Her mental health will be more secure, and she’ll not damage her kids.

Galatians 6:7-8 applies as illustrated in Debi Pearl’s next example. (I had already written my section on mental illness. I thought I had stumbled onto a major discovery. Then I read what Debi wrote about the crazy lady.)

The Crazy Lady

*p.59ff, Debi tells of a lady who took the spiritual leadership in the family. In so doing, she “reduced her once strong, resourceful husband to a fearful, pitiful man.” What was once a prosperous family was brought down to their last dollar. The couple had moved to Tennessee, so they could be near the Pearl’s, but the wife would not accept correction. At the end of a service, the woman went nuts. Debi writes, “I put my arm around her and forcefully led, the now totally crazed woman out the door.”

The above story takes three pages, and is dramatic. Debi’s *book is written to women, but nothing says we men can’t listen in. You might read the entire story. “The Crazy Lady” seems to support my failure-to-honor-biblical-role-assignments premise. It’s a threat to one’s mental health. If that’s not enough, read the next paragraph.

As I said, my wife has Alzheimer’s. Click on the link that follows and see that 5.4M Americans suffer from Alzheimer’s and 3.2M of them are women. Sixty percent of the patients are women, and no one knows why. In America the average life for a man is 75. For a woman, it’s 81, but that, they say, doesn’t account for the disparity between males and females with Alzheimer’s.

To me the answer seems obvious: It has to do with stress. God designed the male to take the stress that goes with being in charge. According to 1 Peter 3:7, the wife is the weaker vessel. She is not designed for that type of stress.

Next, is a joke, taken from Facebook. For a joke to be funny, there has to be a measure of truth.


25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness—that’s scary!

It means 75% are running around untreated.

If your marriage is not in conformity to the heavenly pattern, read the next chapter. The next example is where husband and wife sowed good seed and reaped a bountiful harvest. My pastor departed this life, January 30, 2013, but his wife continues in ministry.

The Obedience of My Pastor’s Wife

January 1991-1995, I attended a small Bible church. Under difficult circumstances, my pastor and his wife brought up three godly children, and now have nine grand children. As the grand children come of age, they’re following the Lord.

Their daughter is married to a doctor, and their two sons are businessmen. I visited with the doctor’s son, who was on his way to medical school. He commended his grandparents by saying, “They lived what they preached.” My pastor praised his wife publicly. Both of them were committed to biblical marriage.

The stories I gave are contrasting ones. My story shows prolonged marital struggle that, by the Grace of God, finally led to a peaceful marriage, but almost nothing to pass to the next generation. The last story shows the remarkable marital success of my pastor and his wife that brought forth godly and productive children and grand children.

Today, I had lunch at a coffee shop that their two sons started 20 years ago. It is well organized and runa comfortable facility that reflects the unique personalities of men created in the image of God! I suddenly made this observation: If it weren’t for the faithfulness of my pastor and his wife, this place wouldn’t be here. My pastor’s wife epitomizes the virtuous woman spoken of in Proverbs. “Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.” (Proverbs 31:28)

Let me repeat what I said earlier: When husband and wife obey the biblical mandate given in Ephesians 5:22,25, they influence their children and grand children toward godliness. When even one of the parents, is disobedient to the mandate, the children are confused, and their faith is darkened. In your marriage, family, and your relationship with God, start with commitment love, and find endearing lovetwo loves!

I conclude this chapter with another example, where husband and wife sowed good seed; they continue to reap an exceedingly bountiful harvest. These are my heroessuperman and superwoman! On *p.55, Debi says she is not some kind of spiritual giant, but someone who has been given, by the Lord, the gift of wisdom—see James 1:5.

The Obedience of Debi Pearl

In her *Acknowledgements, Debi writes:

There is not a day of my life I do not wake up and thank God he gave me the wonderful task of being a “help meet” to Michael Pearl. I know God has used that man to instruct me, mold me, and love me into being the woman I am today. This book is as much his product as it is mine. He encouraged my sloppy beginnings, re-wrote my half-hearted second tries, cheered me on when I grew weary and wanted to quit, and then gave me weeks free from my responsibilities as his “help meet” so I might finish the task.

Examine the above and note that Michael loves his wife, “As Christ loved the Church.” His love is both sacrificial and redemptive. Michael’s love for Debi continues to make her more Christ-like. And for “icing on the cake,” they have five godly children and nearly two-dozen grand children. Marriage and family doesn’t get any better than that.

Michael and Debi Pearl are the authors of To Train Up a Child, which has 670,000 copies in printin English and in many other languages! Their publications are even in China.

They are the founders of No Greater Joy Ministries. This happened because both Debi and Michael were obedient to their callings as husband and wife. With Michael’s help, Debi became his “help meet.” We’re still talking about sowing and reaping, but this illustration points to what happens when you sow good seed.

Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. (Galatians 6:7-8, emphasis added)

We tend to focus on their righteous children and grand children, but the fruit of their training programs, will endure forever.

Review and Conclusion

My first two examples, in this chapter, are where the wives were NOT “help meets” to their husbandsmy mother and my wife! They sowed to the flesh, and reaped accordingly. My next two examples are where the wives WERE “help meets” to their husbandsmy pastor’s wife and Debi Pearl! They sowed to the Spirit, and reaped good things. If you want to have godly and productive children and grand children, what would be your marital choice?

If you would like to preach the Gospel, by example, what would be your choice? When you stand before the Lord, on Judgment Day, what would you have to say? Would you, as a husband, like to explain why you didn’t lead? Would your wife like to explain why she didn’t follow? I repeat something I said earlier.

The Pearl’s literature should be in every Christian church, and in every Christian home. For starters, Debi Pearl’s *book should be taught by the aged women to the younger women.


This chapter will be based largely on what I learned by reading ~Created To Need A Help Meet, by Michael Pearl. As I quoted from ~p.68-69, men are created strongly fixed in one dominant style. He describes the three styles in detail: The Command Man, The Steady Man, and the Visionary Man. The Visionary starts the war, the Command Man runs the war, and the Steady Man fights it. From ~p.68, I paraphrase what Michael has written:

Because the woman was taken from the side of the man, she was meant to grow into conformity to her husband’s nature—not to be identical, but to complement with contrast! Any woman has the potential to grow into conformity to any man, no matter which type he is.

That is why arranged marriages, as in the Old Testament and in places like India, today, work. Here’s a quotation from an unknown Indian man, “In America you marry the woman you love. In India we love the woman we marry.”

Female Natures

I will now give a lengthy, direct quotation from the rest of  Michael’s section entitled, “Female Natures,” ~p.68. And you can bet Michael didn’t write this without the agreement of his wife, Debi.

But women who are not married, or those who have not grown into their roles as their husband’s help meets, will also manifest one of the three images in a significant way. As such they are imbalanced. Likewise, a girl who waits until she is in her late twenties, or older, to get married is more likely to have trouble conforming to her husband’s type because she has been independent so long, growing in her own direction, emphasis added.

~p.69: The woman’s nature is that of assistant to an autonomous man. She is designed to adapt and diversify for the sake of relationship. A helper doesn’t set the agenda; she follows. Learning to give her life to help another succeed does not come naturally. It is a growing process that is not always frictionless, emphasis added.

 It is your job to make her long to fulfill her position. It is her job to do her duty, even if it doesn’t seem to be personally fulfilling. This book is for you, to help you steer her into becoming your most suitable “help meet.” Earthly marriage is a picture of the great mystery of Christ and His bride, the Church. Therefore it is of eternal significance that you bring your marriage into conformity to its heavenly pattern, emphasis added.

My Observation

I know a woman who was a wonderful Christian wife as long as she was under the authority of her husband. Three years ago she became a widow. Now she is both independent and bossy—very much so! Her ministry is to women, but she is functioning like a man.  (Even the most godly person can easily conform to the culture.)

God said, “It is not good for a man to be alone,” so he created a woman to be his “help meet.” When the woman is no longer a “help meet,” her reason for existence has been removed, and she becomes “open season” for the tempter. The temptation is for her to assume the role of a man, and that goes against her nature.

As I see it every woman should always be under male authority—first her father, then her husband, and then the male authority of her choosing. If she’s a widow, her son might be the right choice. It’s important that she deliberately place herself under a specific male authority to which she will be accountable. This is a spiritual matter with eternal consequences.

A woman was created to be a suitable helper for a husband. She was not made to “run the show,” except with children and sometimes with other women. While under male authority, a single woman or a widow can serve in a traditional feminine way to the benefit of others and to the glory of God. (A caregiver has always been a woman.) In Let Me Be A Woman, by Elizabeth Elliot, I refer to Chapter Sixteen, “A Paradoxical Principle.” The entire chapter is worth the reading.

If you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday.

My Understanding

Thank you Michael; I finally understand. So why is Western culture so deranged on this matter? “None of the wicked shall understand; but the wise shall understand.” (Daniel 12:10b, emphasis added) The wicked don’t understand, but Christians have continued to accept their faulty beliefs. As our daughter Deborah said, when she was about nine, “That’s unremarkable!”

I remind you: The Pearls have five grown, godly children and 22 grand children. For decades, their No Greater Joy Ministry has rescued many souls and many marriages. Michael and Debi have the benefit of countless counseling sessions and a mountain of letters–both inquiries and thank you letters! Their publications are in many languages, and continue to bless multitudes.

Thank you, again, Michael; I now understand what happened in our marriage.

The Yates Marriage

After 32 years of conflict, our marriage became largely conformed to the heavenly pattern. Commitment love has become endearment love. While multitudes of women were yearning for their husbands to take their rightful place of marital leadership, my wife was fighting with all her strength to keep me from taking mine. Now I’m thinking, it was not entirely her fault. Perhaps I could have done more, but I didn’t understand the dynamics of marital oneness as Michael has explained it. “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.” (Hosea 4:6a)

Trying To Persuade

Michael wrote ~p.69: “It is your job to make her long to fulfill her position.” That’s what I sought to do, but I was trying with objective logic to persuade my subjective wife. My first three logical attempts failed. My fourth attempt succeeded.

  1. I wrote and published Restoring the Father to the Family, April 6, 1993, on her birthday.
  2. From 1998-2002, I was on the radio speaking on the subject of marriage.
  3. At the end of 2000, I got kicked out of my Baptist Church over the issue of marriage.
  4. Early in 2002, I filed for divorce.

It was only after I filed for divorce that she took me seriously. I was a loving Christian husband, and she knew it. Once Deborah was born, she never worked outside the house; I was a good provider, and kept things fixed. If I had been the tyrant she had made me out to be for those many years, she would have welcomed the divorce.

Looking Back

And guess what? At age 66, she proved what ~Michael said; she quickly conformed her life around my nature. C. Russell, the bad guy, suddenly became Mister Wonderful, and it continues unto this day, even though Theresa has Alzheimer’s. And PS, there are people who are still angry because of the way I handled the matter.

After my open letter, Jerry said, “Russell, you’re wrong.” More recently, Margaret expressed her enduring displeasure at what I did 14 years ago. Bob recently said to me, “Every marriage has its problems.” Knowing I was writing this book, Bob’s wife advised me to be nice to Theresa. In the Lord’s providence, Theresa won’t understand what I write in this book. As I said earlier, all she knows is that God loves her, and I’m wonderful. I told Donna, “I have to be careful what I say around Theresa, she might understand.” Donna replied, “But she’ll quickly forget.”

Swimming Upstream

So why didn’t Theresa conform sooner? She was 34, when we married, and that didn’t help, but the cultural influences, and the many Believers who took her side didn’t either. I don’t think they understood. Who were these champions? My former pastor, Gilbert Bilezikian, along with Christians for Biblical Equality, the members of the church from which I was expelled, and my many friends who were convinced I was at fault.

I was walking in the Spirit, while they were influenced by the “egalitarian” heresy. Lots of Believers spend little time in the Word, and get many of their ideas from unbelievers. The idea of pleasing the Lord is for me of the utmost importance. Many Believers are more interested in pleasing themselves, and I guess that’s the same as walking in the flesh. Question: How many of my critics even come close to me, when it comes to godly devotion and spiritual living?

I think I was causing them to feel guilty. All they wanted was for me to be quiet. If I had divorced Theresa, and then married someone else, that would have been entirely acceptable.

An Illustration

I want to explain Theresa’s change, with a little story that goes back about 30 years. A missionary jungle pilot was about to make a shuttle run, with a native on board. The native had brought his lunch, into the cabin, but the lunch was a live chicken. The pilot tried and tried to communicate, but was unsuccessful. Finally, he strapped the chicken onto the strut of the plane. Then he told the native in plain English: Put the bird in a box, and he can ride inside; otherwise he rides out here. The native found an interpreter, then he found a box, and the chicken got to ride in the cabin.

The pilot said, “As long as it was my problem, he couldn’t solve it, but once it was his problem he could.” Once I filed for divorce, it was Theresa’s problem. She couldn’t solve my problem, but she could solve hers.’ I had done what ~Michael said, “I had made her long to fulfill her position.” She didn’t arrive there by walking in the Spirit, but she did arrive.

If it is indeed “of eternal significance that you bring your marriage into conformity to its heavenly pattern,” then what are my efforts compared to eternity, and what is the opposition and wrath of pastors, family, and friends compared to the eternal good pleasure of the heavenly hosts?


The major hindrance to our marriage was from within the church. In obedience to the Word (Matthew 18:22), I have to forgive them. The same Jesus who told Peter to forgive seventy times seven; while on the cross said, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34) The first martyr, Stephen, after being stoned, said, “Lord, lay not this sin to their charge.” (Acts 7:60)

We’ve forgiven them, but are they really forgiven? If they were forgiven, why did the apostles continually bring up their sin?

The God of our fathers raised up Jesus, whom ye slew and hanged on a tree. (Acts 5:30, emphasis added)

Him, being delivered by the determinate counsel and foreknowledge of God, ye have taken, and by wicked hands have crucified and slain. (Acts 2:23, emphasis added)

But ye denied the Holy One and the Just, and desired a murderer to be granted unto you; And killed the Prince of life. (Acts 3:14-15a, emphasis added)

For Our Benefit

When we forgive, we put away bitterness. Hey! I’m not the judge. Still, there is only one way anyone can be forgiven by the Lordthrough repentance! When we forgive, we invite them to repent. So why did the apostles continue to remind the Jews they had killed Jesus? So they would repent, and some of them did.

Follow this: “Him ye have taken, and by wicked hands have crucified and slain.” (Acts 2:23b). “They were pricked in their heart, and said unto Peter and to the rest of the apostles, Men and brethren, what shall we do?” (Acts 2:37b) “Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized … and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.” (Acts 2:38) “The same day, there were added unto them about three thousand souls.” (Acts 2:41b)

We are told not to judge: “Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven.” (Luke 6:37) “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” (Romans 12:19)  It is not our job to judge others, but we are often led to report the sins of others. To forgive is to invite those who have wronged us to repent, and thus be forgiven by the Lord.

I’m A Happy Man

If you don’t forgive, you’ll be an angry, resentful, bitter person. I’m a happy man. I can laugh in the face of adversity. Let me give an example: The pastor, who kicked me out of his church, likes golf. Fourteen years after the fact, I continue to repeat this tale: “When I get to heaven, I want to be a professional golfer, and I want him to be my caddie.” One brother cautioned me to be careful, “It might actually happen,” he said. I laughed.

Knowledge Applied

I want to give an example, using fictitious names. The names will be taken from people I admire in the Bible. I see Daniel as the premier prophet. (Daniel just happens to be the name of my father.) Mary, the mother of Christ, is the standard for godliness in women. John was the prophet of Christ. I’m going to apply the principles I learned from ~Michael Pearl to these make-believe people.

A Fictitious Story

When Mary was twenty she married Daniel. He became an elder, and Mary got involved in children’s ministry. When Mary was sixty, Daniel departed this life, but she continued in children’s ministry. Five years later, John courted her. Mary was Daniel’s “help meet,” in the biblical sense. Can John expect that Mary will be his “help meet?”

First Example

Over the years, Mary had conformed to the nature of Daniel. Since the death of Daniel, she had grown in her own direction. To be the biblical help meet of John, she would have to conform to the nature of John, which was quite different from the nature of Daniel. Having grown in her own direction, she would have to deal with that as well.

John’s job would be to make her long to fulfill her position. Her job would be to do her duty even if it didn’t seem to be personally fulfilling. It could be very difficult for Mary, and a significant undertaking for John. If both John and Mary were blameless peopleif they loved the Lord more than selfit would be a snap.

Second Example

Here’s another possibility: Mary had conformed to the nature of Daniel, and become comfortable in her children’s ministry. Her perceived need was for a new husband, who would be just like Daniel. For that to happen, her new husband would have to conform himself to her, rather than her to him.

Let me paraphrase what I learned from *p.151 of Debi’s book. It sounds like Mary is looking for her own “help meet.” If she thinks John is the one for the job, he better run in the other direction. If not, Mary will spend the rest of her life trying to change him.

My Enlightenment

I confess, what I read in ~Created To Need A Help Meet, is totally new to me. Like Timothy, I thought all a man had to do was find a submissive wife. I thought: If a woman, like the make-believe Mary, had already shown herself to be a submissive wife to Daniel, she would automatically be a submissive wife to John.

Now I know: A proper biblical marriage is something that has to be learned, (like playing the piano) and sometimes learned again. It still requires a humble, teachable spirit. If the two are blameless people, they can have a perfect marriage, but they still have to work at it.

If you want to do the right thing, know this: It doesn’t happen automatically; it takes work to conform a marriage to the heavenly pattern. And hey! It took me 32 years to have a biblical marriage, but it was well worth the effort. I’m planning for eternity. Hallelujah!

Not Without Friction

Debi’s marriage began spontaneously, but it didn’t begin perfectly. On *p.16, she writes,

On one occasion, I even threw rocks at my husband. Eventually I grew out of that, but from time to time I threw barbed wordswith much greater accuracy, pain, and effectiveness. Through God’s grace, I finally discovered His way to a heavenly marriage. … It has been worth every sacrifice many times over. It is my urgent desire to share this glorious knowledge with all young women. … So, as my mother taught meso, I teach you.

Here’s what Michael wrote on the back cover of his ~book: “Men would approach me and ask when I was going to write a book for them. Tongue in cheek, I have said, `If you’re having trouble in your marriage have your wife read Created to Be His Help Meet, and everything will work out fine.’ Michael then wrote a book for men, Created To Need A Help Meet, but he didn’t explain in detail how a husband could turn a bad marriage around. In Two Loves, I’ve done that.

A Feminine Burden

In telling women to just read Debi’s book, Michael knew what I know. In today’s world, a woman has enormous influence. That’s why Debi’s testimony is so critical. Let me put it another way: A man can love all he wants, but if his wife won’t cooperate, they won’t have a Genesis 2:24 marriage. Having said all that, I learned how a man could solve his marital problem. When I filed for divorce, our relationship changed.

I had already written this book, when I read Michael’s ~book. Then I revised what I had written. But I was too quick to think I had arrived. Buddy read much of my revised version, and said I was being too hard on women. Then I did a major revision in which I added Chapter 7: 6,000 Years of Marital Failure.


Two couples: The Yates’ married July 1970. The Pearls married about a year later. (We were all virgins.) Debi wanted to give Michael a boy, and he was ready. On their wedding night, Michael “hit the ground running”; Dr. Kool’s wedding night didn’t go so well.

The Pearl’s now have five godly, productive children and 22 grand children. Theresa and I have one child and no grand children. Our daughter, Deborah, rightfully complains that she struggles because her parents were always fighting. And guess what, Deborah strictly obeys her husbandshe learned that from her father!

Three Types of Men

They are Mr. Command Man, Mr. Steady, and Mr. Visionary. ~Michael writes:

We have spoken of the three types of men as if a man is exclusively one or the other. A few men do manifest one type to the exclusion of the other two, but most men are predominately one type with a little of one other mixed in. I have never met a man that completely expresses the well-rounded image of God, emphasis added.

Michael says he has never met a man who is a perfect balance between Command, Steady, and Visionary. That’s because he hasn’t met me. None of us are perfect except Jesus, but I’m a pretty good balance. I’m so patient and thoughtful of others I’m definitely a better balance than Michael Pearl. But I hesitate to add that he has been much more productive in ministry than I’ve been. First and foremost, I’m a visionary.

A Visionary Man

One man said, “I’ve never seen it done that way.” I replied, “I do lots of things you’ve never seen before.” As an engineer and mechanic I’m creative. As a thinker and writer, led by the Holy Spirit, I’m equally creative. Read my article that took 15 months to write, I thought the article good enough, that I devoted an entire website to the one article. Hey! Two Loves is an even better example.

The Command Man

I’m a really good manager in my business and at home. People look to me for leadership, and I give fabulous advice. My decisions are usually made quickly, and people who take my advice are almost always better for it. In my AC work, I don’t hesitate to fire a customer, if he doesn’t do things my way. That’s a trait of a command man. My reputation is such I can do that. (Most AC repairmen are incompetent, dishonest, or both.) If my customer likes to shop price, he’ll cause nothing but trouble. I have a list of people I won’t work for again, and I review that list periodically. Okay so I’m a Command Man.

A Steady Man

Since I was ten years old, I have shown myself to be a Steady Servant Man who looks out for the interests of otherssee Philippians 2:3-4. I will serve any needy person, the Lord sends my way. Today is September 19,2015. Just yesterday I sent, by Paypal, $270 to Barbara in South Carolina. She had been without AC for a week or two and was in no physical condition to handle the heat. I counseled her while she made certain arrangements; I told her what to do and what NOT to do when dealing with an AC contractor. Then I paid what her insurance didn’t pay. What connected me with Barbara? My website, http://DrKool.Net.

Today, September 24, 2015, I drove to Southgate and found my barber outside his shop. I had made a special trip to give him a $20 tip. I don’t think I ever saw a man so moved. He was convinced it was of the Lord and was actually crying.

I wrote Two Loves because I want to rescue marriages. I love being used of the Lord to bless others. As I mentioned earlier, when I was a youngster my dad died, and other people met our needs. Now I’m on the giving end of the blessing, and I love it.

Conformed to His Image

For over two years, I’ve endured one Romans 8:28 trial after another, but I’m continually joyful. “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18) As Christians, we are to become increasingly Christ-like, and I’ve come a long way. “For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren. (Romans 8:29) I’m not boasting; I’m just providing information. At 76, I look forward to becoming entirely like Christ, via the Rapture or the Resurrection.

Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is. (1 John 3:2, emphasis added)

Michael and I are both in the ministryHis is “No Greater Joy Ministry”; I’m Dr. Kool. And PS, women, who are married to steady men, often complain that they don’t provide much excitement. From the time Michael tossed Debi into the air, she knew there was plenty of excitement to come. Ditto for Mrs. Kool.


I’m reliable and dependable, but often controversial and unpredictable. Many years ago I developed a burning desire to please the Lord. First, I’m a Visionary, but I’m also Command and Steady. I submit to others, so most people like me. I’ve taken on the nature of the focused Visionary. I want everyone to find a meaningful and endearing relationship, in his marriage, with his family, and with his Godwhich, of course, is the purpose of this book! I am so dependable, you have to call me Mr. Steady. Now let’s return to the early stages of my Christian immaturity. I’m going to tell what I did, even if it wasn’t the right thing.

In Training

My first priority in marriage was to establish myself as head-of-the-house. I saw myself as the commander, and my wife as the soldier who would obey my orders. As I said earlier, Theresa also had wrong ideas about marriage.  Would you believe, I bought a house on my lunch period (so to speak) and then discovered it was just down the road from a junkyard? I lost my earnest money. In 1972, we bought a house we both approved of itTheresa found it! We actually agreed on something. Wow!

In 1976, I found a job teaching at Texas A&M, but Theresa didn’t want to leave Detroit. I again bought a house without Theresa, but I did enlist help from another Theresa, the wife of my new boss. The location was right, and the house looked good. I said to Theresa E., “The place is so dirty.” She quickly replied, “Clean it up.” I bought the house.

I told my wife, “I’m going to Texas; you can come if you want.” While my friends were loading the Ryder truck, Theresa was still in bed. My sister, Shirley, drove the truck 1300 miles to our new home; then flew back to Detroit. Theresa, her sister, and her mother, took the train to Texas. In the new home, they looked around, and quietly said, “Not bad!” I thought, “Wow!” thirty-nine years later, it’s still our home, but I’m the only occupant.


To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven … a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; (Ecclesiastes 3:1-2, emphasis added)

For the Son of man is Lord even of the sabbath day. (Matthew 12:8)

There is something more important than the Sabbath. There is something more important than a marriage. That something is the glory and honor of the Lord. When a marital union dishonors the Lord and drives husbands, wives, and children from the Lord, it should be either corrected or ended. Since the man is in charge and held responsible by the Lord, he should do what needs to be done. C.S. Lewis’ book, The Great Divorce, is a good starting place.

The Great Divorce

With God, ultimate rebellion brings ultimate expulsion. Satan was cast from heaven and took a third of the angels with him. We were made for relationship—first with one another, and then with God! The “Great Divorce,” is that place of permanent separation—hell! It’s the acknowledgement that relationship has failed, and that reconciliation is no longer possible.

Marriage is the model of God’s relationship with men. For that reason, Scripture declares its sanctity. The successful marriage is a picture of heaven, while a failed marriage is a picture of hell. The Lord hates “putting away,” (Malachi 2:15-16) but as sure as hell is a real place, there is a time when a man should put away a wife—one who has rebelled, not only against her husband, but also against the Lord!

In my Abstract, I told how Vashti was deposed because she rejected the authority of her husband. In Chapter 11, I, again, referred to that episode. A husband is head of his wife and head of the house. To allow his wife to hijack his position of leadership and authority—to allow her usurpation to continue indefinitely—puts him in the place of Adam. If she doesn’t repent; he should, as guided by the Holy Spirit, divorce her. Doing the right thing is more important than the Rules, Regulations, and Procedures (RR&P’s).

The Ezra Divorce

The Lord told the Israelites not to intermarry with the heathen, but they disobeyed.

Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son. (Deuteronomy 7:3)

In my Chapter 9, I reported in detail how the Israelites divorced their strange wivesen masse!

Now therefore let us make a covenant with our God to put away all the wives, and such as are born of them, according to the counsel of my lord, and of those that tremble at the commandment of our God; and let it be done according to the law. (Ezra 10:3)

The “Egalitarian” Fiasco

Sexual identity has been in crisis for the past 100 years. Our present-day marital problem is as serious as was Ezra’s. “Egalitarianism” has so invaded the Christian Community that future generations are in danger of leaving the Church and leaving the Faith. When it comes to marital roles, we don’t know right from wrong. God’s calling to godly men is to take corrective action, as did the men of Ezra’s day. I now insert my testimony along with that of my friend, Jim.

I Filed for Divorce

Throughout this book, I’ve reported events that culminated in my filing for divorce. But I’m just starting to understand Theresa. As I see it, she never said she was wrong because everyone was in agreement with her.

Our culture is drowning in the “egalitarian” lifestyle, and the false prophets are declaring “egalitarianism” to be biblical. Our churches have dropped biblical wedding vows from the ceremony. (I have a Baptist pastor’s manual dated 1934. Only 11 years after women’s suffrage, biblical wedding vows had been replaced by “egalitarian” ones.)

Throughout my 32 years of unhappiness, Theresa was convinced the problem was mine. Hey! By their lifestyle and their words, others were declaring her to be right and me to be wrong.

After I filed, in April 2002, our relationship changed dramatically, and became biblical. Why? Theresa didn’t want to lose me, and as she put it, “she shaped up.” The same woman, who had been molded by an errant culture and a wayward church, suddenly was recast into the biblical mold. And PS, today, both Theresa and I are content in our marriage. Still, I don’t think Theresa (now with Alzheimer’s) ever thought she had done anything wrong.

Jim Was Leaving

Jim is a godly man who endured 22 years of a dreadful marriage, until he couldn’t take any more. He wrote a letter, and packed his bags. He planned to leave, and never go back. Candy did what was necessary to keep Jim, but she still didn’t understand Jim’s unhappiness. She had the culture and other “Christian” marriages to support her viewpoint. But once they found a biblical marriage, both Jim and Candy were content in their relationship. A biblical marriage brings pleasure to God, pleasure to the wife, pleasure to the husband, and pleasure to the children.

On ~p.69, Michael Pearl writes the following regarding the help-meet calling. “It is your job to make her long to fulfill her position.” That’s what Jim and I did: We made our wives long to fulfill their position.” But Jim and I weren’t bluffing. If our wives hadn’t changed, we would have divorced them.

The Road to Biblical Marriage

In today’s world, how do people find a biblical marriage?

  • Modelingfrom one’s parentsis the best way.
  • Second best is by training.
  • Third is the submission of a desperate wife.
  • Last is when a godly husband files for divorce.

For the past 100 years there has been little modeling and training. Marital error has continued so long, and is so entrenched, it will take a monumental effort to turn things around. When it comes to correction, here’s the problem: Men are scared of women. As I said earlier, this book comes without endorsements. Men, who agree with me, are like Neville Chamberlain in the face of Hitler’s aggression. At the moment I seem to be the only “Winston Churchill,” who will face the situation head on.

The marital chaos that began with Susan B. Anthony has continued for 100 years. As I see it, this is a repeat of what happened in the Garden of Eden. En masse, Christians are replicating the Original Sin. Eve was deceived, and Adam followed in her deception. Today, women are deceived. Darlene Denis calls biblical marriage primitive and barbaric. We men have become mice, who will barely squeak up. We’re as guilty as Adam. To truly fear God is to get over our fear of women and get our houses in order. I’m looking for brave men who will join in my effort.

Eternal Consequences

Biblical marriage must be restoredfor the glory of God; and for the sake of husbands, wives, and children! Those who get it right will enjoy eternal blessings. Those who don’t will bear eternal loss.



My friend, Chris Hayden asked, “What’s the big deal about Israel? The Jews rejected their Messiah back then, and they’re still rejecting Him.” Very good question! He was suggesting that God had written off the Jews, and perhaps we should as well.

Secular Jews would prefer not to be God’s chosen people. Israel would like to be one nation among many. But the choice was God’s, not theirs. God is sovereign!

Moreover the LORD answered Job, and said, Shall he that contendeth with the Almighty instruct him? he that reproveth God, let him answer it. (Job 40:1-2, emphasis added)

Whether the Jews like it or not, God has chosen Israel to be central to His purposes in the earth. Scripture abounds with passages that support what I just said. Starting with Abraham, and into eternity, it will be that way. God’s covenant with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob was unconditional.

The Covenant With Abraham

Now the LORD had said unto Abram, Get thee out of thy country, and from thy kindred, and from thy father’s house, unto a land that I will shew thee: And I will make of thee a great nation … And I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee: and in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed. (Genesis 12:1-3, emphasis added)

The Abrahamic Covenant was God’s promise that Messiah, Jesus would be one of his descendants“in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed.” Nothing was required of Abraham or his descendants.

Isaac and Jacob

In the passages that follow, the Lord repeats and affirms the covenant he made with Abram whose name was later changed to Abraham. To Isaac He said, “I will perform the oath which I sware unto Abraham thy father. (Genesis 26:3b, emphasis added)

In the following passage, Isaac blesses his son Jacob: “And give thee the blessing of Abraham, to thee, and to thy seed with thee; that thou mayest inherit the land wherein thou art a stranger, which God gave unto Abraham.” (Genesis 28:4)

In the next passage, God changed Jacob’s name to Israel. Israel has become the name of the Jewish nation that was born in 1948. Then, the Lord, again, affirmed his promise to Abraham.

And God said unto him, Thy name is Jacob: thy name shall not be called any more Jacob, but Israel shall be thy name: and he called his name Israel. (Genesis 35:10, emphasis added)

And the land which I gave Abraham and Isaac, to thee I will give it, and to thy seed after thee will I give the land. (Genesis 35:12)

The Nation of Israel

God’s promises to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob were later applied to the nation of Israel. “For thou art an holy people unto the LORD thy God: the LORD thy God hath chosen thee to be a special people unto himself.” (Deuteronomy 7:6a)

Even later, the prophet Isaiah confirms the calling of Israel. “This people have I formed for myself; they shall shew forth my praise.” (Isaiah 43:21a, emphasis added). “For Jacob my servant’s sake, and Israel mine elect, I have even called thee by thy name.” (Isaiah 45:4a, emphasis added). “Mine elect shall inherit it, and my servants shall dwell there.” (Isaiah 65:9b, emphasis added)

Israel’s Ministry

Having thoroughly documented God’s election of Israel, I now turn to their ministry.

And ye shall be unto me a kingdom of priests, and an holy nation. These are the words which thou shalt speak unto the children of Israel. (Exodus 19:6, emphasis added)

I the LORD have called thee … for a light of the Gentiles; To open the blind eyes, to bring out the prisoners from the prison, and them that sit in darkness out of the prison house. (Isaiah 42:6-7, emphasis added)

This people have I formed for myself; they shall shew forth my praise. (Isaiah 43:21)

When the leaders of Israel rejected Messiah Jesus, the Gospel was preached to the Gentiles.

Then Paul and Barnabas waxed bold, and said, It was necessary that the word of God should first have been spoken to you: but seeing ye put it from you, and judge yourselves unworthy of everlasting life, lo, we turn to the Gentiles. (Acts 13:46, emphasis added)

Paul’s Defense of Israel

Thus began the Church age. Then and now, there are Christians who seem to have written off the Jews. To do so, one has to ignore Paul’s clarification given in Romans. He could not have made his case more clear.

I say then, Hath God cast away his people? God forbid. For I also am an Israelite, of the seed of Abraham, of the tribe of Benjamin. God hath not cast away his people which he foreknew. (Romans 11:2a, emphasis added)

The Bible was written almost entirely by Jews; Messiah, Jesus, was a Jew; the Church Age started with Jews; and will end, after the Rapture. Then Jewish evangelists and the Two Witnesses preach the Gospel. At the end of the Church Age, Israel will be severely tested, and then restored. “Alas! For that day is great, so that none is like it: it is even the time of Jacob’s trouble; but he shall be saved out of it.” (Jeremiah 30:7)

In Romans Chapter 11, Paul uses the olive tree to illustrate our relationship to the Lord. He tells how because of unbelief; Jews, as natural branches, were broken off. He tells how Gentiles; were cut out of a wild olive tree, and then grafted into the cultivated olive tree. He then prophesies how the natural branches will eventually be restored.

For if thou wert cut out of the olive tree which is wild by nature, and wert graffed contrary to nature into a good olive tree: how much more shall these, which be the natural branches, be graffed into their own olive tree? (Romans 11:24, emphasis added)

The Church Age

Paul then describes how Israel has been temporarily set aside, for the Church Age. He also tells the Gentiles to humbly respect Israel, as God’s chosen people.

For I would not, brethren, that ye should be ignorant of this mystery, lest ye should be wise in your own conceits; that blindness in part is happened to Israel, until the fullness of the Gentiles be come in. And so all Israel shall be saved: as it is written, There shall come out of Sion the Deliverer, and shall turn away ungodliness from Jacob. (Romans 11:25-26, emphasis added)

Finally Paul affirms God’s unconditional covenant with Abraham, and the election of the Jewish people.

For this is my covenant unto them, when I shall take away their sins. As concerning the gospel, they are enemies for your sakes: but as touching the election, they are beloved for the fathers’ sakes. For the gifts and calling of God are without repentance. (Romans 11:27-29, emphasis added)

We Need To Get It Straight

Christians, it’s all about Israel. The Jews have been set-aside for almost 2,000 years, for the Church Age; and we are the recipients of the blessing. But God’s Chosen People will always be God’s Chosen People. We should love, pray for, and support the Jews and the nation of Israel. Even those who are still in unbelief! “Pray for the peace of Jerusalem: they shall prosper that love thee.” (Psalms 122:6)

The Dispersion

In Deuteronomy 28:1-14, the Lord promised Israel would be blessed if they obeyed. In Deuteronomy 28:15-68, he promised curses, if they disobeyed.

And it shall come to pass, if thou shalt hearken diligently unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to observe and to do all his commandments which I command thee this day, that the LORD thy God will set thee on high above all nations of the earth. (Deuteronomy 28:1)

But it shall come to pass, if thou wilt not hearken unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to observe to do all his commandments and his statutes which I command thee this day; that all these curses shall come upon thee, and overtake thee. (Deuteronomy 28:15, emphasis added)

The Israelites did not claim the blessings. First came the division of the Davidic Kingdom, and then captivity. The Northern Kingdom went into Assyrian captivity; the Southern, into Babylon. Then came the first restoration under Nehemiah. Finally Israel came under Roman oppression.

In 70 A.D. the Roman General Titus destroyed Jerusalem. That started the dispersion that God had foretold. “And the LORD shall scatter thee among all people, from the one end of the earth even unto the other.” (Deuteronomy 28:64a)

Even now, Jews can be found around the world, but they continue to migrate back to Israel. They have been a hunted and persecuted people for centuries. The Spanish inquisition and Hitler’s Holocaust were among many persecutions that continue to the present day.

And among these nations shalt thou find no ease … but the LORD shall give thee there a trembling heart, and failing of eyes, and sorrow of mind: And thy life shall hang in doubt before thee; and thou shalt fear day and night, and shalt have none assurance of thy life. (Deuteronomy 28:65-66)

A Second Re-Gathering

And it shall come to pass in that day, that the Lord shall set his hand again the second time to recover the remnant of his people, which shall be left … and shall assemble the outcasts of Israel, and gather together the dispersed of Judah from the four corners of the earth. (Isaiah 11:11-12, emphasis added)

As I show in my article, “The Final Generation,” See Starting with the 1918 Balfour Declaration, the Jewish nation, Israel, began to be restored. In 1948, the UN formally recognized Israel. A nation was born in a day.

Who hath heard such a thing? who hath seen such things? Shall the earth be made to bring forth in one day? or shall a nation be born at once? (Isaiah 66:8a)

Rejoice ye with Jerusalem, and be glad with her, all ye that love her: rejoice for joy with her, all ye that mourn for her. (Isaiah 66:10)

The above prepared the way for the re-gathering, prophesied by Jeremiah.

I will turn away your captivity, and I will gather you from all the nations, and from all the places whither I have driven you, saith the LORD; and I will bring you again into the place whence I caused you to be carried away captive. (Jeremiah 29:14b, emphasis added)

The Final Restoration

Israel, as a nation, has been restored, but most Jews are still in unbelief. The following may take place near the beginning of the Great Tribulation:

So the house of Israel shall know that I am the LORD their God from that day and forward. And the heathen shall know that the house of Israel went into captivity for their iniquity: because they trespassed against me. (Ezekiel 39:23a, emphasis added)

The day will come when all Israel will embrace their Messiah, and weep over their sin of rejection. The following will probably happen after the Second Coming of Christ, which will be after the War of Armageddon:

And I will pour upon the house of David, and upon the inhabitants of Jerusalem, the spirit of grace and of supplications: and they shall look upon me whom they have pierced, and they shall mourn for him, as one mourneth for his only son, and shall be in bitterness for him, as one that is in bitterness for his firstborn. (Zechariah 12:10, emphasis added)

We see two loves: God’s commitment to Israel began with Abraham. Finally, after centuries, the Jews will respond positively. The result will be endearment love. Two Loves!

Final Comment

Chris needs to spend more time reading his Bible. Hopefully I’ve explained it sufficiently. Israel is the center of God’s dealing with men, and that’s a big deal.


The Islamic Setting

Bob Dylan’s song, “You Gotta Serve Somebody” is becoming more applicable with the passage of time. Those who won’t submit to the Lord now, may find themselves submitting to the devil. The hot spot in The Middle East, in my opinion, will someday become a world hot spot. “And in that day will I make Jerusalem a burdensome stone for all people: all that burden themselves with it shall be cut in pieces.” (Zechariah 12:3a, emphasis added)

The Western World seems obsessed with bringing peace to the Middle East, and for decades the “answer” has been a two-state solution. The Palestinians want a return to the 1967 borders before the Six-Day War. That would leave Israel with indefensible borders.

We Westerners don’t understand the logic of the Muslims. At this time, there are 125 Muslims for every Jew, and every Jew is a target. They are modern kamikaze fighters, who consider it a privilege to die for Allah.

Their war of attrition is designed to eventually destroy every Jew and hopefully every Christian on earth. Each fighter, who dies, sees himself as a martyr, and there’s no shortage of fighters. Many Muslims will survive as emissaries to establish a world-wide Islamic Caliphate.

Hal Lindsey says the Muslims will be just as outraged by a two-state solution, as they are by the very existence of a Jewish state. And right behind that is their hatred for anything Christian. “They don’t want two states anywhere. They want one state everywherethe Islamic state!”

Land for Peace

Israel has been more than willing to exchange land for peace, and has done so. Unfortunately the land they have ceded has been used as a launching pad, in the ongoing war of attrition. Muslims are just following the Koran, that tells them to strike fear in the hearts of their enemies. They are first and foremost terrorists, not just killers.

The Israeli government turned over Gaza to the Palestinians Aug/Sep 2005. Since then, about 4,000 rockets have been fired from Gaza into Israel. The IDF has responded with several defensive measures, including the Iron Dome, which was designed to intercept incoming rockets.

As of July 2014, the attacks have killed 28 people and injured more than 1900. The main effect is their creation of widespread psychological trauma and disruption of daily life among the Israeli populace. The result has been post-traumatic stress disorder among young children of almost 50%, as well as high rates of depression and miscarriage.

Political Anti-Semitism

Hostility for Jews is now directed at the nation of Israel. It has become politically correct to dislike the nation of Israel without expressing hatred for Jews. You can hate Israel without being anti-Semitic.

In October 2014, Sweden and Britain recognized the non-existent state of Palestine, and called upon Israel to cede additional territory to the Palestinians. Jack Straw of Britain said, “The only thing Israel understands is pressure, and what this house will be doing is to increase that pressure.” Last week, John Kerry joined the chorus, as he implied to reporters that he blames Israel for the success of ISIS.

Naftalie Bennett, Israeli Minister of the Economy said, “Even when a British Muslim beheads a British Christian there will always be someone who blames the Jews.” Increasingly, the nations are taking the side of the Palestinians. They’re trying to isolate Israel, while applying economic pressure. Ostensibly, they want to force Israel to surrender territory for a Palestinian state. Despite what has happened in Gaza, they think a two-state solution, would lead to peace. Mama Mia!

Our President Plays God

In the recent Israeli election, team Obama sought to influence the election by supporting the opponent of Benjamin Netanyahu. Despite the infusion of liberal U.S. funds and U.S. electioneering, Netanyahu won big time. It now appears our President will join the other nations, that are economically pressuring Israel toward a two-state solution.

The Future

At this time, young people from the West are being recruited as fighters into the cause of Islamic Jihad. I believe Islam will eventually take over the world; and that includes the Western powers, that are now so bold in their support of the Palestinians. What can the West expect for their trouble? Before answering that question, I’d like to show how Martin Luther’s anti-Semitism has been passed on.

Luther’s Anti-Semitism

Here’s a quote from the Jewish Virtual Library:

At the beginning of his career, Martin Luther was apparently sympathetic to Jewish resistance to the Catholic Church. However he expected the Jews to convert to his purified Christianity; when they didn’t, he turned violently against them.

I’ll give a few passages taken from The Jews & Their Lies, by Martin Luther:

  • First to set fire to their synagogues or schools and to bury and cover with dirt whatever will not burn…
  • Second I advise that their houses also be razed and destroyed.
  • Third I advise that all their prayer books and Talmudic writings, in which such idolatry, lies, cursings and blasphemy are taught, be taken from them….

Many feel the holocaust was fueled by the views of Martin Luther. In his book, The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich, William L. Shirer wrote the following:

It is difficult to understand the behavior of most German Protestants in the first Nazi years unless one is aware of two things: their history and the influence of Martin Luther. The great founder of Protestantism was both a passionate anti-Semite and a ferocious believer in absolute obedience to political authority. He wanted Germany rid of the Jews. Luther’s advice was literally followed four centuries later by Hitler, Goering, and Himmler.

Anti-Israel Attitude in Today’s Churches

Replacement Theology (RT) accounts for the negative attitude that exists in many of today’s churcheschurches that still carry some baggage from Catholicism! RT is part of that baggage. (I once thought all non-Catholic churches to be protestant, but that is not the case.)

From 1966-76, I was a member of a Lutheran church in Detroit. My beloved pastor now takes the side of the Palestinians, and that ties him in with RT. Earlier I was shocked to learn he had voted for Clinton, and then actually thought Obama to be competent. In almost 50 years, I’ve never heard him admit he was wrong on any point, so it’s not likely he will this time. For over 40 years, I had respected my Lutheran pastor as a man to be taken seriously. At this time in history, the entire Christian Churchwith rare exceptionhas become a disappointment.

Tim Challies Again

April 22, 2014, Tim Challies reviewed Four Blood Moons, by John Hagee. He writes:

Now it’s important to understand that Hagee believes the Jews were and still are God’s chosen people, and that all God’s promises and covenants with the Jewish people are still in effect today.

I Googled “Tim Challies Replacement Theology,” and then clicked on the first link. The article was written by Sam Storms who says he is “an Amillennial, Calvinistic, charismatic, credo-baptistic, complementarian.”

Storms article is THE CHURCH, ISRAEL, AND “REPLACEMENT THEOLOGY – PART III. He tells a “good story,” which many people believe. His article ends with the following paragraph.

Let me say it again clearly before ending. Not one single ethnic Jew who believes in Jesus Christ as the Messiah has been “replaced” or lost his/her inheritance in the blessings of the covenant. Rather, every single ethnic Gentile who believes in Jesus Christ as the Messiah has been “included” in the commonwealth of Israel and grafted into the one olive tree. Thus the true Israel, the true “seed” of Abraham, which is to say, any and all who are “in Christ” by faith, regardless of ethnicity, will together inherit the blessings of the covenant.

When it comes to the covenant promises God made to Abraham, Storms teaches that the Churchsaved Jews and Gentileshas replaced national Israel. The RT crowdand it is a crowdbelieves the Jews have failed in their mission, so there is no future for the Jewish nation. To do that, they must “spiritualize,” or “allegorize” the promises made to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. That becomes difficult in light of the restoration of the modern nation of Israel.

The growing worldwide opposition to Israel is further proof the nation itself has NOT been replaced by the Church. Despite the intense hatred of national Israel by Muslimstheir desire to “wipe Israel off the map”Western nations still take the side of the Muslim Palestinians. Recall that Storms is Amillennial, and that clouds the issue of Daniel’s 70th weekthe time of Jacob’s trouble.

The fact that Tim Challies believes in Replacement Theology further discredits any of his book reviews.

Roots of Replacement Theology

According to Dr. Gary Hedrick, some of the roots of RT are traceable to the writings of some of the Early Church fathers. … Perhaps Martin Luther articulated this position most eloquently when he wrote the following:

For such ruthless wrath of God, is sufficient evidence that they, [i.e. the Jewish people] assuredly have erred and gone astray. Even a child can comprehend this. For one dare not regard God as so cruel that He would punish His own people so long, so terrible, so unmercifully. … Therefore this work of wrath is proof that the Jews, surely rejected by God, are no longer his people, and neither is he any longer their God. (“On the Jews and Their Lies,” by Martin Luther, translated by Martin H. Bertram p.265.)

For more information, read Replacement Theology Its Origins, Teachings and Errors by Dr. Gary Hedrick, President of CJF Ministries. This is a nine-page article that can be accessed using a Google search.

Towards a Two-State Solution

Protestant churches have been at the forefront of the battle for a two-state solution to the Israeli/Palestinian conflict. The BDS movement began in 2005. Boycott, Divestment, and International Sanctions against Israel and companies that do business, in and with Israel, has become a major tool in trying to force a two-state solution.

There has been considerable controversy within protestant churches over that issue. The churches include: Presbyterian, Methodist, Episcopal, Lutheran, and United Church of Christ. Some churches, have voted for a partial divestment, while others have gone for a total one. The Presbyterian Church has been the leader, and the World Council of Churches has adopted their platform.

Shame On Us

For almost 2,000 years Christians have been the major obstacle to the evangelism of Jews. Persecution, in the name of Christ, didn’t just come from Catholics; it continues, today, throughout Christendom.

Sam Storms now has the Gentile Church as God’s chosen people, but generously includes the few Jews who have come to faithmany of them despite severe opposition from their families, who see Christians as the enemy! Christians, who have done a lousy job at loving and evangelizing Jews, now blame the Jews for not responding. Mama Mia!

The nation of Israel has never been so threatened as she is today; and the worst is yet to come during the Tribulation. Who is most apt to win an unbelieving Jew to Christ: One who believes in RT? Or a true friend of Israel, who will continue to love them even though they are still in unbelief? We Christians owe so much to the descendants of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. They gave us the prophets, the Messiah, the Apostles, and the Holy Scriptures. Shame on us! (In the passage that follows, ungrateful, is not part of the original text.)

And I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee: and in thee shall all [ungrateful] families of the earth be blessed. (Genesis 12:3, emphasis added)

Unprecedented Deception

For there shall arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall shew great signs and wonders; insomuch that, if it were possible, they shall deceive the very elect. (Matthew 24:24, emphasis added)

I have shown how the “egalitarian” heresy has flooded our churches. In Chapter 10, I testified that Michael Pearl is entirely biblical in withstanding the “egalitarian” culture. I showed how Tim Challies and CBMW have set forth a biblical view of marriage, but have been timid in defending their viewpoint. I have just discussed how much of Christendom, including Tim Challies, have bought into Replacement Theology. We’re looking at unprecedented deception both in the world and in the Church. The heresy of Salvation By Works has been with us forever, but the “Egalitarian” Heresy is only a hundred years old. Deception easily leads to additional deception.

Muslims are adamant in their rejection of Israel and desire for her destruction. Yet the entire Western World, and much of Christendom, takes the side of terrorists and killers. This is nothing less than spiritual deception. As I have said, unbelievers and many Christians are united in their quest for a two-state solution between Israel and the yet-to-be-created Palestinian state. Their “answer” will NOT bring peace, but more conflict. Let me give an example that has just taken place.

An Angel of Peace?

Pope Francis met with Mahmoud Abbas, the Palestinian Authority (PA). There was affection and picture taking. I now paraphrase from “The Algemeiner,” 5/20/15. Pope Francis presented the PA leader with a bronze medallion and explained that it represented the “angel of peace destroying the bad spirit of war,” purportedly adding it was appropriate because “you are an angel of peace.” Another publication disputes the statement. Ellen Carmichael gives this account: “May you be an angel of peace.” Consider the background of Abbas, and decide whether this man is, by any stretch of the imagination, a candidate for “angel of peace.” Now I quote directly from “The Algemeiner.”

Abbas’s career as a merchant of death rather than an angel of peace stretches all the way back to the early 1970’s,” wrote media personality Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. According to Abu Daoud, the mastermind of the 1972 Munich Olympic Massacre that left 11 Israeli athletes murdered, Abbas funded the operation.

Here’s what was given in the 5/22/15 Hal Lindsey Report. “Abbas awarded the `Highest Order Of The Star of Honor,’ (Palestinian award) to Nayef Hawatmeh.” In four separate incidents, Nayef Hawatmeh killed a total of 49 people in terrorist attacks. Thirty-one of them were identified as children. Does an angel of peace honor a man who killed dozens and terrorized the populace?

When Smart People Do Dumb Things

The pope isn’t dumb. So why did he snuggle up to Abbas? Like other heads of state and Christians, who support the “Palestinian Cause,” they are deceived. When smart people do dumb things, it speaks of spiritual failure. So what is required to make wise choices? I again refer to “No Greater Joy Ministry,” with Michael Pearl and his “help meet,” Debi. They and their children walk in truth.

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth. (3 John 1:4)

Some people love the Lord more than life itself. “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it.” (Luke 9:24). They live by the Word of God, and are guided by the Holy Spirit. They are NOT deceived. Everything about the Pearlstheir family and their ministryrings true.

What Will Be The Ending?

In January 2006, the radical Islamic group, Hamas, was elected to power in Gaza. They have vowed repeatedly they would never accept the nation of Israel. A two-state solution would give them more territory from which to attack Israel.

We’ve all seen a dog chase a car: “What’s he to do once he catches the car?” Let’s say, these champions of the Palestinians get their way, and the two-state solution becomes a reality. If the Muslims then succeed in their quest to destroy Israel, what can the West expect? Will the Muslims show gratitude to the churches and nations of the West, who made the two-state solution possible? Of course not!

Unforeseen Results

The Muslims will turn on the churches and nations that once took their side. If the Muslims aren’t grateful, what can the churches and nations expect from God? By supporting the enemies of the Jews and opposing Israel, they can expect the negative side of what God promised Abrahamnot blessing, but cursing. “And I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee.” (Genesis 12:3a, emphasis added)

If one is truly a Christian, his soul is forever secure, but many professing Christians are no more than that, just professing Christians. They will be judged alongside the other unbelieversthey will be forever cursed.

But what about the RT crowd! They’re denying the present validity of the Abrahamic Covenant. According to Scripture, God’s promise to the Jews was an everlasting covenant that could never be transferred to the Church.

And I will establish my covenant between me and thee and thy seed after thee in their generations for an everlasting covenant, to be a God unto thee, and to thy seed after thee. (Genesis 17:7, emphasis added)

Genesis 17:7 says, “To thy seed,” not to thy spiritual seed. “To be a God unto thee, and to thy seed after thee,” is a physical promise, not a spiritual one. RT Christians are mistaken, and have come down on the side of the Palestinians. What’s in store for them? Their opportunity for heavenly reward will now be turned in the other direction. They might be left behind at the Rapture, along with the Palestiniansjust another surprise in our surprising world!

You Gotta Serve Somebody

I repeat the comment I made at the start of this chapter: Bob Dylan’s song, “You Gotta Serve Somebody,” is becoming more applicable with the passage of time. Christians have been disobedient to the Lord on two major counts:

  • Male/Female relationships.
  • Their attitude toward Israel.

Those who won’t, now, submit to the Lord, may be asked to submit to Islam. Wouldn’t that be a bummer!


No Marriage in Heaven

According to Matthew 22:29-30, there’s no marriage in heaven. For some people, it will be a disappointment; for others, it’ll be a relief. So why is there marriage on earth?

The most important reason for marriage is to model the relationship between Christ and the Church. Does that not explain why Satan—for the entirety of man’s existence on earth—has taken every opportunity to disrupt and destroy marriage?

 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. (Ephesians 5:31-32, emphasis added)

I ask, again: Does that not explain why Satan has taken every opportunity to disrupt and destroy marriage?

Modeling for Heaven

When a husband loves his wife, as Christ loved the Church, he is modeling Jesus. (In marriage, most men model Satan.) Adam had been created, and he had named the animals, but he was still alone.

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. (Genesis 2:18, emphasis added)

Eve was made for one reason: To be a suitable helper for Adam. She and each of her daughters are here for one reason: To be a suitable helper for some manto be his wife, to bear his children, and to keep his house! She is the homemaker, the child bearer, and the one who completes her husband. They are equals, but she is not in competition with him, nor does she set the agenda. He leads, and she follows.

If she is obedient to the Word, she will lay a foundation, upon which her husband can build. If he is obedient to the Word, he will build; they will become one flesh, and they will model the relationship between Christ and the Church. Their marriage will be heavenly. Until she lays the foundation, her husband cannot build. When that doesn’t happen, the marriage itself is a failure in the eyes of God. Creation started with the man, but for every couple, thereafter; the godly family starts with the woman.

For as the woman is of the man, even so is the man also by the woman; but all things of God. (1 Corinthians 11:12, emphasis added)

 The best preparation for heaven is a Genesis 2:24 marriage.

 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:24, emphasis added).

Before the two can become one in the spiritual sense, they must be born again. After the new birth, they are both destined for heaveneven if they have not yet entered into a biblical marriage! After they find a Genesis 2:24 marriage, they may bring children into the world that will likely become godly adults. Our daughter, Deborah, explains how Theresa and I got her. She said we were doing math problems, together, 1+1=3.

Many Don’t Make It

As Dana Forgione said: “It takes two to have a good marriage, but it only takes one to wreck it.” It’s difficult to find a marriage, in which both partners are faithful to their calling. It’s a tragedy, but not surprising. Jesus said in Matthew 7:13-14 “The gate that leads to life is narrow and few be that find it.”

As I said, a heavenly or biblical marriage is the ideal preparation for heaven. Those who follow the marital order God established at Creation, will model the relationship between Christ and the church. In heaven, they’ll immediately feel right at home.

So why is there no marriage in heaven? The time for modeling and procreation of godly children will end. Those who make it to heaven become part of the Bride of Christ. In heaven, everyonemale and femaletakes on the feminine role, i.e. the role of “help meet” to Jesus. “For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven.” (Matthew 22:30) It’s time for a little side trip.


We tend to think of angels as feminine, but I believe that to be more wishful thinking than reality. Scripture tells of angelic appearances on earth over 200 times. At Sodom and Gomorrah, the angels were said to be men. Michael appears in the book of Daniel, and Gabriel appeared to both Zacharias and to Mary. The angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream. I don’t see a feminine angelic representation in Scripture.

Last night I said to Theresa, “Wouldn’t it be nice if all women were angels.” She is always entertained by my rich imagination. After I hung up, I did a Google search using the words, “Women are angels,” and here’s what I found.

Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings we simply continue to fly … usually on a broomstick. We are flexible like that.

I agree. As I said earlier, Debi Pearl must be the happiest woman on the face of the earth. As “help meet” to Michael Pearl, she is functioning according to her created nature; her wings are unbroken. And, yes, all women first appear as angels. That’s what draws every man into a relationship. Unfortunately, most have their wings broken, and continue to fly on a broomstick. Now back to marital modeling.

Wife, when you willingly submit to your “help meet” calling; you become, to the world, a picture of the Bride of Christ. Your husband can take your picture, and hang it on the wall, with the following inscription: “The Bride of Christ!” Even if you are old and wrinkled, he can still take your picture, and declare you to be “The Bride of Christ!” Contrast that to the many women who could rightfully, be called the Bride of Lucifer.

Immortal Beings

Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is. (1 John 3:2, emphasis added)

So what is Jesus like, now? After His Resurrection, Jesus appeared to his disciples in His glorified, immortal body. This is the body each Believer will have in heaven. It will be disease-free, totally whole, and not limited by time or space. Jesus is EmmanuelGod with us! And Scripture reveals clearly, what He, and we, will look like.

After the Resurrection, Thomas was told Jesus was alive, but refused to believe. Then Jesus just appeared. If there was a door, He didn’t need to open it.

And after eight days his disciples were within, and Thomas with them: then came Jesus, the doors being shut, and stood in the midst, and said, Peace be unto you. And Thomas answered and said unto him, My Lord and my God. (John 20:26,28, emphasis added)

In Jerusalem, the eleven disciples were gathered together, when the glorified Jesus appeared. He assured them He was not a spirit, but a real flesh and bones man they could feel. He also ate in their presence.

And as they thus spake, Jesus himself stood in the midst of them, and saith unto them, Peace be unto you. And when he had thus spoken, he shewed them his hands and his feet. And they gave him a piece of a broiled fish, and of an honeycomb. And he took it, and did eat before them. (Luke 24:36,40,42,43)

Then Jesus explained to them that His death had been necessary for our sins. Then he rose from the dead. This assured all true Believers of their resurrection that will follow. He also predicted the giving of the Holy Spirit that was to happen at Pentecost. The Ascension followed their meeting.

And said unto them, Thus it is written, and thus it behoved Christ to suffer, and to rise from the dead the third day: And that repentance and remission of sins should be preached in his name among all nations, beginning at Jerusalem. And it came to pass, while he blessed them, he was parted from them, and carried up into heaven. (Luke 24:46,47,51, emphasis added)

Not for Everyone

I’m looking at a book by C.S. Lewis called, The Great Divorce. The postscript reads, “A Fantastic bus ride from Hell to Heavena round trip for some, but not for others!” People who want to earn their way to Heaven, won’t go theresee Ephesians 2:8-9! Multitudes will not go to heaven.

If you want to go to Heaven, believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you’ll be saved. The Church Age is a time of grace. According to Jesus, you’ll be born-again, a completely new being, who is now capable of doing good worksyou’ll have the righteousness of Christ! You’ll be Fit For Heaven. Now, for the trip!

Getting There

For the Saved, there are two ways to get to heaven: One is to die, and the other is to be raptured. I’m a student of prophecy, and I believe the end of this age is near. Multitudes of Christians have already died, and are now with the Lord. “We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord.” (2 Corinthians 5:8) “Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints.” (Psalms 116:15) There will be a generation, where many will be translated from earth to heaven, without dying. But the dead won’t be left behind. They will be resurrected and join the living for the Rapture.

Who Will Be Raptured?

What follows is not Gospel—just my opinion! We would like to believe that every born-again Believer will be caught away at the Rapture, but Scripture is not that clear. I’m convinced every born-again Believer will be in heaven, but as I explained in Chapter 18, I believe Christian “egalitarians” will not be raptured. Along with the ungodly, they will endure the wrath of God.

For the “lost,” the Tribulation will be one last chance to be saved. For Christian “egalitarians” it will be their opportunity to repent. The Israelites went into a 70-year captivity for their idolatry. Likewise, the “egalitarian” Christians will endure a 7-year tribulation for THEIR idolatry. Again, this is just my opinion—not something I can back up from Scripture!

The next passage refers to two types of people: The righteous, who are barely saved, and the ungodly, who are lost. The blameless man isn’t mentioned. He departs this life in style, and takes everyone in his family with him.

For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God: and if it first begin at us, what shall the end be of them that obey not the gospel of God? And if the righteous scarcely be saved, where shall the ungodly and the sinner appear? (1 Peter 4:17-18)

Most Christians live an idolatrous “egalitarian” lifestyle. There is a price to be paid. Blameless Believers will surely find their mansion in heaven to be more glorious than that of today’s compromising Christians.

Blameless Believers, like Michael and Debi Pearl, have godly children and grand children; they will take their offspring with them in the Rapture. They can expect a glorious mansion above. As a blameless Believer, I was able to win my “egalitarian” wife. In the Rapture, I expect to take both Theresa and our daughter, Deborah.

Both Israel and the Church have compromised with the world. We are called to be blameless35 times in the Old Testament and 13 times in the New Testament! We are told to withstand the culture, but most of us continue to live in disobedience. This book is a call to repentance. Jesus said, “In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33, emphasis added). You can do it! So do it!

Left Behind

Many professing Christians will be surprised to find themselves, “left behind.” Multitudes erroneously think they’re right with God. Instantaneously, the difference between the righteous and the idolators will be revealed. After the Rapture, some churches will be almost empty, but many will be almost full. What would you do, if you went to your church and found it almost full? The next passage is Peter’s warning to be ready for the Rapture.

Wherefore the rather, brethren, give diligence to make your calling and election sure: for if ye do these things, ye shall never fall: For so an entrance shall be ministered unto you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. (2 Peter 1:10-11, emphasis added)

The Bible tells what to expect. The first mystery I mentioned was marriage. Here’s another one.

Behold, I shew you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality. (1 Corinthians 15:51-53, emphasis added)

The saints at Thessalonica were concerned about their dead loved ones, and Paul responded with words that became Scripture.

For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air; and so shall we ever be with the Lord. (1 Thessalonians 4:16-17, emphasis added)

Who are the “we” Paul refers to in the two passages I just gave? Are they just blameless Believers or do they include Christians who have compromised with an “egalitarian” world? Heretics, idolators, and blasphemers!

When Will the Rapture Occur?

Christians differ in their opinions, but Scripture doesn’t leave us in the dark. (Anyone who has it wrong concerning the role of Israel in God’s plan will always get the end times wrong; and that includes the entire Replacement Theology crowd.)

But of the times and the seasons, brethren, ye have no need that I write unto you. For yourselves know perfectly that the day of the Lord so cometh as a thief in the night. But ye, brethren, are not in darkness, that that day should overtake you as a thief. (1 Thessalonians 5:1,2,4, emphasis added)

The Bible gives many signs, which are increasingly coming to pass. As of May 15, 1948, Israel was restored as a nation. The Six-day War (June 5-10, 1967) restored Jerusalem to Israel. Two world wars, followed by numerous conflicts, diseases, and economic troubles, are summarized in the passage that follows:

This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. (2 Timothy 3:1)

Is there a more perilous place to live than in the Middle East? It’s the seat of Islamic domination, which they want to export to the rest of the worldsubmit or die! Islam is on the rise.

The Disagreement on The Timing

Some Christians (including the “egalitarians”) expect a pre-tribulation Rapture; others, mid-trib.; others, post-trib., and a few, pre-wrath. (Ironically, many of the speculators will be left behind.) Generally Christians are confused on the timing. I see two reasons.

People think the Rapture is for our benefit, but they’re wrong. The Rapture is for God’s purposes. It marks the end of the Church Age, and the beginning of Daniel’s 70th week.

Western Christians observe the persecution other Christians suffered in the past, and now suffer, in other parts of the world. They don’t think it fair that they should get off scot-free. Again, it has never been a question of fairness, but a matter of God’s purposes.

Elijah never died. He was caught away for the Lord’s purposes. His ministry wasn’t finished. All the disciples, except John, were martyred. So why was John spared? So he could write the book of Revelation. When we pray the Lord’s Prayer. It’s “Thy Kingdom Come,” not “My Kingdom Come.”

A Pre-Tribulation Rapture

I believe the following passage supports a pre-tribulation Rapture for the righteous. See if you agree.

Luke 17:26-30 starts with the Rapture and ends with the Second Coming. In the days of Noah and the days of Lot, it was business as usual. Noah’s entry into the Ark, and Lot’s departure from Sodom are analogous to the Rapture. The destruction that followed is analogous to the Tribulation. Then Christ will return.

And as it was in the days of Noah, so it will be also in the days of the Son of man. They ate, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, until the day that Noah entered the ark, and the flood came and destroyed them all. Likewise as it was also in the days of Lot: They ate, they drank, they bought, they sold, they planted, they built; but on the day that Lot went out of Sodom it rained fire and brimstone from heaven and destroyed them all. Even so will it be in the day when the Son of Man is revealed. (Luke 17:26-30, emphasis added)

My argument for a pre-tribulation Rapture is made stronger by what the angelic man said in Genesis 19:22a, “Haste thee, escape thither; for I cannot do anything till thou be come thither,” emphasis added.

The sun was risen upon the earth when Lot entered Zoar. Then the Lord rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the Lord out of heaven. (Genesis 19:23-24)

As Lot was taken from Sodom before judgment, so the righteous must be removed from the earth before the Tribulation judgment. I don’t see “egalitarian” Christians as righteousthey are heretics, idolators, and blasphemers!


The Rapture

I have, again, been convinced from Scripture, the Rapture will occur before the Tribulation. Yesterday, May 10, 2014, I was at church for our fellowship meal; I was with Deborah and her husband Freddie. The following passage was inscribed on the wall before us.

And they sung a new song, saying, Thou art worthy to take the book, and to open the seals thereof: for thou wast slain, and hast redeemed us to God by thy blood out of every kindred, and tongue, and people, and nation; (Revelation 5:9, emphasis added)

Deborah wanted to know who was singing the new song. My first thought was, “the angels.” Then I looked again, and saw “Thou … hast redeemed us to God.” Suddenly it hit me: These are Christians, who have just been caught away in the Rapture. Now let me put it into perspective.

The first three chapters of Revelation are written to the Church. After that, the Church is no longer on earth. Chapters 4-5 take place in heaven. This is the brief interlude between the Church Age and the beginning of the Great Tribulation. The righteous will have been spared from the Tribulation.

Because thou hast kept the word of my patience, I also will keep thee from the hour of temptation, which shall come upon all the world, to try them that dwell upon the earth. (Revelation 3:10, emphasis added)

Revelation 4:1 called John to heaven, where he would witness events leading up to the Tribulation.

After this I looked, and, behold, a door was opened in heaven: and the first voice which I heard was as it were of a trumpet talking with me; which said, Come up hither, and I will shew thee things which must be hereafter. (Revelation 4:1, emphasis added)

Jewish Evangelists

With the Church gone from earth, the Gospel will still be preached, but by Jews. In the midst of the interlude, (Revelation. 5:1) a book appears that is sealed with seven seals. Only Jesus is worthy to open the book, and loose the seven seals. When He opens the first seal, (Revelation 6:1) the four horsemen of the apocalypse begin their ride. The Tribulation period is underway; that is the time of Jacob’s trouble.

Alas! for that day is great, so that none is like it: it is even the time of Jacob’s trouble; but he shall be saved out of it. (Jeremiah 30:7, emphasis added)

And at that time shall Michael stand up, the great prince which standeth for the children of thy people: and there shall be a time of trouble, such as never was since there was a nation even to that same time: and at that time thy people shall be delivered, every one that shall be found written in the book. (Daniel 12:1, emphasis added)

Multitudes of gentiles and Jews will be saved during the seven-year Tribulation period, but Salvation will then be exceedingly costly.

I saw under the altar the souls of them that were slain for the word of God, and for the testimony which they held: And they cried with a loud voice, saying, How long, O Lord, holy and true, dost thou not judge and avenge our blood on them that dwell on the earth? (Revelation 6:9b-10)

And white robes were given unto every one of them; and it was said unto them, that they should rest yet for a little season, until their fellow servants also and their brethren, that should be killed as they were, should be fulfilled. (Revelation 6:11)

Revelation Chapters 6-20 covers the horrendous events of the Tribulation and ends with victory over Satan (Revelation 20:1-3), the resurrection of the martyrs (Revelation 20:4), and the judgment.

And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire. (Revelation 20:15)

The last two chapters of Revelation are in heaven, and a time of healing. “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, now crying, neither shall there be any more pain; for the former things are passed away.” (Revelation 21:4)

As I said, from Revelation 5:9, I’m convinced the Rapture will occur before the Tribulation. But I’m not convinced every Christian will go in the Rapture. Perhaps only the “overcomer” will be caught awaythose who have submitted to the Lord and to His word!

The Place for Rewards

If you’ve believed on Jesus and are truly saved, you’ll be in heaveneither before or after the Tribulationbut you’ll still appear before the judgment seat of Christ. The context seems to exclude unbelievers from this judgment. It will be a judgment of the Believer’s works, and will determine his rewards in heaven. In Heaven, some Believers will be greater than others.

But why dost thou judge thy brother? or why dost thou set at nought thy brother? for we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ. So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God. (Romans 14:10,12, emphasis added)

Zero Rewards

“I made it by the skin of my teeth.” Did you ever wonder where that expression came from? From Job! “I am escaped with the skin of my teeth.” (Job 19:20b). Some will barely make it to heaven, and with zero rewards.

If any man’s work shall be burned, he shall suffer loss: but he himself shall be saved; yet so as by fire. (1 Corinthians 3:15, emphasis added)

To deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus. (1 Corinthians 5:5)

And others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire; hating even the garment spotted by the flesh. (Jude 1:23)

The Servant’s Reward

The mother of Zebedee’s children came to Jesus, and asked that her two sons would sit at Jesus’ right and left hand, in His Kingdom. Jesus explained to them greatness: “Whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister; And whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant.” (Matthew 20:26b-27, emphasis added) “I am among you as he that serveth.” Luke 22:27b, emphasis added). “If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet.” (John 13:14, emphasis added)

The Abrahamic Reward

God called Abraham to be the father of the Jews, and it was through his offspring the Messiah, Jesus, would be born. He pronounced blessings and cursing, according to the following passage: “And I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee: and in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed.” (Genesis 12:3, emphasis added) Anyone who blesses the nation of Israel will be blessed and anyone who curses Israel will be cursed. The story of the sheep and the goats told in Matthew 25:31-46 applies to Christians who have sheltered Jews (my brethren), and helped meet their needs, in times of great persecution. Corrie Ten Boom provided a hiding place during the holocaust.

The Jews will especially be threatened during the seven-year Tribulation, soon to come. Those who protect the Jews at that time will be rewarded by God.

Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: For I was hungered, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty and ye gave me drink. I was a stranger and ye took me in. (Matthew 25:34,35 emphasis added)

 Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungered, and ye gave me no meat: I was thirsty and ye gave me no drink. …(Matthew 25:41,42 emphasis added)

The Obedience Reward

There’s a special reward for the Believer who’s obedient. In Chapter 21, Part 1, I told how my heavenly reward had been diminished. Multitudes of Christian couples are following their instincts, in marriage, without regard to what God has to say, or the consequences of what they’re doing. I’ll give three passages, and then make the application.

All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness. (2 Timothy 3:16, emphasis added)

If ye love me, keep my commandments. (John 14:15)

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28, emphasis added)

Scripture is profitable for instruction in righteousness. To disobey any portion of Scripture is to disobey God. If you love the Lord, you’ll obey Scripture. If you love the Lord, all things will work together for goodfor you!

Marital Roles

Male and female roles in marriage cannot be abdicated or exchanged. To do so is sin. One may plead ignorance, but even that is not excusable in a court of law. A couple should ask, “Do we really love the Lord? Are our deeds causing things to not work together for good? Are we missing the chance to model the relationship between Christ and the Church?”

People disobey the Wordday after day, week after week, month after month, year after year! With time, the bad seed accumulates, and the harvest starts to overtake the sower. Not a pretty picture! “Be sure your sin will find you out.” (Numbers 32:23b)

Husband and wife should be a team, and each is to make a unique contribution to the family. Anything, but God-ordained roles, will lead to trouble. When a Christian man leads and his Christian wife follows, the family enjoys Christian harmony and a relationship that prepares the children to follow them on the path to eternal life.

I repeat: There’s a special reward for the Believer who’s obedient. “Then one said unto him, Behold, thy mother and thy brethren stand without, desiring to speak with thee. `But he answered and said … For whosoever shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, and mother.'” (Matthew 12:47-50, emphasis added)

Relationship in Heaven

Heaven is a place where the two loves meet. Commitment Love meets Endearment Love.

In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also. (John 14:2-3, emphasis added)

For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. (Romans 8:18, emphasis added)

Jesus answered and said unto him, If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him. (John 14:23, emphasis added)

Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God. (Matthew 5:8, emphasis added)

Scripture says, “For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.” (1 Corinthians 13:12). I’m eager to get to heaven, and when the Lord calls, I want to be ready. I want everyone, who names the name of Jesus, to be ready.


This chapter first addresses hell in the family, and then hell in “the lake of fire.”

Marital Hell

C.S. Lewis calls hell, The Great Divorce. If a Genesis 2:24, one-flesh union models heaven; what does it take, in marriage, to model hell? A couple doesn’t have to divorce, to have a hell of a marriage. It’s a place of non-relationshipconflict!

The short quote that follows is being used the second time: Debi Pearl writes on *p.40, “You have control over whether or not you and your husband will be `heirs together of the grace of life’ (1 Peter 3:7), or partners together in the tension and stress of life. You have much more control than you know,” emphasis added. Still, marital success isn’t her responsibility.

The Desperate Wife

I will, again, refer to a letter written by Beth to Debi. Beth’s husband was being much too friendly with a woman at his office, and Beth was going nuts. Debi gave advice on how Beth should deal with the situation. She should make herself more attractive than her competitor.

Review and Observations

According to Debi, there are millions of women like the office wench. Beth’s marriage was in serious danger, and she was distraught. Debi has read many letters like that of Beth, but never once does she even suggest that Beth is at fault. Debi’s four-page answer (p.28-32), gives detailed instructions, on how Beth can win her husband back.

It’s not likely Beth and her husband ever had a one-flesh union. If they had, it would be like Marie and her husband: “I’m the queen of his heart and the fire in his bed.” But Beth’s priority should be to rescue her marriage. Hopefully, she was successful, and that she has followed through sufficiently that the two are finally becoming one. A marriage that has modeled hell can be transformed to model heaven.

The husband was the problem, not the wife. But notice the ball was always in Beth’s court. If she did it right, she could win him back. If she did it right, the two of them could become one. In my case, the problem was with my wife. For 32 years, I was right, while she was wrong. As I have already told you, I tried many, many things, but nothing worked. Until…

No Advice For Men

Debi gave Beth good advice on how to solve the problem. What advice does Michael give guys like me? I again quote from ~p.69.

“It is your job to make her long to fulfill her position.” But Michael doesn’t tell how to do thatno four-page letter, with explicit instructions! The ball is almost never in the husband’s court. That’s why preachers like Michael Pearl, John MacArthur, and Russell Yates have yet to solve the marital problem. Until now, only an aged woman, like Debi Pearl, has been somewhat successful.

But the Holy Spirit led me, and I actually solved my problem. I absolutely must pass that information on to other men. I loved my wife so thoroughly that when I was led by the Holy Spirit to file for divorce, she freaked out. She was changed, but not without anguish. Consider the great King Nebuchadnezzar, who just happens to be one of my favorite saints. I want to compare his experience with that of my wife, Theresa.

Nebuchadnezzar in the Ox’s Quarter

The king lost his mind and spent seven years eating grass like an ox. I encourage you to read the entire 4th Chapter of Daniel; it tells how a pagan king became a Believer, a saint who will be with us in heaven. The chapter starts, and ends, with a testimony by King Nebuchadnezzar. His testimony sounds a lot like Paul speaking.

Nebuchadnezzar the king, unto all people, nations, and languages, that dwell in all the earth; Peace be multiplied unto you. I thought it good to shew the signs and wonders that the high God hath wrought toward me. How great are his signs! and how mighty are his wonders! his kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and his dominion is from generation to generation. (Daniel 4:1-3)

My Wife Sees the Light

Like Nebuchadnezzar, with the oxen, Theresa got an attitude adjustment. During the chaotic first 32 years of our marriage, I separated from my wife three times, before I actually filed for divorce. While we were separated, and after I had filed, Theresa went into depression, and called 911. They took her before a judge, who committed her to a psychiatric hospital. Like Nebuchadnezzar, when she came to herselfApril 2002she was changed, and almost instantly became my “help meet.” I have loved Nebuchadnezzar for as long as I can remember. Perhaps that was a foreshadowing of the conversion my wife would find.

Nebuchadnezzar left the Kingdom of Man, and entered the Kingdom of God. His soul is eternally secure. Our marriage, that had once modeled hell, now modeled heaventhe relationship between Christ and the Church!

Some Advice to Other Men

As I said earlier: Men must remember: Your role is one of leadership. That means you have an aggressive calling, but not in the “flesh.” The Holy Spirit will guide if we ask. Our marriage modeled hell, but now it models heaven. When a wife won’t accept her calling, you should continue to love, but like Jesus’ commitment love for each sinner, it’s for a limited time. “… it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment.” (Hebrews 9:27) I continued that way for 32 years, and for a purpose: That I might write this book.

If you’re a godly man, you want God’s perfect will, but we live in an imperfect world, where even your Christian wife may dishonor you by disobeying the Lord. This side of glory, we may have to settle for something other than God’s best, but it’s not about us; it’s about Him. For those who have divorced and remarried, I have to believe a second marriage that models heaven, is far better than a first marriage that continues to model hell. Some will disagree with me; but what I’m saying is just my “sanctified” opinion.

Led To Do Unlawful Things.

If I believed in rules, regulations and procedures, I wouldn’t give that advice, but ours in a dynamic faith, where the Holy Spirit sometimes leads us to do “unlawful” things, like healing on the Sabbath, or replacing an unbiblical wife. Elsewhere, I quoted my Christian divorce attorney as having said, “Sometimes filing for divorce is the only way to save a marriage.” As Debi wrote to Beth, “You cannot reason with your husband, and persuade him to do the right thing.” I wasn’t able to reason with Theresa to get her to do the right thing. When reason fails, we need to change our game plan, but we must never forget the following:

He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. (Matthew 10:37)

There comes a time when wife and children must be surrendered for the glory of God. As I said, if Theresa hadn’t changed, I would have divorced her. I repeat this because I cannot guarantee that my experience will work for every man. All I can say is: Do what you have to do to fulfill your calling as head-of-the-house. Now, let’s consider the eternal hell.


Regarding the Christian Faith, my friend of 34 years, Warren, says he wants to be a neutral bystander. Is that possible? Listen to the words of Jesus. “He that is not with me is against me; and he that gathereth not with me scattereth abroad.” (Matthew 12:30, emphasis added)

Sorry, Warren, but it’s not possible to be a neutral bystanderunless Jesus is mistaken or lying. Let’s see what Scripture has to say about that possibility. First, we’ll look at truth, then at falsehood.


Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. (John 14:6, emphasis added)

Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed; And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. (John 8:31-32, emphasis added)


Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it. (John 8:44, emphasis added)

But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death. (Revelation 21:8, emphasis added)

Heaven or Hell

One who is opposed to Jesus can change sidesthat is truly good news! When a man finally learns that God is God, and he isn’t; when he surrenders his will to that of his Maker, he will successfully change sides.

Each soul will someday spend eternity in a place of unbelievable glory and splendor, or in a place of unspeakable torment. There’s no in-between. No one in the Bible spoke more about hell than did Jesus. Listen to His words:

And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire. (Matthew 18:9, emphasis added)

And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. (Matthew 10:28, emphasis added)

Men refuse to believe now, but once in hell, there’s no turning back. The story of the rich man, in hell, and the beggar, in heaven, illustrates this like no other. It’s a long story told in Luke 16:19-31.

And in hell he lift up his eyes, being in torments, and seeth Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom. And he cried and said, Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus, that he may dip the tip of his finger in water, and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this flame. (Luke 16:23-24, emphasis added)

There was no relief for the rich man, so he asked that Lazarus be sent, from the dead, to testify to his five brothers lest they “come to this place of torment.” “And he said unto him, If they hear not Moses and the prophets, neither will they be persuaded, though one rose from the dead.” (Luke 16:31)

I repeat: One who is opposed to Jesus, can change sidesthat is truly good news! When a man finally learns that God is God, and he isn’t; when he surrenders his will to that of his Maker, he will successfully change sides. Each soul will someday spend eternity in a place of unbelievable glory and splendor, or in one of unspeakable torment. There’s no in-between. This ought “to scare the hell out of anyoneeven Warren!” I’m not done with the scary stuff.

God Expects Obedience

Our God is a masculine God, and he rules objectively. Every word of Scripture is absolute. This is illustrated twice, in the wilderness, where there was no water. The first time, Moses was obedient.

Behold, I will stand before thee there upon the rock in Horeb; and thou shalt smite the rock, and there shall come water out of it, that the people may drink. And Moses did so in the sight of the elders of Israel. (Exodus 17:6)

The second time, Moses was told to speak to the rock, but instead struck the rock.

Take the rod, and gather thou the assembly together, thou, and Aaron thy brother, andspeak ye unto the rock before their eyes; and it shall give forth his water. … And Moses took the rod from before the LORD … and he said unto them, Hear now, ye rebels; must we fetch you water out of this rock? And Moses lifted up his hand, and with his rod he smote the rock twice: and the water came out abundantly, and the congregation drank, and their beasts also. (Numbers 20:8-11, emphasis added)

For this one act of disobedience, Moses was not allowed to enter the “promised land.”

And the LORD spake unto Moses and Aaron, Because ye believed me not, to sanctify me in the eyes of the children of Israel, therefore ye shall not bring this congregation into the land which I have given them. (Numbers 20:12, emphasis added)


When Jesus said, “You must be born again,” that is absolute. The pattern God set for marriage in Genesis Chapters 1-2 is absolute. People who do not conform to His requirements will eventually pay a price. “Be sure your sin will find you out.” (Numbers 32:23b)


Before the Depression

Before the depression, my mother-in-law, Lucy, married a man named Leonard Colucci. On their honeymoon, at Niagara Falls, her new husband got sick, and then died. About three years later, Lucy married Vito Carucci. They were both immigrants. What I just said, and what I’m about to say, is another Romans 8:28 blessing, because these events led to the birth of my wife, Theresa.

Vito had considerable money in the bank. Before the crashjust in timehe withdrew and invested that money in the building of a church, the Italian Christian Assembly in Utica, New York. He became the pastor. Vito lived to be 92. The church is now being used by Russian Immigrants.

Theresa’s Family

I highly esteem my in-lawsgiants of the Faith! But they spoiled Theresa. (Her siblings, in Italian, called her the caga minuto. Minuto means little and caga is something one would leave in the toilet.) I’m sure my parents-in-law never considered that, someday, her husband would have to deal with the way they had indulged their cute little girl. But even the spoiling of the little girl, who would someday be my wife, was part of my Romans 8:28 blessing.

The Carucci’s married October 18, 1930, and had three children. Mary was born July 18, 1931nine months, to the day, after they married! Vito hit the ground running. John was born February 20, 1934 and died in August of 1976; my wife, Theresa, was born April 6, 1936.

While pregnant with Theresa, Lucy had a medical problem, and the doctor recommended an abortion. Lucy said the Lord would take care of her. She got well, and gave birth to Theresa. Lucy continued in good health, until a few months before she departed this life, on All Saints day, 2002. She was just shy of her 96th birthday, December 13, 1906. At the funeral, I spoke to the preacher. “That was an easy one,” I said, and he agreed.

Theresa and Me

As I reported in Chapters 20 and 22, I have a lot invested in Theresa. After we became one, and before she got Alzheimer’s, I jokingly said to her, “Nothing better happen to you. You’d be hard to replace.”

As of January 6, 2015, Dr. Jones gave her 2-3 years. He predicts that in a year she won’t know me. Theresa takes antidepressant medication, which we give her religiously. As I’ve said, her sister Mary lived in our home for nine years. The last five years she had dementia, before she died. There are medications we could have given, to extend her life, but none of us would have desired to prolong the agony.

People ask how my wife is doing, and the response is always the samepeople don’t get over Alzheimer’s. The answer is not “if,” but “when!” Alzheimer’s is called “the long goodbye.” Every evening, we talk. Before the phone rings, Theresa will practice for a couple of hours, saying my name. When I call, Rosemary picks up, and coaches Theresa to say, “Hi Russell.” Such mental impairment has to be terribly frustrating. Today, Rosemary brought Theresa to town, and we visited for over five hours. It was a great time! My thoughts and feelings went back to the way things once were.

It’s Not About Us

On *p.264, Debi Pearl wrote, It’s not about our happiness; it’s about our holiness.” Paul writes, “For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lord’s.” (Romans 14:8) If I had Alzheimer’s, I’d prefer to quickly depart this life, and then enter eternal life. But it’s not about us. If the Lord takes Theresa, I’ll be looking for a new “help meet,” but to find the right one depends on the Lordit’s about Him! For now, Theresa and I make the most of the moment. We’re glorifying God.

I Can Still Dream

If my situation ever returns to a normal marital relationship, it will be with a new wife. If that should happen, my next wife could be a widow, who was a “help meet” to her first husband, and has godly children. That way, I would marry into an expanded family. And PS, she should be tough because I am soooooooooooo mischievous.

I’m a happy, friendly guy, but it’s not good for me to be aloneGod said so! Besides that, I’m still fairly good looking (smile). And furthermore, at my age, I don’t have that much time. Two days from now, January 19, 2015, we’ll celebrate my birthday, for the 76th time. I’ve been numbering my days, and they’re adding up. (It helps if you know how to count.)

So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom. (Psalms 90:12)

A Second Love

So why, at my advanced age, would I want to marry again? For the fun of it, of course! I’ve always liked girls, ever since I found they weren’t boys. But the deepest longing of my soul, has been to model the relationship of Christ to the Church. By the grace of God, I’d like another shot at it.

Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled. (Matthew 5:6)

I recall, from my days at Detroit Bible College, the motto: “Don’t quit too soon!” Significant future events will be reported in this chapter. In the meantime, I see myself as a pilgrim and sojourner passing through the earth, but having fun along the way. But hey! The Rapture might interrupt both my dreams and my struggles. Maranatha!